Help She Is Never Happy!

I agree also- but wanted to add this: It seems like your daughter might be a bit spoiled. Its one thing to quit your job to spend more time with her- take care of her, but even as a treat- you took 9 yr olds for manicures? has it occurred to you that she is not happy because she knows she can "get" something out of you? I'm not trying to be ugly or mean- just voiceing an idea. Kids can be pretty smart about manipulative behavior. I wish you the best.

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I highly suggest that you get her checked out as far as food allergies, nutrition, etc. I myself just went to a great friend that I go to church with who is a nutritionist and I am better. I have allergies and asthma. We do not need to be on prescription drugs unless it is an emergency. If you want to know more email me at ____@____.com.

If you havent already, you should cut out all processed foods and restaurant foods from her diet. They typically contain MSG, which is known to cause and amplify the problems your decribing, plus the heavy weight gain. Please google "MSG" for more info on this horrible additive. My youngest had terrible allergies, and still has ADD. Once I changed her diet to whole foods, I was able to take her off all her medications, and her attitude improved greatly. Neither she nor the rest of our family has been sick in years. If you have any questions about this or need some menu tips, please feel free to contact me. :]

You are such a wonderful, loving, devoted young mother. This would be frustrating for any loving care giver. We also have a nine year old daughter. It appears you could slow down on your attempts to make her happy. It has been shown where material things only make an immediate sense of happiness that often doesn't last too long. I would continue all the love and attention you can give and also consider the anti-depressant if a dr. agrees. We all have different personalities and some people are content and happy most of the time, while others (no matter what they get or do) are never happy. She is old enough to be talked to and help her to realize that "she can help control her moods ... she shouldn't let her moods control her." This statement is even helpful to adults and older children can be helped to understand it. I hope things improve for her.

If she is not seeing a psychiatrist -- do that. Family practice docs are allowed to treat these things, but really shouldn't do it. MY dh is bipolar and sees Dr. Chioco in Norman. He's the best psychiatrist we have met in years of dealing with this. He also does counseling with his patients, which most won't do.

I would also suggest counseling for your daughter, and counseling or a support group for yourself. Go to www.nami.org. They will have some of those resources there.

Also, in my VERY humble opinion, I am so scared of psychotropic meds that I wouldn't put a child on them unless the child was a danger to herself or others. Read about them and make sure the benifits outweigh the risks. If they do, then weight gain is a much smaller issue than mental illness.

Good luck!

First remove all of the chemicals from your house! To save you from reading the labels, you can trust these companies Seventh Generation, Melaluca, Aevada, Pangea Organics and Burts Bees.
This also includes food chemicals which unfortunatly means you will always have to read those labels or make it yourself because the FDA is not looking out for us here. Companies are allowed to change formulas and disguse names of chemicals without notice to the public. If you can't pronounce it don't eat it. You may reasearch what is in you cabinets now on the internet and you will find many of those chemicals linked to behavior and mental health problems.
This is not to say your daughter doesn't have a problem but these chemicals will definitly make them worse. My house has PTSD, Depession, and at times, depending on the doctor, Bi-polar. We experianced a great change last year in our physical and mental health last May when we made these changes. We have had some family members even lessen their medications. There is still more to do though, when it's time buy new things like sheets and clothes we look to replace those items that are organicly grown and not chemically treated. Every change is impoving our house.
Also get your daughter outside to do activites. All nature related activites (hiking, horseback riding, animal shelter volentering) have been proven to have to have a very good effect and children's psycological health.
Please remember to take care of you as well and know that you alone can not make her happy. You and your husband should find a "care givers" support group. If you are not taking care of you, you cannot take cae of her.
Lots of love and support to you!

T., as much as you want to and try to you can't make your daughter happy. No one can make someone else happy. Happiness is a choice. It comes from within. You can choose to be happy no matter your circumstances, no matter what is happening around you or to you. I empathize your lovely daughter and her weight gain from medication. It feels awful and can be very depressing. Has she been checked for a chemical imbalance in her serotonin level? Since she's diagnosed with a bipolar disorder and is taking Abilify, I imagine her serotonin has been checked. Is she being treated for the bipolar disorder? That may play a huge role in stablizing her moods. Please stop beating yourself up over making her happy. Continue loving her unconditionally and providing fun things to do. If she's willing allow her to talk freely about what and how she's feeling. Encourage her to participate in youth groups at church, and above all pray for her and with her on a daily basis. The Lord loves you and your family and is able to guide and heal in more ways than we can imagine. Remember in the final analysis, "happiness is the Lord."

