November 30, 2009,
K. asks from Westminster, MD on November 30, 2009
Help, My Husband Had a Nervous Breakdown
Hi moms, my husband had a meltdown yesterday. It was pretty bad and my kids witnessed it as well. I was pretty scared as well, because I didn't know what he would do next. He has never hurt me or the kids, but I was still afraid he would. We have been under a lot if stress lately, we moved several times, we had a baby and he was under a lot of pressure at work. He has some time off now to prepare for his new job and get settled and it seems ever since we got here everything goes wrong for him. I am a positive person and don't see it that way, but little thinks like spilling coffee tip him over the edge. He has always been a very strong person and now he is a nervous wreck now. He says he can't go on like this and that his life Is terrible. I don't know how to help him and I have three little kids as well that need to be taking care off. Any advice is appreciated. Please help !
M.M. answers from Pittsburgh on November 30, 2009
I realize this is a very difficult time. There is most likely something going on that your husband can't quite explain and can't control. The most important thing you can do is be supportive. I highly suggest you contact North STAR Mobile Crisis Line at 1-866-260-8000. http://www.lifepathsystems.org/MH/Overview.aspx If any anytime he makes threats that he is going to do bodily harm to himself or others, don't hesitate to call for an involuntary commitment. I know, that sounds very extreme, but it can be the first step to getting him the help he needs.
I have experience with these issues. Making the call to involuntarily commit my father was a very difficult decision. Once he got well, he actually thanked me for it.
Try the crisis line first and see if someone can help there. They have a wealth of experience. I know it's hard now. It will get better. He needs you know more than ever.
[Originally I wrote this providing numbers for Pittsburgh because I thought you were in Pittsburgh. I found the LifePath information online. I do hope they can help.]
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L.L. answers from Dallas on November 30, 2009
First off, my heart goes out to you and your family. My ex was bi-polar and had borderline tendencies and suffered a nervous breakdown (actually several), so I know how difficult this must be for you right now on so many different levels.
I think you know what needs to happen here. Your husband needs to get some help. Hopefully he will cooperate. He may actually be relieved to get some help and perhaps a diagnosis. Chances are, things have been bothering him for a very long time and having a name or game plan can take the stress off. He's clearly on edge and may be headed for more pain, and he needs help.
I would also HIGHLY recommend that you get some support. Living with a mentally ill or even stressed out individual will make the healthy spouse equally crazy. I'm sure there are a number of support organizations available here in TX and perhaps someone else will provide you with some information on these. I would imagine most behavioral health organizations or hospitals could also help out here. Do not underestimate the strain this can cause on you. You have a 7 week old baby and, let's face it, having an infant is insanity enough. You need to stay strong and sane for your children. Your husband can take care of himself, but your children truly rely on you.
You mention that he's never hurt you and that's good. You're right to keep this in the back of your mind though. When someone is under this much pressure or strain, it's impossible to know what can happen. You may want to put together a game plan in the event this changes. This is another area where you may want to talk to some behavior health agencies could help you out. Again, hopefully someone will have some information here. Depending on what is going on with your husband, who knows what could happen.
Good luck to you K.. I do hope that this is just a blip for you and your family.
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K.R. answers from Dallas on November 30, 2009
K. this is my second go round with my husband getting close to break down, actually this one is mild compared to when he lost his business, our home and had no prospects
Are you getting food and help from your community outreach. It really helps with the grocery bill and clothes.
Also there is the Human Services. It helps to take a bit of the pressure off. Men are really under a lot of stress to provide for their families and equate it with their manhood. I am working for the first time in 17 years teaching sewing classes at the local rec centers to help out.
This is what works for me, I burn green candles while I am working whether it be on the computer or sewing machine, I burn white candles for peace and harmony and no matter how negative my husband gets I always speak in positives. I don't put voice to anything that I don't want to happen and what I do want I claim it, a lot.
Hope this helps
J.S. answers from Eugene on November 30, 2009
I am sorry that you are going through this. My husband used to come home and yell and scream over anything and me and our son. Come to find out he had a Gambling problem. He finally told me that he had this problem and it took along time for him to get the help that he needed. I tried to get help for him, but if he doesn't want help then it wont work. He had to do it for himself. Now he has not gambled for almost 5 years. I am not saying that this is his problem but it might be something major like this that he feels he can not tell you or control. My husband was always a strong person and great provider and I learned that he hid things really well from me. I hope this helps. Just stay strong and I hope you figure out soon what is going on! Counseling may help a lot!
D.G. answers from Dallas on November 30, 2009
K. - I am so sorry you are going through this. I agree with the other posters in that you need some support and your husband needs some help. There are quite alot of good counselors that he can talk to. Then if he needs additional help and/or meds, they can recommend who to go to. Or his regular doctor can prescribe something or recommend a counselor to see. You have both been under tremendous stress and need some support. Hopefully your husband will cooperate and go see someone. And hopefully this is just a temporary situation and not something long term. In any case, you need to talk to someone to help you cope. Good luck !