Help! My 2 Year Old Is Physically Aggressive Towards Myself and My Husband!!

Hello T.,

two things to check (well, more than two): do you give her vitamins? I had a similar issue w/ my 2-year old after I switched vitamins because we went on a trip and forgot his regular vits. so I got gerber vitamins... hi was hitting, kicking, marking walls, etc. well, I guess I won't be doing that again. btw, no high fructose corn syrup. check all the labels.

Also, if you ever get a chance, get her neck checked by a chiropractor. if the 1st vertebrae is tilted the wrong way, it would also cause "anger" issues. that could have easily happened during birth. no need to fall for it to happen.... so, please know that I am not insinuating that your baby was dropped. =)

do you use organic milk? if not, it might be a good idea to try it for a few days and see how she responds. You do know how we get when we have extra estrogen in our body... PMS... and don't forget those wonderful 9 months of pregnancy. keep looking until you get the right answer for you and it may be a combination of things.

remember that some of it's like playing chicken... don't blink or she wins! find out what her "currency" is... toys, etc. and then you'll have more leverage. and pray a lot.

good luck! ~C.~

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I also have two grown daughters and was given a little booklet that is very Bible-based that was very helpful to us when the girls were little. The complete pamphlet is available online at http://www.ntmu.net/lovingcommand.htm. It is definitely not the way our world thinks children should be raised, but it is the way God thinks they should be trained.

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Good Morning T.,
I am sorry you and your family are going thru this. My daughter was the same way and she started doing that at about 18 months old and is now 2 1/2. I constantly sent her to her room, over and over and over. If she was screaming, she could not come of her room until she was thru throwing a fit. Gradually, the behavior slowed down and has now stopped. At this point she will sometimes start to hit and catch herself. And I also would tell night time stories of a little girl that didn't hit or bite others.
Hope you find something that helps-have a good day.
H.

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Hi T.,
My heart goes out to you! I don't have any girls but I have two boys. My husband and I have zero tolerance on hurting others. No warnings, nothing. Instant time out. I started on day one that they first hit so it worked well for us. Since this problem has a history I would have a plan for what is to be done when this happens. No reaction, just a disipline plan. If she won't sit still for a time out be prepared for a struggle that you are going to win, which might take a while to happen. Just keep returning her to the spot without saying a word. You must get the upper hand through calmness and consistency.
C.

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Is she still sleeping in a crib? If so, take her to her room, put her in the crib and tell her - I am not talking to you until you calm down. I would stay in the room, but do NOT accept a child hitting you. I suggest the crib because that is a "safe" place where she can't hurt herself.

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My son is 16 months somewhat similar situation.
We were giving him a warning before putting in time-out.
No more, immediately hold them in lap, facing away, for 2 minutes & then tell them biting hurts, we don't bite people. A dramatic decrease in just a couple of days.
Good luck.

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I JUST read an article about this last night in Parenting magazine. I pasted it below. Good luck!

Q. My toddler screams and bites like nobody's business. Is this normal, and how can I stop it?

A. It's probably normal. Lots of little kids go through a phase of acting out physically, especially when they haven't learned enough words to communicate their frustration easily. My 2-year-old, Liam, is going through this now.

There are some things you can do to help your son get through this phase more quickly -- and help you survive it:

React quickly and firmly. Immediately say "No biting" in a calm, stern voice. Take him to a quiet place where he can calm down.

Be consistent. I know it's hard, but if you let him bite sometimes because you're too worn out to deal with it, he assumes that biting is okay -- and will continue.

If he's just screaming, ignore him. Show him that's not the way to get your attention.

Give positive feedback for stopping. If he manages to calm himself down, let him know how proud you are of him.

Watch for triggers. Does he get out of control more often when he's tired? Hungry? (Both are true for Liam.) If so, try to make sure he gets enough sleep and eats regularly. And try to plan around his most difficult times. If late afternoons are impossible, for instance, don't run errands or make play-dates then.

Distract him. This is one of the key survival strategies for toddlerhood. When he starts working himself up, quickly step in with something that's a favorite, or just unexpected ("Hey! Let's do the Chicken Dance!"). You'll be amazed how often it works.

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My two year olds do that, too. A couple of suggestions...

1) Check and see if she has to burp. I know it sounds silly, but one of my daughters does the exact same thing when she is already frustrated about not being able to get her burp out. Being told to do something sends her over the edge! Give her some gas drops (my daughter likes the Maalox Max fruit chews. I asked a pharmacist and you can't OD on simethicone, so the adult ones are okay for her and they're cheaper)

2) Put her in time out. Explain why she is being put in TO. Then, after 2 minutes, explain again why she was in TO and have her apologize to you for misbehaving and to the person she hurt. If she refuses to apologize keep her in TO until she says sorry. Sometimes it seems like she will be in TO forever, but eventually they figure it out. My kids used to be bad about biting, etc., but now they hardly ever do it.

Good luck!

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sounds like you may have a disorder on your hands, take her to the doc for a referal

You didn't mention any consequences that you gave when she acts this way. Try different things, but a good swat on the fanny and told this behavior is not acceptable, if other things don't work, but you can tell her she can't have thus and so or get to go to park etc. if she does this again , and stick with it, and say well we were going to the park and play today, but because of your behavior we have to stay home. And as for the biting, if nothing else works, next time she bite, bite her back, and say to her this is how it feels, we don't EVER do this again understand??? If she starts to scrach, hold her hands, promptly sit her in a chair or put her in her room and tell her until she behaves she will stay there. You may have tried all this, but it wasn't mentioned in your note.

T.,
Our step-grandson acted like this when we first got to know him and our daughter-in-law. One day I had enough of him hitting, kicking and biting his Mother. I got in his face and told him that his behaviour was unexceptable at our house and made him sat down on the couch after telling his Mom he was sorry. It took several times of being very strict with him but when he realized we were not going to tolerate this kind of behaviour he stopped. He is the nicest 15 year old a grandmother could ever want now. We love him dearly.

I don't know about the rest of the moms out there, but when my child bit me, I bit him back. It stopped his biting when he realized it actually hurt. (My child is now a grown man.) And, I have talked to other moms that have done the same thing and it worked with their children, too. I can't say the same thing about hitting because I didn't have a hitter - but, I don't know that hitting her back is the right approach. I trust that other moms will be able to come up with some positive ideas on the other aggressive behaviors.

I've never dealt with this, with my 3 children, however, it maybe an issue with our grandson. Years ago I use to babysit in my home and had a couple of angry kids. I asked my Aunt what I should do, she worked in a childrens home for years. She said to try and reverse things on them. If it was time to pick up the toys, I would start and tell the kids, "you wouldn't enjoy this" or "I'm picking up so I can play....". I may have used the I'm getting ready for snack/go shopping/etc. I now work at a elementary school and I've found reversing things on the kids often helps. I know what would have happened to me, when I was a kid, but that was in the 'dark age' :) I'm pushing 45ish and I know how times have changed. It's worth a shot and I wish you LUCK!! Let us know how it works out.

Watch SuperNanny on Wed nights at 9pm on ABC. She deals with this alot!