Help! My 10 Year Old Daughter.

As a general rule, I care as much about my kid's appearance as THEY do. One lesson in life that many others will teach our kids for us: caring about image. There are plenty of people in this world that will make her think image is important, I think her innocence is beautiful, if only we could all just be "covered" everyday, then this world would be a better place. But, no, as we grow away from our inner-child, we think it's more important to impress people. I, however, am very impressed with your daughter, good for her, she marches to her own drum, too bad the rest of us feel the need to conform so often.

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Since she is tastefully covered and is very outgoing and social and has lots of friends, I would just let her free spirit be and just sit back and smile at it! =0) My daughter is almost 5 and dresses herself each day. She has a very "sparkly" personality and the brighter it is and the more it clashes....the happier she is! LOL I figure it will all come to an end soon enough, so I just grin and bear it. Just yesterday she had on a lime green and blue shirt, a different shade of lime green skirt, and her red sparkly "dorothy" shoes. And that's what she wore to school and she was happy as a clam. =0) I don't think you have any reason at all to worry. Just let that unique personality and style shine, mom!

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Mama!
I was really GLAD that my girls (now 20 and 31) WEREN'T picky about clothes because we couldn't afford the 'latest fashion'. What does it matter, anyway? Let her learn her own style and keep her sense of confidence about herself (which she, thankfully, has)!

Most girls start making a big deal over what they look like around 12 or 13 (puberty) with make-up, hairstyles, and clothes, and our culture already wreaks havoc on their little pshcyes by constantly bombarding them with images of all these airbrushed, anorexic models (showing EVERYTHING) that we, supposedly, 'should' look like (which 'look' NO NATURAL PERSON CAN achieve)! Please don't add to the pressure. Enjoy your daughter's sense of 'individuality' (or whatever it is! LOL) and DON'T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF (and THIS IS 'small stuff'. Her character, personality, sense of self-worth, tender heartedness, consideration for others, etc -- THAT'S the BIG STUFF!)

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Oh, she sounds like you are SUCH a super Mom!!!! AND you're J.--- how could you miss????

Seriously- do try to read one of a number of books--- 'Raising Ophelia'' - or any of the newer set ''' Queen Bees and Wannabes'' -- etc - there is a lot of wisdom about how to help her navigate the teen turmoil without becoming a dimmed down, quiet, meek shadow of herself--- - oh, she's so lucky

love and blessings
J.
aka - Old Mom

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J. - do not panic. This is a phase and a creative outlet. Encourage your son not to pick on her - being a kid is hard enough.

Next years' schools uniforms will help, however, check for a few things to ensure her safety and your piece of mind.
- 1. Is she color blind?
- 2. Without making a fuss or acting judgmental - have you asked how she came up with that creative look. (i.e. - does she just lack the ability to assemble, she doesn't care, or she just likes the way she looks?)
-3. Be sure to examine her friends closely - get to know them and possibly their parents to see if her friends dress the same way or if the group are social outcasts. DIG DIG DIG - because her friends help determine a lot about her self esteem and appearance. Talk to her teacher's and/or school counselor to see where she is in the social pecking order at school and/or at least prompt them to your concern so they too may observe and help.

In the end - she is 10 - and most likely a great kid just starting to discover who she is. This is just the start of a pivotal part in her life, so remain calm and supportive to demonstrate your ability to listen and give support which will set the foundation for better communication when much larger problems occur later in adolescence.

Remember - some of the most successful people in the world were VERY odd - yet creative - people.

I hope this helps.

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Is she doing well in school? Is she a happy child? mOST KIDS CAN PUT THINGS TOGETHER WELL BY 10. tHERE IS A REASON SHE DOES THIS, PEERS, OR SOMETHING. hAVE YOU BEEN TO CLASS AND SEEN THE OTHER CHILDREN? hOW DO THEY DRESS? Have you had a conversation with her about it? This may be her own style, or she is calling attention to herself, trying to bug you or someone else. Maybe she is color blind. My oldest son is color blind, and would always come to me to ask if something looked ok, as he got older. Does she have a peer group? What do they wear when they all get together?