That sounds exactly like how my 2 act-after I feel like I have been bending over abckwards to "make" them happy...then I stop to breathe and they are whiny, sulky, and "bored."

When they get like that, I tell them to create some fun/entertain themselves/read a book. And if I am really exasperated, I separate them and tell them to stay in their own rooms. Usually within a few minutes (after they are totally bored pouting) they are having fun by themselves, or with each other.

Obviously, your daughter doesn't ahve a sibling to play with, but she can learn to be happy and content with ehrself, despite her issues. She can read, build a blanket tent, play with legos, draw, paint, play a keyboard, clean her room, build a birdfeeder, or play with the dog........if YOU always do everything, and come up with all of the ideas for her, she will never develop her creativity muscle, and besides, SOME boredom is a good thing.

Find a different doctor. It is very rare to be diagnosed bi-polar at such a tender age. most of those meds that are supposed to help can cause the exact same thing as they are supposed to help. I have a medicine for nausea that may cause nausea. Go figure. My nephew was put on a med for ADD (misdiagnosed) and his mom finally wised up and took him off it, I asked him how he felt and he said,"Great I'm not tired anymore!" That med was affecting his personality. Try therapy...a lot of church's offer free therapy from a pastor. Good luck

no matter what she needs to take medication so if she needs to be increased do it cause bi-polar is a bad disorder if it is not controlled with meds. you need to talk to her doctor he may have some idea on how to correct the problem and you can get her to excercize to keep the weight down and watch what she eats or snacks on but her doctor should be able to add something to help her be happier and the only way to help bi-polar is with meds. there are some people have killed other people or them selves by not taking their meds. I don't mean to scare you but if you research bi-polar you will find out more about it but there is something missing from her nerveous system good luck

I would like to suggest talking to Chiropractor. If she's out of alignment, it could cause her several problems, including depression. A chiropractor could do an Xray to see if/where she's out of alignment. It's not a fast fix, but it's a natural and more permanent one. If you would like the name of one in Edmond to visit with, let me know & I can send you his contact information.
Take care!

T.,

I am sorry that your family is going throug such a hard time right now. I am bipolar. I was on abilify before I got pregnant and also on Zoloft for depression. I also had astma as a child in elementary school and finally out grew it in high school. As a child I was always depressed and very difficult to get along with for my family. One minute I was nice and the next I was yelling and screaming at everyone.

I will tell you this. Get her exercising!!! Exercise helped me keep the weight off and also helped my lungs develop so that I "out grew" the astma. I did swimming in the summer and ran cross country and track from the time I was in 6th grade until I graduated college. Also the exercise helped me in relieving stress that I didn't know how to get rid of. Try team sports that way she has a support group and doesn't feel like she is doing it by herself.

Abilify is a great med but you definately need something for the depression. I tried many before finding the right one for me so just be patient and if one isn't working don't be afraid to try another. She will know when the right one is found for her.

I don't like to talk religion but I will tell you I was brought up in a Southern-Baptist home. My parents were very supportive and while they didn't have the funds to buy us everything we wanted or even spoil us, being there for your daughter is what is most important. God needs to be apart of your family. Without him you will never know true love and always feel like something is missing.

If you want to ask questions to an adult who has been where your daughter is now, just let me know!

J.

I am a mother of a 30 year old man, and I now have a 6 yyr old girl, and two boys, 4 and 5. Looking from doing this before. First find out if the medicine has side effects that might be depression. Sometimes when you have an only child as I had I did too much to please him. My younger kids I am trying to have them focus on other people. They at even this young age help out with charities etc., My daughter has sensory disorders and some other issues that make it hard for her at school. However, all great people triumph over their trials in life. Your child sounds like she has a lot of friends, she has a loving mom how lucky she is. She does have some obstacles in life but I have read to my kids who have overcome. There is on the internet a boy who they thought was retarded but the parents stayed with him and he is now running marathons with his dad ..his dad is pushing his wheelchair. He loves life but he cannot talk, walk, and needs someone to care for him. I try to tell my kids that life is never easy for anyone but you need to think of what you have and not what you have not....and what does God want you to share of yourself. My younger kids seem much happier because I do not try to make them happy. I let them be sad and try to find out what makes them sad if they wish to talk about it. I do not try to make it all right. We work on it together. Sometimes we are just sad that kids do not want to play with my daughter and we play together. We volunteer at a local foster care charity and my kids love that. My oldest is more self focused and that causes him some grief...and honestly me as well because it hurts when your children are not happy.

