Help with Friendship Dilemma

EDIT...
I just wanted to add that I'm a mother of an only child but grew up with multiple siblings (5 brothers and sisters and a niece the same age as my youngest brother) and this stuff DOES happen, and fairly often, especially with 2-3 year olds!

ORIGINAL:
I think with your daughter you handled it appropriately - both you and your husband communicated that it's not okay to bite and why (because it hurts her friends when she bites them). Punishing her showed her that there are consequences to her actions when she does things that aren't okay. You might also want to teach her other ways of dealing with her frustrations since she does have a history of biting.

I used to work in a daycare as a teacher for the Toddler room and as assistant teacher in the 2-3yr old room, and biting is VERY common behavior - for the very reason you pointed out - frustration! It's such a tough time at this age sometimes.

I'm a fairly "old-school" parent, despite being one of the (if not THE) youngest mothers in my son's class (I'm 28, he's 8 and in 3rd grade). When my son bit me for the first time out of frustration, I bit him back right away - and hard enough to leave a mark. He had bit before while playing and I had told him "No biting, that hurts mommy!" but this time was different. After that, he NEVER bit again (and he was younger than 18 months when this happened). Maybe your daughter doesn't realize how much biting hurts? Has she ever been bit by another child? If that happens (or happened), make sure to make the connection between her pain when she gets bit and the kids that she bites. At three, she might not grasp that on her own yet.

As far as the friend, she doesn't sound like a very good friend. From what you've said, it seems like you handled it well - you accepted responsibility for your daughters actions (some parents try to deny that their child would ever do such a thing!) and you apologized. This other mom seems to be over the top. Personally, if I was in your situation, I would discontinue this friendship because it's not healthy for you to feel like you've got to defend your parenting to this mom. Her threatening to call the school and make sure they know about your child's biting habit is too much. You should make them aware of it yourself if she is already enrolled but also make sure they know it's a behavior that's not acceptable in your house and it's something you are working on with your daughter.

If the other mom apologizes for over-reacting and you want to continue the friendship - go for it. Personally I evaluate friendships on what I get out of them - if I don't get some sort of happiness out of having a friendship, then what's the point? Evaluate this relationship with this woman and determine if it's one you really want to keep having, then act accordingly.

I wish you the best of luck!

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I think you've handled the situation really well so far. I've got a 2-year-old who goes to daycare and we routinely get or see incident reports where someone has bitten someone else. It's super-common, mainly because it WORKS! My suspicion is that since this is this mom's 1st child, she may not have had enough exposure to other kids to know just how common biting is and how it eventually goes away for everyone (they have much more sophisticated and annoying ways of getting their way as they get older :)

My suggestion is to say exactly what you mentioned as your gut reaction. You ARE sorry she got so upset, and you appear to truly want the kids to stay friends (although you may want to keep in mind that this will probably not be the last time you child angers her in some weird way). I don't think that's a harsh response at all and it totally leaves the ball in her court. You can just say your piece and leave it at that. Whatever her reaction, just know that you've done the best you can.

Good work, Mom!

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Just drop it! Obviously the other woman has. If you want more drama in your life then just keep picking at this. You are trying to force your opinion of how children behave to a woman that does not agree with you. You are acting self righteous. I do NOT agre with you that mostly all children bite. I do agree with your friend that a biter should not be in school. I don't think your child is a social reject in regards to this behavior, but I would consider her a threat to my child and you as a threat as well in trying to convince me that this is normal.
You're forcing yourself on someone who has had enough of it. Back off or it will be considered harrassement. It's not as if your life depends on her being your friend. You 2 are at separate phases in your lives and it doesn't mesh. Accept that, be curteous and find new friends.

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I think you have done everything that you can do. At some point you just have to let it go. Some parents never figure it out that kids are going to make mistakes and you just have to talk to them about what they did wrong and move on.

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From your description, it sounds like things will either be ok or they won't. Any amount of discussion/explanation on your part would be effort without resolution. A final apology is probably all that I would suggest. Trying to explain your thoughts on why the behavior was expressed is probably wasted breath. Until people experience things like this from their own child, I don't think they can begin to understand it. I know you want to save a friendship (yours and your daughter's), but sometimes relationships change and there isn't much you can do about it. It sounds like your relationship was fading before this. It may be the final straw, or it may blow over. Either way, know that you have done what you could (apologize and punished appropriately). Best of luck, I hope you can get past this and don't let it eat at you.

