Help with Active Child

I am saying this as a mom, an Occupational therapist and a parent educator. There are lots of things to consider....first of all it is important that she not get the message that she is bad. One behavior approach that is so positive is "Transforming the "Difficult' Child: The Nurtured Heart Approach". Another great one is "Redirecting Chidren's Behavior"; I teach from both of these books and are extremely helpful to parents. If you think that her activity level is off the chart you may consider an evaluation by a pediatric occupational therapist. Another resource esp. if you see other issues like hypersensitivity to touch, foods, noise, clumsiness, etc is "The Out of Sync Child".

The key is to help her know her greatness while helping her build skills that we all have had to learn. It helps us to have compassion that some kids have the energy level of a Mac truck and the brakes of Prius....unless your intuition is telling you that this is misbehavior or rebellion (in which case start with the Redirecting book or class) this is something that she will need lots of support and teaching about....just like a child who struggles with math might. The key is to learn good tools, be consistent and be resolved in your efforts to teach and coach her rather than just punish her without offering that coaching. Also make sure that you care for yourself because you have a demanding (and ultimately rewarding) job as you learn to help bring out your daughter's strengths while helping to build skills in the area of regulating her energy level.
Blessings to you and your family.

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Hi,
My daughter is the same way and it's pretty clear she's got some natural athletic talent (not from us, that's for sure!) Is your daughter taking a dance or gymnastics class? Is she getting lots and lots of opportunity for exercise? I have found that our daughter does really well when we've had a morning of the park, sometimes two hours of running, climbing, etc. She also takes a dance/gymnastics class for pre-schoolers through Dance Associates here in Austin and really likes it. Does your daughter's preschool have lots of opportunity for play? And play outside? If you think your daughter could have some sort of clinical hyperactivity, probably a good idea to talk with your pediatrician. But she just might be an intensely physical person who needs a lot of exercise and stimulation. If she's like our daughter, when you build in a lot of time for physical stuff, she'll settle down (more or less!) when she needs to.

Good luck,
J.

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My son (now 20) stopped naps early. We found that the teacher would allow alternate quiet time activities (books, cards, chess) with other like-minded kiddos and that solved that part of the problem. As for fidgeting during school, as the teacher if they can try to assign tasks to your daughter to pass things out, run a note to a partner teacher (even if it's just "So & So just needed to move, send her back!"), or something that will allow her to move in a more appropriate way.

As for dinner, keep your kiddo involved in conversation. As her questions and watch her vocab and ability to communicate better with adults grow! In church, try to find out the sermon topic and prepare her a little with a few questions and tell her that if she's able to answer after church she'll get a prize (whether it's extra time in the bath/w mom/dad/friend...)

Good luck!

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I have very active boys. I can tell when they have the wiggles or just need to burn off energy, and I have them do calisthenics at home. e.g., 25-50 jumping jacks, running in place, jumping rope, etc. Before we go to church, I have them race up and down the driveway 10-15 times, like a game. It helps them burn off that natural energy. I have also given them herbal tea with chamomile in smoothies to calm the wiggles.

Personally, I am not one to jump on the bandwagon and presume my kids are ADHD or the other acronyms for developmental disorders. They are doing well in school, aren't overly aggressive and have normal friendships. There are definite red flags and you have not listed them. It sounds like you have a very active and spirited little girl! You can help her guide her energies in the right direction. Have a safe Halloween!

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I'd keep an eye on the sugar intake. Take a look at the drinks she may be drinking, too. Lots of sugary juices? Lots of sugary sodas? Maybe a few too many chocolate chip cookies? Those send all of my grandkids to Mars and back, so NO more trips ccc's at our house.. Try weaning off to things with less sugar and see if that helps..

Don't you wish we could bottle the energy of the little ones? LOL.. Good luck!

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Over the years (2 grown kids) I have become a big believer in giving children an appropriate place to run, jump, be active, etc. Their little bodies and minds need it. Your daughter may need it more than others. She may also need more mental stimulation than she is getting, if she is very bright. Sometimes we will see this acted out physically.

I would enroll her into organized movement (soccer, ballet, gymnastics, t-ball when it's time). These activities not only give her an acceptable time to move, but she will be healthier for them.

Another advantage to learning to move in specific ways and at specific times is that you can say (at church, for instance) "you may jump at the park" or "you may run at soccer practice" instead of just having to say "no" time and time again. Kids have a way of tuning out "no", don't they! She will have to learn that school, church, and other places aren't the place for that, but she will have a good outlet for her energy.

If she needs more mental stimulation maybe you can read to/with her instead of having her watch videos, or get her some challenging skills games to play.

I like the other poster's idea about playing church or school. You can do that and take turns being the minister, the choir director, teacher, etc. Could be lots of fun for the family.

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Raising Your Spirited Child by Kurcinka might be useful to you.

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Reduce the amount of sugar in your child's diet. All of my children had ourgrown their naps by the time they were three--my first one didn't nap after she turned two! Every child is individual. Perhaps your daughter is outgrowing her naps. Make certain your daughter is getting at least 45 minutes to one hour of exercise every day. Instead of videos, take her to the park or ride bikes. Get your daughter some games that require physical exercise (jump rope, scooter, bouncy ball, etc.) Good Luck.

