Help with Autistic 3 Year Old

Hi M.,

First I would like to express my condolences to both you and your husband. I in no way mean to imply that your son is not a blessing but i know the stress can really take it's toll on a person. I am the mom of a bi polar son and a son with aspergers/dyslexia and a few others. Although the latter son appears normal (as does my other son when stable)he certainly has his issues, so, i am very much aware of how hard it can be.
I would suggest that you ask your son's teachers who I would guess can tell you how to handle the situation. I know from my son that quite often w/autistic kids they will lose it when they get home because it is their comfort zone and the time they spent away from home is filled with little triggers that build up over the course of a day.
I also know that they need their down time and especially love hiding in "tents" ie under a blanket etc, where it is dark and quiet and they feel safe.
If your son's teachers have any helpful advice, please pass it my way. My son is 12 and for the most part has learned to cope but still has melt downs and needs his down time. As for the other mom's advice, I ask that she forgive me, but she is wrong. Your son can behave in school because he is surrounded by people that know how to diffuse a situation with an autistic child. Your child is not acting out he is simply autistic. He cannot be handled as you would any "normal" child.

Good luck!
B.

4 moms found this helpful

Your son has two environments to contend with, the school and home. Autistic children have hard enough trouble dealing with one. Therefore when he has been at one all day then changes to another it will definitely cause him to have behavior problems. It is his way of saying "This is too much for me."
Give it time. While he gets used to having two environments be extra patient with him. Keep him on a tight routine at home. That is a comfort to him. When he begins having a behavior issue immediately try to find out what is upsetting him. He may not be able to tell you. Look around. Is something out of place, did you say something in a different tone, is there too much stimulation going on around him such as TV and radio, etc. Then remedy the problem and find out what it is that comforts your son. Is it being in a room alone, does he like swinging (if he does and you dont have a swing at home then wrap him tightly in a blanket and swing him gently with your hands), does music soothe him, etc.
My daughter didn't like me giving her a sippy cup when she was thirsty. I had to set it on the floor and walk away. I couldn't watch her pick it up or she would scream. It sounds ridiculous but I found that if I followed her cues then she was happy, which meant we were too.
One more thing, before your son transitions to another environment such as home to school and school to home, about an hour before the transition repeatedly tell him what is about to happen. The teacher would have to be willing to do that too. It really helps!
If you have any more questions feel free to ask. My autistic daughter is 11 now and I am still finding out what makes her world upset and what soothes her. It seems to change as she gets older. Although she is my third of four children I have often said that I feel like a first time mom with her. It's a whole different world with them. God Bless~

3 moms found this helpful

Hi, i too am a mother of three w/ my oldest being autistic.
I don't know hardly where to begin. Does your son have sensory and/or communication "issues"? If at all possible additonal speech and occupatonal therapy are a life saver!!!!For him and your family. Also, schedule and routine are essential for autistic kids. They need to know what to expect and boundaries (which like any other kid they will try to push) Also a lot of people have success w/ altering the childs diet - soy is a trigger for behavior problems w/ my child and yellow dye and sugar are horrible triggers to many problems. Try organics and no sugar added products.
W/out knowing your childs abilities its hard to suggest anything. We have gotten the greatest success w/ Lifewave patches we put on our son. They are a natural homeopathic product that pull toxins out of his body and another helps restore ph balance to his system. www.lifewave.com/redneck y-age patches. they have a team of doctors that will help. Since starting the patches about a year ago he has come from speaking about 75 words, and major frustration issues to now he has calmed down tremendously and now he is speaking in sentences, asking questions and has a vocabulary of well over 250 words. He is now seven (diagnosed @ 2) and this was the first year he could say "Trick or Treat". I can't tell you how thrilling that was for us. If you have more questions, or need to vent you can contact me ____@____.com

2 moms found this helpful

M.,I have a 9 year old son that has been diganosed autism for about 5 1/2years now beleave me autism is a full time job.about three years ago our son had to have medication so he could sleep and still has to have medication to sleep about a year ago maybe a little longer he went on adhd medication also because he is agressive he still is in pull ups because he wont potty train.I spoke to a friend who knows a 16 year old thats autistic still in pull ups so it didnt give me much hope for that problem.my friend has two autistic children one ashbergers syndrome a high funtioning autism and one seveare like my son.my son is trying to get a appointment with a psychitrist to make sure hes on the right meds...I have three children and thank god my son was my last since he takes most of our time and his sisters help with his care.there isnt many places that help eather with the things they need you canpossably get help from family services to help with daycare so you can have a break or behavural health for respet but in our area thats hard to find someone to watch him that we trust because hes non verbal.god bless you and remember god will never put more on us then we can handle.youve been blessed with a special needs child god must have plans for you and your son GOD DONT MAKE NO JUNK.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi Micelle,

