Help! Nursing and Pregnant with Second Child

My daughter was an oops! and 24 months younger than her brother. Although she was planned, she was not planned quite that early... I did feel guilty at times because I could not give my son the one on one attention that I had planned on giving him. Also my daughter was more DEMANDING than my son. My son was EASY and sometimes overlooked because of it. It was very difficult the first three years giving them attention and attending to their physical needs. After that it became good.

the way my midwife put it to me when i asked about this is that if mothers in africa can do both we should have no problems. My only suggestion would be to definently ween your daughter a couple months before you have the next child.

I nursed my daughter while I was pregnant with my son (regularly) and for the first six months I tandum nursed. Eventually (and I never thought this would happen), she just slowed way down and stopped asking as much. I think nursing her after nursing him left her with only small amounts and so she just sort of slowly let it go. She was two and a half when this happen.

Some people will tell you it is unsafe to nurse and be pregnant. I did some research and asked A LOT of health practitioners and no one thought it was bad. Just make sure you feed the new baby first (which can be hard for the toddler).

Yes on the second question. I used to lay in bed with her tearing up about how our relationship was going to change. I don't think this can be helped.

Good Luck!

Hello K., and congratulations! :) I can address only a small portion of your questions, but here goes... I had two daughters 21 months apart. My oldest daughter was not just an only child, but she was the only grandchild on both sides AND the only great-grandchild. My second daughter was a "surprise blessing," but I am SO GLAD we had her! I also worried about having to share myself with both of them. It has been wonderful, though! As soon as my youngest was old enough to begin to play, my older daughter would turn to her sister for a playmate instead of me, which is more appropriate. We are still close, but it is good that she has her sister. One quick word of advice, if you don't mind... I have done what my Mom did and it has been great. My Mom never allowed my sisters and I to fight or belittle one another. She said, "She is you sister and your best friend and you cannot speak like that in this house." my sisters and I are still best friends, and so are my daughters (at ages 13 and 15.) Blessings to you and yours! :)

K.,

There is no need for your daughter to feel left out. she is young; however, she is able to understand the changes your body will go through. Have her help take care of her brother/sister by connecting early. Lotion your tummy, talk to her dolls, help with family pet...she is at the perfect stage to want to be MOMMY'S HELPER.

I do not know about how you will juggle, or about the breastfeeding issue. I was fortunate enough to have twins.

Good luck,
T.

I nursed while I was pregnant with my 4th. My doctor said that it was completely okay, as long as I had my son weened by the time I was about 20 weeks, and I took my vitamins. The only thing I noticed was that I was really tired all of the time. I tend to have a really rough first trimester.
Good luck

Hi Kelsey-
I nursed while I was pregnant as well. My girls are 18 months apart. Your milk changes when you are pregnant and tastes a little different so some kids wean themselves because of the taste.

Weaning is a personal choice, there are also options for tandem nursing if you are interested.

Be sure you are eating plenty of protein you will need extra protein and fluids since you are growing and nursing a baby. Congrats on your second!

----
http://www.modestmilk.etsy.com

I nursed my first until I was almost 7 months pregnant with my second. At that point she quit on her own. I think there was a change in taste and flow. The only thing to watch is during my first 2 months I actually lost 15 lbs mostly before I realized I was pregnant. I guess I was not getting enough from my food for both nursing and the pregnancy.

Hi
I have this happen with my second and third son. I also nursed by kids until over a year. My midwife told me that at some point in the pregnancy your milk changes flavor and that a lot kids who are already nursing will stop nursing on their own with maybe a little diversion. This did happen with my son. I started giving him a bottle of water with just a tiny bit of juice in it at night and he took that. During the day just start taking one nursing time away at a time and replace it with quality hugging/playing time or an actual meal time. It will be hard for your body to produce enough calcium for the needs of two babies. Have your calcium levels checked and if they are low - you may want to try pretty hard to ween the first one. You will be the one to suffer for it later with bad teeth and brittle bones early. I know some kids really love to nurse and are very hard to ween. Follow your instincts. Moms usually deep down know what's best for their own! : )

My sisters girls are 16 months apart and when she was pregnant with the second she still nursed the first one. She said that when she had the second she didn't have the engorgment that you usually get when your milk comes in because it was already there. She said that the older one started crying the first time she nursed the baby when she got home and said "my milkies, my milkies!!" So she let her nurse on the other side and that only happened a couple of times and then she was fine. I think that if they realize that you are not taking it away from them then it isn't that big of a deal. I have a 2 year old who will be 3 in Feb. and is still nursing once a day and when I tell her she is getting to old to nurse and that she isn't a baby anymore she says "but I like to nurse because I love you" What a way to make you feel guilty. She has at least missed some days now so hopefully by the time she turns 3 we will be done.
I would just kind of feel it out and see if you can cut back some and see how she reacts but I wouldn't worry about it, she just might need that little bit of attention after the baby is born to know that you still love her and few time might be all she needs to be reassured. My niece never did nurse anymore after those couple of times after the baby was born. Good Luck.