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Well, I am 64, raised 3 children and a niece, so, 4. No one ever bit anyone's face. I think if one had been bitten, it would take a long time for me to get over it. Biting is very serious. Obviously, with the children so close, she is getting, and probably has to be, more aggressive. Has he bitten her? It is usually something they do as a last resort, because they don't know what else to do. I would give this relationship awhile to cool off. It may be severed, if so, move on. Many times that is when you change friends, has to do with your children. If you really care about keeping this up. I would take your daughter to the toy store, buy a gift for the child and both of you take it to her. Have your dd make a verbal apology to her and give her the gift. I would talk to dd everyday, and tell her no biting, that hurts sooo badly.
Good luck.

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Hi M.,

I think you handled it pretty well, though what you said to her really won't give her any perspective. Your description of her really explains the reason why what you say won't make much difference. She is protective, doesn't provide opportunities for her daughter to socialize outside of preschool, and thinks other parents can "make" their kids behave. This is unfortunately the end of your real friendship. Just be willing to accept that, stop apologizing, and move on. She will find out at some point with either her daughter or son that they aren't perfect, though she may never admit it.

My children were "victims" of biters. I always understood the difficulties involved. What was important to my daycares and to me was that the parents 1) cared about the fact that my child was hurt 2) sought help from their pediatrician or some professional to help them work with the daycare to help their child get past this phase and 3) didn't try to turn the tables on my son as if it were his fault he got bit. You certainly care, and you haven't tried to blame her child. But I urge you to talk to your pediatrician to get some advice on how to help your child. You need to know what helps, because you probably will have this happen again. I would proactively go talk to the director of the preschool about the incident and ask her to explain to you how the teachers help their children who bite. Then you know the school's policy. I've written in my posts before about what one of my daycares did to help the kids. There are several threads here in Mamasource that talk about this problem, so perhaps if you look through them you might find some ideas.

This woman will throw away more friendships than just yours over the years, M.. I learned a long time ago that no one's kids are perfect, and parents should just try to be kind to each other. For parents who can't be kind and are mean to me over my kids' mistakes, well, I can't worry myself to death about it.

All my best to you,
D.

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It's hard these days, connecting with people and forming quality friendships, because there is so much involved. You need to connect on so many different levels. Sometimes your kids get along, but you don't or vis versa, or sometimes the husbands dislike each other, or your mothering techniques differ, which makes things hard. I've learned that you can't force these connections. Either you'll fit naturally along side each other--or you won't. I wouldn't worry about it too much. The best friendships just fall into place naturally :)
Unfortunately, biting is considered a pretty serious thing these days, what with all the vaccinations and concern over infection and disease causing bacteria. Mouths carry a host of germs that, though harmless to us, can make others very sick if the skin is broken. Biting is taken so seriously in some schools, that kids have been expelled and parent's sued over it. Almost every kid gives biting a try a time or two. That is completely normal. But it should be handled as very serious offence. Your daughter is very intelligent and will understand if you make it clear how you feel about biting :)

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I feel for you. My children are now 12 and 10, but when they were preschool age, my friend's son would beat up on my daughter all the time. It was irritating, but we worked it out. Now I must say that my friend and I had great communication and we both have teaching backgrounds. SO we know kids aren't perfect. My suggestion is to say what you need to to feel good about yourself, and give the rest to God. SO many parents have not grown up themselves. Many can't handle confrontation. At some point, your kids may not get along at all....It is okay to not get them together, but there is no reason why adults shouldn't agree to disagree and try to remain friends. Easier said than done. SOunds like you are doing your part, but you can't control your friend. Read Personality Plus for Parents by Florence Littauer....It is awesome...It really helps you understand kids...then maybe pass it to your friend. Good luck

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My nephew bit my son hard lots of times. Sometimes he broke the skin. It drove me crazy! It's hard to watch your kid be hurt and not be able to do anything about it. He was not very verbally communicative at the time. I just couldn't let them out of my sight for awhile. His mom tried to stop him, luckily it was just a phase. Even when he did it though he didn't really want to hurt his cousin, he loved him. They're still best friends 11 years later, no biting though:)

The real problem is the parents. I suggest not pointing out your friends parenting difficulties. Just tell her you're sorry and that you've dealt with it. Stay calm, she is upset and will calm down too.

Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

Children will be children, and occassionally children bite. The best thing I have heard, that seems to work, when you see her bite... bite her. Just hard enough for her to feel that is hurts. You have explained how it is not nice, so reinforce that. If you two are truly friends, and just fair weather friends, get together with the children and watch and observe their behavior. They have probably forgotten the incident, long before you two. All children progress differently, and you just have to work with them, and set the example. Good luck and God Bless.

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It is doubtful you will change your friends perspective. Folks with 1 child have a very different perspective than folks with multiple children. The dynamic is sooooooo different. As you know. (I watch my 'single child friends' squirm at the noise level and jump up to check at every scream when they come over to play) I spend a lot of time saying "sit down, it's fine"...

Assess how important the friendship is, recognize what your friend can & cant do for in terms of your friendship, recognize the same for yourself & decide if you think the relationship is worth continuing.

You might need to take a break for a few months or even years.

Some children bite. Usually not unprovoked. Nothing about it makes us feel good. But nothing about it is uncommon. From what you describe, it sounds like you did what was appropriate.

Your gut will tell you what to do.

P

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The friendship - I don't really know if its worth saving. I can't imagine attacking one of my friend's 3 year old children over anything. If she truly feels that your child is out of control, she should simply sever the ties - why go on the attack like that? Why threaten to get your daughter kicked out of camp? Again, this is not the kind of friend I would keep.
The biting - My oldest son was the target of biting at the first daycare that he attended. He was bit repeatedly by the same child while the daycare and the parents tried unsuccessfully to deal with the situation. However, when my son then started biting, a behavior he basically learned in the daycare environment - I didn't receive the same consideration. The director said their rule was that if a child withdrew because the parents were concerned about a bite the child received, the child who did the biting would get expelled. I imagine that your camp will treat you the same way. If parents are threatening to withdraw their child, your child gets the boot. For your own sanity, get a back up plan and get it quick.
My other note of experience with the biting is that my son quit biting nearly as soon as he left that environment. I warned our next provider that he was having problems biting at his previous daycare and that he should be watched carefully and prevented from biting. I put him in a much smaller setting - a private home daycare - and she used careful supervision and an immediate time out which totally stopped the biting in the first week he was there. He was barely 2 at the time. Afterwards, we never had that kind of trouble again. I believe he was simply unhappy in the crowd of kids at the daycare center. As a now 17 year old, he does not like crowds, loud noises, shouting or arguing. I suspect your daughter might simply not like it at the camp. If your "friend" brought up multiple incidents between your kids, again, I don't see the big loss in losing touch with this "friend" and her family. Your daughter is telling you that she doesn't like the camp or she doesn't like playing with this child or both. Listen.
I normally read all the posts before replying, but I didn't this time. Please don't take the more critical ones to heart. It upsets me that people can't be supportive and speak from their own experiences without being mean or rude. You've definately hit on a hot topic. All us moms get rowdy when it comes to defending our babes!

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Kids bite, not saying that this is right, but they have to express themselves in some way. Unfortunately, some do it this way. They have to be taught not to do this. Its a part of life. My son was once bitten on the face so hard that it left a mark for a few weeks. It looked really bad. He other boy was scolded and worked with about this and it never happened again (did I mention the boys were only 3 at the timne). If it happened repeatedly with no real end in sight, then you may want to talk to a specialist about how to control her impulses. When your daughter does start preschool, if you it is a concern, let the teachers know what is going on with your daughter's biting (but not the whole story w/ your friends daughter). Unless this preschool is really new, it probably has seen its fair share of bites, hits, and other inappropriate behavior. As for your friend, you've said that you probably can say. Just leave it be. If she is adamant about you being a bad mother then there really isn't anything you can say that will ease things, but only make it worse.

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I think you've done what you can. Let the situation settle. Try to get your daughter not to bite, and realize that the biggest problem is your friend's over-protectiveness. Feel sorry for her, and her daughter. She'll probably cool off, even if it will take a few months or -- as you said -- it may take her son growing up and not being perfect and biting another child to make her realize that it's not as overblown as she's making it. She may never realize it, which is even worse for her. Some parents never think their child does anything wrong, which is bad for both parent and child.

