October 14, 2008,
A.B. asks from Rexburg, ID on October 12, 2008
Help! My Baby Won't Go to Anyone
My little girl is just 5 months and won't go to anyone but me. Before she was 2 months she would go to others, but at 2 months we moved to a new state. Now if I let anyone else hold her, or even when someone talks to her, she starts to cry or screams. I'm a stay at home mom and I'm her entire world. I want her to enjoy and be enjoyed by others, but I don't know how to help her get used to other people. Help!
M.B. answers from Denver on October 14, 2008
Kids all have their little personalties they are born with and will react in different ways. Infants need their mommie's and this is their way of bonding which is still so important right now, don't worry about it and enjoy this time, I know it can be hard, you need a break but this will go quickly! Hang in there and don't worry about the issue, an infant needs her mommy!
J.F. answers from Denver on October 13, 2008
Well I posted on here a bit ago kinda about the same thing. I am leaving town for a few days alone and was feeling bad that my little girl pretty much only likes to be with me.
I didn't get the responses I was hoping for. Some were down right mean and said I was horrid for keeping my daughter all to myself... yadda yadda yadda.
HOWEVER I understand as a stay at home mom how that can happen. So I'll try and offer some kind advice.
What I have been trying to do is make play dates or just set up a time with a neighbor or friend with the sole purpose of leaving her for a bit. I don't really go anywhere much for now. It isn't really about me getting out to do something but instead getting her to accept others. Like tomorrow a neighbor is going to take her for an hour and half. I know she will be unhappy but I also want her to learn that I am not the only person out there for her. The neighbor knows it will probably not be the funnest hour of her life, but she is willing to help and so have other family and friends.
In the same manner I am helping a neighbor do the same thing with her little one, so it is a nice trade off :)
I wish you luck in working on this and just know in the end she will be fine.
It is great we are able to stay home with them and give them so much love that all they want to do is be with us :) but I realize that I need to get her used to others in a safe and happy way.
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S.L. answers from Salt Lake City on October 13, 2008
My daughter was the same way. Now that she is one she has totally grown out of it and will pretty much go to anyone. Well atleast for a minute then she wants down to crawl around. but that is more because she is active.
J.L. answers from Pocatello on October 13, 2008
My first daughter was the same way, except she was like that from birth. Be patient and resourceful; it will get better if you work at it. Make sure you let her see people on her terms and don't push it. I couldn't hire a babysitter until my daughter was 18 months old, but I think it would have been longer if we hadn't slowly introduced her to other people without pushing her limits. We had to find something that she loved to do more than she was afraid. At about 10 months we discovered she was extremely inquisitive and also loved to go running with mom. She made friends with one of my sisters by my sister taking her running to see me. After that she was much less apprehensive of my sister. When she was about a year old my uncle discovered she loved getting "tours" of wherever she was. He would take her from me and before she could start screaming he was showing her everything in the room. You could tell she was nervous, but her curiosity was stronger than her fear. I was always right there with her and if she got too scared I always took her back so that she knew I would always be there and there was nothing to be afraid of. I would also always take her out in social situations. It helped when people interacted with her from a bit of a distance so she didn't feel like they were going to take her away from my. I was working with 12 year old girls during this period (about 12 months and on) and they were great with her. They all payed attention to her, but they always stood about 5 feet away and never tried to hold her (I had warned them in advance). Because she saw these same girls all of the time and they fawned over her in such a non-threatening way she was ready to accept them as babysitters after a few months. I was so thrilled with the liberation of finally being able to go out and do something without a baby. It took a long time and a lot of patience, but eventually it got better and now she is a very delightful, independent, social girl. I really think if I hadn't done things so gradually and let her know that I was always right there she would still be insecure. Your baby is still too young for these things, but be patient for now and find out what she loves and what type of personality she has. The two of you will have more than plenty of time to figure that out over the next few months. My husband and I always say it's a wonder we had any more kids after her because she was such a hard baby.
K.D. answers from Denver on October 12, 2008
I babysat a little boy like that once. His mom just took a few months and held him a lot until he didn't need it any more. I think it took about 2 or 3 months, but then he was fine and could be left again with anyone. He's a well-adjusted college student today. You could just wear her in a carrier of some kind while you do work, or you might try finding a mom and tots' group to just hang out with even if all she does is sit in your lap, at least she'd be getting used to other people. Since she's as old as she is, it may get worse before it gets better since she'll have separation anxiety soon, too. GL! I hope she adjusts soon.
S.S. answers from Salt Lake City on October 13, 2008
My 5 month old is the same way and has been since she could focus on a face about 2 months old. both grandmas have a complex from her so it is a bummer. good luck, I guess we just be patient.
D.K. answers from Denver on October 13, 2008
It is normal, a phase, she will go through it a few times.
Seperation anxiety is so normal. Play peek a boo with her and stuff so she can see you will be right back. Let her have just you or reassure you if someone else is holding her.
She just is realizing strangers and that mommy isn't right there. I think my daugther went through it like three times once at 5 or 6 mos, again after the year mark and even again around 18 mos. It will pass very soon.
A.F. answers from Salt Lake City on October 13, 2008
Same thing happened with my fourth. None of the other three had issues with going to other people, but she did. Like you, I moved when she was just less than two months old, too. Then we moved again twice before she was nine months old. It's only now (she's just 14 months) that she has started to accept strangers. Most of the time, when someone looks at her she scowls at them as if to say "What are you looking at, mister." But before now, if I handed her to anyone else, or left her in a room with other people, she would cry and scream and look absolutely terrified. I would guess that it was because there was so much change so quickly in her short lifetime. Now that we're in a permanent home and have more of a routine and more familiar faces, she is becoming a little social butterfly. I would agree with the other posters that say to set up playdates at your home or small little outings, especially with people you want her to become familiar with, to get her used to feeling safe with someone else. So far, you are the only constant person in her life. The more she sees the same people, the more comfortable she'll feel. Good luck with it. It is normal, but frustrating at the same time.
P.L. answers from Salt Lake City on October 13, 2008
This is very normal...in fact you want her like this ...for now. Since you are at home with her...very normal...you are teaching her security, trust and stranger danger. She will grow more experimental with months to come, but for now, be glad!!!!!