Help with Time Management.

I've got a touch of OCD, as well, and I regularly have to give myself permission to not be perfect. It sounds basic, but I've got to convince myself that it is okay to leave certain things for tomorrow or the weekend. Maybe if you go into it expecting to hold off on certain chores, you won't feel so anxious about leaving them.

Use lists to prioritize, and check them off as you go. Be realistic about what it takes to get things done and how long it should take. What you don't complete today will be waiting for you tomorrow.

You didn't address any specific concerns with caring for your children during the day, so I guess you've got that part covered.

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D.,
hire yourself a weekly maid to come in and do all the deep cleaning then all you have to do is get a swifter for messs on floors some sort of wipes for bad spills ,i think it will take a big burden off you and the cost should be not be that much after the 1st cleaning
good luck
L.

Wow D., I can relate to what you are going through. I am currently in a similar situation, just wearing different hats. I am a mom, wife, work full time, and opening a business. It gets stressful at times, but I think our problem is that we feel that we need to do it all or it will not be done right. I am learning though. We will be having a relative move down to help out with the business. It is just one of those, he helps us, we help him and his family scenarios. Well, as long as I explain what needs to be done, I should not have a problem with delagating...I hope at least. I will try it out at least to give me more freedom to breathe and move around. I feel so trapped right now. I would suggest to get someone to help you with your business. Since it is booming, perhaps you can help out another SAHM and do a little delagating yourself. Or how about your oldest son? Maybe it will keep him out of trouble and earn him a little extra money.

Good luck!

Yes, it is natural to have times of being totally overwhelmed - but mainly that is because of the incredible expectations we put on ourselves and our loved ones. So, simplify and prioritize! Our policy thru the years for us and the children was -- on a scale of 1 - 10 , 1 being minor inconvenience, like a stubbed toe, up to 10 being a catastrophic event -- where does this situation fit? If you love your business and it is bringing in income -- then hire out the housework - except for the children's chores. So with the major cleaning getting done on a regular basis -- stopping for a few minutes to load the dishwasher and tidy up a bit is nothing major in your day. Learn to let go of things that are just the messy part of life -- and if need be get some help- because the anxiety and friction that the OCD will cause in your lives, especially the children's lives will be long lasting. I have a friend raised by an OCD father and she inherited and learned his ways - and seeing how this has in turn affected her children - well it's just worth facing the issues and getting help for it. Whether that is behavioral therapy, a pill, or both. Delegate the things you can --- and learn to relax about the rest.

I have 3 also 8, 6 and 2. Now that summer is here I find myself a bit overwhelmed also. Do not feel guilty if you cannot sit and play with them all of the time. They need time to go off by themselves and entertain themselves. My 6 year old is my 2 year old biggest fan. They play together for hours. I am a bit OCD myself and when the kids go to bed I want everything perfect for the next day. I was driving myself crazy. I just let go a little bit and I am much better emotionally and not so stressed out. My Mom always tells me...it will be there waiting for you tomorrow. Hang in there. Be sure to take some time for yourself.

B.

There are many books and programs out there to help with time management. One that I really like is www.flylady.net
It is the on that I use. With baby steps and good habits everything will fall into place.

M. K

I with everyone else....make a schedule! I have a homebased busines too and just wasn't putting enough time toward it. Plus 'other things' kept me from doing the housework. So I like that I can cross off things from my list when completed and or do it by time.

Best of luck!