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See if you can find some parenting magazines that speak specifically about biting in that age group. When I taught at a preschool we had a biter. He was 2.5. We did what we could as far as removing the situation, time out, redirection etc... We also talked with his parents, he was biting at home also. We talked with them at length about things they did at home. The dad was very physical, sports, outdoor activites etc... He was rough housing a lot with his son. We suggested that he modify his behavior and stop the rough housing. This did help but did not alleviate the biting. We finally suggested that they look for an in home daycare provider. We felt that he would do better in a smaller group. We had a large facility. He did better when he was in the toddler room where the ratio was 4:1, instead of the larger group with a 10:1 ratio along with meals being served all together. In the articles you may find some tips for dealing with the biting as well as giving them to your friend to read. She may end up gaining a new understanding for the situation. The other thing that I have encountered is when parents think that their child(ren) are better than others and can do no wrong, later down the road their children end up doing something that is way worse. My parents always thought that we could do no wrong, my brother was doing drugs, smoking and drinking. He came in so drunk that he could not stand up. I helped him into his bedroom,and asked him how much he had to drink? He told me he had 8 maybe 10 beers. When I told my mom she just laughed and said he is just joking. He smelled like a brewery! Then when the hangover started Mom was sure that he just had a stomach bug. She never admitted that he had a problem, even when he went into rehab. To this day she just says that he went to that place because he needed a break from all the pressures he had. All of this happened more than 20 years ago. Just remember that you cannot change the way others parent, the best you can hope for is to live in harmony with them. Living in a diverse world is a good thing. Good Luck

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Geez-I just DO NOT get what some of these women say...it sounds like some think that they are better than you...maybe some are friends with the woman that you are talking about??? ;) Nah....just kidding-but you do have to wonder..........I just can't stand what some of these women have said to you, so I wanted to say in your defense:
You are absolutely NOT being self-righteous as stated in another response ALSO, from the same response-you tried to drop it, but SHE called YOU 5 minutes later-that is not YOU harrassing it you BEING harrassed!
You are not focusing negative energy on anything, you were asking for advice, which is a POSITIVE action.
Schadenfreude is a very strong word for your situation, I think..here is the definition:gloating at somebody else's bad luck; malicious or smug pleasure taken in somebody else's misfortune...that does not sound like what you are looking for....
As far as how you are feeling about this, I am the same exact way-things eat at me, even when I know without a doubt that I am doing the right thing. I think it is being protective of a child (your dughter) that is being attacked by another adult (the woman who, by the way, is not your friend).
I think you are right-you have done and said all that needs to be done or said. You can't let her have the control of you that she does have by letting her comments eat at you. Even telling you this, I don't know how NOT to let it eat at you, because I don't know how to stop things similar to this eating at ME :)
I just hope you have been able to get SOME comfort and/or what you feel is good advice from all of these responses. Just try not to take the rude and illogical responses to heart......NOONE is perfect. At the end of the day, we are ALL flawed human beings, despite (some of) our own inflated opinions of ourselves.

Good luck, and take care!

1 mom found this helpful

I thought this Dr. Greene Q&A might help http://www.drgreene.org/body.cfm?id=21&action=detail&...

Personally, I don't think you should try to justify your daughter's actions to your friend. I know you don't feel like you are justifying the biting, but that is the way it is going to sound. It is understandable that she is upset that her child was bitten on the cheek. So, just stick to an apology (without explanation as to this being normal, etc) and tell her what you are doing to try to stop it and that you take it very seriously. But, as others have said, maybe you don't need to push the friendship if it is not working out.

Biting is taken more seriously nowadays, unfortunately, than it used to be - what with the concern over germs, etc. I have known of kids to be kicked out of preschool over it. Good luck.

1 mom found this helpful

Ok, so as a mother with a 3 yr old who just started preschool, I'm a little concerned about how my daughter - who is normally very well behaved - will handle situations that frustrate her. She has been an only child until almost 4 weeks ago, but she does play regularly with her cousins who are the same age as her. Still, she hits on occasion. My nephew bites (he's 2) and has bitten my daughter as well as his sister too so I know where you're both coming from since my daughter has been the offender and has been bitten too.

