Help with a 4 Year Old Going on 40 - Union Dale,PA

I think you have a good point, though he need not necessarily stop altogether. There needs to be balance between being the age that he is and socializing, and experimenting with his interest in acting like an adult. I think the advice you got from Chad M is great. You can enjoy this phase with him, yet show him how much fun it is to cut loose and be a kid and have alot of fun. Let him see you act like a kid - hoot and holler, jump on the moon bounce at the carnival or birthday party, get your face painted, mess up your hair in front of the mirror, make funny noises and laugh, imitate TV kid characters, squirt whipped cream in your mouth (give him a turn!), things like that. He will laugh at you and join in, I suspect.

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I think that it's important to let him be who he is. It's probably a testament to good parenting. :D It sounds like he's a smart young man who's been treated with respect and allowed to flourish. Keep up the good work. ;)

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I think as parents we always have the expectation of what our kids should be and how they should act. Sometimes our kids surprise us by not fitting into that mold. I understand you are concenred because you want him to be himself and grow up and have a healthy childhood. But it may very well just be that this is him. You would be doing your son a disservice by trying to change him into a way you think he should be acting. I know it's easier said than done because it seems unnatural that a child would not act as a child, but there are many children that are like your son. Embrace it; he's a special little guy.

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I think this is something that all 4 year olds do. I have a 4 and 1/2 year old daughter who thinks she is the boss. I let her wear whatever she wants(as long as it is weather permitting). She actually has her own style. LOL She will wear and old dress of hers that is too short as a top and put jeans or a pair of sweats underneath it. Seriously I think she is going to be either a fashion designer or doctor when she gets older. Maybe a fashion designing doctor. LOL She is obessed with the doctor. She does talk back alot and has a attitude of a teenager (which makes me dread the teenage years) I think we need to let them be who they are. They need to knwo they cant talk to us like that and must respect the fact that we are the parents(which i am having a hard time conveying to my daughter, so if anyone has any tricks I'm up for them) I have noticed that if i keep on her she will eventually give up and go take her time out( usually after alot of arguing.) Give your son a choice in the outfits. You pick out two and let him pick which one he wants to wear. The more they feel in control the better and the more we let them have some control even while doing what we want them to do the more things are somewhat peaceful. THey are still at the age of being tricked into doing things. I think we need to enjoy this while it lasts becuase pretty soon... Well I dread to think about that day. LOL!

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I have the very same type of child. He is very indepently minded. He will only wear what he wants and has just recently gotten over his 8 month long obsession with graveyards and death. Although he is dressed like Harold from the movie Harold & Maude today.

As far as his behavior is concerned we call him Monty Hall around here because he is always trying to "Make a deal". Just keep putting your foot down and letting him know you are the boss on the big stuff, bedtime, manners, language. Try not to worry so much about the dressing or what he may become fascinated by.

When he started to become interested in graveyards and death we encouraged it as if it were a normal thing like gardening or cooking that they get into. I will admit though it was a little hard for me to understand how a 4yo could be so into death but once I got over it I had to see the beauty in the whole thing.

I just thought of this while I was writing. My guy told me he thinks it is really fun to be a grown up. Maybe that is why your guy wants to act older. We get to do whatever we want, Drive, spend money, watch whatever we want on tv. Hmmm. Taht just might be it for me too.

keep your head up,
Good luck,
Cia

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hey J.,

My son will be 4 this month and he is the same way. Personally, I find it funny. I LOVE that he has his very own personality and I hope he has the strength of character as a teen and young adult to know his heart and values, to be true to himself, and not just follow the trends of his peers.

My son, too, wants to dress like an old geeser: little old man type plaid hats, corduroy pants, cardigans, etc. And he loves to 'negotiate'.

He is such a little old man that his favorite restaurant is Bob Evans!