Oh my, you are busy! How about having the 17yr old pick up some of the weight? He is plenty old enough to do him own laundry and help with the dishes. The 8yr old could really help also. No, I'm not advocating child labor, but you job as a mom is to make sure they are ready to stand on thier own. Doing chorse is part of this.
I don't know how you do you floors, I've found that the Hoover Floormate is amazing and such a time saver.
You are not alone in these feelings. I don't know a mom that doesn't feel like this. Best of luck to you.
Yes that does change things. It sounds like you have already done a pretty goo job delegating. Do you have a schedule? daily and weekly? I like to do all of my chores at sparatic time throughout the day instead of all at once. For example, I put my laundry in the washer when I wake up DD in the morning, move it to the dryer at nap time, and fold the laundry while she gets ready for bed. (My DD is 3, she gets herself ready in the morning and at night. I help with teeth brushing, but mostly she does the rest.)I do a load a day so it doesn't pile up. Can the 17yr old maybe watch the little ones so you can go grocery shopping alone or with just one? 2 hours a week isn't asking too much, and he could earn a little more money. If not him then maybe another trusted mom or teen. You could swap this service with another mom and get it for free. I know this was always something that drove me crazy when I was caring for my cousin's kids. Taking 3 along everywhere made me truly appritiate it when we got to be alone with our one and only.
The floor mate still is heaven sent. Your sanity is totally worth the money. I hope that helps.

My advice for the summer is make a schedule for your business. Only do business between ten and two for example. Before that, make breakfast and clean up the kitchen. Let the rinsed dishes from lunch sit in the sink until dinner...won't hurt anything or have the 17yo do them for you so you can get back to work. Pay him to watch the other kids while you work. It will give him responsibility and help you out.

After two, take them to the park or the pool or out back in the sprinklers. Do things with them.

While you are working, you can give them "homework" to do as well. Basic word finds, or coloring sheets. Have the 17yo play "teacher" so he feels included. If he isn't willing to babysit, have him get a job to contribute to the family's income since things are so tough.

You also should consider getting your little ones in a mother's day out program come Fall. It isn't fair for them that you are always working around them, because you are "there," but you aren't "there"...a concept that is very confusing for such young children.

Anyway, if you weren't financially strapped I would say hire someone once a week to help you with the cleaning. I did this and it literally takes two of us a whole day to pick up, do laundry, dusting, bathrooms, sheets, vacuuming, etc...since you have a 17yo who needs to learn responsibility, have his outside work slowly move inside. The lawn shouldn't have to be mowed more than once a week and what does he do with his other six days? Just make sure he knows how much you need and appreciate him and reward him with extra privileges like movies, video games, computer time when you aren't working, etc.

I think all of your kids are old enough to be doing more chores. I say put the three year old in charge of feeding the dogs (with a little supervision, of course) and some other easy things like picking up the dirty clothes. The 8 year old can be putting the dishes in the washer, too. It doesn't make you a slave driver - your kids need to learn how to take care of themselves when they leave your home. Other than that, you're just going to have to learn to let some things go. (Especially if hubby's just going to clean behind you - let him do it!!! LOL) The dishes will be there tomorrow. It's ok to let things go. You and your family are more important than a sparkling clean floor.

Have you read the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. It had some good advice that makes me more efficient and effective when I follow it. At the beginning of every week, write down a list of all of your hats: mine are Personal (time for myself), Mom, Wife, Employee, Pet Owner, etc. Within each of these categories, write down 2-3 tasks for the week..i.e. for my wife role I want to pray every night with my husband, plan a date night, wash the car for him. For each task, write a day to perform it. So I would allocate washing the car on Thursday because I think that I would have more time then. Then you just stick to your plan. Because it is on paper, you don't feel as overwhelmed and amazingly get a lot accomplished. (I hope this came out as clear as it is in my head:) I haven't done this in about 2 weeks and I have felt much more overwhelmed since I stopped. Good luck!!

It is great that you are getting the 17-yr-old and the 8-yr-old to do chores. You may be able to have a family talk and put on the line that either you guys as a family have to cut back on expenses (i.e., no more pizza nights, less vacations, etc) OR the kids help you out with more chores.

From my experience, unless you make time for care for yourself (time to exercise; relax with yoga or reading a book), you will be less able to take care of your business, your family, and the rest of you many responsibilities. Imagine: what would happen if you were seriously hurt or got very sick.

There is a book for managers called The One Minute Manager. A description from Amazon says: "Product Description
The blockbuster #1 national bestselling phenomenon is back... not that it ever really went away. An easily-read story which quickly demonstrates three very practical management techniques, it also includes information on several studies in medicine and in the behavioral sciences, which help readers understand why these apparently simple methods work so well with so many people. The book is brief, the language is simple, and best of all...it works."