That being said, your friend needs to step into reality a little bit more. You cannot protect your children 100% of the time and you are right that 2-3 and 4 yr olds are NOT perfect and will become aggressive on occasion - even those that are normally very well behaved. It can happen to the best of children that they feel overwhelmed or jealous or anxious and act out and hit or bite.

That your friend is freaking out and saying your daughter shouldn't attend preschool is just ignorant at best and would only make matters worse to isolate her.

That she had to apologize and repercussions for her actions is important for your daughter and it sounds to me like you handled it well. I truly believe it's important for our children to have opportunities to learn these lessons as well.

At 3-4 years old, and still extremely self-centered as all toddlers/preschoolers are, they still have a lot of years to go before they become experts at their job. Truly, as adults, how many perfect people do we know? That anyone expects a child to be perfect is just ridiculous and your friend needs to grow up.

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Hi Michelle
I am a mom of 4 and have seen this plenty of times. At 3 a child is learning to deal with these angry feeling in a whole new way. Kids don't come out knowing the difference between what is good and bad, right and wrong. We are their teachers. My oldest is 16 and I am still teaching her, because with each age comes new issues. Your friend is out of line. She may be seeing behaviors in her own child that she doesn't like, but it is easier to point the finger in your direction. She will pay the price for this down the road. Trust me on that. Children who's parents think their children are perfect little angels have big monsters when they grow up. She will either need to come to grips with this soon or pay for it later.

As far as the school goes, I would go and speak with the administrator. Be sure to not point out the faults of the friends child. They will see these things for themselves. Chances are good your friend will be attending a conference with her child's teachers before Christmas. No doubt what the subject will be!

Best wishes,
N. Z

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I think those that don’t have children that do these “normal” things like biting or grabbing something away from another child thinks that it’s abnormal when kids do. Me, for example. I have a 6 year old daughter and if I had not had another child I would have thought all children should act as well as she does, because…how hard can it be? I did it, why can’t someone else? Well, lucky for me I got a wakeup call and the Lord blessed me with my son. He was a biter. Not so much to strangers, but mostly family and those closest to him. If I had not experienced the personality and the “normal” tendencies of my son (and learning how to correct them) I believe I would have been very judgmental towards other’s kids as well as the parents. I’m not sure there’s any way for your friend to understand unless she experiences it herself. Some parents do understand, and some don’t. You’ve done the right thing and you’ve done all you can do.

Best of luck

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I completely agree with you. First, I can't believe a mother would actually teach their child that they don't have to share if they don't want to...great way to raise a productive member of society! Also, biting is COMPLETELY normal for your daughters age, I'm surprised your friends daughter hasn't already been biten. Like you said, it's how they react at that age...they have a whole bulletin board devoted to it at my child's old preschool. I wish I could give advice on how to deal with the mom but I don't have a clue. I just wanted you to know - I agree with you, you were in the right.

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Be done with her. If you guys have nothing in common as friends and your kids are not resl strong friends, then be done. It is not worth the stress. There are a lot of other kids to play with.

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I usually try to write positive things b/c I hate when other moms downgrade or judge but with this situation I will have to take both sides. You are right to be upset at the way this 'friend' acted towards you given the fact that her child is not perfect either. She should have never spoken to you the way she did and should have never spoken poorly about your daughter. None of us moms want our children to be bitten and all of us moms would be upset if it happened. Some moms are a bit more aggressive than others. I probably would just let you know after the 2nd time that it happened, we would not be able to play with you again if it happens again. On another note, as it is 'normal' for 'some' children to bite, it is not the norm for most or all. My children have never bitten nor have they ever been bitten. I do know that a child bit at our preschool and the 2nd time he bit he was asked to stay at home for 2 weeks so the mom could correct the situation. The 3rd time he bit, he was asked to leave the preschool. Biting is not ok. Your daughter, at 3 yrs old, should be getting away from that phase and truly should be able to understand what you are telling her. She cannot, however, control her reactions until age 4 from what I have read. I would probably do two things: I would write a letter to your 'friend' and tell her that she is correct in being upset and that you would be upset if the situation were reversed but that it hurt you deeply to hear those harsh things about your daughter. You want her to understand that you have taken the situation seriously and are working on making sure this never happens again. I would also state that you are sorry that your friendship has come to this. Personally I would stay away for awhile and let things settle. She does not seem like a great friend anyway, are you upset about the loss of her friendship or upset that the loss was due to your daughter doing something to cause it? Really, it happens. Don't let yourself be so upset about the loss of a friendship that was not that strong anyway. You need to take this in stride b/c it is the first of many times that your child may do something to offend or hurt someone else. Your child is young and did not know any better and was not able to control herself. Lastly, I would consider taking your daughter out of this preschool. Maybe switch, maybe take her out for one year until she is old enough to know what she is doing and be able to control herself. Biting is serious in the schools. You could take her in the classroom and have her apologize to the little girl's face and maybe, just maybe, she may learn her lesson.

