Help Teaching 24 Year Old Daughter (With a 6 Mo. Son) to Live Within Her Means.

She needs to learn the consequences of her actions. Tell her you're preparing to retire and can no longer support her. At 24, you shouldn't be paying any of those expenses for her. If she writes bad checks and gets into trouble, she'll learn from it. She's an adult now and you've done your job raising her. It isn't tough love to cut her off ... she's not 16 after all ... she's all grown up and needs to manage her family, including financial matters, herself.

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Why should she learn to manage her money when you pay for any and everything? Good gracious, you have let her learn the lesson that money grows on the parent tree. What do you expect to happen when you enable all her spending habits, especially considering she didn't bother to finish college and get her degree?

The college loans belong to her. The visa card bill belongs to her. All the bills belong to her. So what if she writes bad checks! The ONLY way to teach her is to say NO MORE to financing her spendthrift ways. Do you want her future marriage to end in a disaster when her husband finds that she spends his paycheck on designer boots, and then some? Get angry with her, L.. She is acting like a 16 year old and you just can't permit it anymore on your dime. Let her learn the HARD lesson before she's ruined for the rest of her days by mom and dad bailing her out of LIFE.

Sending you strength and resolve to do the right thing...
D.

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The problem is she doesn't need to live within her means because you guys are teaching her that you will always pick up the slack. You are loving parents and trying to keep her head above the water, and this is admirable in itself, but unfortunately your daughter is taking advantage of it and as long as your financial life-line continues, so will her irresponsibility. As easy as it is to write and as hard as it is for you to actually do, you must cut the "financial cord." I think deep-down you probably know this but you're too afraid of the consequences for your daughter. She will take responsibility, I promise you! But not until she "needs to."

So, first stop transferring money into her account immediately. Second, stop paying for gas and auto repairs. Then start cutting your other life-lines. Help her find cheap car insurance and give her an "end date." Next, she needs to get a job that offers health insurance! She has a college degree - in fact, would you be willing to pay for part of her college loans? Agree to pay for half or similar if she gets a new job with health insurance in 6 months. With management experience she's a good candidate for a stable office job. Find a recruiter.

I used to be pretty frivolous with financial responsibility until I lost my job and had our daughter. Our household income was decreased by 2/3. I was forced to take a hard look at our finances and with the help (and obstinance!) of my husband, we cut out the unnecessary expenses and are doing fine. In fact, I LOVE being frugal and am proud of myself! Who would've known? But it took a wake-up call for me just like it will take one for your daughter.

You are great parents, and acting out of love, but you also need to go the extra mile and instill in your daughter the independence that she is lacking. Best of luck!

ETA: I just re-read your post and realized your daughter doesn't have her degree. Stop paying for her loans! Don't reward her or let her feel justified in not finishing. She didn't finish, so you shouldn't pick up the slack until she does. She can work and finish school. In fact there are scholarships for single moms who are finishing degrees which would mean she wouldn't increase her student loan load.

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Quit being her financial safety net and she'll (hopefully) learn really quickly to live within her means.

She hasn't lived within her means because, well, she hasn't HAD to - you always bail her out! Give her a deadline as to when she will be cut off so she can start to plan to financially support herself.

If she is incapable of doing this on her own, then she needs to feel the pain of either writing bad checks and living with the consequences OR making the decision to feed her child and pay her rent while skipping those cute boots.

Stop enabling her and she'll figure out how to live within her means. Until then, she'll have no reason to stop blowing her money.

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When I had my first daughter as a single mom in my early twenties, the deal was that my parents would give me a place to stay for a while, but, by 18 months, I better be "on my own." I had to buy all my groceries, pay my own insurance, buy everything for my daughter, my car note, EVERYTHING except rent to my parents. I worked part-time at a department store, and, my mother forced me any day I was off to be looking for a better job. They never baby-sat for me, ever, so, no way I would have weekend bar binges. My parents just sat me down and told me how it was gonna be, and that is what you need to do to her. Tell her to grow up. Did it hurt me? Sure. Did it force me to grow up? You bet. Now, a husband and three kids later, my parents still do not baby-sit for me. I don't run to them anytime I need help. Them forcing me to be on my own by the time my daughter was 18 months taught me a lot. I had a great job by my mom forcing me to keep looking. By the time I moved in with my husband, I was making $65k a year with bonuses, on just 3 years of college. So, do it. Will she have some troubles? Sure. She will either fail or succeed. But, chances are, if she loves being a mom, and loves her baby, (which is most important), she will find a way to impress you and herself. Right now, she knows she can get away with it. Thus, she will continue to do so until you tell her you are done with it. As my mom told me, I chose to spread my legs and make it happen, so, it was my choice to take care of the baby and grow up. Good luck!

