HELP My 3 Year Old Knows Her Abc but Won't Tell You Her Letters

You mean well but you are taking the fun out of learning. She's only 3 years old and she has years and years of academics ahead of her. Don't let her get burnt out now. Besides, pre-k is exactly where she will be learning all this stuff (you don't need to know ahead of time) and those preschool teachers have such fun personalities and great resource materials, and your daughter will be learning all of this new stuff along side of her new best friends and they will all be eager to absorb all of the stuff that the teacher has to throw at them.

I do think it is very admirable that you and your husband are wanting to help your daughter learn all of her ABC's, 123's and so forth, but try to do it in a natural, fun loving way as possible. These websites probably will give you some good ideas on age-appropriate learning games that you can do with your daughter:

www.ivillage.com
www.familyfun.com
www.parents.com

Wishing you and your family all the best.

***ADDITION: I just read over your's "So What Happened Post". You wrote that most of the members who replied have 3 and 4 year old children who can read and write. Now I am not going to read through all the replies right now (it is a Friday night after all) but I can tell you unequivocally that it is not age appropriate for children to be writing at 3 and 4. If you force the issue before they are physically ready, you can do some real damage to your daughter's hand.

And as for reading, I know an awful lot of 3 and 4 year olds and 99.9% of them are not reading. Reading simple sight words like "a", "an", "the", and "this" are really not taught until children are well into kindergarten. I have to tell you, I'm really concerned here. I think maybe you have a boatful of unrealistic expectations and are setting you and your daughter up for some really frustrating times ahead. You need to be more flexible in your thought process here and try to look at things in a more realistic perspective.

Lastly, memorizing something and being able to parrot it back is not necessarily the same as learning it and being able to generalize the information beyond just parroting it back.

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She is not ready. Singing a song and repeating what you say are different skills that she is ready for. Let her play, talk to her, read to her, take her to the zoo and the park and the grocey store and identify every object you can think off. Let her marvel at gravel and talk about the colors of the Christmas lights, but don't expect her to enjoy doing things that are developmentally beyond her years. All you can do right now is enrich her environment, you cannot give her a boost into the next developmental stage, and the one you are shooting for is many stages away from typical 3.

She is not too smart for her own good, but she is smart enough to know that she is not ready to do drills, and that is not stubborn, that should be a huge red flag to you to stop it ASAP. You are expecting more from her than a child her age can muster.

M.

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Knowing the ABC song and verbally repeating C is for clothes uses a different part of the brain than reversing the process to say what letter is for clothes. Children's brains develop in an sequential process, and that process can't be forced to any useful effect. A small percentage of kids can do what you're asking for at the age of 3, but most won't get that for at least the next year, and often longer.

You risk making your daughter very anxious about learning if you urge her to do more that she is capable of doing. The crying and distraction sound like she's anxious because she doesn't know how to please you.

The best thing you can do for her is to encourage imaginative play. Here's just one of MANY articles on the importance of play in young children, from Education.com: http://www.education.com/reference/article/Ref_Value_Play...

Many other articles warn against putting too much stress on academics in a child's early years. Research shows that any early advantage generally has leveled out by about 4th grade, and kids who have been urged along too fast burn out early.

So let your little girl play. She's a student of life, of motor skills, of language-building, of imagination, of burgeoning social skills. She's got so much to learn, and her little brain is cranking at full speed already.

By the way, the children who most love to read are children who are read to. And the single best predictor of a child's academic success is a large and varied vocabulary by the time she reaches age 4. So if you want to get her into books by reading to her, go for it!

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she doesnt have to know her abcs.. she is 3...

her preschool will spend the entire year learning 1 letter per week.

then again in kindergarden they will learn the letters - at a faster pace..

try going to starfall.com great website..

but really I think you are frustrating yourself and the child... she doesnt need to do this at this time..

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She is 3. She is getting drilled. Don't do it. She is too young for "working" on her letters, unless SHE initiates it. If you want to make it fun... then do.. but what you have described sounds to me like you are almost badgering her about her letters. She doesn't answer because: a) she is tired of the quizzes; b) she knows the answer and finds it beneath her to respond to such an easy question; c) the questioning sessions last too long; d) she wants to be loved for HER and not because she can answer your questions about letters; e) some combination of a,b,c and d.