Good luck

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You are not friends with this woman. You want to prove that you are right which means you are getting sucked into the drama of it all. If you really think you are right, do you actually need her approval/agreement? because you are not going to get it.

You two parent differently and your children are totally different. That's it. That's the whole story. If you need to have another talk with the women, I would make that your mantra. Or "Our family is doing the best it can and we are making the best parenting decisions we can."

You are not going to get the satisfaction you are seeking here unless it comes in the form of schadenfreude a few years later. So stop focusing the negative energy and focus confidently on having fun with your family. It's the happier, more mature, peaceful modeling thing to do.
Let it go, you still get to keep your "good mom" badge even if your kid bites occasionally.

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I read every one of your responses and the people that said biting is not normal is wrong. They just didn't have the experience to compare with because until you have a biter you DON'T know. As for the rude responses; please just ignore them. Especially the rudest one. Sheesh that lady has some self righteousness and anger issues. As for your friendship, I can imagine how hard it would be to just cut ties with one of my friends that I've had for that long. Having said that, I would let her make the next move. You have apologized enough. If she can't accept it than it is her loss. Don't bring it up anymore. When she realizes what she has lost chances are she will come to you looking for forgiveness. I do believe her calling the preschool is crossing the line. I would definitely talk to them before she got a chance. It would be better if they saw that you were trying to handle the situation. It sounds like she is just trying to cause trouble. I wish you the best of luck with the situation. It sounds like you are handling it the way it should be done.

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Hi, I have been in the same situation but only my child was on the receiving end of the biting. My son Trinityis now 5 yrs old. His best little friend Donovan is also 5 yrs old.Donovan is my best friend's son.They have been friends since they were babies. And I have been friends with Betty (Donovan's mom) since grade school.The boys attended the same HeadStart/Preschool and were inseperable. The only issue was with Donovan biting Trinity.Betty was very upset when the first episode happened at school. She apologized and tried to dicipline him. I have three boys and three step-daughters. Trinity is my youngest child. I guess with more experience I was more understanding and not as upset as Betty was. Donovan is an only child and Betty has been a single parent since he was under a year old. The school tried to blame the biting episodes on the fact that Donovan does not have a "Father Figure" in the home. Betty and I both disagreed with this due to the fact that Donovan's grandfather lived in the home and he spent a lot of time with both his grandfather and uncle. Although there were numerous times when Donovan bit Trinity I did not see any reason to be alarmed. Trinity handled the incidents by telling Donovan that he is not supposed to bite and then continuing to play. Trinity never changed his relationship with Donovan which showed me that he was not hurt enough to be concerned. I think they grow out of biting. Some children bite and others do not. I would be much more concerned with a child that deliberately hurt others by hiting. I think that hiting other children is a habit that would grow into a much more dangerous and abusive personality.I think you handled the situation sufficiently and your friend is being over dramatic. If she does not want her child to interact with other children then she should keep her at home. What is she going to do when the little girl goes to regular school and has to deal with being pushed, hit, picked on, teased, and all the other wonderful experiences from interaction with peers. Even private school does not eliminate the social interaction she will face...

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Didn't read other responses, but I think you'll know when you need to communicate again and what to say. Sometimes 'waiting' is the hardest thing to do but is the 'right' thing to do. Wait til your ire settles, then you'll know if you feel that relationsip is worth saving (or not). Wait til you can be diplomatic about it (again). She will learn in time that the world does NOT revolve around her daughter (and, hopefully, with someone who isn't necessarily a 'friend' of hers, but who is someone she can't argue with -- nor get her way through a display of emotions -- like a school teacher or neighbor).