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Oh my gosh, you are paying for everything and wondering why she isn't learning to be responsible with her money? Here is the answer: she doesn't have to. You have totally insulated her from the consequences of her actions, why would she do anything differently than what she is doing right now?
My mother, who is nearly 50, is still living beyond her means, buying what she likes and then waiting for her parents to bail her out. They always do. You heard me say she is quickly approaching 50, right? Is that what you want to be doing for your daughter 25 years from now? At some point this "helping" starts to keep your child from growing up and doing for herself. At that point you are hindering, not helping, and I'd say you have past that stage. Stop paying her way, let her screw up, if that's what she is going to do. If you want to help her offer her some insight and advice about budgeting, but no more cash, and no more paying her bills. She's big girl, let her show you.

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Are you really serious about making a financial change? She doesn't need to live within her means - she has you to fall on every step of the way. She has you wrapped around her finger so tight, and she probably uses the grandkid as a way to keep it that way.

Unfortunately you have raised a spoiled and ungrateful daughter, and I just can never understand why grateful ole me did not luck out in that department. Money always brings out the worst in people so until she doesn't have any, she won't need to make one darn change.

My recommendation: you and soon to retire hubby come up with a strict budget for yourselves first. Take care of your own future needs and IF there is something leftover, it is put into a trust for the grandchild when he turns 25. You could consider giving her a small financial sum on special occaissions, but she needs to know the purse strings are being cut. Give her a heads up, perhaps 3-6 months out that all will be changing, and here's the date that you will be taking over all of your own financial needs.

I am utterly speechless that you have helped her out with car insurance? health insurance? and she's out partying....??? Where do parents draw the line - right there. She has shown a complete lack of respect for how hard you and your husband have worked and saved for yourselves.

I'd also google Suze Orman and buy any of her books, used from Amazon.
This life style she has created with your help is not sustainable, and you both know it. Stop it now. You can do it.

3 moms found this helpful

i am 24 years old as well. i have a 7 and a 3 year old. i have been married for 4 years but i've been with my husband for 8 years. i was living the way your daughter lived. i am a compulsive buyer and i shop to make myself feel better. i didn't have much growing up and i was never taught how to budget or save. in the last year, my husband and i have lost our house to foreclosure. we are now renting and i have decided that i cannot let this happen to my family again. my mom has offered to help me come up with a budget but she is so nosy i don't want her knowing my money business. she still pays for my cell phone and one of my student loans. i took it upon myself to buy dave ramsey's total money makeover. it really helped me to see first of all how bad our situation is. we wouldn't be able to cover our asses if my husband didn't get a paycheck one week. and second of all how important it is to have a cushion of emergency money in the bank and paying your bills on time. my advice would be to cut your daughter off of some of the things you are paying for. not all of them because she might not be able to even feed herself and her son. your best investment would be to set her up with someone (not yourself-someone who isn't going to judge her) to help her set up a budget so she can realize she is not living within her means and she could lose everything if she keeps buying $100 boots and splurging at the bar. let her suffer a little and have to scrape together money to go to the grocery store. she'll start realizing that those boots aren't so important anymore. the boots she already has will do. my biggest thing is paying with cash. i have a $100 a week budget for food and last night i spend 60 of it at the grocery store. i know i can go out to eat with the rest or i can go to the grocery store and get the rest of the things i need. it's my decision what i do with it but i want to make the decision that will benefit my family the most. she will mooch off of you for as long as you let her. it will be hard to watch and she will probably be very upset with you for cutting her off, but don't cut her off without getting her the help she needs first. make sure she can afford her rent, car, groceries and bills. if not, maybe she needs to move or sell her car or live without cable. you don't want her to lose everything, just realize what it means to live within your means. but if she has all the information and can see on paper she can afford to live without some things (like the bar and some new boots) and chooses to spend money elsewhere and loses everything, that's something she will have to live with and deal with. you want her to be an independent woman that can take care of herself and her son. she should want that too. in the long run, she will be ver thankful that you cared about her and her son to teach her a very important life lesson.
i also want to add i was writing bad checks for a long time. it seemed so easy if i can't afford it now, i'll just write a check. besides, the money doesn't come out for a couple days. well i got caught and had to attend an all day class. you would not believe all of the people that were in that class. i got a lot of good information but didn't take it seriously. i wasn't ready to make a change in my life. i thought the way i was living was fine. she has to struggle and be sick of being broke before she does something about it.