Sorry to sound so harsh.. but if you start "pushing" her so hard at 3, what will you be like with her when she is in 1st grade? Will you be having her memorize her multiplication tables? Seriously.
If you want to ask her what letter starts "carrot" when you are making a salad... fine. But don't tell her 3 times that "c" starts carrot and then ask her what starts carrot. That is just insulting her if she does know.

If you want to "work" with her.. do so using manipulatives... don't quiz her. Help her make the letter "C" out of playdoh. Or the letter "S".. and then turn it into a snake that begins with the "sssssss" sound. But also make trees and bugs that don't involve ANY discussion of letters. She is "on to" your "teaching games" and doesn't enjoy it.
Sorry to sound so harsh.. but you don't want her to dislike learning. She has a lot of it left to do...
Lighten up and have some fun... no more quizzes... please.

Oh, also wanted to add this, as I just noticed that you said she may be too smart for her own good. If that really is what you think her abilities are, then I would lean heavily towards the "b" reason...( she finds it insulting that you are asking her something so simple that she has already proven she knows). My own daughter learned to READ at 3.5 years. It was HER idea. I used the workbook "Teach Your Child To Read in 100 Easy Lessons"... and they don't need to know their ABC's to do it. By the end of the book it is incorporated into the lessons. It really is 100 lessons. One a day. My daughter was reading small chapter books before her 4th birthday. Pick up a copy online (for less than $15) and look it over. If you really think she is advanced, she might be ready for reading.

Post update: let me emphasize, that my daughter came to me and asked me to teach her to read. I did not push it on her. My daughter is now 8 and is "gifted". She has ALWAYS been self motivated to learn beyond her age peers. She did not learn at the "normal" age... If your child is advanced in that way and approaches you, then there are methods you can use that are not flashcards and drills. That was my only point as far as that goes. But MOST kids aren't ready for reading until at least age 4 or later. My family loves books, and we've read to the kids multiple times a day plus 2 stories at bedtime since they were babies. "I Spy" books were the biggest hit with my daughter. If you get bored easily with the repetition of Dr. Seuss, then mix in some I Spy books and you can search together. So much FUN!

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Ummmm...your daughter is 3. I'm sure she would much rather be playing with her dolls.
No offense, I'm the mother of a highly intelligent daughter who was in kindergarten at 4, but if you get too rigid about things, they will tune you out.
My daughter was 2 and she could spell her name, first and middle, verbally.
It's not because I ever hounded her about it or made her repeat it or anything...I made up a song about it. It was the rhythm she picked up on.
Kids learn so easily if you just kind of make it part of daily life as opposed to "instruction" at this age. In my opinion.
At 3, after they've repeated something 5 or 6 times, a kid will tune out or you'll have to go on to the letter "D" or something.
D is for "done for a while".
:)
I know you are worried about preparing her for pre-k, but don't worry about it to the extent she has to know what an SAT exam stands for.
I think little kids learn more by going on walks and finding leaves and ladybugs and spiders and integrating lessons that way.
We all want our children to reach the fullest of their potential, but I think sometimes we put too much pressure on them.
And the super smart ones will figure out how to get out of it every time.
I hope you don't think I'm being disagreeable with you, I just think maybe you are too worried about her being perfect and for now, she's 3.
Pre-k won't be nearly so structured and she will likely flourish.
I think it's awesome that you work with her at home. Don't get me wrong.
Their little attention spans can only last so long and I think that's all that's the matter.

I hope you get some great responses and I wish you the best.

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I will respond not only as a parent (since I know you've heard lots of those) but as a former Kindergarten and pre-school teacher. There is absolutely no need for her to know her ABCs before going into pre-K. That is what pre-K is for! It helps her learn how to work with a structured environment and helps her get the skills for kindergarten.

Very few kids are reading before kindergarten. Many can "read" a familiar book, or know a few high-frequency words by sight, but they can't decode a word they've never seen before. So don't worry about if she can read yet. In fact, many kids go to kindergarten without knowing all their letters and they do fine.

