17 answers

Help ! My 6 Year Old Has No Friends. How Can I Help ?

My daughter likes going to school, but she is not making any friends at school. She told me nobody wants to be her friend.
I talked to her about how to make friends, she didn't want to listen and told me she don't need help from me. She try hard to fit in, but in vain. Cliques are forming already. Since she did not want to talk about it, I have no idea whether she want to figure it out by herself or she decide to give up. I felt heartbroken she was in such pain whenever she talks about friends.

What can I do next?

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Thanks for your insight. There are some issues I have never thought about. All your answers gave me a better idea what might be going on.

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Sorry to hear that, that sounds very tough. Is she in any activities at school? That is always the best way to get her involved with other children. Maybe an afternoon or weekend sport or club would help her come out of her shell and gain more confidence. Good luck.

4 moms found this helpful

Do you know any of the other parents? perhaps if you invite another parent over to you house, they will bring their child and the kids can then play while you and the other parent hang out.

3 moms found this helpful

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Hi L.- My son has Aspergers so making friends and social skills is something that I have worked with him and the school on ever since he was in preschool. I'm not suggesting that your daughter has Aspergers, just that some of the things that I have tried with the school might help if you feel it's really as bad as she says.

Talk to her teacher and get her perspective on how your daughter is socializing. My 6 year old is very social and I know she has friends at school but once in a while she'll come home and say she has no friends or so and so told her she's not her friend. Kids are finicky at 6 and a BFF one day is not a friend the next. The teacher should be able to tell you if she is playing with other kids at recess and if she is getting along during group work, etc.

If there does appear to be a problem, talk to the teacher and counselor before next school year. Maybe they can pick a couple of girls to place in class with your daughter that they feel might be a good match. Or if your daughter has a friend in another class you can request that they be together next year. I've done that for my son every year as well just to make sure he has at least one friendly face in his class.

If your daughter truly seems to lack some social skills and has trouble communicating effectively with other kids her age, there are social skills classes available through most speech therapy centers or through some psychologists. It's just a group of kids who meet together and play games and work on how to talk and resolve conflicts so that they can be more effective.

Good luck,
K.

6 moms found this helpful

I would talk to the teacher.........see if she can let you know what is going on. Your daughter maybe saying this because she wants more of your attention......

You can't make friends for her, she needs to do that on her own, and she will figure that out.......just hang in there and keep open the communication.

Take care.

5 moms found this helpful

Do you have (or can you get) a class list from the teacher? Maybe you could arrange a play date at your home. Also, talk to her teacher. She may be greatly exaggerating the issue. My son used to do that in Kindergarten. He would say things like "I had no one to play with at recess...." "No one likes me." But in reality he is a very popular kid...the birthday invitations are killing us this year! LOL

4 moms found this helpful

Sorry to hear that, that sounds very tough. Is she in any activities at school? That is always the best way to get her involved with other children. Maybe an afternoon or weekend sport or club would help her come out of her shell and gain more confidence. Good luck.

4 moms found this helpful

If she will not listen to you, maybe you need to speak with her teacher and find out what is going on.

Maybe the teacher would be willing to speak with her about friendships and how to fit in..

Since we do not know how your daughter acts at school, it is hard to know what is going on..
Learning the social cues and rules to fitting in has to be learned. I remember at our daughters school , there always seemed to be a child in each grade that just could not fit in for a variety of reasons. Many times it was that they just did not know how to behave or act with the other children.

They could be bossy, could be too aggressive in their approach, wanted to talk about activities/subjects no one else knew anything about, braggarts, wanted to be so different in their behaviors no one else could relate or made the other children uncomfortable. .

I remember as PTA President observing many of these children and befriending the parents and then trying to encourage them to help their children continue to be individuals, but to also learn social cues, so that they did not make the other children feel uncomfortable..

One little girl in kindergarten was obsessed with playing "Wedding". At each recess she would try to gather kids to be in her "wedding", telling them what parts to play, picking the groom , maid of honor.. etc.. It was fine the first time and maybe the second, but it continued till none of the kids even wanted to sit next to her, because she would try to get them to join in..

Another child in 4th grade would wear her "Cat costume" to school at least once a week. Other times, she would wear her dress up clothes (long dress or very fancy dresses.. The teachers asked that she wear acceptable school clothing every day, but her mother made such a huge stink they decided to let it play out on its own. The girl would become upset when kids would laugh or not want to socialize with her.

Finally a teacher sat her down and explained she was excited that this girl was so creative and willing to be her "Own person", but that to truly be an individual means, she would have to get used to others sometimes, not being comfortable around her, not understanding her and maybe even making fun of her. She would need to learn to not let it bother her if she wanted to continue this behavior. She also spoke with her about "good attention" and "being a distraction".

4 moms found this helpful

Do you know any of the other parents? perhaps if you invite another parent over to you house, they will bring their child and the kids can then play while you and the other parent hang out.

3 moms found this helpful

Why don't you invite all the girls in her class over for an end of the school year party. That way you will be able to meet the girls and possibly their parents. You will also be able to see how they interact with each other. Just try to organize social activities for your daughter-it could just be that she isn't comfortable and perceives them not wanting to be her friend. Some kids sit back and wait to be invited to play on the playground and feel if the invitation doesn't come, they are not included. Encourage her to just join the other girls and she will probably realize that she is more than welcome to play with them. Good luck!