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You do know what you need to do...you even mention "tough love." You don't want to do it because you love your daughter and your grandson, which is completely understandable. Here is the thing. If you love them, especially your grandson, you need to force her to grow up. Otherwise that baby is going to be in for a life filled with hardships and confusion instead of opportunities and security. There are some great ideas here to help you figure out how to stop "rescuing" your daughter by pulling out a checkbook. Take them. In the long run, your family will be much stronger.

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I suggest she take the Dave Ramsey course - you may need to preface it by saying you will no longer pay her bills after set date. You may need to take the class with her (it is a good class even if you are money savvy). If you feel the need to help with your grandson, then let her know you will have food for him at your house. It is hard and it sometimes takes the tough love you mentioned to teach those lessons.

The Dave Ramsey course talks about saving money and being responsible for yourself financially. It also discusses the importance of paying your own bills!

Good luck. We want to help our kids so much, that sometimes how we help keeps them learning from how to take care of themselves.

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Well, you know what you should do, so do it! About the bad check writing -sit her down and tell her she has to get a hold on her spending, that she made the choice to have a baby after not continuing her education, and that means she doesn't get to have $100 boots. Give her the facts about being prosecuted for bad checks and how she can lose her son and gain a criminal record that will prevent her from being hired for other jobs. It's REALLY time to grow up! Remind her that you've been boosting her forever and now you're retiring -for real and from being her personal ATM. If she'll let you, help her plan a budget that includes WIC assistance for the baby, which I'm sure she'll qualify for. Only step in if you see the baby going lacking. She sounds quite spoiled, and she'll never stop living off of you if you don't stop it now.

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OMG ARE YOU SERIOUS? Umm, YEAH, you need to practice tough love! She's never going to learn to live within a budget unless she is forced to, and that means you guys need to stop subsidizing her ridiculous lifestyle. You cannot be sacrificing your retirement fund in order to keep supporting her. You've saved up for retirement and you need that money to last - she's got more time to get her act together than you both have to build up your retirement savings again. She's an adult now, you are only enabling her, and she is taking full advantage of it.

Sorry to sound harsh, but it sounds like all of you need a serious wake-up call. Time to cut the umbilical cord!

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dave ramsey classes are a must for anyone wanting to get their financial life in order. i would take it as a family so that its not about "her" but its about all of you. as americans, we ALL spend more than we should, we ALL make money mistakes, and we are ALL contributers directly to the financial problems in our country today. it is OUR fault. so the solution lands on our shoulders. its too bad that most people just keep spending like teenagers without a plan, which keeps wrapping the problem up tighter and tighter.

go to dave ramsey's website, find a class near you, or write to them to try to get one near you. you could also do the home study, but with an actual class, you get more interaction with others, which increases your accountability, and gives you more motivation and ideas than doing it alone.

the next thing i would say is something i think dave ramsey says; let her fall on her butt. obviously you want whats best for her, and her son. if she needs to fall on her butt, then let her, and make sure that her son is provided for. she might need to fall on her butt 3, 4, 5 times but let her. im guaranteeing shes not breastfeeding if shes going on bar binges, so i doubt thats an issue here (if it is, obviously make sure that you can support that while letting her fall on her butt.
things like giving her only baby food or formula as your form of assistance. you know? do SPECIFIC things that allow you to know that you are providing for him, but not padding her greedy pockets. diapers. clothes. (and remember, for your own good, 2nd hand clothing, couponing, watching online deals like money saving mom, etc can help you while you are assisting her son)

after a few times that her phone gets shut off or the phone calls start, and hopefully she will take the class with you, she should start putting together the pieces. everyone wants to provide the best they can for their children, so i know in the back of her mind she WANTS to do better. she just probably doesnt know HOW to start. dave ramsey will give everyone guidelines, or steps to follow, to help get started small, and gradually work up to being self sufficient, self insured, etc etc. its great that shes still relatively young and can figure this out before SHE has to retire.

