March 05, 2007,
C.D. asks from Kennewick, WA on February 21, 2007
Help!! My 5 Year Old Had Vaginal Bleeding.
My 5 year old had vaginal bleeding and some brusing and tearing. I took her to the ER but they said that one of two things happened. She either has a straddle injury or someone molested her. They had to sudate her and do an exam. They took cultures which we wont know the results of for another week. The doctor said that she would have been in extreme pain if it was a straddle injury but my daughter says she didn't fall on her private area. When we asked her if she was touched there she said no one touched her there. I don't know what to do. My emotions are everywhere. Anger, sadness, worry, you name it. Does anyone know what they do to make sure the child was or wasn't molested? I guess I am asking What should I do? I want to protect my child but I don't want to go overboard if nothing happened except a straddle injury. Help!!
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So What Happened?™
We went to her doctor last Friday to find out the results of the testing. The cultures all came back negative. There was also no foriegn dna. It turns out she had a straddle injury. Thank God for that. She is doing fine. Thank you all for you support and prayers.
J.D. answers from Portland on February 23, 2007
Take a look at all the people in her life! Men and women! They do a vaginal exam and take swabs for evidence. They look for fluids, reminents of others DNA, most children will not admit that someone touched them. Most 5 years old are suprisingly good at keeping secrets when told to by their attacker, they usually threaten to hurt them or a loved one if they tell. Don't worry about going overboard this is your child! Take every precaussion out there. Get down on her level and look her in the eye and talk with her. Even has a psychologist talk with her to ask her the right questions. They might open up to a stranger because they were told not to tell mommy because mommy would be mad at them. I know this because I was abused by another women for 4 years and didn't tell anyone until I was 13 years old. Someone older than you can really put a fear in you not to tell. That you will be a big trouble they will tell a child almost anything to keep them quite.
I pray that this is only a straddle injury for your little girl, but chance of her opening up and just telling you because you asked are slim, because of a fear that was instilled in her. You need to make her feel safe and go and talk with her with a smile on your face and remain calm. That is why a third party is sometimes easier, because of how hard it is to hide your emmotions when it is your little girl.
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K.S. answers from Portland on February 23, 2007
You should immediately take her to see a pediatrician and find her a counselor that specializes in child molestation and uses play therapy. Children are often afraid to tell parents if someone has "touched them" inappropriately. Also, think about where she has been and if her personality showed any strange or unusual changes after returning home. If it is a straddle injury, do you know what she might have been on? Most straddle injuries might cause soreness or bruises, but tearing would be extreme I would think. I was a foster parent for 7 years and when I read your letter the flags came up. I'm concerned for your child and will keep you both in my prayers. K
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Y.M. answers from Portland on February 22, 2007
I'm sure your mind is racing...
Have you thought about where she was... recounting events and people she was exposed to over the past couple of days?
On the innocent side of things: If she's a really active child who rides bikes, swings from monkey bars, etc. and is resiliant while she plays, she may have gotten injured, but then went on playing. She might not remember exactly what she fell on or how she hurt herself. Some kids just get so wrapped up with playing, running, and socializing that they can get hurt and move right on.... feeling the irriation of getting hurt but not wanting to stop playing.
Otherwise, I don't know what your boundaries are as a parent, but I can actually recount every male my daughter has been exposed to without my supervision. She's 16 now. From playing at the neighbors house, to transitions after school, to sports, I was there. I wasn't loose with her time at all so, if anything were to happen with her, I would easily be able to pin point exactly the time, place, and with whom. Our life was quiet, boring, and even anti-social at times, just to maintain a household free of a lot of traffic, people, and chaos. Structure was really important.
So, if your mind is racing because you can't narrow things down and pin point whom she's been in contact with, it may be time to re-evaluate your lifestyle.
In order to keep my lifestyle simple, very simple, I actually had to make decisions to not work and just be poor, quit school and just focus on the family. That meant not so many trips to McDonalds or even going out the movies.... we lived cheap and did activities that were free. The family complained about it, especially my daughter, but I'd rather myself be right there to pick her up from school, and volunteer in the school, and be involved in -EVERYTHING- than for even 5 minutes of inappropriate actions be done to her.
Maybe, neurotic. May be not.
All I can say is that now, she'd tell you, that "IT" never happened to her. And that I am very annoying.
I'm not trying to blame you as a parent at all, if someone has violated her. When something like that happens, the only person responsible for it is the person who did it. However as a parent myself, I can only tell you that I've made decisions based on the belief that not everyone is going to have the best intentions for my child. I am actually so protective that I was married to my husband for 7 years till I asked him to take care of my daughter alone. She was 9 by then, and it was only to drive her to school one morning. I never even asked him to watch after her while I took a shower or any simple situation that might arise when living together. And we met when she was two. I just felt that it was not his job to raise her or be her babysitter. It was only his job to be my husband, and support me so that - I - could give MY best to her. And he agreed with my boundaries. Anyway, I only shared that to show you the extent of protection it took for me to keep her safe from preditors, groomers, and any doubt in MY MIND about who she was exposed to.
Well, I hope that I only helped you to narrow down your thoughts....
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L.B. answers from Anchorage on February 22, 2007
Hi C., you did the right thing to take her to the er.try and not work yourself up until that test comes back. I know its going to be hard but try,your daughter will feel your anxiety.and I would not keep asking her questions,wait until the test come back and if she were molested ask the doctor for help who to talk to. and get her help that day if possible the counselor knows how to approach your child and if you keep asking you might be confusing her more. I am so sorry you are going through this lets hope for the best.and if she was if it were me I would have that person proscuted to the fullest and to never hurt another child. so try and remember everyone she has been with even teenagers boys and maybe a little younger. just in case. sweety hang in there. let us know the outcome either way you have nothing but support here. god bless your family.
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J.S. answers from Spokane on February 23, 2007
I feel sooooo sorry for you that you are in this situation...but I think it is ALWAYS better to be safe than sorry. Your number one concern is to protect your child...and you definitely want to do that if she was molested. I think you did the right thing by rushing her to the ER and to feel worried, angry and sad!!!! Your emotions are definitely justified. I hope the results come back okay, that she Wasn't molested. I think all you can do until the results come back is keep trying to talk to her about what happened, and maybe her story will change. And also keep her away from whoever you think did it! So it doesn't happen again. Good luck, I hope your story ends happily.
C.M. answers from Seattle on February 23, 2007
I recommend talking to your daughter one-on-one with no one else in the room and let her know that if someone that she knows has been touching her that she can still tell you. She may not want to tell you or a doctor if it is someone close to her or the both of you. There is a likely chance that if something like this has occured then she has also been threatened. I hope this helps and your daughter gets well.
J.E. answers from Seattle on March 05, 2007
YOU NEED TO LOOK BACK AT WHO WAS WITH HER NO MATTER WHO, HOW MUCH YOU KNOW THEM, AND EVEN HOW MUCH YOU LOVE THAT PERSON. THEY MAY HAVE DONE IT. MAN OR EVEN WOMEN FOR THAT MATTER. IM NOT A DR. BUT HOW CAN THAT HAPPEN WHILE PLAYING?????????