There are used copies for sale on Amazon for as little as $0.99.

Good luck!!

I'd look at Mother's day out or full-time daycare. At the very least, hire some outside help.

Striving for perfection is very exhausting. Learn to be accepting of a job well done.

My biggest downfall in life has been not accepting my limitations. Take a look at what you can reasonably do and reorganize and structure things from there.

You're headed for burnout and breakdown and that certainly doesn't get the floors clean and things accomplished.

There's a book I'd recommend called Boundaries. I had a friend who had overdone it and had a breakdown. When she was getting help, that was recommended to her. She's doing great now.

Good luck!!

Dear D.,

The most important job you have right now is your children. Screw it up & you'll be paying for it the rest of your life!!
So many people these days want to have children but don't seem
to have enough or any time for them. Time flies too fast to
waste it. Your kids are only young once - I really miss my
children being small - those were the best times of my life.
We did without alot of things just to I could be with them. Nobody has more influence on your children than you. You should always make them your first priority. The dishes aren't going anywhere but your kids are. Just get your priorites in order & go from there. Start with the most im-
portant & work your way down. Dont sweat the small stuff - it
will drive you nuts!!

C.

Good Morning:

I just read your story and can certainly understand where you're coming from. I remember when my kids where that young age and how it was so overwhelming at times that I felt like I was sinking into an abyss. But rest assured that this too will pass. It sounds like you are a great Mother.

Regarding your marketing business, I can take some of that off of your hands if you'd like. Although I work full time outside of the home and I love my job dearly, I am in the market for some additional work that I can do from home. With the rising cost of just about everything and my 17 year old entering college next year, I can definitely use the extra income. I can transcribe dictation or do just about anything that can be done on the computer. I currently work for a very well known hospital in the Houston medical center and have been in this industry for approximately 20 years. If you know of anyone seeking this kind of work, I would greatly appreciate it if you would let me know or pass on my contact information. Thank you in advance for your assistance.

Contact Information:
B. LaCour, ###-###-#### (I can be reached at this number anytime)

I don't mean to get into your buisness, but I have known people in the oilfield industry that go out for work then come back in (and maybe there are big differences in pay depending on your job) but it seems to me that he must make a really good paycheck in any job that takes him away for a week. you add to that you are doing well in this marketing at home buisness and then on top if it, he works another job when he is home for a week. What I am getting at is "maybe you guys are living beyond your means!" you are all working yourselves to death, are there corners that you can pinch so that either you can give up or cut back on your job or he can quit this 2nd job, so that when he is home he can focus on the family? Seems like somethings gotta give. My 17 yr old also did dishes every night after dinner(besides the yard work). and the eight yr old can help do a few things with the baby's (they are siblings). Even the 3 yr old can help start picking up their own toys. It is normal for it to bother you to have dishes in the sink. a few yrs ago you had 2 less little one to take care of everyday! I don't really think that is OCD. If you had OCD you would be stopping everything and getting those dishes done, while the kids were hungry! I don't think that because it bothers you it means you have OCD. OCD can not be put on hold while we take care or other things like diapers or an order online! If you had OCD, you would drop everything, let the kids cry, the phone ring etc. while you cleared away those dishes! Sounds to me that you are a good mom (ABC's and 123's) and you are just overwhelmed! Try to create a little extra time in your life by limiting how many hours a day or week that you will spend on your job, (you can do that because it is a home based buisness). focus on what's most important first! make a list each day of what you need to accomplish and list it or number it in order of importance! Take care of the "big" things on your list first, then the little things will seem easy. Enjoy your kids, keep up the church activities (although if you are spreading yourself too thin there you may want to cut it back to only Sundays just till the kids get older and easier to manage).Appreciate that your husband has a good job in the oil field industry. Cut back on expenses so your family can live on less income and that will take a big burden off of you and your husband. This is only my opinion, and advice. I wish you the very best and that you figure out what will work for you and your family so that you can relax and enjoy this wonderful age that your kids are at. I wish you "PEACE". God bless.