Being able to sing the ABCs, and even repeat "a is for apple", is very different from knowing the ABCs. Lots of kids think that elemenopee is a letter (L-M-N-O-P) and that "now I know my ABCs ..." is part of the alphabet.

Right now it is more important for her to think learning is fun that to know anything to "be ready for school." All the consequences for not doing her lessons, etc, are teaching her that learning is a drag, no fun, and a chore that she'd rather not be doing (not the attitude you want her to go into school with). Take advantage of teaching moments as they come, but don't worry about how much she's learning. Drop the flashcards - or better yet, give them to her and let her play with them. In a few months or a year, you might find her "teaching" her dolls the letters, or even just naming the cards (if she sees the a and says apple, she is making a connection between the two, even if she's playing on her own). Just let her have fun and play with her dolls, it will probably make her more ready for school!

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Please don't push your child in academics. She doesn't need to be "ready" for pre-K this fall. She needs to play with her dolls!

She will do this when she is ready, if you don't make it so she hates school. Her job right now is learning the world around her, which is what play is for. Play is work. And children work very hard while they are playing. They are using their imagination, learning to interact with others, learning how to communicate and understand what people say to them. If you are planning on putting her in a pre-K that expects them to act like kindergartners, you are doing her a big disservice.

Instead of getting her past her personal feelings, please get past your personal feelings of wanting her to be so much more advanced that what a 3 year old should have to be. Her stubborness will just increase if you keep pushing her on this.

ADDITION:
D., most of the 3 and 4 year olds on this site cannot read and write. You've just seen a little sampling of moms talk about their kids. The rest of all these thousands of moms on this site with 3 and 4 year olds don't read and write. Please ask an educator what children's developmental milestones and education milestones should be, instead of comparing your child to those outside the norm.

D.

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She is only 3. Don't get caught up in what other kids are doing.
Do what is appropriate for your child.
Also, keep in mind, that kids this age cannot just sit for long periods per attention spans.
When your child gets fidgety... and cries, I would just stop. Its then too much for her.

Doing drills and flashcards and what not, at this age, for even longer than 10-15 minutes, is a lot. And kids all have varying ability for "memorizing" things. Even Kindergarten kids are still learning that stuff.

Plus, you do NOT want her to get turned-off by learning. Nor burnt out.
Don't punish her for it if she starts to get distracted. Just stop the "lesson."

If she rather play with dolls.... then fine. That is NORMAL. Then incorporate "learning" while playing. It does not have to be just sitting down at a desk or table for eternity and getting "quizzed."

Kids this age up until 8 years old... very auditory based in learning... from songs to rhyming etc. Not drills and flashcards.
In preschool, my Daughter's Teachers just spent learning in fun song and rhymes and pictures on the wall. ONLY a couple of minutes per subject. THAT IS ALL. And they played... kids need this. Its normal. That is how they learn too....

She will be learning this stuff in Preschool. She does NOT have to KNOW it "before" Preschool. There are kids of ALL levels in preschool. Don't worry or put this stress on your child.
She already displays "stress" from it. Take her cues.

A kid goes to preschool to learn this stuff. She will and can learn it there. Don't compare her to the other kids.

My son, is 3.5, and he learns while playing. While playing. I don't sit him down and drill him or do workbooks etc. He learns just while we "cook" or play or do regular play things. THAT is how he learned his alphabets and numbers etc.

My daughter on the other hand, liked workbooks and she had great concentration. But still, a kid after about 15 minutes, of that age, WILL get tired and/or distracted. So let her play.
Play and pretend play is a GREAT source of "learning" too.... so incorporate it into that and make it fun and creative. Have her count her dolls... see how many she has. Let her tell you the dolls' colors of its dresses... etc. Many ways to "teach" a child academics.

