HELP With My Childs "Word" Curiosity!!

I’m reading a book right now called Parenting without Power Struggles. One thing they emphasis is not to expect your child to behave in a certain way. You’re likely to be disappointed. Don’t say “He shouldn’t” do this or that. Instead ask yourself “why” he is doing it.

Likely he is using the word because he doesn’t even know what it means. He’s old enough to know. Secondly, he is getting a reaction out of it from his friends and who doesn’t like to make others laugh?

Sit down and talk with him when you are NOT upset. Explain what the word means. Tell him how you feel about him using the word. Maybe come up with a system wherein every time he uses the word he has to do something like maybe some extra chores. If he goes all week or whatever NOT using the word, he will get rewarded. You can choose something you know would please him.

If this is something you are terribly against, working with him to not use the word will bring about better results then just punishing him for using a word he doesn’t even know the definition of.

This system works with my kids.

Best of Luck!

6 moms found this helpful

My kids know bad words vs. good words. We have a running list of inappropriate things for children to say ;) They come home (more often than I'd like) with new, colorful vocabulary and always ask me what words mean. My 5 year old, in her minnie mouse voice, asked me what the 'f' word meant, except she actually said the whole word! My jaw must have hit the floor! Because of my reaction, she immediately knew and said 'is that the same thing as this?' and flipped me the middle finger! OH. MY. GOD!! These are things she heard/saw on the bus. Wow. I was like 'pleeeease don't EVER let me hear or see you do those, okay?' She said 'yes ma'am!' and that was the end of that. Persistance is key. Just continue to remind your son that those words are 'adults only!'

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I think that if you make words taboo, then a child is more likely to say them. My daughter is verbose, and she apparently get it from me. She is 4 and talks like she is MUCH older. I also have a potty mouth :( I would explain to him that sex is another word for gender, and that gender is male and female. That when you say 'sexy' it means that you find the other sex, girls in this instance are attractive. I would imagine that being in 2nd grade, he probably thinks girls are 'yucky'. That if he uses that word, that he is saying that he likes girls, and THAT is why you don't want him using that word, because it isn't true. Also inform him that his friends probably don't know what the meaning of the word is, and that if they do, they may think it is funny that he is saying that girls are pretty when he actually doesn't mean it. I think that when you are up front with children they are less likely to do the wrong thing.
Also I thought I would add a conversation that a friend of mine had with his coworker. They were talking about kids, the coworkers boys who were 8 yro. My friend asked, 'If your son came to you and asked about sex, what would you tell him?" and his friend responded,"I would tell him that he is too young, and that I would explain it when he is older. He is too young to know about that kind of stuff." To which my friend later said to me, "but if he asked, doesn't he already know."
If your son is hanging around children that DO know what sexy means, then they are probably the same kids that are going to give your son bad information. I think that perhaps (since you can't sensor what your son learns from other people) you should have his father, or yourself, or both would be better, explain to him some VERY general things about sex. It is going to come sooner or later, and it is better that he hear it from you than someone else's kid, who will likely give very wrong information.
There are some very good books at our library, I am sure you could find some that tell him, just enough. You can leave out any information you feel is above his head, but I would tell him something, before he learns that you won't tell him, and he will look for someone else to

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So many good suggestions here.

Just adding this: my daughter is in 3rd grade. Once a kid enters school, they come home with all sorts of new words and ideas. They don't necessarily understand it nor what they are talking about.
In my Daughter's classes, the Teacher would also, talk to them about appropriate/inappropriate words/behaviors. If there is 1 kid in particular, that is instigating these things, then the Teacher addresses it, as need be. For example.

"Sexy" is not a curse word.
Kids don't even know what that is, at that age.
Before you know it, a kid will just forget about it. The more attention they get with it, the more they do it. Then they go on to other phases.

For me, I tell my kids, that some words are only for "Adults." Not kids.
That works for them.

Kids are copy cats.
So you TEACH your child, how to discern... what they encounter. How to choose friends. How to not be a follower. How some things are not appropriate etc. So that they learn, how to be themselves and not just a copy-cat follower.
Because- this will happen ALL during childhood and as long as they are in school, now, later and when older too.
So teach him NOW... about how to discern things... with other kids. And not just be a copy-cat.