A. G.

i don't see why you can't keep nursing - but also don't know why you think that you need to be nursing a 19 month old child...

Not too many americans nurse a toddler and infant, but other cultures do. i saw tips in "Breastfeeding a mother's companion" I can't remember the author off hand, other than she is from CA.
If you don't want to feed both at once then wean as soon as possible. My sister's kids are close and the second one, even weaned, occasionally wanted to nurse when the baby did. Some people wean all at once for me it was easier to wean in stages/cut out feedings.
Find other ways to bond with your daughter. Snuggle while you read to her.

I am being induced today with baby #2. My son just turned 18 months yesterday...I have nursed him throughout the pregnancy. My OB said that as long as a woman doesn't have a risk for pre-term labor, nursing should not be a problem throughout pregnancy. I noticed some sensitivity and later on, contractions when nursing, but nothing major. I have a few friends who have tandem nursed with no problems. Good Luck!

Congratulations! Wow! Looks like the feedback all says to continue with nursing...good to know. I was told that the new baby needs the nutrients and it is best to discontinue nursing. My suggestion would be to call your doctor's office to confirm that the new little one will not lose anything during this critical growing period. Congrats again!!!

My son was 19 months when I became pregnant with my daughter too. I nursed him until he was 30 months. I thought that he may stop nursing while I was pregnant, but he didn't and then it was just not the right time for us before 2 and a half. He had gone down to just nursing at bedtime at the end. When he weaned, it was an easy transition and we had a 2 and a half weaning party and sang a song and made it celebratory instead of sad.

I remember so well that feeling of guilt about him having to share our attention. But at some point it dawned on me that this is his sister. He had called her forth too. Then I was able to move past the guilt and just grieve my alone time with him. My daughter is now 17 months and my son has loved her from the beginning. He is a great big brother and it is an awesome thing to have a sibling.

Best wishes!

I'm also pregnant and nursing. My daughter is 2 1/2 years old (32 months) and still nurses regularly. I am not planning to wean. It is perfectly safe to nurse while pregnant and the tandem nurse after birth.

Guilt is also normal. Try to get your daughter involved early in the pregnancy. My daughter loves to put lotion on "her babies". Also as you get closer to term consider letting her paint your belly with non-toxic make-up (I did this with an entire daycare class of 1 1/2 to 3 years old, I'll email you photos if you'd like) or letting her help with a belly cast. If she's still nursing when the new baby arrives have her teach the new baby how to nurse. Let her pick a present for the new baby and teach her to sing "Happy Birthday" to the new baby. Involve her in the pregnancy, take her to ultrasounds (if you get those, I don't), they sell heartbeat monitors for around $20 or so, my daughter loves to hear "her babies".

The world *average* age for nursing children is 4.5 years! And this is despite the exceptionally low 3 month U.S. average dragging it down! My son got down to nursing only once a day to go to sleep while I have been pregnant, but suddenly in my third trimester he has taken to nursing a lot more. Part of it is his teething (around 24 months the back molars start coming in), and continuing nursing has not only kept him nourished while his appetite for foods has decreased, but it also got him through a cold very quickly (my favorite benefit of breastfeeding).

Tandem nursing is not for everyone, but if you are comfortable with it, some of the benefits including toddler/baby bonding and easier transition with the new baby, as well as calming and comforting your older child through all the mayhem of change. Downside, of course, is that it is literally draining! :-) But that is also energy you might have spent chasing your toddler around, placating tantrums, etc. which would be replaced with quiet nursing time.

I am planning on tandem nursing by default -- it is way too difficult for us to try to wean him, and we are not overly averse double nursing. I would read the Adventures in Tandem Nursing book to further explore the advantages and disadvantages and see what works for you.

I have yet to hear of a second time mother not feeling guilty about having less to give the older child, but if you decide to wean you should feel good about that decision too even if it is a bit of an adjustment to your daughter. Inevitably, what's best for the mother is what's best for the family!

I went through te same thing twice. I waited till my milk was drying up around 4 months pregnant and then just stop nursing my kids. I took it away for good and it made it easier to let go there was not thought of it. Only once did each of my kids act like they wanted it when my baby was eating but I told them it's baby milk, that seemed to work. When i pumped I did catch my kids drinking it before i got it put a way but that passed as well. how that helps. If you have any brest feeding questions just ask I have been eighter pregnant or brest feening for 5 years stright so I may be able to help.