Both my kids are bright and like to learn... but not when it is forced or when they are tired and not when I push them. Then it does not work.

try other ways to teach her. When she cries... this is a blunt symptom of it being too much and her just worn out. Stop.

all the best,
Susan

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I really think you need to back off of it. If she doesn't know it now, she will by the time she needs to (and she doesn't need to yet!). Lots of kids just don't like to "perform" or be put on the spot. I certainly wouldn't do flash cards unless she seems interested in them. The magnets and puzzles are probably fine, but again, only if she seems like she wants to play along. If there are tears, then the session needs to end. Pre K is just that "PRE" kindergarten. She is only 3. I would be willing to bet she knows more than she lets on, but she doesn't enjoy being quizzed. I always made it a game with my daughter. We never had flash cards or anything like that because I don't think a kid that age needs that rigorous form of teaching. Just let her have fun with it. If you are doing the A is for...., B is for...., etc. game, ask her if she can think of anything else that starts with the letters. Also, the Leap Frog Letter Factory video was a favorite of my daughter's.

My daughter really likes to write (she is 4), but she is a perfectionist and when she messes up a letter or spells something wrong, she will get upset. Once she is upset, I make her put it away. I tell her most kids her age don't even know how to write and that we do it for fun and that if she isn't having fun, then we aren't going to continue doing it. She will have lots of years of school to burn her out.....we don't need to start now!

Give your daughter some space. There really are no expectations in Pre K and I would bet she knows most of the stuff already anyway. Just try to be a little more casual about it and discuss things while you're at the park or taking a walk and see if she can tell you what letter "tree" stars with or "flower". She will enjoy the games and talking much more than flash cards and quizzing. She'll get there, I promise! Good luck to you.

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She's only 3 - don't expect too much too soon. Most young toddlers/kids learn the ABC song but have no idea what it means - it's just another song to them. She'll know her ABC's when she enters kinder - that's two years away - be patient.

EDIT: Did you read the responses? Most of them did not say their 3 & 4 year olds can read - only some of them did. In your "So What Happened?", I'm afraid you did not get the gist of what everyone said, which is to 'chill out'. You are still wondering why she can't do it. We all learn in school that learning to rhythm and rhyme makes it easy - that's why she knows the ABC song and the top 10 ten song. Please be careful, you push her and expect too much, she may balk and go the other way.

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D....Read back through the responses that you got. Of the 28 responses, only 4 or 5 mention their children doing anything like reading or writing at age 3-4 and they all emphasize that their children did this early or are gifted or that they could do some aspect of these skills, but not others. It seems like you are so focused on what your child should be doing and comparing her to others that it is literally distorting your perspective. Relax! Like everyone else has said, she is at a completely appropriate developmental place in regards to these skills and her ONLY job right now is to play and learn whatever she learns through that. It would be so much more beneficial for her if, when she starts telling you a story about going to the park yesterday, you engage her in that and ask her questions about the story she is telling. Finally, you say in your update "I cannot allow my daughter to fall behind." It doesn't sound like your daughter is behind in any way, but that is not entirely in your control. There may come a day when she is behind or has a learning disability or struggles with a subject in school. You cannot control whether that happens or not. And, your attitude about it will be the biggest thing that influences how she feels about herself. You make it sound like it would be then end of the world if she was ever behind her peers. How do you think she will feel about herself if she ever does not excel? Like she has failed you? Like she is a failure? Like the worst thing ever has happened? My son, who is 3, has a speech delay. He is in the bottom 10% in articulation. Does this bother me? Sure...I want him to be understood by others and not be frustrated and be able to express himself. Are we doing anything about it? Yes, speech therapy and activities at home. Is it my biggest worry? Absolutely not. I am more concerned about if he is happy, if he has friends, if he likes preschool, how he feels about himself, that he knows he is safe and loved etc... He will catch up eventually and I hope that our attitude about it makes him never feel that anything was "wrong" with him. Please stop stressing about this and focus on celebrating your daughter for who she is.

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Hi, D. -
I remember this feeling so ,so well. My son and I worked on his letters every day, made our own Pokemon letter cards. When it came to "What letter for...?" he would blank out and it seemed as though he just did not want to work with me. He's an absolutely brilliant kid (always first in everything), but just wouldn't participate (though he participated happily with what you say your daughter works on with you). Your story sounds so much like ours.
We had him tested and found that his IQ is through the roof. He also has a learning difference (dysgraphia). All of that time I compared him with other kids and their progress and he really just couldn't do it. How terrible that I removed privileges! I just couldn't figure out why he "refused" to work on it.
I wish I had known back then, that someone would have mentioned it as a possibility. Not to say that this is the case with your daughter, but (speaking as a Mama and a teacher) this is one area that I wish I had never compared my son with other kids.