some of the most important steps are NOT going into debt any further, CUTTING UP all credit cards or store charge cards (even IF they are always paid on time - its BS to have them, especially when you are going to let her fall on her butt!), and step #1 is to put 1000$ into a savings account and DONT TOUCH IT. step # 2 is paying off ALL debt except a mortgage. step #3 is putting away 6 months of living expenses. knowing those three steps alone will at least give you a guideline of where to start while you are searching or waiting for a class to start. im sure dave ramsey's website will give you a lot of help; a budget, a solid ZERO BASED budget (where you literally plan for every cent BEFORE you spend any money) is a great tool, and a must have. its harder than you think though, so be prepared to work together on this.

above all, have patience, love and understanding. this isnt the time to be "a parent" and nag or whatever. try to do it with love and understanding, treat her the way you would treat a friend; because you would never fully support a friend you dont pay her bills, but if the kids were starving, you can provide for that if you so choose to your ability.

i hope that makes sense.
prayer also helps.

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Yikes. You basically crippled her by paying her bills for her and now she has a baby too.
I hate to say it, but you have to stop. If you've promised to pay her school loans continue to pay those for her but tell her that you are tapped out otherwise and she has to make a budget and stick to it.
We love you daughter dear but we can't afford you anymore.

3 moms found this helpful

Give her a two month notice and then tell her she will be responsible for her bills from this point on.

Tell her about mint. com. It will help her see where her money is going and help her to have a good budget.

Also, why not give her a book on frugal living?

It strikes me that you may decide then to over spoil your grandchild. Be careful here, too, or you will just end up paying for everything for your grandchild. My mom has a friend that pays for nearly everything for her grandchidren, i.e. private school, skate lessens, etc,

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STOP, what the heck are you thinking? Please re-read your post so you can see how you have created this problem.

The last penny you should spend on this ungreatful child is the material you will purchase for her to take the Dave Ramsey class, and take the class with her because it talks about letting family mooch off you.

Then tell her once a spreadsheet has been established, just like you & your husband do for yourselves, you will ONLY help her manage her money but not give her a single cent.

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1. Set her up an appointment with a credit counselor.
2. Set her up an appointment with a therapist.
3. Give her a date (working with the counselor) as to when you will no longer be paying her bills.
4. How is she getting money to go to a bar? How is she getting a babysitter?
5. Talk to a lawyer about your estate. Find out what you need to do to get custody when/if she loses it.
6. Do the best you can. You can only do so much. She will only grow up in her own time.

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What motivation does she have if you are paying so many of her bills. Sit down with her and have a formal planning meeting to let her know time frames for you stopping her bill payments one at a time. DO NOT back down. Just be there for your grandchild. If you see him going without shoes, get him some. But otherwise DO NOT come to her rescue. She will make mistakes and probably ruin her credit if she hasn't already but she is an ADULT and has been for quite a few years. You can not do a budget for her, you can not change her spending habits. At most you can offer to pay for her to meet with a financial planner who can objectively ask her the tough questions and guide her through some scenarios and some planning. I know it will be hard but these are lessons she has to learn ASAP or things will only get worse.

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I support many of the other posts and reiterate that you really need to stop enabling her. More importantly, you need to take care of yourself. If you are near retirement age you need to make sure you have enough financial resources to take care of yourself especially, if God forbid, you encounter unexpected health issues. Honestly, it is time to stop focusing on your daughter. Give her notice; offer to babysit while she finishes school (that in itself is worth a lot of money); give her a hug; emphasize that you're willing to help if she asks (except financially), listen and encourage her as she begins her journey into the real world of adulthood and parenthood.

I wish you the best during this difficult but important transition!

