Help with a Friend Problem

Is there an answer to this? People are difficult. If we talk about ourselves for more than 3 minutes we are considered self-absorbed and needy. We can run after the other person, buy them gifts, be there when they need help, and yet, most people are just not good at reciprocating at all. I think I gave up a long time ago. Lately though, I really have wanted to find someone that's not a mile wide and only an inch deep.

I'm sorry you feel this way and wish I had a good answer. Maybe someone should start a friendship service that acts like a dating service?! I think it could be a terrific idea.

Back off, stop doing any planning, join a new church and let others approach you. Keep praying and keep to yourself for awhile. When someone (even the old friends) do approach you, share something about YOU...let others fill you up.

Blessings....

I don't think you are alone. I NEVER get asked to go places and do things with my friends! It seems like I always do the asking.

So one day I said something. And my friend said that one of the things she loves about me is the fact that I'm so good at keeping in touch and suggesting and planning get-togethers.

You know, sometimes you're the one who's good at it. People tend to get really busy with day-to-day life and it's very easy for weeks or months to go by quickly and the next thing you know you haven't seen your best friend in 3 years!

I think you might need to accept that God's job for you is the planner. You are the one who brings people together.

And--Don't be afraid to ask for support. I used to get upset that my friends didn't seem to notice when I was upset and needed a shoulder so I started asking. You just told us (complete strangers) how you feel--how about telling it to your friends? Let them know when you call them that YOU are in need of a shoulder to cry on. If they are true friends they will be there for you.

Did you ever stop to think that those qualities that you just told us about--willingness to encourage and listen and organize get-togethers might just be why you are loved?

There is a mother I have met recently who wants everyone to be her friend. She does all the planning for events, dinners, contstantly calls for playdates, etc. I like her, but when I am with her she wants to know why the other people don't want to do things with her. She has a higher need for human contact then I or (apparently) the other mothers do. For me its too much. If you are at all like the mother I described, then please, dont' take it personally. Everyone has there own life to live, and with kids and a spouse and gets busy. Don't suggest more than one meeting a month, if that does not pan out, then please volunteer somewhere. Someone else can not fill the void for you, it has to be filled from your own joy. So find what makes you happy and do that, others will want to be around you when you are doing the things that make you happy.

I have a friend like this. She is going through a divorce and is getting the way short end of the deal. She won't talk to me about it, she won't call, doesn't want to spend time together, etc...but she called frantically yesterday needing me to come help her clean the house because he threatened to call child welfare on her for the house being messy.

Uuuummmm, sorry I am going to be busy. This is a pattern that has been going on the last year or so and I finally nearly laughed in her face.

On one hand, she is a good mom and doesn't deserve to lose her kids, to him especially. Then on the other hand, she is a stay at home mom and just because she chooses to not clean her house in no reason for me to help her out.

It is frustrating to say the least. I didn't even do Christmas with her this year, I did get something for her kids but ended up not even giving it to them because she couldn't make time to get together...so sorry, my granddaughter will eventually grow into the really nice elasto split leather ballet shoes and she will eventually grow into his leather lace up jazz shoes. No skin off my back but still, she and I used to be very close.

Honestly? My advice is stop trying so hard & let the friendships happen organically. Sure, friendships take effort & work when we are busy moms, but they shouldn't be difficult or one sided. For me, the best friendships I have right now have happened by chance & not because I was actively seeking them.

Now, I can count the number of friends I have on one hand, basically, and I am good with that. I appreciate that now that I work full time, they understand that my life is now different & I have less time of everything. I think, as adults, we need to be flexible & understanding of our friends & lighten our expectations of what a friendship should be.

people are different. some of us need more interaction than others. you may want to see friends once or twice a month - they might be more like every few months. you sound like the "ultimate" giver too - sometimes that type of personality gets taken for granted because they are just always "there". try to understand there are all types of people. try to give some space occasionally in case that is what is needed.

but in the end if people are consistently not calling, it might be a hint. not to say it is but you never know.