D.P. asks from Torrance, CA on November 16, 2011
Help My 4Yrd Is Lying and Whining All the Time Dont Know What to Do Help
my daugther will be 4 in Dec and she lies alot and blames everything on her older brother he is 14.
and the whining drives us crazy. i dont know what do do anymore
C.S. answers from Milwaukee on November 16, 2011
My son will be 4 in December too. I just read an article regarding lying and preschoolers. The advice was: don't overreact..at 4/5 kids don't understand the complexity of a lie or the moral issue behind it. They just understand that they can make up things, are embarassed or scared and you react, etc...when they do it, acknowledge that you know it's not the truth, (like when they color on the wall and say they didn't, but are holding the crayon), explain that's not ok and move on.
As far as the whining goes...I think it's a 4 year old thing too! We just say-"use your words, stop whining, we can't understand you". Or, I'm not going to talk to you until you use your words... It helps, but it's not an instant fix you have to stay with it and repeat often!
1 mom found this helpful
R.H. answers from New York on November 16, 2011
Try giving her a time out when she whines.
1 mom found this helpful
F.C. answers from Los Angeles on November 17, 2011
When my 4-yr old whines I don't respond to whatever he's whining about. I just tell him I don't listen to whiny voices and then he restates it. You still have to solve/intervene in whatever the problem is but it has drastically reduced the whining - a big relief.
S.H. answers from Honolulu on November 16, 2011
Big age difference developmentally.
I have a 5 year old son.
His sister is 4 years older.
He will sometimes whine and blame her.
And then, we go and talk to him in another room. We let him tell US, why he is blaming and complaining.
To a little 5 year old's mind.... he is really valid. Because, his older sister... OFTEN is just more verbal and articulate and able to jump the gun faster than he can... in defending herself or giving reason 'why' something is unfair. Hence, he will complain/whine.
Once we KNOW... what is really going on, per his 5 year old interpretation of it.... he really is, valid. And we acknowledge, that. Then we speak to our older child. We explain how it might seem to a young 5 year old. About the situation.
Then we ALL come to an understanding of it.
This happened to my son, even just yesterday.
To him... the whole situation was really unfair. And it was. We didn't know... how he felt or WHY he was complaining. But after talking with him... calmly and by letting him vent/explain... we understood.
He was not 'wrong.'
But his manner of expressing his conundrum... was irritating.
But it was solved.
The thing is, a young child and an older child, interprets things DIFFERENTLY. Not by the same logic or emotions even.
Then you also teach... your youngest child, about HOW to tell Mommy/Daddy, about what is bothering him. And show him how. Tell him the words he can use... and the tone of voice. Practice it.
My son, even at 3 years old, knew what a 'lie' was.
To him, he was not lying.
He also knows, what 'blaming' is.
But in some situations, they resort to this... because, they don't know how else to cope.
J.S. answers from Los Angeles on November 17, 2011
I'm finding myself sharing this program with moms almost every day.
I found out about a program called Grooming the Next Generation when I had a friend, who had three children all under 5 all well-behaved! It’s a program taught by Dani Johnson, who was recently on Oprah and ABC’s Secret Millionnaire. The program applies to children age 1 to late teens.
The lying will stop! But more importantly, you will learn what you need to do to discipline your child with love and groom your child to succeed in life by teaching them basic skills they need.
You can read more about the program at:
Hope this helps,