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I would imagine she's just being a child. ALL kids run around like that at some point. Today's society is too inclined to label a child "bad", "hyper", "ADD", "ADHD", etc instead of realizing (and remembering) that it's part of childhood. Be very careful if someone (school or doctor) wants to slap the "ADD" label on her and put her on meds. Those meds can be very dangerous, addictive and can stunt her growth. My nephew is 12, but has the body of an 8 y/o due to the meds. He will never catch up now. At 4 y/o she is old enough for you to sit her down, explain what situations are appropriate for running around, which aren't. She's also at the age where she won't always need a nap everyday. Try to find activities for her that require her to sit, talk with the teacher about finding some also. Her attention needs to be redirected at different times during the day. Above all, let her be a kid!

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Put her in gymnastics or some sort of sport if she enjoys it to help work off the excess energy.

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I was the same way and my mom put me in gymnastics and soccer. Twice a week I was ran worked out hard and that seems to help!! Just keep her active and give her goals.

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Try incorporating routines into each day. The article by Dr. Pruett, child expert, has some specific recommendations that will be helpful. Good luck!

http://www.goddardschool.com//Schools/Cedar-Park-TX/Schoo...

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F.,

My oldest son is as ADHD as they get. I had him tested by a therapist in the SW Houston area who has a very good reputation. He has been on medication for 10 years and does very well in school. My middle son's kindergarten teacher almost had me convinced that he was also ADHD. I took him to the same therapist and she said he was not ADHD, but "BORED". Last year, I had the middle son at a psychiatry office because he was having ADHD type behaviors. We tried medication and it didn't work. I was thinking that maybe the therapist had missed something when he was in K. He is now a 7th grader, playing football, and that has helped his behavior because he knows he can't play without good behavior. Anyway, if you need the name of the therapist and you're in the Houston area, send me an e-mail @ ____@____.com privately. She is good at defining the issue. Diet and limiting sugar can also help.

Good luck!
C.

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a big issue is that children watch TV. Studies shown that children under 2 watch TV will have a problem to concentrate and have trouble sitting down when they are not distracted from the TV.
If you can limit it as well play active with her daily and depend not on all the computer animated toys. It will help her to calm down. It will also resolve the future constant problem in school.
I know it is hard to remain from TV as a convenient babysitter, but it will show a disadvantage as you have to deal with it now.

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Hi F.,

This sounds like my daughter. She will be 3 in Nov. My daughter doesn't even sit still to watch tv or read books. I try and take her to the park or let her play outside to get rid of all her energy. If your daughter is watching a lot of tv her body may just have energy it needs to burn. I have also heard about cutting out Red dye in hyper children. I don't know if it works but I guess you could look it up and see what they say. Good luck.

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Practice church at home. Let her know what your expectations are and they are different at church (school naps). Train her so she knows that the expectations are different. Give her something to draw on that doesn't make noise. Buy her own Bible that she can turn to the passages with you, but let her know she can't just keep flipping pages when it makes noise. A small stuffed animal can help too. But, the key is to practice at home and then praise her when she remains still and quiet. Take her out of church when she starts acting up. I use the 1-2-3 method. 3 strikes and then take her out to discipline her. But, it has to be something she won't like, like a spanking, or she will view it as distraction and entertainment to get out of church.

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Hi F. -- my girl is ADHD for sure, and we have found a lot of things helpful. Staying on the same page with teachers and other significant adults in her life has been a must. If the bottom has fallen out at school and we don't know it, things can keep getting worse until we're aware of what is going on and can focus on correcting the problem. Positive discipline helps most -- sticker charts rewarding key behaviors with a desirable reward at the end have been very helpful. Weird thing is, the adults have to keep at the chart -- otherwise our kid forgets about it. But if I keep saying "did you keep your hands to yourself today?" she thinks about it carefully, then joyously says she did, and she gets a sticker. Obviously the teacher is a periodic cross check, so if she started to mis-report behavior at school, I would know pretty fast. Praising her when she gets things right works well, and so does doing whatever works to get her out of a coming energy spike -- that can include distraction, a time out for small infractions that indicate she's starting to lose her focus, a change of venue like a walk or a new activity or just putting in a dvd. Getting gradually cleaner with food has helped -- I don't think most kids will be at all accepting of having their diet overhauled overnight, but we started with breakfast and began working at getting some protein and fruit into her breakfast every day, and adding in whole grains instead of processed grains. I found a syrup (agave nectar) that is low glycemic index and can be substituted for maple sryrup. Most days if we get breakfast right I feel that makes a big difference. We're also getting more fresh vegetables and fruits into her (over time -- process!), and cutting way back on refined flour and sugar. That helps a lot, and so do Omega 3 oils every morning. The book _the Six Types of ADD_ by Daniel Amen is especially helpful -- good luck, try lots of angles, give it time and know that between natural maturation and good faith efforts by parents and teachers, this will definitely get better over time. Sounds like your getting started early. I should add that I am not anti-medication, we just haven't had to go there so far -- I WOULD have, but my husband is very anti, and now I am rather glad he forced me/us to try everything else first. I AM on ADHD meds myself now -- for me that was key to not being driven crazy by ADHD kid -- and I was amazed at how much this issue has been affecting ME my whole life -- I'd just learned to walk through all the white noise, but it is SO AWESOME just not to HAVE it all the time, and this has, for me, been crucial to parenting my daughter well. That's one thing Amen says -- make sure ALL the ADD in the family is identified and treated!

blessings,
M.

