Help with a Friend

It's tough on the heart to see a friend in dire straits. Wanting to do something to help them celebrate Christmas is a good thing, but seems these folks are going to need help far into the new year. Been there, done that. My suggestion would be to give your friend a gift card to the local super Walmart. She can buy groceries for Christmas dinner and purchase a gift for the 8yr old. Choose what she wants. Not nearly so humiliating for her as having someone arrive at the door with groceries and gifts. I would also give a card with a note that all of us suffer from time to time and know she will repay the favor or pay it forward. You might also offer to drive her or hubby to job interviews and new job or closest bus stop until they start drawing a paycheck and can manage getting to work on their own. If it happened they needed a little help with babysitting their own 8yr old, could offer some assistance with that. Would also speak with her about filing for extra assistance programs to help them "jump the gap". I think the most important thing is to let her know you are on her side. You can't "take them to raise", but can be of monumental help as support, as she may have to do some things during their financial recovery she finds beneath her, or humiliating. Let her know it's ok to cry, to worry, to feel life is unfair, but just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Personally, I would suggest to a friend to pray like crazy. Dump it all on the Lord above. Ask for help and guidance getting out of the hole. And be sure to say prayers of thanks when help comes and pay it forward when you can.

1 mom found this helpful

We have been there and are there again. About 2 years ago it was Christmas time and I thought I was really behind in Electric bill. I went to pay what I could and was told that I had nothing due and actually had a credit. A very special friend had secretively paid a nice $100 and it covered past and future. It was incredibly special and I went home in tears. I think paying a electric bill or phone bill helps so much right now. It could be phone if the husband is searching online, that could be important to keep up and going too. Bless you for such a caring and loving heart.

1 mom found this helpful

Unfortunately, what she mostly needs is money. Encourage the husband to file for unemployment anyway. Encourage them both to go down to Health and Human services and apply for TANF, Temporary Assistance to Needy Families. Some counties are far better about supplying this than others, but if they don't apply, they definitely won't get the assistance.

And don't forget about them. Check in, bring food if you can, or just stop by and talk from time to time. My husband and I were on TANF for a year and a half when I became disabled and he retrained. We live with a friend, and that helped, but being grindingly poor is a very lonely life, because some people appear to think that it is contagious. You can't "catch" poverty -- but it is endemic in this economy.

1 mom found this helpful

You are so kind. I think a gift card to Walmart or King Sooper is a great idea so they can choose what they need. You can also put a basket together filled with groceries and basic items with the family's name on their porch anonymously if they may feel like a charity case. It's good to get the church and family involved to collect for them deliver to them. Money if you can spare it is always a helpful especially during the holidays.

1 mom found this helpful

If they are responsible with money and you can afford it, mail them a large check so they can catch up on the heating bill, etc. If you can spring for less, let's say under $100., but a Christmas gift or gift card for the boy.

God bless you all.

Well...you should know this friend best. If she is the type of person who has a hard time accepting "charity" and help (which a lot of people are), you want to deliver this as anonymously as possible. If not, ring the doorbell, have everything wrapped or in a big bag and say, "Merry Christmas...I appreciate our friendship" or whatever you feel is appropriate. You can avoid going overboard by buying each person a present or stuff stockings for each of them and set a limit to $20-25 each. You could be anonymous with their name/names and let the church or neighborhood know about these needs and I'm sure you could get others to help. I would get some food items together for a dinner and make sure each one of them has a New gift; no gently used because they are probably already feeling low anyway. If you can find out about some needs each person has or there favorite/hobby etc., that should make gift giving easier. That is wonderful you are willing and ready to help. I would get everyone in your family on board with this and maybe give up what you would normally do for your family gifts and give to this family instead. You will be blessed and feel so good inside ;)

I've found that a small gift for the child and then a large basket of food (including a couple "luxury" items) seems to be appropriate for this kind of situation. If not sure what they like to eat, then maybe a gift card to the grocery store. I think King Sooper is still offering their deal where if you buy a certain dollar amount on a gift card, they add a certain amount to it.