I'm not sure I understand your request. WHY exactly do you feel the need to 'stop this'. His personality is what it is. That's how God made him. He needs to know he is accepted and loved for himself. As far as the compromising thing goes - well, as a parent that gets old quickly. I've said myself, a hundred thousand times "NO, this is NOT up for debate. I am your MOM and I have the final word and there will be no more discussion." It's just going to be one of the challenges with raising this child. Just read different discipline theories, be open to trying different methods, and find ways to work WITHIN his personality - NOW. Because if you think the compromising stuff is tough at 4, imagine when he is 14!
So this is the time to make sure he respects you and your authority, and feels accepted for who his so he has self confidence when he starts school.

I think you are probably handling it all way better than you are giving yourself credit for!

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It is just a phase. My husband went through that when he was 5 years old. Just hang in there.

You are the only other parent I have heard with this, my daughter is the same age and acts the same way. I think it is important to just let them be who they are, but also to remember that they are only 4. Some people are very mature for their ages.

Enjoy it while it lasts. He is at an age where they mock adults sometimes. He may start being more childish in the next year or so.

My son went through the same thing. Not so much the dressing older part, but he carried himself in a way that made you forget he was a young kid. He is still very responsible and very mature, but has learned to be a kid. I found that getting him involved in sports, church groups, YMCA activities etc really helped him cut loose and enjoy being with friends his age. Also, we have a rule for him, at home he has 2 or 3 daily chores, but after that he is not allowed to do work around the house. He was trying so hard to help me that he was forgetting to be a kid. He Seems relieved knowing that he has my blessing to just go play.

My 7 year old is very similar. I've always coined him as 3 going on 30, 4 going on 30, etc. My son loves to wear 3-piece suits to school for no reason other than he likes the way it looks (and the attention it gets).

My son also tries to negotiate EVERYTHING! As a toddler, I'd offer him option A or B (just like all the parenting books said to do) and he'd come up with, "How about option C?" - funny enough, option C made just as much sense (if not more) than either of my options, so I'd go with it. Unfortunately, when he hit school age, these traits all came across as being "back talking" "defiant" and "argumentative with adults". Did I mention my son feels equal to or superior than all those around him, especially adults? There is NO way to intimidate him - which is very positve... for a 20 year old. It just doesn't fly so well for a small child!

My son was diagnosed with ADHD, ODD and now bipolar. I'm going to start homeschooling him in the next week or so (working on the paperwork now) because I feel that the school is trying to crush his individuality. Whether any of these diagnoses are in your son's future, I don't know, but the "defiance" shown in wanting to do things their own way will appear to be very negative and bad to the school!

So, you can either keep trying to fight him or accept that this is who he is and what he's about. My son cannot be MADE to do something against his will - it's all about getting his buy-in on the idea, be it brushing his teeth (I now tell him he only has to brush the teeth he wants to keep) or putting his plate in the sink ("when you do that, it helps mommy"). He has to know the WHY and HOW and if it's of benefit to him or not. The only non-negotiable items are mega-safety issues like crossing the street or walking in a parking lot. Everything else, I'm willing to accept that we need to discuss it as life goes 200 x's more smoothly when he's in agreement!

HI J. IF HE LIKES TO DRESS HIMSELF ITS OKAY. LET HIM HAVE THAT FREEDOM TO EXPRESS HIMSELF. HE SOUNDS LIKE HE HAS A VERY STONG PERSONALITY AND THATS A GOOD THING. I KNOW I HAVE A SON WHO SOUNDS JUST LIKE YOURS. IT OK TO ENCOURAGE OUR CHILDREN TO HAVE THEIR OWN LIKES AND DISLIKES. BUT AS FAR AS HIM TALKING TO YOU OR TRYING TO GET YOU TO COMPROMISE ON SOMETHING YOU SAID NO TO THATS NOT OK. YOU JUST BE FIRM USE TIME OUT SEND HIM TO HIS ROOM. YOU SOUND LIKE YOU ARE DOING A GREAT JOB YOU ARE RAISING YOUR SON TO BE AN INDEPENDENT,SECURE LITTLE MAN. HES AT AN AGE WHERE THEY ARE TRYING TO LEARN THEIR LIMITS. TAKE CARE STEPH