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My son is 7 and has ADHD(among other issues). I hope I don't scare you too much with my story, it's just an extreme case. The school goes to great lengths to help him. He has an aide with him most of the day to keep him on task; a picture schedule; breaks out of the classroom to deliver copy paper, help with recycling, and shelve books in the library; choices of whether to sit in the circle with the other kids, at a desk at the front of the room, or at a desk at the back of the room; and reward tokens for good behavior. He still constantly interrupts, makes random noises, chews on his shirt, etc. If he is still being disruptive, they can send him to work one-on-one with a teacher in a separate room, or to the office to write apology letters.
In kindergarten he wasn't taking naps any more, so I would send books from home every day for him to read during quiet time, but he would still get in trouble for kicking the chairs. I would go eat lunch with him at school because he was unsupervised then. At home, there's not as much pressure to sit still and be quiet. My son does great when he gets to pick his own activity. I used to read him books to get him to sit still for dinner. And I do let him watch 20 minutes of TV during breakfast, or he will get up and start walking around instead of eating. Whenever we ask him to sit still and be quiet, in his mind it is a punishment. He can barely sit through boy scout meetings, and I no longer take him to church because unfortunately others were judging me as a bad parent. My son has asked to be homeschooled but I feel that he can learn more social skills at school. I might consider medication after he sees a new neurologist in a couple of months.
There are things you can do, such as talking to the schools for advice and testing, talk to a pediatrician, occupational therapist, or neurologist. Find out if she's bored at school. Bring books, toys, puzzles, or snacks whenever you go somewhere she is going to have to sit still.

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I am not an expert...I'm not even a seasoned mother, (I have one two year old) My kiddo hits the ground running in the morning. Have you considered your childs sugar/high fructose corn syrup intake? I have found that it REALLY makes a differance. Those little people get a little sugar in 'em and WHAM!!! Outta control!!!! It's just something to consider. Really look at those labels...you would be surprised what contains alot of sugar and corn syrup.

Good Luck!!
Margaret :)

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My sister growing up had sever ADHD. First I think that 4 is a little young to even diagnose that, and 2 it's also young to expect any child to sit perfectly still in a non stimulating environment like church.

Sugar actually has very little to do with hyperactivity, although I am sure some kids sugar is the trigger. For most it's not. My sister was on an all natural diet that eliminated artificial colors, flavors and salicilates (natural sugars found in some fruit like apples and grapes). This helped immensely. Red food coloring is the absolute worst for hyperactivity.

I would suggest for you to do more research about ADHD and talk to your daughters pediatrician. (Although her behavior sounds pretty typical, I'm sure she isn't the only one in pre school that does not sit still!)

For church I would suggest to bring an activity bag with you that has some Christian themed activities. Like Coloring books, story books etc. This should keep her quiet and busy and keep everyone else around you from being aggravated. You'll just have to explain that these are silent activities and she will need to be very quiet.

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Hi F.,
sounds like a typical active little girl- but I would maybe try and chart when these spurts of over activity occur- what has she eaten- it would not have to be suggary- it could have been something that had a specific chemical in it or possibly something with red or yellow dye- (check labels).... most pasta has been know to cause some children to be more active- fresh fruits like grapes can also cause a burst of energy.......that is where I would start- after that I would just try to find something that would really keep her stimulated- it may be that she has an unusually high iq- (a couple of my grand kids have) so that is just something you can look at.
good luck and blessings

We have very good results with an ALL natural diet- no chemical preservatives, colors or flavors. My 3 boys are all Add/ADHD and this helps us to not medicate them with pharmaceuticals.

feingold.org for more info.

good luck!

Have you taken her to her peditrician and to a clinical psychologist to have her tested? It could be lots of energy or something else.

It may help to get her seen by a developemental pediatrician. She may not be aware that her behavior is disruptive. My son has autism and he does the exact same things. I am not saying that she has autism, but my son is not aware that it is disruptive. Disciplining her is probably not going to help until you find out why she is doing it. Have a look at this link and see if this fits your daughter.
http://www.sensory-processing-disorder.com/proprioceptive...
Also you may want to get her ears checked out. Her balance may be out of kilter.

Good luck.

W.

It looks like you have had a lot of responses to your question. I am a therapist in Midland and just read a good book that you might want to read. Its called: Driven to Distraction by Dr. E. Hallowell. I thought it had some great information for families! The more you know about ADD and disorders that go with it, such as Dyslexia, the better you will be able to help your daughter. Good luck L.