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Dear J. Y,My daughter is 20 now and in her school years she was somewhat colorful and now she is seeing herself in more of a professional light, and dresses more "in style"(and coordinating). But when she was growing up, comfort was the name of the times(matching or not). I was in a high fashion profession. She was sort of an opposite,while colorful, her personality was low key. She did develop an unusual flair with her hair styles,and she was one of my first clients(being a hair designer was part of my livelyhood). I had to bite my tongue alot of times and agree to her decisions,(given they were not life threatening).{ha) This seemed like it was a self-esteem booster for her. Bottom line you have to allow some freedom without(much)scrutiny. She will see herself in a different light soon. How you react or dont may prolong the issue--your best bet for a quick passing of the seemingly pathetic is "if you can't say something nice..."dont smirk or stare or look down on her in frustration...just hug her and send her smiles,talk about what is on her mind,she needs your support more now than ever. She has never been 10 before and is trying to be comfortable in the drastically changing skin she is in...support her. Most of all pray and remember when you were her age. Many prayers and understanding going 2 U.

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Be glad that she is expressing her individuality in a harmless and simple way. She is just figuring out who she is and clothes are a great medium for that since it changes daily. Try to compliment her creativity and individuality. Do you want her to be like everyone else? Do you want her to go along with the crowd? Or do you want her to be her own person and comfortable in her own skin? She is fine and this too shall pass.

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I just wanted to drop you a note to say Bravo for raising a leader, not a follower! My daughter was muche the same - Picking at one point to wear (ugly) old double knit smocks from the 70's she discovered at Thrift stores (YUCK!). She hated to wear anything the other kids wore, & would stop wearing things when/if the other kids copied her... Despite (or perhaps in part because of) her "style" of dress she was consistently the most popular kid in school from 6th-12th grade. She was involved with her peers, made strong friendships, played on the Basketball, volleyball, & Soccer teams as well as Chess club. She is a strong and confident young woman now, an artist and a great mom too! (o:~ I am sure you have a life full of "proud mama" moments ahead of you.
~y

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PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE do not worry about your daughter's style!!! You admit yourself she has a good personality and many friends - she is properly covered - where is the problem?
My guess is that she is either an artistic person or a very strong personality or both. This is just her way of expressing her individuality. Let her! Remember the Bible says that God judges the heart - do that with your daughter and don't worry so much about her outward appearances.

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Hi J.,

I never saw your original request but I could have written it. I swear my daughter started the whole "layering" thing that is going on with teens now. She would wear mulitple outfits at the same time. In fact, her friends (seniors) who were graduating gave her the "wearing the most outfits at one time award". I could handle the multiple outfits it was the not matching that got to me. BUT she was happy; confident; smart; well-liked etc. She once told me she didn't want to match - she chose clothes that didn't match on purpose because she liked gettig attention for what she was wearing.

My daughter is now 18. Beautiful, happy, well-adjusted and still dancing to her own beat. Be happy that your daughter doesn't need the approval of her peers -- it will help when she is a teen. We didn't sail through completely untroubled waters but, I am convinced it would have been much rougher if she had cared more what people thought about her.

Good Luck!

M.

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It sounds like your daughter has incredible self esteem. She has many friends and is not concerned with "what people think". Be thankful of this and keep the momentum.

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I wouldn't worry about it. I have an 11yr old girl who was the same way. She didn't care what she wore or whether her hair was brushed but the older she gets (and the more she realizes boys are in the world) she has started to care about what she looks like.
I have let her slowly discover what her style is by wearing things that I would have never put together but overtime she (all by herself) has ended up putting some very cute outfits together!! Somehow, with her cute personality and looks, she pulls them off as very fashionable and hip. It has been fun to watch her unfold into the style that she will eventually keep.
So, I recommend to just keep introducing cute styles to her so that she can eventually decide what she likes--don't worry, she'll be fine--but in her own time.
Consider yourself lucky, she is lingering in her last bit of the "childhood" stage before starting into the pre-teen stage plus she may not end up having a problem with materialism since she doesn't have to have the cutest and latest of everything.
Have a great fall!