Get some help from friends or your church and collect gifts and food and clothes etc. and leave it on their doorstep anonymously. It will mean so much to them. If they have food stamps they may not need much more food, so toiletries would be better, I have been so poor in the past that although I could afford to feed my family with food stamps it was really a challenge to buy toilet paper and shampoo and the like. I am so grateful that my life has become so much better now, but I would have loved a gift basket of just toiletries back then.

I would think an awesome way you could help your friend out would be to make some homemade gifts for each of the family members and then maybe buy something for the 8 year old. The homemade gifts would really show you care and are thinking about them without spending a lot of money...they are not a charity case!
There are a lot of craft ideas on Joann.com that are easy and quick to complete before Christmas.
Good luck and may God be with your friend during this horrible time.

C., there should be more people like you! The child will take anything because he is so young and doesn't know what is going on, for him anything would be fine. As far as the husband and wife, maybe going to pay on their utilities, or rent, would be helpful even if is not the whole portion, I am sure anything would help at this time and or maybe a gift card to Walmart where they can buy groceries and what ever it is they may need.
I am sure that because your heart is in the right place, you will know what to do when the time comes.

How thoughtful of you. If you were just trying to give them cash or something anonymously I would drop it off in an envelope to the police station or a Church (someone you trust) with instructions and an address. They would be more than happy to help you out.
Peace, T.

What a wonderful friend you are!
If you have the means to help, then now is a great time to do it. Christmas is a time to reach out to those that are down on their luck, especially when kids are involved!
I say a gift card to Target so she can shop for her child, or the local grocery will help them tremendously.
When my ex first left and we were super broke, I was so paranoid and frustrated and we almost lost our home.
I had a good friend that had a streak of good luck, she came over and gave me a hug and handed me a card. She told me not to open it until she left.
When I opened it, it was a gift card to the grocery store up the street. I bawled for an hour I think. It was at a perfect time when I had $20 to my name and two kids to feed, it was like a miracle.
So when she had a hard time it was my turn, I went to Sams and loaded up with food and took it to her and her family!
Paying it forward and helping those you care about when they need it most is a true gift.
God bless you!

I think a gift card is a really great idea. One christmas I got a prepaid credit card. It was the best gift I coud have gotten that year. I could use it anywhere, buy groceris, pay utilities anything. I have no idea where my fried got it though. Maybe chek online.

I heard the coolest story about a Grandmother who was raising her grandchild and had been out of a job for months. One day she arrived home from her job of job hunting, and on her porch was a note along with 12 bags of groceries. The note was from her neighbors and it implied that for the 12 days of Christmas, she would be receiving gifts from her neighborhood, starting with the groceries. She went on to receive things like, 10 of her child's favorite chp. book series, 9 child's outfits, 7 days of electricity paid, all the way down to #1, which was one month of her car payment. It was an amazing story, and the woman was incredibly touched. Although you do not have to be quite so extravagant, it might be nice to band together with some other friends to help her out. I think if you are creative and festive about it it won't come across quite the same as just dumping charity in their laps, which can be taken the wrong way. Whatever you decide, I imagine your friend will really appreciate the love and thought that you are sending her way.

Ask her what you can do to help. My friend last year was broke and could only do for her kids and it was really bothering her that she couldn't get my kids anything, mind you my kids wouldn't care, but she was worried about the smaller ones since I had got for her kids. So I went out and bought a present for each of my kids and wrapped them and when we went to her house I gave them to her to give to my kids, it made her feel better, even though she new she didn't pay for them (she made up for it at b-day's :)).

It is the small things that sometimes help out.

My family had a tradition of doing the twelve days of christmas for one family each year. Each night, for twelve days we would drop off an anonymous gift on the doorstep. It was fun for us as kids to try to make sure we weren't seen and run as fast as we could from the door. One year someone did it to us and I still remember fondly the anticipation of the doorbell each night. It may be a little late to start this year, since there are not twelve days left, but you could still do a similar thing. Then you could still offer services or give gifts openly and they won't know its you dropping off the anonymous gifts. anyway, just an idea. good luck.

Do a sub for santa secretly. My 8 year old son and I did this one year for a friend. We left turkey dinner groceries and lots of gifts at their doorstep, rang the doorbell and hid. they were so excited and to this day it has been our little secret. (my son is now 16)