Help! My Son Is Soooo Unfocused

Updated on January 23, 2008
S.B. asks from Chicago, IL
8 answers

I am at such a loss...my son gets up a hundred times while doing homework until he finally settles down to get a chunck of it done. he focuses on how difficult its going to be, how much there is to do and finally when he gets it done 3 hours later (when it could have taken 1 hour) he says, "mom, it wasn't as bad as I thought". Although I think its great that he is satisfied with the end result, why does it take so long for him to get it done. What can I do to help him with this "self torture" because he really does whine and moan the first 2 hours. this is after time and time again saying how it wasn't so bad, and how he doesnt know why he agonizes so long for nothing.

Ok, I know I can go on and on and so I just want to hear back from anyone as to how I can help him cope with homework. Also, would a tutor help! if so in your opinion, could you make a recommendation. Background: since school does not give recess, he is allowed downtime (snack, tv, computer time, free play with his sister) right after school then on to homework in the homework area. Thanks in advance everyone!

What can I do next?

  • Add yourAnswer own comment
  • Ask your own question Add Question
  • Join the Mamapedia community Mamapedia
  • as inappropriate
  • this with your friends

Featured Answers

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.C.

answers from Fort Wayne on

Only give him one piece of homework at a time. And don't allow a lot of play time before he starts his homework. When he comes home from school, give him a snack and then do homework. He's still in school mode and will most likely be better equipped to do the homework. If he has a lot of playtime, then you have to settle him down again and pretty much start all over. Giving him one piece of homework at a time will decrease the overwhelming factor. Do the hard subjects first. So, if he's really good at math, do that one first. Stress to him that he has 1 chapter to read, then he's done with science (for example). If a child has a lot of homework, viewing it in it's entirety can be incredibly overwhelming. After he's done with his homework, he'll have the rest of the evening as downtime. I don't think a tutor is necessary as he seems to do the homework and do it well. If he's not struggling academically, I wouldn't pay for a tutor. I have a degree in education and this technique was taught in one of my classes, so it's proven to work. Good luck to you!

More Answers

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

R.L.

answers from Chicago on

You might be interested in some of the research on homework, such as, The Homework Myth, Why Our Children Get Too Much of a Bad Thing, by Alfie Kohn, The End of Homework, How Homework Disrupts Families, Overburdens Children and Limits Learning, by Etta Kralovec and John Buell, or The Case Against Homework, How Homework is Hurting Our Children and What We Can Do About It, but Sarah Bennett and Nancy Kalish.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.R.

answers from Chicago on

My daughter was full of energy when she would get home from school. She just couldn't be still while doing her homework. So she started standing while doing her homework. Her feet would be constantly moving and she would twirl around, but she would get her homework done. She always was a great student so the moving while doing homework worked for her. She's now 16 and a honors student but she still does alot of goofing around while doing her homework. It is just who she is. I hope she never finds herself sitting at a desk all day, I am pretty sure she will go insane!! Good Luck!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.

answers from Chicago on

what about giving him a timer and setting it for 15 minutes...? Give him a certain amount of work that he must complete in that time, and it he doesn't get it finished, then that is just kind-of too bad, he must move on to something else and does not get to come back to the work he didn't get done? It might be a bit of tough love on your part in the beginning, but in the long run it might be worth it. You may be surprised in that he will try to compete with the timer to get it finished before his time is up!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

H.E.

answers from Chicago on

my daughter too is the same way, she is 9 also. Personally, I don't think it has to do with the gender of the child as it does a strong minded child who just doesn't want to do homework. In this case I have heard the timer method works although I haven't had to use it. At first my daughter would gripe for hours about doing homework, an hours worth could take all night, sometimes over three hours and it was work I knew she could do, she just wanted me to sit there and tell her what to do, literally answer by answer. I would get so frustrated at the school that they sent stuff home that they hadn't gone over in class yet. She hadn't any clue how to do some of it until I sat with her to do it. It sounds like your boy knows the work, he just knows he hates doing it. What kid likes homework right? I began telling her no friends, phone, tv, etc. until after all homework was done. It was hard at first because all she did was whine, but now two years later she will sit and get it done so she can do what she wants. She learned if she wanted to do stuff she wanted to do, homework had to be done. Now she gets home, whips out the books, and finishes what she's got to do. It might not be that easy I know, but worth a try. Breaking it up into 15 minute intervals w/ the timer sounds like a good idea if it's not the work itself that he is struggling with.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.K.

answers from Chicago on

First my question is...is he struggling to just get started or struggling with the actual work? If he knows the material, and is still getting good grades despite taking three hours to complete homework, than tutoring really is going overboard, because he is struggling with either stress, or a natural "boy" behavior. In order to think many boys need to be in motion. This is why you'll find that they tap a pencil or feet, pace, stand up and wiggle around etc. Read Michael Gurian's "Boys and Girls Learn Differently" or Michael Thompson's "Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys". They can really be helpful in teaching us how to educate young boys in a society which has for so long focused on "equalizing" the system for girls. Now that girls are finally thriving in the education system(YEAY!!!!!)It really is amazing the strides that have been made here), boys seem to be left behind. This can be due to many different factors, two of which are larger class sizes and the lack of recess or brakes allowing boys to burn off energy throughout the day. The larger class sizes require teachers to take on new rules regarding "disruptive" behavior, and complete silence, neither of which is a learning conducive environment for most boys. I hope this helps. He just sounds like the pent up energy from the day is causing "writers block" for lack of a better term.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

L.C.

answers from Chicago on

This is my 9yr old daughter. She struggles in math, which I think is becasue she just does not care. We did have her at Sylvan for awhile, but her teacher last year felt it was not really helping. We took her out of there and she was tutoring after school with one of the teachers.

We stopped all tutoring a few months ago to try just giving her extra work at home. It is still a struggle some times, and we may be trying an incentive thing for the next report card. I am hoping that this will motivate her a bit.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.J.

answers from Chicago on

My sister has a 8 year old and he was failing and having problems with homework - she took him to Sullivan and he is now doing soooo good and his confidence level has grown.

I have a son but only 6 years old and so far we are okay - but, I think boys have a harder time then girls.

For Updates and Special Promotions
Follow Us

Related Questions

Related Searches