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D.-

Pleas remember she is 3. Do you really want her to feel pressured into knowing these skills. Learning should be fun. I say teach her on how to have fun, how to de-stress, cook, coping skills, and social skills. It is amazing how many children may know how to read or write at a young age but can't get along with their peer or listen to their teacher. RELAX and have fun!

My son also is very stubborn and also would refuse to tell me answers that I knew he already knew. The pre-k teacher suggested that we stopped pressuring him (age 4) and take our leads from him. He is trying more and "showing off" his skills to us now.

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She's only 3 , she won't recognise letters yet despite knowing the ABC song. My daughter just learnt to reconise the letters this school year , she was 4 in December and is still in preschool. I think you are asking and expecting too much of her and it is unrealistic.

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be patient.
there's some kids in kindergarten learning their abcs : )

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I wouldn't worry so much about it. 3yr olds should just be starting to recognize their letters and numbers, not be completely reading and writing yet. Some know them at 2yrs old and some don't learn them until 5yrs old. Each kid is different. So don't stress out that she doesn't know them. She has 20yrs of schooling ahead of her, so let her enjoy her young childhood without so much academic pressure. My middle daughter started learning her letters at around 3yrs old and started reading at 5, and now at 9yrs old, she's a fantastic reader (it's easily her strongest academic skill). My youngest daughter was writing her own name at 2 and spelling out words like "octopus" at 3, she's not quite as good a reader as her older sister was in second grade. So their abilities at 3yrs old aren't necessarily what they'll be in the future. For now, it's more important for your daughter to love reading and being read to, to see that books are for enjoyment and not always lessons. And if you truly believe she knows all her letters and is just being stubborn, then I think she's trying to tell you to slow down and back off a bit. Most kids, MOST KIDS, do not start pre-k already knowing all their letters and numbers...THAT'S what pre-k is for. She will learn the basics in pre-k, but imaginative playing with her dolls, etc is just as important as academics at this age. I say, let her play as much as she wants, even better if you get down on the floor with her and play with her!

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I asked a similar question and one of the moms said that kids this age can also be thinking "why are you asking me this question, you already know the answer?" LOL. My pediatrician said not to worry about this kind of stuff. It sounds like you're working with her and she knows it. She's only 3; relax and let her be a kid. You're putting the info in her brain. She'll use it when she really needs to.

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I cannot believe that you've had so many people say their 3 and 4 year old can write and read. I really don't believe that. At three most don't have the physical coordination and control for writing. Most kids aren't reading before they go into kindergarten. (There are exceptions of course.)

She is only 3. Don't worry yourself about what your daughter doesn't know yet. That is what school is for!!! She is perfectly fine. Just make things fun and learning will come naturally.

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First I must say that I mean all this in the kindest possible way and it sounds like you want the best for your daughter.

I will have to agree it sounds like you are simply pushing too hard and you and your husband need to relax. There is no requirement to read and write to be ready for PRE-school after all. If she is crying, I think it really shows she is not happy with all the drills. I would follow the advice of some of the other posts, and remember that she is just three - you don't want to sour the learning experience for her. Young children learn by 3D interaction with their environments...do more outside play and "teach" her about her world that way. Playing with dolls is a great way to learn and far more appropriate and less stressful than pushing her with drills.

In my opinion you want her to look forward to going to pre-school and not dread it thinking she'll be drilled there. pre-school is as much about social interactions as it is about actual "skills" so please relax.

I am sure she's fine - and will be even better once you & your husband relax a little. If he's the one pushing maybe you should have an honest discussion about why this is so important to him (or vice versa). You don't want to make your issues her issues.