At this age, they do it because they think it is funny.
They don't understand necessarily, the adult concern about it.

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I'm gonna cast my vote with explaining that it is inappropriate for a 7/8 year old to be using and tell him basically what it means. Just so you don't have to do the work - here ya go ;-)
sex·y   /ˈsɛksi/ Show Spelled
[sek-see] Show IPA

–adjective, sex·i·er, sex·i·est.
1. concerned predominantly or excessively with sex; risqué: a sexy novel.
2. sexually interesting or exciting; radiating sexuality: the sexiest professor on campus.
3. excitingly appealing; glamorous: a sexy new car.

*I'm also a fan of the oldie but goodie in regards to doing what everyone else is doing, "If everyone is jumping off a cliff would you?" I'm also a big fan of keeping children innocent for their childhood - kids don't need to be sexualized & this may seem innocuous but it's just one more step in the early maturation of our kiddos. Hope you find a way to talk to him.

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I dont have a problem with "sexy" what I dont tolerate is the F word. My son whos also in 2nd Grade, came home one time and said that word. Right away I sent him in the corner and explained to him that because other kids said those words doesnt mean that they are good words. I explained that word in a way he can understand, sometimes we have to be in their level so they can relate to us. So if you want to explain "sexy" you can say "well its like the word 'pretty' but sexy is more for grown up, so if u want to say sexy, say 'pretty' instead coz for little kids like you, thats what it means". Dont be scared to explain stuff like this to your son, cause most of the time, they do understand. So its better that it came from you, instead finding it out from other kids....sometimes we get scared and caught off guard with all these kind of words and if we dont owned up to it and explain it to them better, they will wander around and ask different people who sometimes doesnt level to the kids understanding. hope this helps.

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I didn't realize that "sexy" was a bad word, but it is used in a more adult context, so just tell him that kids his age aren't sexy. The word means "very attractive to a grown up." Nothing 2nd graders do or are involved in is "sexy." -Tell him that and that you don't want to hear of him or hear him using it again because it's inappropriate for his age group -then stop. As far as him copying other kids and saying it for a laugh -that's the most normal thing in the world for a child to do. Kids also LOVE to say words that they discover you think are bad or not for them to use. I would give him the explanation and let it lie. If you hear him using it, give him a look and tell him you don't want to hear it. The joy of the word will go away fairly quickly.

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Rachel's response reminded me -- My mom was floored when I came home from preschool and said, "Mom, what's a pussy? And I don't think it means a kitty..."

I agree with Claire that is time for a general talk about sex. If you can't come up with a reasonable explanation as to what 'sexy" means, then he'll keep it up. I wouldn't tell him that sexy is like saying "pretty", b/c he's likely to see a cute baby and say "Oh, she's so sexy!"

Brainstorming... "When you say 'she's sexy' it means that you would like to hold her close to you, and hug and kiss her like grownups do."

Good luck. I'm interested to see what the other posters have to add.

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They were pretty good with covering bad words in school and there was an Arthur show which covered it well too.
Bad words are when you want to hurt someones feelings deliberately and it's not a nice thing to do.
Sometimes my son would come home and ask to say the word so I could tell them if it were good or bad or what it was.
Some kids are just picking up the way their parents speak and their parents have some pretty foul mouths. I was waiting for my son once when school was about to let out and there was another mother waiting too. She was on her cell phone - oblivious that the whole rest of the world could hear her, and every other word out of her mouth was F*** this, F*** that, etc and so forth. People were looking at her she was so bad. Finally a teachers assistant came up and interrupted her and asked if she's like to conduct her call in a more private area - and suddenly she was aware she wasn't in a phone booth. She says 'Sorry' then resumes her expletive laden conversation as she steps outside to finish her call.
Honestly, I think some people just lack vocabulary to express themselves and are too lazy to obtain some.

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My daughter (3rd grade) knows what the word sexy means, so she would never use it. I think he's old enough to hear at least part of/some of what these words mean, so he understands what is inappropriate.

There are books like "It's So Amazing" by Robie H. Harris that are written for age 7 and up, that are meant to help you have conversations with your child about sex, if you are uncomfortable talking with him.

