HELP! Toddler Who Was a Great Sleeper Just Turned into a Crying Non-sleeper!

I have a three year old girl. When we moved her from crib to bed she was about 2. She did the same thing, so we bought her a night light. That worked for a little while. So we moved her bed into our room, so she could still be with us just in her own bed. She liked that, then I found out I was pregnant 3 months before her third birthday. She handled it o.k for awhile. She still had nights when she would wake up in the middle of the night and jump in bed. Then about my 7 month we told her she had to stay in her own bed like a big girl, she did not like that. Our room was big enough that her bed and the crib would fit so we did that for awhile. My baby is know 3 months, they share a room. She loves it, she sees it as taking care of her sister at night. We also bought her a tent that goes over her bed, so she sees it as her secret hiding space. They are $50.00 dollars at Wal-Mart. She has been sleeping by herself for 2 months no problems. Things will get better. She will not even lay in our bed. She tells us I am going to sleep in my princess castle. I love it!!

First, when my little girl was just about to turn 2 she had a problem with bedtime. I feel that at that time it was separation anxiety. I reassured her every night that mommy and daddy were right next door and that we were always there for her. I did this over an over again at bed time. I also put a couple of stuffed animals in her bed to keep her company. I made a really bid deal out of them being there for her. It seemed to work.

BUT, now, at 28 months old, Hadlie, started the same sleep problems you have been having. She has pretty much always been great at bed and nap times so needless to say it was horribly frustrating.

Hadlie would not stay in her room. She would cry and cry. She would stand in the hallway or come into the living room. She would wake up in the middle of the night and come and get in our bed (we do not allow this as I end up getting NO SLEEP). My husband and I were at our wits end. I was crying hysterically every night because I just couldn't take it anymore. He and I were fighting like crazy. It sucked.

I got to the point that I put a gate up across her door (she knocked it down) and then I put a lock on handle so she couldn't open the door. I felt HORRIBLE, but it was the only thing I could think to do. She would cry for at least 30 minutes and then fall asleep. This didn't solve the waking up in the middle of the night though.

Hadlie would also go down perfectly for my mother (she keeps her during the day) and when she had her at night. Every time I was with Hadlie at nap time, she would not nap. IT DROVE ME INSANE. Yes, it is the only relief you get with a toddler!! I live for her nap time on the weekends!

So, here is what I did: I sat her down one night before she went to bed and had a little talk with her. I actually took her in the bathroom and put her on her potty and made her look directly at me. I wanted UNDIVIDED attention.

I had a package of those mini M&M's and I told her step by step what I expected that night and that the next morning she would get "special, special treats" if she was a good girl. After instruction, I gave her 1 M&M. I said:

1. I want you to stay in your room. (gave her an M&M)
2. I don't want to hear any crying. (gave her an M&M)
3. I want you to sleep all night - no waking up and coming into mommy and daddy's room. (gave her an M&M)

I told her that in the morning, if she did all these things she would get these special, special treats. I asked her if she could do it and she said, "yes Mama." I also gave her the choice of having the door cracked open or closed (she chose open) and the choice to sleep on the floor or the bed (she chose the floor). There wasn't a peep out of her.

I kid you not, she followed every instruction and came in the next morning at 6, got in the bed with me and said, "Mama, I sleep all night." I gave her 4 tiny little M&M's that morning and we have been doing it every night since.

Every night I say, "Are you going to be a good girl tonight?" She will (most of the time) say "Yes." And then I ask her what she gets if she is a good girl. She will respond "special special treats."

We have had a couple of nights that she has not been that great and she doesn't get any treats in the morning. This last week has not been particularly good - she has been sick and has been waking up - but it has been 100% better. She also chooses to sleep on the floor every night but before we go to bed, we put her in her bed.

I don't even give her the treats every morning now. When she asks I make sure to give them to her or if she has had a few bad nights then I make sure to give them to her after the first good night she has. I hope to eventually go to a star chart when she is a little older and we can give a bigger reward at the end of the week, I just don't think she is quite ready for that long of a wait.

This may be the complete wrong approach, but I needed instant relief. My husband is not happy that I am giving her M&M's in the morning. But, hey, desperate times call for desperate measures. You also don't have to use candy, just something that he will want to work for.

Don't try to reason with your son when he is already in bed and crying - prep him all day and see if you can also use the reward system at nap time.

Hang in there. I know how horrible it is, especially when you are used to a good sleeper. I am also due with #2 in February and I can't imagine having to be up all night with two crying babies!!

I hope this at least gives you some ideas. Just think outside the box and come up with something that works for you!

M.

My son is 22 months old, and also just started this a couple weeks ago. He is still in a crib though, so there was no transition. He will still lay down for a nap just fine, but bedtime is a big problem. I have a 6 month old, so it gets hard letting him cry it out b/c his room is right by hers. Sorry I am not much help, just letting you now that there is someone else out there trying to figure out how to get her son to sleep also. :)

Since he is already feeling insecure about a new room and bed (and believe me, he senses something's up, realted to your pregnancy), my approach would be to give him an extra measure of cuddles and hugs, to let him know that you are available to him when he's scared or just having a hard time. In my opinion, allowing a kiddo to cry it out without comfort leaves children feeling sad and alone. With a new baby coming, his world's about to be turned upside down, and a few extra showings that Mom and Dad are "there" for him can go a long way .

To me, in your situation, laying down with him until he falls asleep would be a great solution to this problem. Every child will learn, when he/she is ready, to fall asleep independently. IMO, there is way too much emphasis being placed on baby/toddler/child independence by our culture. There is absolutely no harm in parenting a child to sleep who is having difficulty.