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Becareful not to stess her out it will delay literacy and create a negative attitude towards learning. It is normal to know the abc's and disconnect them from the picture/symbol. As an educator I'd suggest playing games such as: I spy(the books work well), label your house together, have her tell you the word and write it large with the constantant (or blends) in a different color... each day just do 5. Have a letter of the week shelve have an object hunt in your home (only focus on two things) make a card together. Play with shaving cream on the windows writing letters.. But make sure it is always fun and for short increments of time. You could choose to follow the game with a story... she could listen for sounds.. have her listen and put her finger on her nose everytime she hears an 'm' sound.. Give her lots of praise. At three she should not be expected to know her abc's... the real age of the onset of literacy is 7/8... I had a student from Sweden (they do not start school until developmentally ready) and it was his first year (third grade) and he was ready and eger to learn and out did all of his peers in everything.. Stress hinders learning. Keep it fun.... never punish a child for not learning.

My opinion...these are very absorbing times for them. They are like a sponge right now. They were learning before they could even speak. So, best to just get the info in their little heads and let the schools worry about all the testing. She knows how to do it and will have no problems, it sounds like you have worked with her quite a bit. I am sure she is far more educated than over half those in her class. She will be fine and I am sure you have done a great job.

She does not need to know her letters for Pre-K. I say drop it, the more you push her the more she will resist and later hate the learning process. If you really feel strongly about her learning her letters right now, here are a couple of things we did that worked really well:

- We did one or two letters per week and reviewed the next week

- I got these foam letters for the bathtub that stick to the walls when they are wet. You can say what the letters are while you play, you can make boats, stick them together on the wall as words, etc. All three of my kids love them. You don't need to get her to say the letter back to you, believe me she will pick up on what they are as you play. One day she will just start identifying them.

- Cut big letters out of colored paper and stick them to objects around the house, e.g. "A" is for Apple, etc. As you go by them just mention what the letter is. Again, she does not need to repeat back to you, that will come in time.

In short, just lighten up on it a bit. Your daughter will not fall behind, especially since she is so smart. Just make it all fun and not a chore so she has a long life of loving to learn.

Good luck!

I think maybe you are pushing too hard. She is still really young. And that is really what Pre-K is about..besides learning how to interact with other kids and follow directions. Make games out of it and have fun without making her feel like she is learning. I used to get play-gough and have my kids make letters out of the dough..it used all there senses to make these and they didn't feel like they were learning.

I highly recommend the Leap Frog video called the Letter Factory. It's fun and teaches the letters and their sounds. It's much simpler than the way you've been teaching. I would have done the same thing if the Leap Frog toys hadn't taught me how to simplify the letter sounds. We learned to read so long ago that how could we possibly remember how to teach it? And these videos are only about $8 at Walmart. They have more in the series, but Letter Factory is first.

Don't worry about what other kids can do. Asking a question like this just opens up an opportunity for moms to brag about their smart kids. I had to stop myself from doing it, too, actually. My kids are gifted, and that comes with lots and lots of problems, so don't wish for your daughter to be gifted!

If she is going to pre kindergarten and you are teaching her what they will leaRn in pre k, why aRe you going to send her. Leave her alone ad let them teach her in school. If the school has said thaT she needs to know those things before they will take her, then find aNother preschool.
She is only 3 years old - I think she is doing very well. I think that if you stop working with her and stop the stress and crying, she will start talking about the letters on her own. I feel sorry for her, I can't imagin what will be going on when she is doing "real" homework in the upper grades in grade shool. Why don't you just love her, hug her, laugh and play with her aNd most of all ENJOY THESE YEARS!! She will be grown up so soon.

M. B Grandma to 11

How long are you practicing with her? Maybe she is just getting bored. I wouldn't practice for more than 10 minutes a day or else she is going to get burnt out.