Hi Kelsey,

I got pregnant when my son was not even 7 months old. I am now 33 weeks pregnant and I nursed until just a couple of weeks ago. My son grew well, and I loved the bond. He stopped nursing all on his own, he just asked for it less and less. He stopped altogether about the time I entered my 3rd trimester. I could tell my milk supply had dropped.

It will all be great and your daughter will tell you what she needs.

:-)S.

It is perfectly fine to Breastfeed while pregnant. My doctor said it was absolutely fine as long as you feel your 19 month old daughter is still gaining appropriate weight. At that age she is also getting outside food sources to supplement and a lot of it is a comfort thing at that point. I nursed while I was pregnant and my older son and baby were just fine. I felt really tired being pregnant and nursing but I felt I didn't want to wean my oldest child until we were ready. I did start to wean him in the middle to last trimester and it worked out just fine. The reason being is that I didn't want to have to nurse two kiddo's at that point.

Also I feel it is a balancing act as a mother and you just have to balance your time between your kiddos. I often would have my oldest son sit on my lap while I was breastfeeding my youngest. It was crowded but he still felt included and not left out.

Good luck to you.

Hi! I'm not in this situation, but I am a midwife and have done a lot of training on breastfeeding. As someone else said, as long as you are not at risk for preterm labor, it should be fine for you to continue nursing your toddler throughout the pregnancy. La Leche League is an excellent resource for just about any breastfeeding questions! I would recommend calling them to find out what information they have to offer. All the best to you!

You don't have to wean just because you're pregnant if youd daughter isn't ready for it yet. It's completely possible to nurse through your pregnancy and La Leche League is a great resource for you! Check their website at llli.org

K.,

I don't know about the nursing while pregnant, both my kids weaned themselves before 12 months.

I don't see why you should feel guilty about your older child feeling left out. Keep her involved. Have her help you pick stuff for the new baby's room. Take her to your prenatal check ups with you. My kids are 3 1/2 years apart, and my son absolutely loved helping the doctor measure how big my tummy was getting and you should have seen his face melt into a huge grin the first time he helped find the heartbeat.

We took him to as many appointments as we could and kept him as involved as he wanted to be. After the ultrasound he had a few nightmares, but otherwise loved being the big boy helper. The first words out of his mouth after my daughter was born were: Can I hold my baby sister now? I think it all depends on how involved you keep your older one in what is happening to Mommy.

Best of luck,
M.

Yes, it is possible to successfully nurse while pregnant. You will have to pay extra attention to your nutrition to do it safely, but when you're pregnant, you do that anyway. I did for the first 20 weeks of my second pregnancy, and would have continued, but my daughter self-weaned at that point. She was two years ten months old by then, and while I still had milk, based on what she said I think the taste must have changed and become less palatable to her.

I can't really give you any tips on weaning since I let each of my children lead the process, which means I nursed longer than is normal in our society. As they grew I did set limits on when and where, and I learned that replacing nursing sessions with dedicated snuggle times helped them wean.

As for the guilt, from my experience and from what I've heard from my friends, it is normal, even if not entirely rational - but then, who is rational when she's pregnant? :-)

Keep up on your vitamins! You shouldn't feed to much longer. I'd suggest pumping and giving her a bottle and slowly mixing and supplementing.
Don't feel guilty there's another child in the mix. Do things you can to make it a great experience. Let her know there's a baby coming. With my oldest daughter when I was having my son I had him "give santa" a present for her when he was in uetero. Also she got a present for him for his day of birth. She was involved with everything except the actual hospital day.

It absolutely can be done. There is a La Leche meeting next Friday I would encourage you to attend to get some info that could be helpful...

http://www.lllusa.org/web/SalemOR.html

http://www.breastfeed.com/articles/breastfeeding-your-tod...

I am also still nursing my 30 month on and I am 18 weeks pregnant. You can safely nurse the whole pregnancy if you want to, but I think feelings change through out the pregnancy as well so it helps to be open. Around 20 weeks usually your milk changes to colostrum so your supply does drop. My dd has cut down from nursing a lot through the day to 2 or 3 times. The only thing I did do was night wean.

Everyone recommends the book Adventures in Tandem Nursing and the LLL book Mothering your Nursing Toddler has a good chapter on Nursing While pregnant. Check this out too. http://www.kellymom.com/bf/tandem/index.html

I also feel guilty now because I keep forgetting that I am pregnant and it's harder to take care of myself now that I have another person to care for. So, I feel more guilty about the new one and not paying as much attention.

good luck.

Of course it's normal--- and it's quite likely she will find playing with and growing up her sibling a true delight -. My first two were five years apart ( not planned it just happened that way) and are SO close - now in their 30s and are best buddies - and always have been - the second and 3rd were never close - it's just luck of the draw.

Blessings
( can't help with the nursing question- as mine were too far apart)

J.