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We, too are young parents and are "computer savvy" so we do all of our budgeting on Mint.com. It's free and very easy to use. It syncs with most bank accounts so it tracks all of your purchases (when you write a check & pay with a debit or credit card). It provides a medium to create a comprehensive budget and emails you to let you know if you're off track in any particular order. Can't promise she'll stick to it but this would be a good start!

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You KNOW the answer to this. You have enabled her not to learn to budget. You have to stop.

No one budgets if they don't have to.

You say you have tried to teach her to budget, but covering all of her major necessities for her has made it unnecessary for her to budget. When the bills are paid-why not buy dress boots?

Drinking weekends? Where's her child? This is horrible! Life is not a big long Spring Break.

Of course she's not appreciative, spoiled immature people never are.
Stop. Just stop.

Yes, she'll struggle for a while. She should have struggled before, but better now than never. She's capable and intelligent and employed.

She was treated like a trust fund baby who would never need to budget, only you thought one day she would take it upon herself to let you guys not support her anymore. Never happens.

If you cant' control yourselves from continuing this behavior, you should ONLY pay for child related costs WHEN THE BABY IS OLDER AND STARTING SCHOOL, not now. Infant food and diapers should be within her salary, and she needs to get used to paying all of her own expenses including her child's. She may wake up when she sees herself struggling to buy baby stuff unless she's completely heartless. At least her child is so young she may get over this slump by the time the child forms memories.

If she's really so completely far gone that she would let herself lose her child before shopping less and not drinking weekends, the child may be better off with someone a little more responsible.

My parents did NOT pay a dime for ANYTHING for any of us kids after age 18. College included. We all struggled for a while. We all survived and have been self sufficient ever since. We STILL can't afford medical insurance (lived my whole adult working life without it), but may move to France or Canada one day god willing. We all support kids successfully and have worked for many years, we all love our parents for letting us be adults. Don't be scared.
Stop!

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Well the vote is in -- CUT HER OFF!!! You have to teach tough love. I would not be paying for someone's college loans if they were not going to college. Even if she is the baby of the family she can ruin your retirement abilities and rob you of a joyful time with your husband.

Give her a time frame that she has to take over the bills. DO NOT put money in her accounts. If she falls she falls and she pays the consequence not you. You have to stand up for yourself and be selfish and stop giving become a taker and take control of your life. She will have to do this when you are no longer alive and living. Time to push the birdie out of the nest.

Good luck to you (you and hubby).

The other S.

PS You will feel 100 times lighter when you get rid of the dead weight around your neck. Sorry to say it that way but it is the truth and you know it.

1 mom found this helpful

well tell her shes got one month to get her act together-tell her you just cant afford her lifestyle an irresponsibilty anylonger-you are enabling her-plain an simple-tough love is right an if she chooses to write bad chexs-guess what?? thats on her-actions speak louder than words-time for her to grow up an be a proper parent-she made the choice to have a baby-tell her to get child support from the daddy.you need your nest egg for your retirement-not for her lavish life.
my daughter moved back home for a year at 21 yrs old-she worked full time-yep she had to pay 1/2 of everything-she didnt think it was fair-tough-im not gonna pay her way while she was bar hopping,expensive clothes etc.theres a point when you have to say...ENOUGH!!!!!....ultimately the choice is yours on what your gonna do.what if you hit a crisis an cant work?? all your money is in the bar an clothes-is shes gonna handle your bills??..you let this go on far to long...good luck

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Ok... well I am 25 now and I have 2 daughters, I am married but my husband has the same problem she does and we went broke and had to move back into my moms. By this point my mom had had enough. She was paying for all diapers and baby things, bought us a car, payed for my cell phone, gas and anything else we needed help on. Anyways to get to the point my mom had to slowly cut us off and we just went without what we couldn't afford. It did suck for me, but she still HELPED with the baby stuff. I had to ask and that was very humiliating. Now my husband finally got a better job and we pay all our things. It just takes time, something has to click in her head.

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Christmas is coming up, I would get her into a Dave Ramsey Financial Peace University class. It costs one hundred dollars for the class, but it is well worth it. If you do not want to do the class, he has lots of books you can buy. The Total Money Makeover, and FPU books are awesome. Just remember, if she does not want to change, she won't. You need to quit enabling her to spend crazy money. She is depending on you coming through every time, so she does not think a budgert is important.