Kids will be kids and parents are adults (supposedly). My 4 are now adults, but if any of them had ever started the biting thing, I probably would've bitten them back (I know that's not 'proper' protocol, but I probably would've done it anyway!) Some kids evidently can't think of another 'immediate' way to express themselves in some situations, and it happens. Life goes on. Sometimes friendships don't. I've backed away from some relationships lately because they were unhealthy for one or both of us. If it's reconciled, great. If not (as I said), life goes on.

Go w/your 'gut' and maybe put what you want to say in a letter so as not to say anything you don't want to say -- and so that you can make sure to say what you DO want to say. You have to be careful in letters, though, as they come off sounding 'cold' or accusatory in many cases. Buffer any admonition or complaint with compliments, sorrow and remorse over the rift, thankfulness for the happy memories (and name some), etc.

God bless and good luck!

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OMG!!! Move on with your life. You will never convince this person she is "wrong" and her daughter is anything but perfect. You've sent the letter, the ball is in her court. If she can't man up and be a grown up, move on. You can't stay on this much longer or you will drive yourself crazy (trust me!!) You said I'm sorry, let her be her own selfish self. Life is too short, honey. Don't waste anymore energy and time on this woman.

Hi M.,

I, too, am a mother of a child who bites and I know that biting is a sensitive issue for most people. My husband finally bit back my oldest son when he was two and he stopped right away!! My third son(I have four!!) is now two and has bit on occassion....you are correct that there are biters outs there but I don't think that will make your friend feel better!

As for your friendship, it really sounds like you've apologized and said you would take action as a mother. I don't think I would say anything(at least not right now) about WHY your daughter bit because I just think that would make your friend defensive and wouldn't solve your problem. I would apologize once more and ask how her daughter is and (if you really do value her friendship)see if you can get together again. Believe me, this will not be the only time her daughter experience some unpleasantness from other kids but on the other hand, it's always hard when your child gets hurt.
My good friends and I have learned to laugh off alot of the kid stuff through the years...if your friend can't then maybe you will have to let the friendship go.
Good luck!!
N.

M. its a funny thing with our children and our friends children some mothers have unrealistic views about children a child between 1-5 can do anything its not that your a bad parent they just do stuff. I have 3 children and a but load of nieces and nephews this is what they do as long as we are there to monitor them they will express themselves and biting is one form of it my two year old will bite her brother whose five if he gets on her nerves we tell her "no" she hasn't done it alot but in her defense my son just likes to pick with her and he is very protective over his transformers which she likes to take and run with anyway kids will be kids hopefully she will get it over and realize your friendship is more important and that you can work together.

I'm sure the moms on here will have a field day with this one!! Simply stated: you're correct, its just kids being kids. Having said that, as a mother to a 27mo old only child (at home) who also interacts with only me (dh is deployed) 99% of the time....I can see how she shocked bc her kid probably doesn't bite. SHE DOESN'T HAVE ANYONE TO BITE! Its a normal behavior for children, like you said. Being protective is one thing, I consider myself protective...but I also let my kid be 2 and if she get pushed down on the playground, the issue is clearly addressed in a loving way, and the kids are friends again 5 minutes later. It happens. Her kid is fine. My stepdaughter has an older sister at home with her and when our little girls get together, sd acts more assertive than my dd. There's a great article on babycenter.com about biting-you should look it up for some good points to reference when (and if) you speak to her next :) Hopefully she'll get over it, and let her daughter be a child. Its difficult sometimes but I definitely think that children need to socialize with their age groups whether that be their own siblings or a playgroup/daycare. She'll see the error of her ways or she'll just find out later with her two!

Well, I see you have too many responses to read them all. I agree you have said enough to your friend. Let her know you still want to be friends and then leave it in her hands. Send B'day cards and holiday cards at the approptiate times even if she doesn't seem to want to continue the frinedship. As for the biting. I never did believe spanking was the right thing for a biter, and I also didn't think biting my kids was teaching them anything but, it must be ok to do it, even though it hurts mom did it. What I did was put their little arm in their own little mouth and press down with their own teeth enough for them to see that their teeth can hurt others. They both only bit once and no more after they felt what their own teeth could do.

GOsh, what is the big deal???? SOme 3 year old kids bite(some hit, some throw , some scream, some push, some spit......mine did all of the above expect biting and spitting:))YOu did the right thing to punish your daugther.YOu apologized. What else is there to do????DO not worry about it.....