17 answers

Help - My 15-Yr-old Son Snuck Out of the House at Midnight!

My 15-yr-old 10th grade son recently snuck out of our house at midnight and rode his bike two miles to go see his 'girlfriend'. My husband got up early and he walked into the living room, our house alarm sounded, because my son had incorrectly re-set it when he left...my husband then noticed that my son's bike was missing from the patio, he looked in my son's room & found it empty at 4am!!

My son has never done anything like this...not even close. We immediately assumed he'd gone to her house, so we took different routes and arrived at her house to find his bike there. We knocked and rang the bell...no answer. He finally answered his phone and we told him to come out...now. When we arrived home, we tried to speak to him about WHY he would do something that goes against everything he's been taught, something he knows is wrong. The most we could get from him was he wanted to see her, and he was bored, and all they did was play on the computer, watch music videos & fell asleep. He'd set his phone alarm to 4:30am to be home before we woke up. Later in the day, we spoke to the girl's Mom, who said she was proud of the way her daughter wanted to help her friend when he was depressed & possibly suicidal (!?!) but that maybe she's handled it the wrong way. I asked him if he used the word suicidal and he said he didn't think so...but that he was bored with his life & depressed. He knew it was wrong to do what he's done...but he did it anyway because he wanted to see her & he was bored. They were talking on the phone & he just decided to head to her house ... she said ok.

My son has recently dropped ADD medication...he took Concerta for about seven years and did well on it, but felt like he'd like to try to go without it over the summer...he was fine and wanted to try the school semester without it. Grades are average, behavior is a little up & down, but nothing big...appetite is better.

My question: is this somewhat normal behavior for a 15-yr-old boy with a first 'girlfriend'...could this be a possible effect of the dropping the meds? How much of this is teen drama? We have an appointment for a consultation with his Pediatrician next week.

Thanks for any advise or thoughts or input!!

S.

What can I do next?

Featured Answers

This is typical teenage behavior and you will be doing everyone a disservice if you try to blame it on the lack of meds. Boys have been sneaking out of their own homes and sneaking into girls' bedroom windows since the beginning of time. ADD has NOTHING to do with it.

Since he's so "bored" with his life, I would make a huge list of chores for him so he can be busy and not bored.

6 moms found this helpful

My daughter did this ONCE, at 14. We came down hard on her and she never did it again.
Re the depression? He could be being dramatic or making excuses but I would take it seriously. Ask his doctor for a referral to a therapist, and if there's a question of meds he should see a psychiatrist for that, not his pediatrician.

4 moms found this helpful

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There a a few things that seem really off about your story. Why didn't an adult answer the door. I am picturing my own home with someone knocking at 4:30 in the morning. We'd be up in a flash, wouldn't anyone?

Secondly the way the other Mom says she was proud of her daughter. What? She had a boy in her room in the middle of the night. If my daughter was telling me about a suicidal, depressed boy she was seeing I'd be concerned about both of them. I wouldn't wait for something like this to happen before doing something.

You seem more concerned about finding out why your son would do this then figuring out how to keep him from doing it again. Do you think he's depressed? Do you think he's in danger of suicide? Seems likely the girl just told her Mom that she was "helping" him as an explanation for what they did. I wouldn't take him to a pediatrician I'd take him to a psychiatrist to see if there is any validity to the girl's claims. I'd also be sure he has condoms. Finally I would make him really, really sorry that he broke the rules and scared the heck out of his parents.

13 moms found this helpful

S., you're getting some posts saying basically that your son is playing you by claiming to be depressed and that the "suicidal" or depressive talk is just a cover-up for normal teen hormones.

Wow. What a huge assumption for them to make.

Get him evaluated pronto (I would not wait). You have NO way to know if he is just making up the depression to get off the hook as some here indicate, or if he really is depressed. You have to assume for now that he is, and you need to get him immediate help (as well as immediate discipline that includes doing whatever you must to ensure he cannot sneak out again). If you assume as some posters here do that he's just playing you, and it turns out that he was indeed depressed or even suicidal -- could you live with that?

I would also check all your son's online activity and texts if you don't already. I would meet with the girl's mother immediately and tell her that you need to know exactly how she "knows" your son is suicidal. I agree with the person who said she could punch this mother for not calling you the instant she heard your son was supposedly suicidal. (I also wonder why she did not answer urgent knocks at the door in the night? Wouldn't anyone, wondering if it was the cops with bad news--? If she was not in the house, that's your huge red flag that this girlfriend is unsupervised and this house is not a place your son should ever be.)

Your son might need immediate therapy and a real diagnosis -- you don't say he actually has ever seen a doctor about depression (and surely the meds are a factor?). You and your husband might want to talk to someone about how to communicate with him better about his depression and about the girlfriend.

If it turns out he admits that yes, all the depression/suicide stuff is just him seeking attention from the girlfriend or from you -- then you and he still have a lot of work to do, probably with a counselor.

13 moms found this helpful

I do have a question.

IF you really knocked and rang the doorbell then where in the heck were HER parents? Asleep? With someone knocking and ringing the bell?

What was she doing home alone with a boy in her house in the middle of the night?

I think if the girlfriend thinks he's suicidal then he may be. I'd go to a psychiatrist for his meds.

TRULY! A pediatrician is not really qualified to give mental health medications and ADD/ADHD drugs and/or antidepressants fall into the realm of a psychiatrist.

13 moms found this helpful

One thought, please make sure he has condoms.

And knows how to use them.

:)

12 moms found this helpful

S.,

Welcome back - you've been gone awhile!!

I'm sorry - I have a hard time believing that a mother of a teenaged daughter would be proud of her daughter allowing a boy into her room at midnight.

1. Why didn't the mother call you and tell you that your son was there?
2. Why didn't she answer the door when you knocked and rang the door bell?

If your son is depressed - I wouldn't wait a week to talk to a doctor. I would call TODAY and tell them you need a referral to a psychologist or go back to the doctor who put him on the Conserta in the first place.

Then I would call the security company and get alarms added to the windows. Then change the code so my son can't sneak out.

If my kids did this? I would be LIVID. However, I would try and work with them to get to the root of the problem. Letting them know I'm VERY disappointed with the decision he made to sneak out, sad that he felt he couldn't talk to me and scared that he could have been seriously hurt or killed during his outing and we wouldn't have known and would have been frantic trying to find him.

Get your son the help he needs for his depression.
Keep the lines of communication open so that your son knows he can come to you.
get the alarm system fixed so he can't sneak out again.

11 moms found this helpful

Depressed? Yeah right. Wanting sex and to be with his girlfriend? Yep.

Teens with push over parents sneak out more than once. Teens with strong parents that use discipline don't sneak out for fear of the consequences.

Good luck to you and yours.

6 moms found this helpful

This is typical teenage behavior and you will be doing everyone a disservice if you try to blame it on the lack of meds. Boys have been sneaking out of their own homes and sneaking into girls' bedroom windows since the beginning of time. ADD has NOTHING to do with it.

Since he's so "bored" with his life, I would make a huge list of chores for him so he can be busy and not bored.

6 moms found this helpful

This IS normal for his age. It's the kind of normal you want to discourage -- just the way you discourage a 2-year-old from biting other children in the sandbox -- but it's age-appropriate in a sense.

My big question for you is, did he taper off the Concerta? Under a doctor's watchful eye? Abruptly stopping any medication can be pretty dangerous. That -- and any indication that he might be suicidal -- those are the real red flags in your post. I wouldn't discount the possibility of suicidal impulses, even if he hasn't said anything of the kind to you.

5 moms found this helpful

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