I would definitely talk to a doc about an antidepressant. Mental diseases are not something I really know anything about. "Normal" advice just may not apply in your case. I do hope you fine the right path to go down.

There is a good chance that nutritional products could help every one of the problems you mentioned. Mannatech has a product called PLUS that has helped many with depression and mood swings, etc. It is not a drug or an herb, but is simply the plant sterols that provide the body what it needs to make the right hormones and keep them in balance. It is safe, and it works. Many parents of children with developmental delays have seen dramatic improvement in overall health and in ability to focus when they have been on the Mannatech products, although we are careful to say that it does not cure, heal, or mitigate any disease. Children with a chronic disease can get the products at or below cost, thanks to this wonderful, generous company and its giving associates. I know that your daughter will qualify. Please check out the Mannarelief link from my Web site, www.susanjordanbrown.com. Feel free to contact me if I can help you in any way.
S. B.

I know I couldn't have said it any better than Liev did. I agree with her 200%

T.: First, I have to ask--how many opinions from different doctors have you gotten about your daughter Bi-Polar or depression issues? My best friend and my sister-in-law both have children that are on meds for ADHD and other issues. From talking to both of them about these issues and the meds, they have both recently decided to take their sons off of their medication because there were more "bad side effects" from the meds than helpful effects. So, reall, I think you need to be absolutely sure that your daughter HAS to be on the prescribed medication. It is really sad, but true, doctors are so quick to put children on medication when they are showing any signs of "less than perfect" behavior. We all know, as mothers, that our children will show "less than perfect behavior" at different times throughout their lifes! Trust me, I have an 18 year old daughter and a 16 year old son and there have been many times I've wondered if they need meds! :)

As for not being able to make her happy, it sounds as if you are jumping through hoops for her. Children can be very manipulative to get their way--especially if they think they have an excuse to behave this way because of what the doctors have diagnosed them with.

Please don't get me wrong, I understand that your daughter is developmentally disabled; so is my best friends son who is about the same age as your daughter. She made the decision to take him completely off of his medication. She's had to deal with some difficult behavior, but he's slowly getting better without the meds. He is no longer showing signs of depression or acting out in anger. His grades have dropped a bit, but she's just working harder with him with his homework.

It could also be that maybe she's not on the right medication, if she does have to be on meds. So with all that said, if you haven't already gotten second and third opinions--I think that would be your first step to finding some relief for you. It has to be exhausting when you are doing all you can and then some, yet she's still unhappy. As mothers, we certainly do all we can to make our children happy, and after reading your story, I can see why you would be very frustrated. I wish you luck and pray that with the help of doctors and all of your hard work that your daughter will begin to appreciate all you do for her and you will be able to laugh, laugh, laugh together! :)

God Bless,

S.

I want to echo everything Liev said.
She did an excellent job of explaining healthy and safe alternatives.

Another website with excellent resources for research regarding diet and healthy alternatives is Dr. Mercola's site.
www.mercola.com

Hang in there T.!
You are a loving mom and I believe you will find the solutions you need.

Many blessings,
A.

p.s. One more addition. Pray pray pray blessings over your daughter and for wisdom from the Lord.

Dear T.

I thought twice about responding as I have never had the challenge of a developmentally delayed child, so first, I do not propose to be a 'expert'. Plus, here I am fixin't to say something without really knowing you, your daughter, the relationship between you two and your family, so that again makes me a way-outsider about to give an opinion - - -

But, I feel like what I have to say may help you, so if it bears witness to your Spirit, then pray about it and do what you will with it : )

It sounds as though you may be over-doing yourself in thinking it is "your" responsibility to make this child 'happy'. I would suggest that all of the "spoiling" cease. You can't love too much, but you can do too much which leaves her constantly expecting more and more and more until you actually cannot fulfill her desires. It is a truth that only one can turn mourning into joy and that one is Yeshua - Jesus' Hebrew name that His mother named Him : )

Scripture tells us that God is able to do ALL things - that Yeshua was whipped at the whipping post to heal ALL our diseases. No one and no thing in this world is able to make us 'happy' - no amount of money, fun, wishes can do it. Happy comes and goes. Yeshua offers joy unthinkable and full of glory, and for your daughter to be joyful is what you're after, right?

I would suggest that you start looking up scriptures on "joy" and see what they say about it, how to get it, how to keep it. I believe you will agree with me after this that it comes down to a choice. I don't know what age your daughter operates on, but even toddlers can be taught about choices. Her 'bad acting' - being unhappy and demanding - has been rewarded with everything your poor mind can think of to make her happy. And it sounds like you have really tried hard with your whole heart.