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Kids go with the flow and let's be honest "sexy" is kind of a funny word for a kid to say. You should give him the webster's dictionary defenition for that word and explain to him that it is a word adults use and that it would be wise to save that for then but for now when you want to describe a beautiful woman you can use pretty, beautiful, gorgeous etc but sexy is not yet an appropriate word for him to use and you would like for him to stop using that word.

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My Kindergartner just asked me what this was, because a couple kids at school spoke of it and said it was a bad word.

I told my daughter it is a grown up way to say someone is beautiful or pretty. But should only be used by grown ups although not a bad word to say.

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"sexy" wouldn't bother me at all. If my son came home (also in the 2nd grade) and dropped the F bomb...THEN I would have a problem.
L.

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Ask him what he thinks the word means. Let him answer then explain to him that all people look at things, people, and surroundings. Explain to him that different people think differently about things. Sexy is the way a man thinks about his wife. (You can change this to fit your families needs). He probably already knows what the word sex pertains to, and adding a "y" to it makes it okay to say. You can also explain to him that words can make people feel good or sad, hurtful or mad. Let him know that the word sexy is inappropiate for someone his age. Good luck!

I always told my dd that if she didn't know what a word meant she shouldn't say it and that she could ask me anything. We've had numerous conversations in her 14 years and when she was older I started telling her words she might hear and telling her what they meant. I wanted her to be educated enough to "not" get involved in certain conversations or to feel awkward because she didn't know what a word meant. Sometimes when she was younger she would ask me what a word meant and if I didn't think she was old enough at the time to give her the meaning I would just tell her that wasn't a nice word, that she shouldn't say it, and when she was older I would explain that one to her.

Personally, the word wouldn't bother me, but since it does bother you,
tell him what the word means and why you feel that it's not an appropriate word for him to use.

Although your son isn't experimenting with any words (in my opinion) that warrant concern as a parent, this is only the beginning of word exploration. I don't know if it's helpful, but here's how we've handled word issues.

Following the advice of a very wise older mom, I have made a point with my kids to handle inappropriate words like this: first, I have zero reaction over a word that I don't like the first time I hear one of my kids use them, other than to ask in a more-curious-than-normal tone, "What did you just say?". This leads to an immediate reaction from the child of, "Is that a bad word?" If it is a bad word, I calmly explain that it is, give them an age appropriate definition, and let them know that now that they know it's a bad word, if I hear it in our home, they are going to be in big trouble. It also helps to give them a substitution word so they learn that there are alternatives to using the language others around them are using.

There are lots of benefits to this approach. First, it lets your child know he/she can come to you with questions about things that might be bad or inappropriate. This especially helps when the really uncomfortable questions pop up. Our children need to know that we aren't squeamish about things they are dealing with; if they think we are, they'll be looking to other sources to supplement their understanding. Second, if you leave the door open for your child to discuss words before punishing them for using them, you are able to have a dialog about your expectations/standards/boundaries. It's always good to help your children understand what you expect of them before punishing them for wrongdoing, and with language, you don't usually have the luxury of having the conversation before they test drive the interesting new words they've heard from friends. Third, believe it or not, it increases your child's respect for you when he/she finds out that you've known about these words all along. I think part of it is that they don't realize how world-wise you really are (remember, these are new discoveries for them!), and on top of that, if you abstain from using the bad/inappropriate language yourself, you've already set several years' examples of how knowing a word doesn't require you to whip it out left and right. Like other behaviors you model, this example will make more of an impression than all the lectures and punishments in the world.

Hope this helps!

This may be regional but "sexy" is an "it" word right now that has taken on the connotation of cool in a really glamorous way. Someone was telling me that a company was a "sexy" company in the context of working there during the dot com era.... I've forgotten the exact company but think EA (video games) or Lucas Digital.......

I would tell him the meaning (both if pertinent) and why you think it is inappropriate. I have mixed feelings as I don't like it when words are "in" and overused as well as the original meaning being distorted. But then, My grandmother disliked the word "kids" because kids were baby goats ;-). This may not be the context he is using it in, but I suspect it might be?