D., I have not read too many of the the other responses, but some...and YES RELAX!!!!
She is just three. At this age is advisable to teach by playing and having fun...please, please do not force her and do not push aside her love for learning. The kids at this age, learn the ABC's very well and several other songs, but still they don't make sense about the relation between the ABC's song and the letters themselves. Your daughter will make sense out of it eventually. She already is doing a very good job. Every milestone and phase in kids' development have its own time. It is very good to teach them, and encourage them to develop new skills and enhance their learning, but it isn't helpful to push the little ones because it will cause an opposite reaction (the same with potty training! I understand that you want the best for her like all of us moms; however, give her time, and keep teaching her by playing without major structure. Have fun together and never compare your kids with others'. Remember always that this is not a competition to have the brightest and smartest kid or the proudest mom in the class, it is a matter of teaching YOUR KID the love for learning, the skills for learning, and the tools for knowledge.
Good luck and take it easy!

she will learn letters and numbers in preschool, so don't worry about it. sometimes kids prefer to learn from a teacher rather than a parent. that's ok! she enjoys learning other things with you, right? no biggie.

Maybe she really doesn't know. Parroting you does not mean she understands and makes the connection. Don't worry though. One day she'll it all of a sudden get it and make the connection. If you want to help, stop drilling. Make learning fun. Try the letter factory. My daughter knew most of her letters. She watched it 3 times. After that she knew all of her letters and the sounds they made. She's known them for over a year now (she's 4) but doesn't read or write. I don't worry because I know she will when she's ready. If you are sending her to preschool don't worry about it, if not you can try http://www.letteroftheweek.com/Preparatory.html

This is a late response and I haven't read the others....
The Letter Factory is an awesome video. It taught my daughter and now my son the letters and their sounds. Make the video a "special" video and can only watch it at certain times so when you put it in she is sure to watch it. It really will make a huge difference.

I agree with the other posters. She is 3 - relax! My son is also three and I also get stressed out when he tunes me out. I just move on to something else. As far as others saying their child can read and write at age 2 and 3, honestly, for the most part, I think it's exagerated. Just because you can sort of copy a letter does not mean you can write. And as far as "reading", I'd like to know how many of these child geniuses are really reading. Just because they memorize what one word looks like, can they take the same letters and create another word? I'm guessing no. Don't stress Mama and I'll try to do the same.

HI--
This may be a late answer, but your child isn't even almost behind. Stop pressuring her--she'll learn when she's ready. And if that isn't until kindergarten she won't be worse off. Let her learn at her own pace. My son knew all his phonics at age 3. Right now he is nearly six and is just now starting to read. Even though he had the skill he just wasn't interested. Now he's showing interest and he's picking it up quickly and easily without any fuss. Follow her lead. The most important way she learns at this age is through play, so let her play. She has the rest of her life to go to school. Besides, pre-k is for teaching her all of this. She doesn't need to know it before she goes.
J.

I think it would be best to listen to what your bright, wonderful girl is telling you as clearly as she can--she needs less pressure. I would bet that she will be just fine in school, but that if you continue working with her in this way, she's going to be turned off to learning. She's only been in this world 3 short years, after all. Don't worry about what other kids are or aren't doing, just take your cues from her, and everything will be fine. Good for you for realizing that it's not working like this. Good luck!

My daughter is 3, almost 4. She started pre K last August. She knows lots of things and we have always incorporated learning into our games. HOWEVER, if she is not in the mood to learn or not in the mood to show you what she knows then she doesn't pay attention/ share what she knows. The preschool teacher thought she had never painted before because she stared blankly at the paper and paints. I have noticed her learning things a lot faster, though, since she has been in school. So between the teacher's instruction and my instruction she knows a lot....she can even read and write a few words. I think she is one of the few in her class that can and she is one of two that started last year. Everyone started at 1 or 2. During the parent teacher conference the teacher said that she can definitely tell which students have parents that work with them at home.

So keep up doing the good work! You will be surprised at how much your daughter learns when she has school and you....she will also gain the confidence to share her answers with you.

I just read your update and let me tell you so far she is a regular little girl and has not fallen behind anything. I know this is a common fear among parents and is often unfounded. Relax, have fun with her .

Chill. Other posters have commented that very few 3 and four year olds read and/or write. That has been my experience too. And I've known lots of kids that age and we live in a community where parents are well educated and interested in education.

