Help with Stranger Anxiety

this is very normal, but unfortunately you have an engagement coming up. Can you have the babysitter come over a few times in advance while you're around the house? Gradually ramp up their interaction? Just a thought.

Hi D.,
My son also had strong stranger anxiety. My pediatrician told me it is a sign of intelligence. A baby's "safe zone" is the length of her mom or dad's arms since that's where she is held. As far as the wedding goes, my husband & I also attended one, brought my son with along with my in-laws. My husband & I were in the wedding and as it turns out, my mom-in-law had to leave the church with my son because he was screaming so loud and you could hear him through the entire ceremony even though they were in the parking lot of the church. My son ended up throwing up all over my mom-in-law and then on me as soon as I took him from her. If I were to do it again, I would take my baby with me and just keep him in my arms and make the best of it. However, if you and your husband need to leave your daughter behind....know that she will make it through and be OK, children are so amazing. Good luck!

My daughter did the exact same thing. I am also a stay at home mom and since she was my second, I didn't leave the house much and unfortunately she was not socialized with other people. She still has a little anxiety, but not as bad. Socialize her as much as you can, with other people holding her and with you out of the room. I joined a playgroup and just being out of the house and seeing other people has helped. When we had to get out and have a sitter, she would usually scream and scream and the only relief was placing her in her carseat and rocking her to sleep. It was something familiar to her and she felt most comfortable in there, rather than in someone else's arms.

My daughter started this at 3 months of age as well (she is getting better now, but still screams at strangers-she's almost 9 months). My MIL was set to watch her when I had to go back to work (she only watched her 1 day a week) and DD screamed every time MIL came over and got too close to her. Then, miraculously the day I went to work she was fine and didn't cry at all.
When she started daycare a month later, it was a whole different story. She screamed ALL DAY LONG! I breastfed her at lunchtime and she would nurse for as long as I would let her. But she adjusted after a few days and now LOVES the daycare providers. I found that she was happier in the swing or bouncy seat than if she was being held by a stranger (most people suggest to have people hold the baby-that did not work with her). When my friend watched her, she even sat behind DD's bouncy seat to feed her the bottle so my daughter didn't see her and start crying again. She would use toys or the tv (bad I know) to distract her.
I know how hard it is to worry about your baby screaming the whole time you are gone, but I have learned that they will be okay, even if they do. And eventually they will cry themselves to sleep. I hated hearing that, but it's true. Send me a private message if you have any more questions or just need support!

No way you can take her to the wedding? I took my baby to a wedding at that age.

Any chance you could take her with you? If not try a test day. Leave her with the same sitter for an hour. Give the sitter your cell #, and have her call if the crying persists. It is usually the case that the child will stop crying soon after the parents leave them. Most of the time they stop soon after. I am not sure if this is the case with such a young baby. So test it a bit and see how it goes. If not I would plan to take her with you. Good luck!

T.
Founder
www.theparentpack.org

something I did to help my daughter adjust to strangers when she started daycare is that I started greeting these people like family with a hug and friendly conversation. That way my daughter could see that I trusted them.

Good luck,

Alli

I had read that if you have the person talk to you and let your baby check them out and feed off of what you're feeling it will make it easier. I’m also willing to bet that she will stop crying a few minutes after you leave. My 12 month old is doing this, I had to hold her through her entire 4 hour birthday party. I can't wait to hear the responses you get.
Best of luck!

Hi D.!

Oh, I really hated this stage when my boys were little. There were ALOT of tears back then in our home...from ME!!!!!

What I learned is, if you really TRUST your babysitter, then you know your daughter will be fine no-matter-what!

It's time for YOU to adjust! :o) She will be fine, and probably within 5-10 minutes after you leave.......sure there will be moments that your daughter will miss you...for a moment :o)

I remember crying when we left the driveway, one time. I was "sick" inside for the first 24hrs of our trip, because I was so worried about our oldest son back home with Grandma. When I came back, it was like he had a "new best friend"... and hardly noticed that I was back...it was GREAT actually, just not the reaction I was expecting.

Kids figure it ALL out! I learned to relax more and more each time my husband and I went away. It alot of takes practice :o) But if you could try really hard to enjoy your time away from home, you'll be "fresher" upon your return.

If it gets too bad, and you can't handle it.....just take her with you!

:o) N.

Invite the babysitter over a few times before. If you can get her used to the babysitter, hearing her voice, let her hold her, etc. It might not seem so scary when you do actually leave her. You might also look at how long she cries when you leave the room. Time it for a minute or two and see if she is really scared or if the person holding her can distract her with a toy or something.

Hi D.,
I would have the sitter you plan to use come over several times before you go. At first, stay there with the sitter and have the sitter feed your daughter, change her diaper, etc. - have the sitter do as many things as you and your husband do with her as you can to help build that trust relationship. You can also tell her you'll be back (in whatever time frame) when you leave the room. Just be sure to be back when you say even though she doesn't understand the words. Again, it's about building trust that you'll come back when you leave. You can build up the amount of time you leave and can practice this when you leave her with your husband while you run errands, too. Then try to leave her with the sitter at least once before you go to the wedding - more if possible.
I hope that helps!
C.

Hi D.,

Your baby will be fine, but will you? I'm sure you are not planning on leaving your baby with a complete stranger.

Ever heard the phrase, "This is going to hurt me more then it will hurt you"? You are a new MAMA; separation from your baby will be slightly traumatic.

You husband is probably looking more forward to the wedding then you are (which is unusual for men), but he may just look forward to have you all to himself, so hopefully you are not in the wedding party.

I also hope the wedding isn’t too far away from your home. I was my experience a long time ago, that on the way home, a new mom starts thinking about all the things that could have happened (that DON’T happen), so by the time you get home, you just want to bolt out of the car and hold your baby!

If the wedding is far away, get a hotel; take the sitter and the baby. Give her you cell phone…don’t call her (except for the mandatory test call when you first get there—BOTH WAYS) and enjoy the wedding and time with your husband and friends.

Have you chosen a sitter? Be sure to get someone who is very experienced with infants. Once you have found the right person, try letting your baby get used to the sitter a little at a time. Start with an hour and work up to longer.

When you have a baby this young, it is really nice to have a trusted sitter!

Good luck.

I would say that is early to leave such a little one for a long time. Bring the sitter with you, she can sit in another room somewhere and you can go and check it out once in a while. Are you breastfeeding?
I went to a wedding when my son was 6 weeks old. I had a nanny sitting in another room with him, he slept more or less the whole time. I went to breastfeed him once I think, I had to wake him up! He slept so hard. It will be fine. Has the sitter watched her before? Even small babies like that feel and smell the difference between different people, try another one maybe.
And, if she cries, have the sitter carry her in her arms or maybe a sling or a babybjorn and have her go for a walk. That usually calms them down.