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My daughter is 11 and I have learned to pick my battles with her. It's a stage and she will outgrow it. One of the things that helped us was that we would pick out clothes for the next day in the evening after she took a bath. Then at least were not arguing about what she was going to wear before she went off to school.

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J.-
I'm suprised that this is such a worry. You mentioned that she is beautiful, clean, has a great personality, and friends, so what's the big deal if you and her don't share the same fashion / style. She is 37 years younger then you and is growing up in a different world. I would be very proud and honored to have a little girl with such a strong sence of self, and indivuality....Where / who did she learn that from? It sounds as if she values who the person is NOT what they wear, and her friends reconize her qualitys... can you?

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Hey J.!
I wouldn't worry about it - allow her to express herself! I have heard that it helps children to have control over some areas of their lives. Why not let her have control over what she wears (as long as she is appropriately covered)? Don't stress!! (:
Cyndi

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In my experience, if it starts that early it gets worse when they are in high school. ALOT WORSE!
If you would rather her look better, YOU are the mom, set some rules.
Good luck.

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I have an 8 yr old that somewhat does the same thing. I think it's just a phase they go through trying to find themselves and what works for them. Who knows? She may be the next brilliant designer! We're starting to get her clothes together at night so I can make sure she looks decent but of course if I left it all to her, there's no telling how she'd walk out of the house. Good luck!

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Dear J.,
It sounds like your beautiful daughter is growing up and showing you what she is inside herself. She shows taste of wonderful colors and has a happy spirit.
She is at the age of finding herself. Just continue to guide her and love her in that special way that you have always shown her. Hold her close when you can and let her know you love her.
She is your beautiful Butterfly of life.

Vicki W.

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It sounds like you have a very creative daughter. She has her own way of expressing herself. As long as she's not dressing provocatively or in a way that reflects she may be hanging out with the wrong crowd, it's really no big deal. Has she been allowed to have any say about the clothes you purchase? Maybe it's a matter of your taste and hers just clashing. She may be emulating a celebrity. Find out who her role models are. Take a look at how they are dressed. If they are not the type of person you want her to immitate then discuss this with her. Explain why this person is not who she needs to be modelling herself after. If there isn't a particular person she's following ,ask her how she thinks the clothes she's choosing matches. Is she matching by color? by style? by attitude? (ie: I feel grungy so I'm dressing that way. or maybe: I feel bold, so the colors I chose are expressing that. Maybe even: I'm very busy and the hodge podge assortment of patterns are showing this.)
You may have a problem accepting her choices, but it could be only a matter of taste. My identical twin daughters have gone to opposite extremes when going through this phase -which took years to pass. One matched everything to the tee. (undies and all) The other became all about comfort, no matter what. Their choices curled my toes sometimes, but unless it crossed the lines their dad and I laid out in plain view, we just backed off. We made sure they knew that they were expected to have proper conduct at all times no matter how they dressed, AND they were to dress how I wanted them to for special occassions. No grunge at church, weddings, funerals, special functions at school, etc. No going out in their Sunday best for backyard football, to the lake, the park, etc.
I think it's best to lay down the guidelines (and it looks as though you've done that since she's dressing in a nonprovocative way, which is a great big deal these days even at 10yrs old).Then back off and give her room to express herself. I'll bet you'll be impressed with her choices in the long run.
In the mean time... take LOTS of pictures. she's going to come up with some great concoctions! --- The pictures are great for payback , blackmail, what ever you want to call it, maybe even a good laugh too!
God Bless!
L. C.