3 moms found this helpful

Does she dress differently then the others? Does she have a temper? Is she an only child that is used to having everything to herself? There are hundreds of questions I could ask you about her before making a decision on what is going on. Is there a Grandma, Grandpa, Aunt, Uncle that could talk to her about it seeing she doesn't want to talk to you about it? Have you talked to her teacher to see what is going on in class with her? Some children make friends easily and others take more time to make friends. A outspoken person is more apt to make friends quicker then a shy one. Give it time. She will more than likely make friends on her own. But do explain to her that it is better to have one good true friend then to have lots of friends that honestly don't care and are just hanging around with each other to be more popular. Those friendships don't last. My youngest never made a lot of friends but she never complained about it. She always said people are fake. She has one very close friend that she became friends with when they were little. She has a couple of friends she made in college. My older daughter had all kinds of friends but is becoming more picky about who her friends are. She says a lot of people are fake. Sorry I know this probably didn't help you much but my point is to let it be. If she wants to talk to you about it fine, if not let it go. She will be fine.

2 moms found this helpful

Is school just starting for her? Usually by May it's just ending. If she hasn't made any friends in a whole year, I personally might try another school. Maybe a charter school. Also you could try outside activities like dance or a community sport or theater.

2 moms found this helpful

Hi my middle child starting this past September was shy compared to my other two children. Anyhow he attends afternoon kindergarten. I know he needed some more social interaction to help him get over being so shy with school settings. This year I have scheduled as many playdates as I possibly could for him. He has improved greatly and now has tons of friends. Good luck.
Does your school have an address book with the kids who are in each class and grade? Our school puts out a phone/address book of the children that attends this public school.
Once she gets more confident in herself she will be attracting more friends to her like flies.

2 moms found this helpful

This summer try parks and summer camps to meet friends and work on those social skills. It just gets harder as the get past 4 or 5 to say "do you want to play with me/want to be friends" Some of these kids could of been friends since preschool and hard to break into those "cliques". Thinking ahead for next year. She could join fall soccer, basketball, girl scouts, anything. Lots of kids play sports for social/friends until about 3rd grade. It really helps to see these other kids out of school and you meet the parents. Knowing other parents is a big part of kids getting play dates and invites to b-day. If you able to pick her up from school you could also meet them. Next year she might have a reading partner, my daughter has had meet some really good friends this way too.

2 moms found this helpful

Maybe she's an artist. Painter, writer, creator of fabulous stories...
Your encouragement is paramount to the negative BS that other kids and parents present. Self-esteem is perhaps best learned from making mistakes and rising above them, creating joyful events and knowing that is the satisfaction. Praise and acknowledgement will help you both to grow...
Many Blessings, S.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi L. I'm dealing with the same thing with my 7yr old daughter. She's in the first grade. Most of it is because I work full time and alot of the girls want her to sleepover which I am not comfortable with because I've never met the parents. She understands that but then the girls won't be her friend because she has never sleptover their houses. It's hard because I want to help her and talk to her but I understand she is going through that independent stage where she basically wants to do it her way.

1 mom found this helpful

Good Day,
I have 2 girls, one is 5, almost 6 in Kindergarden! The other is 9. Both my girls have a very hard time-fitting in. The youngest is very very shy and the oldest has some "issues" with-in her self (she is in counseling) and finds it very hard to fit in also! I have talked with them both and I have explained that some people shine from with-in and others often fail to notice early on in their lives. But God will help them find a friend or two,, who will be true friends. To allow themselves to shine in school/playground and let us know they are welcomed to be their friends. I am also trying to teach them not to judge other kids by size, appearance ect.. To reach out to the "untouchable" kids in their class. Their lies the path to good friends also. It has helped my girls to understand what friendship is about. Of course they know to be mannerly and nice to everyone they meet. Friend or not. I hope my talk to them can help you and your daughter! May God Guide & Bless you both-Always!!!
Truly,
Kathy

1 mom found this helpful

This could be a very far stretch because I don't know your daughter but I work with kids on the autism spectrum and many girls slide under the radar with Asperger's Syndrome until they are between 6-9. This is the age when friends, cliques and social events are happening. If a child cannot find a way to fit in and others don't want to include her there is always a reason why. Think maybe about evaluating her by an occupational therapist who can run down the checklist and see what her core strength, sense of balance and other things are because those deficits lead to social failure. Stay away from any psychology because children of this age should not be in cognitive therapy. Only body work. Everything is learned and gained through the body.

My 16 year old has always had the same problem. I don't know what to do to help her. She is very smart, very small, very pretty, and wears glasses. I know she is different than the others but to me, she is the best. I praise her a lot and tell her she will be proud of her differences one day. I don't think she believes me. She is in a gifted class and does real well in there but she hates going to school. If anyone has the answer, I sure would love to hear it.

You should try and get her involved in an activity outside of school where she can meet new friends, like church youth group, city sports, arts and crafts class, etc...

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