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It sounds like you do know what to do. She needs to learn a life lesson. Just keep a close eye on her child to make sure he is not suffering. You need to take care of you first. You deserve an enjoyable retirement with the money YOU saved for yourselves. It sounds like she won't listen to you, but has to learn the hard way. Good luck in your decisions!

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I am 26 years old and am a mother of 2. I know that you may say to yourself well how can someone so young possibly give me any good advice. 1st I grew up completely different then your daughter. It would have been so nice to have someone help pay for things, but my mother was a single mom and couldn't do that. However, I am so thankful because I really learned how to handle money. In highschool I paid for my car payment, car insurance, cell phone etc. I truly feel bad that you have to deal with this & see your daughter be so irresponsible. I mean this with all respect but I think that you can't feel bad. It sounds that you have done too much for her. I don't know how you should cut her off financially but I truly think that you need to do it. Maybe one thing at a time (no transferring money, if something comes up she has to pay for it & you need to say no...) she needs to learn to respect money and that she has another person to care for besides herself. She made that decision when she got pregnant & that shouldn't fall on you. I think that if you continue to support her you are actually crippling her from ever moving forward and taking responsibility. She can buy those $100 boots, because she knows mom & dad will pay for groceries or whatever. Maybe a way to help her would be to set her up with a counselor or coach, someone besides you & your husband to help her shift her focus on whats important. I think you already know what you need to do, it is just hard because you don't want her to ruin her life & go down the wrong path. I just want to encourage you to do what is right for you, your husband, & your daughter. The best way to learn is by experience! Have faith that she will learn. She may come at you pointing fingers or begging but you need to stand strong in love & do not waver.
I will keep your family in my prayers.

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She probably will write bad checks and get herself into trouble, but you won't let it go so far that she would lose her son. I think it might be the only option at this point. If you keep supporting her, she's going to keep taking advantage.

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I think you know the answer, you even said so in your post. Stop enabling her behavior. What is going to happen when you aren't around to help her out financially anymore? Do it now. Stop giving her money.

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you should read the book "Boundaries" and get her "The Total Money Make over" book. I know you think you are helping her out with doing all these things for her- but by not making her do them for herself- your just delaying her growing up and being responsible. yeah, she will most likely make some mistakes- that's how we learn. and if you want to help her do it in a way that will actually help her- "honey, I am willing to help you out this month with X but you have to do Y"- it's your money- you are allowed to attach strings to make sure she starts to behave with money.
But it is time to stop paying all her bills for her- she's a big girl and she can handle it- but be prepare for the fit she will throw!
Check out Dave Ramsey's website(google him) he has a ton of great information on how to get out of debt, budget, and how to say "no" to your child!
Good luck!
~C.

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I just found out today that my 24 year old daughter is expecting. Quite a shock, really. She had wanted to be closer to 30 so I wasn't expecting it so soon. But, she has lived on her own for many years, works two jobs, has full medical through her employement. She pays her own rent, car insurance......everything.
I am certainly looking forward to giving her emotional support and buying things for the baby as any new grandmother would, but she has never asked me for anything as far as financial help.
You are going to have to show your daughter some tough love for the benefit of her child and if she makes the mistake of writing bad checks so she can have $100 boots, she needs that mistake to help her grow up. Weekend bar binges? I wouldn't give a nickel toward any of that.
It sounds like your daughter just thinks you will do what she wants and that's kind of sad.
You need to have a talk with her and let her know the limits of your help and what that does and does not include. She won't like it if she's used to getting her way, but she's not 14, she's 24 and she is a mother herself now.
I know you don't want your grandson to do without, but that should be her priority, not yours. There comes a time when you sacrifice for your children and I mean on her end for her son.

I wish you the best. You will have to set guidelines and be willing to bear the fallout when she isn't used to you putting your foot down. In the end it will make her a better mother knowing that she can do it on her own.

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I agree she needs to become more financially independent. See if she is willing to work on a budget or take a class. This may sink in more coming from a professional rather than a parent (I found an inexpensive adult education class). The only places I would make an exception is to make sure the baby has what he needs, especially health insurance. However, if the job doesn't pay well she may qualify for some type state insurance at least for the baby.

