47 answers

Help with My 7 Year Old Daughter's Behavior

My daughter is only 7 years old (will be 8 this summer) and she already has the attitude of a teenager. She is very mouthy and disrespectful all the time. She will argue with you about ANYTHING and she ALWAYS has to be right. When someone makes her mad, she slams doors or throws things. She is always pinching or hitting her 4 year old brother (and she's really hurting him) and when I ask her why she does she says "because he's annoying me". I have taken away her TV, her Nintendo DS and have not allowed her to get on the computer (the three things she loves to do) but it hasn't made a difference. I'm just at a loss. I don't know why she is so angry. I don't know if the kids she's around at school are part of the problem. She's currently in a public school and my husband has suggested putting her in a Catholic school, but I don't know if that's going to make a difference or not. Does anybody have any advice for me?

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My son is 9 yrs. old. I always used time out. It has been very effective. He has to stand on the wall with his arms still and straight down at his sides with his nose against the wall. If he tries to play around or anything, I restart his time. He gets 3 warnings. If he is doing something that he shouldn't I say "warning 1" then 2, then "you owe me time on the wall". He hasn't had to be put on the wall for soooo long now. He's pretty well behaved for his age. Give it a shot. Let her know that this is unacceptable and you won't tolerate it any longer. Be consistent. Let me know how it goes. I hope this helps you. Shannon

to stop my 3& 5 year old girls from slamming doors I use the child proof door stopper that goes on top of the door so they caan't reach it or close it all the way. maybe that would work for you. A.

How is she doing in school? does she act out in school as well? How are her grades? I would suggest counseling. I had the same problem with my son and started counseling, then the counselor suggested he might have ADHD, so we did the psycho educational battery testing through the school and found out that he was indeed ADHD. That was 8 years ago and things have gotten better, well except the fact that now he is actually a teenager and boy oh boy what fun I am having!! My son is on medicine for his ADHD, but my first suggestion would be counseling to see why she's so angry. I've also heard that Karate is good for kids who have anger problems because it teaches them self discipline. Hang in there!!

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Sometimes kids act out because they want attention. They figure that negative attention is just as good as positive attention. Perhaps you could set aside a special time just for your daughter where your son is not there. Also, the book Siblings without rivelry is very helpful. And another good one is Screamfree Parenting.

1 mom found this helpful

I also have a 7 year old, and in talking with other moms this is what I have gathered. 1st...you are READY for the teen years, ha ha ha 2nd....this a phase and will go away, your daughter is now changing from "baby" to girl, it seems strange but it`s true. For many kids, this is the age they finally grwo into being a child and away from an infant. They start elementary school, done with preschool. So it is a change. 3rd...from experience, I have a 2 year old as well, they get annoyed of their siblings much like when they will teens. My advice is PATIENCE...lots of it, and try to squeeze alone time just for you, mommy, and her everyday. I pick her up alone and gives us about 10 to 15 minutes to talk about her day and what just happened in school. Also, try taking her to get her nails done or her hair at your hairdresser, make her feel more grown up. But also do little kids, like going to the movies or getting movies that she liked and watch them together. Getting your two kids to like a movie and watch them together gives them bonding time. Since I have 2 girls the High School Movies work wonders, but Alvin and the chipmunks as well. Above all, patience, and do not take many things away, she does not understand what is going on either.....it is much like being a teen without the bodily changes. Hope it helps.

1 mom found this helpful

Kids only do what they're allowed to get away with. She's not too old for a good old fashioned spanking. It would not only be a good punishment for her, but also remind her who's in charge and that she's still a child. When my 6 year old daughter argues with me, which she tries to do A LOT, I just tell her "I love you to much to argue about it". I continuously say it until she gets so tired of hearing it, she stops. I also sometimes will say, like yesterday morning, "You know, I don't like to argue. So, if you want to argue about stuff, find someone else to do it with." I sit her down and also explain to her that she doesn't have to argue everything. It's just part of them being a kid I think. BUT, it doesn't mean that we have to put up with it. It's one thing to be inquisitive about things, but if they're arguing rules or regulations you have set, that's where you use the "I love you to much to argue with you" trick. As far as hitting and pinching her brother. He's 3 years younger, so I'd say you need to step in more. Spank her.