My aunt has an a child with austism. She has always been consistent. Your son will hae out burst for the rest of his life. Your family will learn how to deal with it and grow closer. The first thing you have to do is, Stop worring about what every one else thinks. People are going to look at you and question your parenting because either they do not know or do not understand. This is not going to be an easy task but through you'll love and commetment, it will go smoother. There are all kinds of government help out there for him !! GET IT! My cousin is 19 and he gets speech help and a behavioral anylasy's come to there house and works will them. The main key is to treat him like a so called "normal" child. Teach him the same things you would your other children. My cousin puts dishes away, helps with laundry and other house chores. If you ever want some advice, I can maybe get you'll together. Good Luck and God Bless.

R.

1 mom found this helpful

You need help beyond what you're going to get from this website, although this can help too. Take the advice you get here, but also go see a child clinical psychologist who can help you get your family on track. You also need to find a support group of other families dealing with this same thing. Perhaps you can find out about one at the daycare you use, or through doctors. You aren't the first family to go through this, and there is help out there, but you have a situation that is beyond the "everyday, ordinary" and you need some specialized help to deal with it. GOOD LUCK!

1 mom found this helpful

Okay, I don't know much about autism, but just in general kids who are well behaved at school come home and "unwind". Typically, they know mom loves them even at their worst. It may be that he is just coming down from being so good at school. You might find out if there is a certain structure and routine at school that sets him up for success in his behavior. Also, boys take longer to potty train and if he has lots of new things going on (school and a baby on the way) those can delay potty training. He may train and then revert when the baby comes, again that is with any child. With my son who is 3 1/2, we read potty training books and encouraged potty time, but did not force it. We also allowed naked time. Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

If he is behaving at the preschool and a terror at home, I would think that the structure he is receiving at the preschool is more "comfortable" for him and he needs the same or similar structure at home. Perhaps the school can assist you with developing structure at home or a psychologist trained with preschool aged autistic children definitely could do that. I live in Charlotte NC and I can recommend locals for you-- not sure where you live.

Mel

1 mom found this helpful

Hi M.. I taught in a Special needs preschool program for several years and worked with many children with autism. I would suggest making a picture schedule for him if you do not already have one in place. Talk with his teachers and find out what they do at school -- the more consistency the better for him. Also look for a support group where you can meet other parents, share ideas, and just vent without having to feel guilty --- they are going through the same things you are or have already gone through similar issues and may be able to offer some wonderful ideas. If you are really desperate for a break you may wish to look into organizations that provide respite nights/weekends for families with children with special needs. This way if you just really need a break they will provide care for a night or weekend and you and the rest of the family can take a break.
I hope some of this was helpful. Just remember above all he is still a 3 year old little boy and they all pitch tantrums and need their mommies -- mine included! Good Luck!

1 mom found this helpful

I live by John Rosemond's wisdom. His newspaper column is also on his website at www.rosemond.com. He has tons of practical ideas in his book Making the Terrible Twos Terrific. Most of it would still apply to your son, even though he's three. If he's capable of behaving at school, he's also capable of it at home; it sounds like you need a new approach, which John gives. He is all about being a leader to the children.

Also, the book Toilet Training in Less Than a Day worked on our (normal) 27-month old, and that was nearly a year ago, and it was done in less than a day. You can find it on amazon.

Hi M.,

I went to a conference for parents with autistic children a few weeks ago and they had some great information. My children don't actually have autism, but I was there as a performer and I found it all very interesting. One of the big things they mentioned is being aware of giving your children dairy products and food with gluten. These were the 2 biggest things mentioned as far as food is concerned. The keynote speaker (who has a son with autism) spoke about how children with autism usually have a lot of stomach problems and these foods (dairy and gluten) trigger these problems which in turn triggers their disruptive behavior. They also talked about how autism could be caused by the required vaccines that our children get. Then one other thing I remember is that they talked quite a bit about Dan Doctors (these are doctors that specialize in autism and want to help parents go the natural and healthy route rather than so much medication). I hope this helps and if you need any further information, I can get you the names and numbers of those that ran the conference. Hang in there and I pray that things get better.

