Help with First Grade Jitters

Maybe the teacher can help by pairing her up with just one student (someone known for being particularly nice) in class for a special project? It might be worth asking. That way she can build her confidence in the classroom environment and in a one-on-one situation. It may be that she's feeling really out of place with a large group but that if she gets to know someone one-on-one before recess, she'll be more comfortable when she gets the invite to join a group because she'll have that familiar person with her.

This is a huge transition time she's going through, so I can understand the nerves.

ETA: This just brought back a memory. We moved when I was in first grade and my teacher assigned me a "buddy" to show me around. Well, that buddy became my best friend and now 30-something years later, we're still friends.

I highly recommend the books: 'Yoko's World of Kindness' and 'Timothy's Tales from Hilltop School' by Rosemary Wells. They are both great books about starting a new school, making friends, etc. I know they won't solve the problem- but I bet they might help reassure your little girl! Good luck!

Make sure the teacher is aware of the anxieties and can help find her a friend. Just having an adult help get her into playing with someone is a big help. Many of the shyer kids just don't know how to integrate themselves into a group that is always playing together.

My seven year old tends to be a loner at recess. She has lots of friends, plays well with them outside of school, is involved in many social activities, but in a group she just ends up away from them and playing by herself. The teacher last year did try some techniques to help her integrate within her group of friends, but then after talking to my daughter I found out that she really didn't like the games they would play (they would pretend they were cheetahs and that warewolves were chasing them - scary game for her). And she insisted that she was happier playing by herself. Then I observed her at the beach this summer when we'd meet a big group of friends. She would be content to swim, dig in the sand or be on her own while the other girls were alltogether. I tried to get her to interact with them, but within a few minutes she was back on her own and happy. So do we force them?? I just let her be and talked to her about it later ("they were doing some strange game that wasn't fun") I have talked to her already about trying harder and finding a friend or two that she fits in better with at recess and offering her a reward to do so. Maybe you could tell your daughter that if she makes it through the whole day without any anxiety or tummy issues that she gets a small prize. Then if she makes a connection with a girl that she wants to have over to play she gets another prize.

Someone told me once that as long as your kids are happy and have friends and activities that make them well rounded, then we shouldn't worry so much about the social aspects of school. School is for learning. After school is for fun and socializing. That put things into better perspective for me. Sure we want our kids to make friends at school, but as long as they are fulfilled and happy and have other sources of friends, then it really isn't that big of a deal.

Oh and yo mentioned that she plays with older kids. My daughter does as well. She gets along great with her older sister's friends and sometimes I just think the girls her age aren't as interesting to her as the older girls are.

I totally agree with CAWriterMom-- introduce your sweet daughter to the buddy system! Maybe over this weekend you could get one of her classmates to come over for a play date or go to a movie. Ask your daughter if there's one child who seemed friendly; that might be your candidate, if they are available. I know that if I were a mom and someone called to say that their child was having transition problems but chose my daughter as the "friendly" one, I'd do everything I could to help them become friends! Unless you already know some of the other parents or have a school directory, her teacher may have to be the one to get another child's parents involved initially, as I'm sure they aren't allowed to give out private info like phone numbers or email addresses. Good luck--let us know how it goes!

I offer you my heartfelt prayers on behalf of you both. May God's peace and love come into your hearts, strengthen you in patience and perseverance.

My second thought is that even though your daughter looks healthy, she may not be. With all the sicknesses going around, her immune system may be affected so you are not seeing the outward symptoms, but rather the internal ones, ie stress, fear, anxiety, even a bit of paranoia. That throwing up is a red flag. Either she is so stressed out by this that her digestion is reacting, or she is sick and it comes out when she is feeling stressed at school. Either way, she needs medical attention. Doctors would rather you bring her in now, rather than procrastinate. If it's a foolish fear, oh well. But it's better to be safe than sorry.

With increasing radiation pouring down upon us through those ozone holes, I'd also ask for her potassium levels to be checked. Also her magnesium levels. Both these will become depressed under severe stress, as you are describing and can trigger a cascade of health problems down the road if not addressed. You can always give her a child's multivitamin, too, but potassium is limited in these. Lots of fruits and veggies and whole grains in your diet are also good. Omega-3 vitamins (fish oils) and DHA are also wonderful for nerves.

God Bless,
S.