My sister in law is Exhibit A for what you have described. At almost 40 years old, with both her and her husband in great jobs...they have the money to buy a new Suburban truck, but they are 6 months behind in paying a $300 dental bill to the local dentist (among hundreds of other stories I could tell). To make matters worse, the dentist bought his practice three years ago from my husband's dad..so it is her father's previous practice before he retired. Additionally, it is a small town, and her other sister still works for the new dentist. My Mother In Law showed up recently with a crumpled $100 bill and made a payment on the bill explaining that it was my sister in law's money, and she was just dropping it off on her behalf...No one was fooled, and it has caused quite a ruckus with all the kids. My sister in law has the money to party each weekend...then grandma buys all three of my SIL's kids their school clothes, supplies, and pays for everything including bills and big ticket purchases. The kids and grandkids are all aware of what grandma does for the one family and believe me...it causes problems since there are 6 kids and 14 grandkids. My SIL has done this her whole life, and mom has picked up the pieces. It causes tons of problems now...especially now that mom and dad are retired. Just wait until they are both gone, and my SIL has no one to fix it. All you are doing is rewarding bad behavior, and prolonging what is eventually going to happen. It is better for her to learn this lesson and fix the problem now than try to do it at 30, 40, 50...or by herself when she is losing a lot more. Give her a time frame (a couple of months at most)...and let her sink...she will figure it out. Tough love is your only answer. You are creating a monster if you don't nip it in the bud. Be proud of yourself for recognizing the problem now, and wanting to stop the behavior! Unfortunately my mother in law refuses to believe that her actions only make it worse.

I know that you have gotten a lot of great responses, but I thought I would add my 2 cents in. I am 28 and have 2 boys and a girl on the way. I have a hubby to help support us, but kids are very expensive so we still find it hard to make it!! My parents have helped us out a lot, but in a different way. When Hyvee has there one day big sale my mom will buy the pudding that’s only a buck or the toilet paper that is on sale. Once for an early Christmas present to my husband and I she bought us a really great vacuum cleaner (with 2 boys we really needed a good one :) So while she is still helping us out, it is with things that are useful and she maybe spends 10 bucks a month, so it is not that much and the kids call it there treats they get when we go visit grandma and grandpa:)Good luck I hope things get better!

Well....you don't give a drunk a drink, do you? Stop giving her money.
Invest the money you would be giving her on an enrollment to Financial Peace University. And babysit for her during the classes.

I agree with what everyone else is saying...stop giving her money. She needs to learn herself how to handle things for peat's sake. She needs to learn about reponsibility.

check out http://www.daveramsey.com He has great ideas and alot are directed to the young adults her age. But just like trying to break a bad habit, she has to be willing to do it herself. Good luck!!!

I agree with the other posters. You can start by making an easy Excel spreadsheet with her income and her NEED bills (rent, insurance, etc) so she can see where her money needs to go. You can even include her current account balance if that will help her and tell her that you will no longer be helping her the way you have been. If you want help with a spreadsheet, PM me, I love making them. Does she receive child support? if not, help her file for it ASAP and let her know this money only goes to things that support the child, i.e. not boots.

Stop paying her bill's she is an adult with a child she needs to find a better job that is going to pay well.You can have what you want when you work for it as long as other things come first bill's baby needs,then her wants she has them all out of order due to her parents paying majority of her bills she hasn't leraned to take responsibility for her debts now that she has a baby it maybe to late but she needs to see the dark side of what she is doing when the light comes shining back through the tunnel she knows she has almost completed her duties as a responsible bill payer working mom.I would live a lavish life style to if I had my parents pay thousands of dollars of my debts & put $$$ into my account.If she writes bad checks she will have to learn to budget her $$$'s better the fines will add up interest will add up on late bills those nice shoes & clothing will have to wait till things that are a priority are paid for if your willing to help her out continue to do so but at sometime in her life she needs to step up she is now a mom,I would be so embarresed if I were in her shoes I took great pride in moving out at 19 meet my hubby a few weeks later then moved in with him worked the entire time then became pregnant at 23 became a sahm now i'm 30 with 3 kids I do great on 1 income some months it gets harder than others but it is a process in learning to budget become frugal & live within your means my hubby is an expert in that dept. not me it had to be learned the hard way....