I have a 9 and 12 year old and my kids went to pre-school and school with lots of bright kids. My son was a VERY EARLY reader at 4 years old. This was not typical of other children in his peer group. (My husband also read when he was very young, 45 years ago when no one was teaching their kids to read when they were 3 and 4.) The next reader in his peer group was reading almost a full year later. My daughter learned to read in Kindergarten, and was one of the first readers in her grade at a good school. (btw two years later she was identified as academically "gifted") I don't tell you this to brag, but to illustrate that you that your daughter is doing fine, it's you and your husband who have to chill. Your daughter is ready. The most important thing you can teach her now is a love for learning. At her age, as others have pointed out in different ways, this means showing her interesting things, fostering her curiosity -- NOT ramming facts down her throat. Since we live in a nutty competitive world, I understand why you are so concerned, but it is really so much simpler than you are making it right now. Allow her to love learning, and to blossom and grow. Play is how young children learn -- this is how the seeds are sown for a lifetime of learning. Also 3 year olds can not usually stay with a learning task for an extended period of time -- like you are wanting and expecting her too. Take it easy. Enjoy your bright sweet little girl. They grow up so fast.

I so could of wrote this myself I'm a stay at home mom of two my son is in school my daughter is 3 also she can sing the ABC"S she knows what an A is looking at it and can write it now but when I start asking her other questions about school stuff I get the same reaction from her but my 2 year old niece who I'm teaching preschool to also does perfectly fine for me. People always tell me and I say a lot now is that kids will learn better from someone else besides there parents. I don't know why but they do. Good Luck

Don't worry that some other people's 3 and 4 yr old can read and write. Your 3 year old is NOT falling behind. I'm so sorry you are stressed about this, because you do not need to. Our parents used to go to KINDERGARTEN to LEARN their ABC's. So don't set your standars according to what everyone else's child is doing. Each child learns in their own way and learns different things at different times. Preschool is not so she can get book smart. A lot of is social, creativity, experience, music, and then the learning part is to keep her familiar with knowledge so that as it is repeated to her over and over again through preschool and through you pointing out things like, "hey look at that big K on the sign over there" she will learn. She doesn't need to be able to tell you everything she knows by the age of 3. I think you are doing great to introduce her to letters and numbers, but right now the way that kids learn is through play and through fun. It's SO good for kids to play and to imagine. And you can do that with them and always throw in lessons about letters and numbers. But at her age, don't stress yourself out. Too many moms get so concerned about getting their children to be smart by 3. Well, they probably ARE super smare by age three even if they don't read to you or practice letters with you. So just relax and have fun. There are no expectations of knowing letters by preschool.

I know I am way late in answering this. But don't forget she is only 3. My 4 year old was the same way. She always loves to sing and I teach her piano, but things were not clicking. But just recently things are clicking and she is doing a lot better. I would also show her letters and she had no clue no matter how many times we talked about it. I am a firm believer that all children mature differently and it "clicks" at a different time for each one of them. If she is finishing Kindergarten and doesn't know her letters I would worry, but let her be a kid!!!! I have one daughter that read before kindergarten and one that it didn't click until the end of first grade. The second daughter I can't get out of a book now and is a very advanced and sophisticated reader. The one that it comes so easily to is a great reader but enjoys an easier read. So please do not stress your child out at 3, she is still just a toddler. Learning should be fun!!!!

Just let her be a kid they grow up too fast. She does not need to know these things even for kindergarten. My kids didn't recognize their letters going into K and all 4 of them ended up in the gifted and talented program by 2nd grade. If she is that smart it will come to her when she is ready. My 5th grader now reads books most adults read. (She read all 4 Twilight books in less than a month). If you push too early they will really hate school and the problems will be alot worse than her not wanting to tell you her ABC's. Ex: My 17 year old dropped out because he was sooo bored in school. (He could ditch Algebra for 3 weeks and still go in and ace the test) Hope this helps.

My advice would be to take it easy. Get the Core Knowledge preschool book and workbooks. They are so colorful and fun and they help you move very gradually with your child. They give tips on each page and my 4 year old and I have had so much fun using these. There is a 3 yr. old book and a 4 year old book, and a read aloud book. I have 4 children and she is my 4th. This has been the most fun I have had with all my children. I am sorry I didn't do this with all of them. Also, when you teach her the letters, just focus on the SOUNDS. That is the main thing she needs to know.