Just my two cents, but I hope you find a solution. :)

We tried many of the things you have with our 2 year old son. He has been in a big bed since 13 months, but started having more trouble going to bed when he got closer to 2 and I was pregnant also. It may sound harsh, but we ended up putting up a baby gate in his doorway, because he was getting out of bed too. This way he could call to us if something was really wrong, he could hear us and he could see out, but could not leave his room.(we always take it down before bed so that he can come get us if he wakes in the night). We made sure he had a nightlight and some books and animals he liked in bed with him. He would still get upset when we left, but I would tuck him in, tell him I was going to check on him in 5 minutes and then make sure and come back. Then I would quickly tuck him in again and tell him I'd be back and repeat. At first he cried a lot and I had to come back quite a few times, but now he is fine and most nights I only have to check back once and he doesn't get upset when we leave the room. I had tried laying by him at first but he would not fall asleep like that and he would get upset if he even thought I was going to leave. Try to stick to the same routine. My son learned very early on to try and ask for tons of different stuff when going to bed to procrastinate. Finally we had to limit request and now he only gets a little bit of water if he asks and no other extra trips out of bed after we've tucked him in. It may take a week or two of being very persistant, but he will learn that you mean it when you say it is bed time and your hard work will pay off when you can put him to bed without a fuss every night.

First of all, congratualations on your new baby! I am also expecting, but will not have mine until sometime in March. I don't know why, but when our other babies were little, we just always took it for granted that one of us would have to lay down with them until they fell asleep. We did this with our first baby, and since there is four year's difference between her and the youngest, they both slept peacefully together until the baby was about 5 or 6 years old. There were times that when we would get up, they would also wake up, but we would just persist and lay down again until we knew that the child was dead asleep, and then ease up and go to our own bed. Make sure that you are on the outside of the bed so that you can sneak away easily. We also let our babies sleep in the bed or at leat the room with us for quite awhile. I don't think age ever really entered into our minds when making bedtime transitions, we just started changing things when it appeared that they were ready. Also, you can try to keep him as active as possible throughout the day if he's not already very active, so that he will be tired enough to go to bed when you want him to. Give him his bath at night so that his tired little bones can relax. Milk before bed kind of acts as a mild sedative as well. Every baby is different, so you will just have to experiment until you find what works. My mother in law, when the babies were very small and unreasonable, would very softly sing and say prayers. That may sound goofy to some people, but you could just feel the tension from the baby ease from the room when she would do this, and they would drift right off to sleep without any furthur rocking or patting. She would also put their really warm, snuggly pajamas on when she would do this, so that there was no need to mess with blankets or anything else. Just be patient, Mama. Even if nothing works, this will pass and he will go back to sleeping, just don't lose your head or your temper while you're waiting for this. LOL!

Have a Great Day!
L. Santiago

I have a 3 yr old who still likes to have us lay down by him at night when he goes to sleep. After we moved to our new house and gave him a new big boy bed (rather than a toddler bed) we had to lay by hima lot to get him to sleep. Now he lets us leave the room, but still likes the snuggles from mommy and daddy before going to sleep. After our baby was born (2 months after moving into our new home) He had to adjust to shorter and shorter snuggling times from mommy because I had to go take care of the baby or dishes or whatever. He seemed fine with that as long as he got some one on one time with mom at the end of the day.

Wow, I wish I could help, but all I can say is we are in the exact same situation right down to #2 being due in Feb. My son just turned 2 and is still in a crib, but is doing the same thing with sleeping. My parents were here a few weeks ago, and much like your situation, they managed to settle him down easily and get him to sleep. Good luck to you.

Hey B.,
I feel your pain. We transitioned our 2 year old to his big boy bed the weekend of his 2nd birthday, about 6 weeks before our 2nd son was due. I honestly thought we would both lose our minds in the process. I think we managed to time the transition to his bed and the new baby coming with a period of separation anxiety (which he has never shown before). I don't have any words of wisdom - even after skimming 4 or 5 of those healthy sleeper kid books. This is probably his way of saying that he is impacted by the new baby too. Whatever the reason, it helped us to adjust our expectations. Our once perfect sleeper now goes to sleep with one of us in the rocker by his bed. After we read a story, we just stay there not saying anything until he goes to sleep. This usually takes less than 30 minutes but once in awhile it takes longer. Just remember it is not unreasonable for it to take 30 minutes for him to go to sleep. I use this time to sort of reflect on the day and relax. (If I think of everything I have to do, I am totally freaked out by the time the poor baby is asleep.) We did find it helpful to back up his bedtime about 30 minutes to make sure he is sleepy first. I assume since your son was a good sleeper before that you already have a bedtime routine in place. If not, that should help. Our routine did change from bath, cup of milk, story, bed to bath, milk with a calming video (not the best but you do what you have to), story, bed. Our son needed that extra time after his bath to chill and no matter how many books we read, it wasn't working for him. After about 2 weeks or so, bedtime started to get better. We still struggle a bit with waking in the middle of the night but that seems to be getting better too. I think that is mostly because of the continued changes in our house right now. (Out of town company, new baby, etc...) Our baby is almost 7 weeks now so when our 2 year old does wake up, we each take a kid instead of one person trying to handle both in the middle of the night. I know what a struggle it can be. Good luck to all of you.
Sherri

My son is 2 1/2 and still in his crib, so I cannot answer to the transition thing; however, he did recently start screaming when we put him to bed and finally figured out that he needed a night light. He would cry and beg us not to close the door all the way. So, I got him a light and I tell him that I'll leave the door open just a little and he is perfectly happy again. I don't know why he started doing it because it was so sudden, but you might try that approach.