Hi K.,

Congratulations! I got pregnant with my second when my first was 8 months old. She continued to nurse, with regularity, until she was 15 months old at whcih time she weaned herself because she didn't like the way her 'nummies' tasted (I believe she got colostrum as she latched on, took a swallow and looked up at me and said YUCKY!). She never asked to nurse again. I did try after the baby was born because I knew that would help my supply but she just chewed on my nipple instead.

The only problem that I had was that it gave me the heebie jeebies SO bad when she nursed. It took me a long time to figure out that it was that the sensation had come back in my nipples and my brain was freaking the heck out. It really was all I could do not to snatch her away from me but that didn't happen until I was in my second trimester. I really didn't find it to be that taxing other than I was super duper tired with my second pregnancy....not sure how much that had to do with still nursing.

Good luck to you and your family!

i wouldn't worry too much. during pregnancy your milk's flavor will change. in many cases this is enough to offend the nursing child and hence ween her rather rapidly. when my daughter was 13 months i found out i was 3 months pregnant. she almost completely weened herself by 14 months, but for the occasional suckle at bed time. this does not happen with every case, but it is very common. good luck and many blessings to you. everything is about to get more fun than you imagined! :o)

hey K.,

I just gave birth to my second son last month and weaned my other son when i was 7 months pregnant (they are 18 months apart!). Apart from tender nipples and feeling very tired, it was no problem nursing while pregnant, just make sure you're eating well and taking your prenatal vitamins. As for weaning, I had gone down to nursing 2-3 times per day and slowly decreased by getting my husband to get him up in the morning and take him out for a walk to distract him from me, and once he wasn't asking for me in the morning we had my husband put him to bed. The last feed to go was the one before nap and it wasn't too hard- maybe start a good/new routine before nap- we did sleepsack, 2 stories in a darkened room, and then a song or two and that did the trick- it only took a couple of weeks and was much easier than i thought. my older son hasn't seemed interested in nursing AT ALL since his brother came home, and I don't think he even remembers what it was like before we brought him home. GOOD luck!!!

Not that it will necesarily be the same with you (every bodies body is different), but I had a friend who was still nursing when she got pregnant and around 4 months ( I believe) Her little one weaned himself. She learned that the milk in her body was changing to prepare for the new baby and colustrom. My fear at that point would be if the nurser didn't care about the change and continued to nurse through it. I've also heard of women who just contineud (SP) nursing two, but then you would have to make sure the new one was getting enough and possibly get into other problems.

Nursing while pregnant is absolutely fine! My daughter was only 11 months old when I got pregnant again and I nursed the whole way through and even tandem-nursed for a while because I wanted to nurse my older until she was at least 2 years old.

I highly recommend that you find a copy of "Adventures in Tandem Nursing" by Hilary Flower even though you aren't planning on tandem-nursing. There's a lot of info in that book about nursing during pregnancy - studies and such - and about why it's perfectly safe to do. Reading that book was extremely reassuring to me.

Weaning may come absolutely naturally if your milk dries up in your second trimester. Most older toddler nurselings wean during that time - "Adventures in Tandem Nursing" talks about that as well.

It's absolutely normal to feel guilt about your daughter. Though, one thing that helped me is to remember that she will benefit from having a little sibling. I was an only child for nearly 5 years and I always wished I had a younger sibling around 2 years younger than I was. My husband is an only child and he wished he had siblings close in age as well. My cousins are close in age and they're very close friends - I always envied them while growing up.

Best wishes to you! Feel free to message me if you want to.
~B.

Can't help you with weaning... My little girl decided a bottle was much easier and just stopped wanting to nurse.
However, it is VERY normal to feel sad/guilt that your first child will not get as much attention as before. So...
start talking to her about it now. Talk about the new baby, talk about how she can help, talk about (a little later) how much work the baby will be, what she can teach the new baby and how she can help.
And when the baby comes, you will have to teach her how to interact with the baby, so she can deveolop her own relationship with him/her. Show her how she can make the baby laugh and dance for *her* baby. She won't feel left out at all....

I did all these things with my daughter, but I didn't know how she would feel during the first couple weeks after the baby was born when she watch ALOT of movies and had just crackers for lunch.
I thought I was empathizing with my (4 1/2 year old) daughter who had been ignored when I said, "I'm so busy with this baby. Maybe we should just give him away." She replided indignantly, "MOM! He is part of our family!" I completely stopped worrying after that.

Congrats on your pregnancy! The reason doctors ask you to not breastfeed while you are pregnant is because it causes uterine contractions that endanger your fetus and increases your risk for miscarriage. I would go to a doctor immediately and I am sure that they will confirm this statement and ask that you ween asap. I have experienced miscarriages, and hope that I have helped you avoid one. Take care.