Hi M.,
At school your son may work hard at following all the rules, learning, and dealing with other children. At home, he just lets loose and cannot control himself any longer. Providing him with an outlet may help. such as, going outside or in his room and being alone, running laps around the house, jumping on a mini trampoline. You may need to try a few things to see what works. I would not recommend tv, since it is so visually and auditorily stimulating. He may be worse you go to turn the tv off.

If this is not it, it may be the loss of structure at home vs. school. Providing structure may be helpful to him, such as the same schedule of events everyday after school.

Hope this helps,
L.

It may have something to do with the products in your home. I know this sounds crazy but it's true. I can show you how to remove the chemicals from your home at wholesale cost.

Hey, you never know...maybe that's what will make a big difference for ya. I also have great testimonials from other parents of autistic children who have switched what they use to clean and bathe in their homes, with great results!! I can send them to you if you would like!

Please take a thorough look at www.feingold.org. Feingold is a 30yr old non-profit organization whose purpose is to inform the public about petroleum-based artificial ingredients in our food supply. These additives cause ADD, ADHD, OCD and many other emotional, behavioral and physical side effects. Feingold is a leading authority on nutrition and they also have much info on Autism and how the diet can help. It will be well worth your time. Best wishes.

Mother warriors by Jenny McCarthy has tons of info and resources and referrals in it. I bought the audio and listened to it on my ipod and in the car. Hope that helps.

I know NOTHING about autism but what you describe sounds like he may be tired...overtired. When a child is tired they are a terror and when they are overtired, they cannot sleep. Is he napping at school? If he is not getting at least an hour, preferably 1 1/2 hours, you may want to lay him down as soon as he gets home for an hour. He also may just be excited-overstimulated. You may try some calming sort of play once he gets home. Maybe soft music in the background and coloring? Maybe playdough? Maybe blocks? You might even just come home and read to him. Maybe a warm bath before bed?

Again, I know nothing of autism but I do have two kids and these things work well with them.

W.

I would suggest going to your pediatrician and asking for an order for Occupational Therapy. An OT can do many things for your son and for your family...they can help you understand what he's feeling, how his brain works differently than yours, and most importantly how to deal with the behavior that accompanies Autism. They can help put you in the driver's seat instead of being the passenger.

There are many great resources across the country. I'm not sure about your area...but we have 2 in ours. Autism programs are generally accompanied by some sort of therapy...PT, OT, Speech. Most pediatricians have that info or at least can point you in the right direction. Look into that...I really think it would help bring some peace to your home.

Before jumping into Gluten-free diets (which is a HUGE commitment!) make sure you have plenty of info on it from a professional that specializes in Autism. I would also recommend steering clear of information that boasts of a "cure" for Autism...as of yet there is not a medical cure....but that doesn't mean that you can't improve how Ian is. He can still be everything you've ever hoped he'd be...your approach just needs to be a bit more focused.

Ian will have trouble with transitions and changes in routine...so be sure to give him extra time to adjust. Verbally tell him what's happening next before you do it. You can also try using a visual timer...where it goes from red to white when it's time for something new. He will also have a hard time with social situations. Children with autism have lots of trouble with the "give and take" of social interaction and are unable to interpret non-verbal communication such as facial expressions or gestures. He will also need firm boundaries with rigid follow-through. The worst thing you could do for him is to not follow-through with something that you threaten. This will only encourage the tantrums. Be sure directions are simple...and consequences are simple too.

You might try reading the book "Eating an Artichoke" by Echo Fling. It is written by a mom of a child with Asperger's (which is a version of Autism) and she is very insightful and gives lots of great ideas for ways to help you deal. It was a great read....I really got a lot out of it.

I know I threw a lot at you...so take a deep breath. YOU CAN DO THIS! And look into OT to help you get going. Most insurance will pay for it...and it will most definately make things not seem so hopeless for you.

Good luck and you can always email me if you need more help!
____@____.com

I have two friends with autistic boys and they have read a book written by the actress Jenny McCarthy. They loved it and highly recommended it. They also talked about having strict gluten-free diets for their guys. But above all they were sticklers about routine as this is huge for their improvement. Good luck.