8 answers

Help with a Mom Who Always Brings Her Sick Kids Around

I have a friend who I usually see about once a week. She has two kids, one of which is in parttime preschool. My mother takes care of my son while my husband and I work. My problem is that my son seems to keep getting sick because my friend will still bring her kids to gatherings even when they are sick. I know there is no sure fire way to keep children from getting sick, but I like having him stay at home b/c he is far less likely to get sick. Another mom-friend and I agree that we don't want her bringing her kids around when they are sick and we try to keep ours away when they get sick. How can we address this without hurting her feelings?

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I never worry about my child being around other sick kids. I instead keep her healthy with a boosted immune system. We do this through a healthy diet, chiropractic adjustments, vit c, probiotics and others when needed. You wont always be able to shield them from 'sick' kids and being around them is actually helping to build their immunity too. If things are too clean or grem free, the kids will get really sick and not be able to fight off anything. I hope it helps. Good luck!

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I never worry about my child being around other sick kids. I instead keep her healthy with a boosted immune system. We do this through a healthy diet, chiropractic adjustments, vit c, probiotics and others when needed. You wont always be able to shield them from 'sick' kids and being around them is actually helping to build their immunity too. If things are too clean or grem free, the kids will get really sick and not be able to fight off anything. I hope it helps. Good luck!

I've had friends like this before and personally I just played it off by claiming to be an over protective parent. That way you can protect your child without offending your friend. Once it warms up her children shouldn't get sick as often so it will allow you to get together with her more often. On another note though I suggest putting your child on probiotics (whole foods stores have several different kinds of children's probiotics to choose from). I have found them to be wonderful at helping my kids stop getting all the bugs going around to begin with (3 of my kids are in school so avoiding the illnesses to begin with isn't an option anymore).

I'm back and forth on this one. I would want my kids to stay away from a child with, say, Strep/pink eye/hand, foot, and mouth/etc. for sure. But, sniffles and a cold... You know, the best way to build a tough immune system is to put it to the test and make it do it's job building antibodies. I wouldn't want my child chronically sick, of course, but little exposures to bugs isn't all that bad.

I agree with MJ on this one. I have been accused before of bringing my daughter around others while she was sick before we got her allergies under control (from a move we had to get used to new things) because she had a runny nose and slight cough but she wasn't sick at all.
You can pick up germs anywhere the grocery store, the playground, dad's sick co-workers or even his healthy co-workers with sick kids, and my personal favorite and most likely the doctors office so we try to eat healthy keep our immune systems up and add in some extra immune boosting herbs in times of need.

I understand the dilemma! I feel it's rude to take kids out when you know they are ill. I too keep my kids home when sick..however if it's just that stubborn nose that won't quit, and they are otherwise fine, they go out. (I do keep noses clean and hands washed/sanitized to reduce germs) So, first I would ask if they are sick or just trying to shake those symptoms that persist but aren't as contagious.

Either way you decide what is comfortable for you, and if they are coming to YOUR house.....gently confronting her with your concerns, asking that they not come when ill is certainly within your right. Should your friend be offended...then it's her problem.

If you are dealing with gatherings outside your own home, then the best you can do is keep your child away from hers....or if several of you feel the same about this, kindly approach her, individually would be best so she doesn't feel ganged up on (if preserving the friendship is important) You could each say something like "Wow, ____ doesn't feel well and I bet he/she's tired. I hope my kids don't pick it up here." Maybe she would get the hint and if not, being more direct would be beneficial. Plain and simple...taking kids out when they are sick and need to be resting is rude to the other people exposed to the illness, and isn't beneficial to the child's healing. However if it's just that stubborn runny nose...then if they keep it clean and wash hands alot, extending grace so the child can get the playtime they so love would be thoughtful of you.

I too would handle it gently. If it's hard for you to confront her on this issue, you could say something like this. (while casually talking to her)...Goodness, son was sick last week, it really wore me out. Poor guy was so sick...I just don't know how he got sick. If she mentions her kids sick...as a possibility...say, "Oh yea, well, let's try to keep our kids away from each other when they have colds or sicknesses and such. I just don't want you guys to get sick from my guy and then you guys get sick and then we get sick again, etc. I'd feel so bad if we got you guys sick."

If she doesn't mention her kids being sick and being around your little one, then, let's say she wants to get together and your guy is sick, I'd say, "son is sick, I don't want to be around people when we are sick because that would make you guys sick and then you will be around us and then we'll get sick again and it really wipes out my energy. Are you okay with that? Thanks, I really appreciate your friendship. Your awesome!"

Anyway, tinker with it how you feel you need to. Good luck!

Thanks for bringing this up. I find this issue to be so personal. I say bring it up gently and be real. We all parent differently and sometimes there are majorities in groups. Maybe create an email string about it and put it out there as "this is what we do, what do you all do.." This way people know who is more cautious and who is into immune building with groups and everyone can act accordingly and still be welcomed friends.
I do agree that germs are everywhere and are picked up from all of us everywhere. My daughter ended up throwing up a few hours after a play date and was "sick" for 3 days after. Two months later a friend matter-of-fact-ly mentioned that a mutual friend was sick and it came from my girl. I had to ask myself and wonder how many public interactions they had had individually and together since we last saw them. They are very social, go to the grocery store... I was offended and let it go because she is a very dear friend, is one who is generally more logical than that, and was pregnant at the time. If my girl's immune system is challenged, I keep her home. I go by the typical "contagious" rules to be respectful of my daughter and others. When we have situations that don't, I check in with myself, my daughter, and those we will be around. Knock on wood, she has never had a drug, nor medical emergency and is thriving when many of her friends are "out sick" at school.
Also, we as a society are creating "super germs" because of all the synthetic, harmful cleaning agents we are using. I hope we start rethinking what is appropriate. Talking about it is a great place to start!

This is so annoying. I have decided to handle it like this with my friends.... "My son has been catching so many bugs lately, I am asking all my son's friends Moms to let me know when their child is sick. That way I can have the option of saying we need to play another time." Gives you the upper hand on determining exposure to bugs, and is my blanket policy.

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