As far as switching her to a Catholic School....do you think that's going to magically help her to change? It's just going to be a different school she goes to everyday. Unless you stop allowing disrespectful behavior to go on at home, it's not going to be changed by changing schools. Have you ever tried physical punishment when she's acting out? Like, say, giving her a toothbrush and bucket and telling her to scrub down the bathroom floor? Physical punishment is awesome because it's immediate and NOT FUN for the kids. My friend's mom used to wake him up at 5 a.m. on a Saturday and make him go outside to chop wood for punishment.

1 mom found this helpful

I would start logging the behavior to see if it occurs afer a particular involvement with a friend, activity at school, food, etc. She is acting out because of something. She needs to find someone to talk out these issues and find better methods of coping with stress (stress could be simply not knowing how to resolve something and not the overwhelming type of stress we think of as adults).

Try getting her into a child psychologist or family counselor. I wouldn't expect an answer within the first 4 sessions. But after that time, a few issues should start to resolve that the counselor can talk over with her to find better ways to resolve frustration.

Donna Boeglein with Phoenix Associates off Lake Ave in Fort Wayne IN is great. If you don't have insurance or can't afford visits, you might try calling United Way. They offer a sliding scale office co-pay or free sessions.

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Have you try to spend some one on one time with. Maybe the two of you can get into something that is only for you two. I know that my yougest did the same thing and I started taking her shopping with me. That is when she open up and talk to me about things that is important to her.

My son is 9 yrs. old. I always used time out. It has been very effective. He has to stand on the wall with his arms still and straight down at his sides with his nose against the wall. If he tries to play around or anything, I restart his time. He gets 3 warnings. If he is doing something that he shouldn't I say "warning 1" then 2, then "you owe me time on the wall". He hasn't had to be put on the wall for soooo long now. He's pretty well behaved for his age. Give it a shot. Let her know that this is unacceptable and you won't tolerate it any longer. Be consistent. Let me know how it goes. I hope this helps you. Shannon

The best punishment, is separation from family and friends. Make her stay in her room at least 3 hours, the rest of the day works even better. She can have books and toys, but no electronics or electronic toys. The punishment has to "deter" the crime, not fit the crime. This is guaranteed to work- 3 times should show her you mean business. I have 3 children and it works, believe me!

Hi M.:
I'm sorry for what's happening with your daughter, but the truth is that I was there too with my daughter when she was 7 and that's kind of hard,because seems that you get to a no end corner. She started changing and geting attitudes that she never had before, so I started like you did, taking away all the preveliges and I even take away everything from her room, I just let her bed with regular sheets nothing fancy or her favorite,and her dresser without any of her accesories or room decoration. She made a whole drama and I let her scream, once she was done I took a deep breath and in a very calm tone I sat with her on her bed and I explain to her that everything that she has is because I want to give it to her because she is my daughter and I love her but, those are privileges that she has to win with her good behavior at home and at school and as she is improving I'll be returning things back and let her have her friends back home or she going again to her friend's home, and so on. You have to make her understand that you love her deeply, but in the other hand you are responsable for her and you want her to be a happy and succesful woman in the future. Just remember that you have to be in calm assertive attitude to have this talk with her because if she sees that her behavior upsets you she will try it harder. Set the rules very clear from now on and let her know the consecuence for each unnaceptable behavior too and the most important thing is that what you say that the consecunce will be, DO IT, other wise you will loose credibility with her. After that just hug her and tell her how much you love her, I think that no matter what our children do they need to feel that our love is unconditional. Another thing that I will do is find out if there is something that is bothering her at sachool.at home or with her friends,sometimes children express fear with bad behavior. I hope that you can find a solution soon to this problem, and remember that each child is different and maybe she is just crying out for attention.Try to have a mother and daughter day, just a couple of hours were are just you and her, going to the movies or shopping, even you can talk to her about how cute Corbin Bleu or Zack Effron are and she will be very surprised that you know that, read some youth magazines and try to have a conversation with her like if you were her best friend and she will see the difference of all the things that she can get when she behaves as expected.Try to find out what her intrests are and encourage her to do it and share with her some of that time.

Good Luck!!

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