But in the end, her joyfulness is NOT your responsibility to provide. You need to teach her what you learn from that Scripture study and help her start making better choices. If she were mine, she would not get ANYthing else that she asked for (barring food and drink - necessities of course) until she chooses to change her attitude.

Then when she does make a good choice and chooses to smile at all the little blessings of life, THEN reward her with a special treat - reinforcing her good behavior and choices. Give verbal praise then, too.

After the scripture study, you might tell her that you repent of not teaching her in the past and instead reinforcing her bad behavior, but that it is going to stop. I would imagine that she can understand more than you might give her credit for. And if you need to say it 1000 times before it gets through, then be patient and steadfast - praying all along the way for her and for your own strength in dealing properly with this blessing God has given you.

For study, I always enjoy BibleGateway.com - type in "JOY" under "keyword" search and voila! All the scriptures on joy come up : )

I'd like to offer a prayer, too : )
Father, I come to Your throne in the blessed name of Your son Yeshua and bring T. and her daughter before You. God, I ask that Your Holy Spirit will minister to the daughter Your unspeakable joy. Help it to be easy for her to understand the things her mother will teach her concerning joy and making choices. God I ask for wisdom for T. to know exactly what You would want her to do in each situation. It is written that Your children will know Your voice, so I ask you to speak clearly and let her know that it IS You. Guide her by Your love and grace and mercy into a closer relationship with You as she seeks to minister to her daughter.
Father, we thank you for the blessing of this beloved child and ask that every good and perfect plan You have for her life will be fulfilled. We ask in the end, Lord that You make each one of us more and more like Yeshua in everything we do, everything we say, and every reaction we make. Thank You for all Your blessings. We love and adore You, Lord, for You are worthy of all our praise and worship. Amen.

Lastly, T., I hope that you will pray about the medication she is on, perhaps get a second opinion. I believe that so much of troubles today are due to doctors passing out medicine to treat the systems, not the root, and that the meds have horrible side effects that are not worth the benefits derived. I would encourage you to speak with a nutritionist. My little neice is one with initials after her name. She's the sweetest Christian you'd ever want to meet. She has helped so many people in our family by simply changing their diets - healed from gout, arthritus, weight issues, asthma, diabetes - - so much of our suffering comes from not eating right. You can visit encounterhealth.com to get suggestions from my Jessica.

Be blessed and full of joy and walk in the peace of God that passes understanding!
G.

Hi T., I am responding before I have read any of the other posts, so if I duplicate in my response, please forgive me. My son is 10. He has an autism spectrum disorder and takes Risperdol. He also takes Prozac. Risperdol is the same thing as Abilify-they are anti-psychotics. My son has also gained weight (it's like food is the only thing he thinks about & this is a side effect of the medication), he also takes a low dose of risperdol, and has been on it for about a year. The unhappiness is a side effect of this medication. You should check into that & let the doctor know about it & how concerning it is. These meds should be being perscribed by a psychiatrist if they are not already. Our son's doctor is very soon to back him off of the risperdol because it is not good to be on these medications for very long periods. There is a very high risk for depression & suicide (it's a warning on the info sheet you get from the pharmacy), especially in teens & young children. We have been very adamant with my son's school & everyone else to bring to our attention ANY behavior that shows these things, whether they think it is serious or not. My son's symptoms with Asperger Syndrome were almost mistaken as bi-polar at one time. Please, contact the doctor & explore this. If a new medication should be considered, then do that. It seems like she's not on the right "fit" of meds yet.

T., it sounds like your daughter could really benefit from some counseling. Plus she's at an age which can be very awkward for little girls especially if she's having trouble with her weight. That on top of her other problems could make her unsure of where she fits in. She needs to have someone help her on her level to learn to accept herself, and that she is a special and beautiful individual who has much to offer. Moms can always say these things to their kids, but with some help from a pro, she'll hopefully be able to see this for herself. Your family will be in my prayers.

Hi T.,
You are killing your self trying to make her happy. If she is Bipolar then she does need help. Working out and a good diet is a must. Not to scare you but my husband was Bipolar and would not take any meds and he is no longer with us. This was a very long time ago when the meds were not very good. They have better stuff now. He left two little boys age 3 and 4. And Neuropathy is can be very painful as I am sure you know. I am not big on meds but sometimes you have not choice. This is very serious.

A.