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This is Perfect!! You have a daughter that doesn't judge others by there apearance and is happy to make choices and doesn't over analyse b/c of anxiety. I think you should completely say nothing and be happy she likes to express herself creatively. I think you should count your blessings. :)

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J.,
I have a 9 year old daughter, who, if left to her own devices, would not be very well dressed. By this I mean most of the time nothing matches, or it just looks sloppy, even though the clothes are clean. There is nothing wrong with letting her make her own choices. When we are schooling at home I let her wear whatever she wants. But if I know we are going to be out in public (like at the homeschooling cooperative, out shopping, or eating out), I make it a game of picking out an outfit together. First, I let her choose whatever bottom she wants. Then I give her 3 or 4 choices in tops, all of which coordinate with the bottom she chose. This way, she is usually never out in public with a crazy outfit. Sometimes it has slipped through the cracks, though, and I see her in an absolutely mismatched outfit while we are out. I laugh it off at that point.

I try to explain which colors complement each other, and which fabrics, shoes, etc. work together. She seems to be getting a little better about it. By the time she is in high school, I'm hoping that she will have a more refined fashion sense. If not, as long as she is comfortable being herself, and her friends see that she is confident in how she presents herself, I think she'll be fine.

If your daughter has a creative, confident, strong personality like my daughter (which it sounds like), I don't think there's too much to worry about anyway. She might turn out to be a fashion designer - you never know!

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Hi J.! I don't have a ten year old yet, mine is only 1 1/2 but I think as long as she's not dressing like a Bratz doll you must be doing something right. My neice recently went through this phase and it's just a way of asserting her individuality. I'm sure she'll grow out of it, but if not, it could be worse!

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Oh my. She sounds wonderful. Relish in her love for herself and individuality. Your life with her will not be boring . . . uniforms will come soon enough. Enjoy it. I used to delight myself when my daughter dressed funky at that age. It goes by so quickly.

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Don't sweat the small stuff. She has years ahead to conform to societal norms and ridicule. Let her have this precious time. Also, use reverse psychology. Compliment her on the outfits, and see if they suddenly become less cool! :) Good luck looking the other way.......

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Definately don't sweat this. My sister and I are only 5.5 years apart, but the clothes that she and I wear sometimes seem to be VERY different. She has a different stlye than I do. Personally this is my opinion. When parents don't try to understand their child for who they are and embrace their style and individuality (as long as its decent), we end up seperating ourselves from our child(ren). Going into those rocky and emotional teenage and years, you are gonna want an open and honest relationship with her. Even though you don't understand her style, don't hinder that communication or even friendship over something like a crazy choice of clothes. She may end up being a clothes designer or who knows what else by learning to express her style early.

Me and my husband have some friends who have 3 children. They are the most simple, laid back people, but all 3 of their children have that kinda "rock star" style. Crazy fashion and crazy hair. But all of their children are very smart and polite (both of their boys are in college with full tution paid). (Their 15 y/o daughter has a pink stripe in her hair...and she happens to be our son's babysitter...very trustworthy!) But from the way they interact with their children, you wouldn't know their children dressed the way they do. They have a wonderful relationship with each child and you can tell they have been parented well.

Just remeber what looks like craziness to you may be just what she wanted it to look like. You said that she has plenty of friends...if she was way off of the normal styles for her age, this probably wouldn't be the case.

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Hi J.!
I kind of giggled at your problem because I also have a 10 year old daughter. Every morning, I tell her the weather forcast. "Okay, it's gonna be 72 today so wear jeans, a short sleeve shirt and a light jacket" I let her pick it out, because like your daughter, mine has Lots and Lots of fashionable clothes. Then I say, "Okay, lets see what you got on" If I dont approve, I tell her, that it doesnt match, or it doesnt go together. I am picky down to what shoes she wears, brown, white or black. Tyhey gotta match too. Then lastly, after she brushes her hair, I ask her about a hair clip, barrette, ponytail, or headband.
I'm also a mother of a 12 yr & 18 yr old girls, and 19 year old "man". I did the same to each and every one of them. (my son, the skaterboy was difficult, he's in the army now) I've always told them that appearance is important. Reguardless of how we always say it's not, Society is shallow, people judge others by how they look. It's a sad fact. So I always prepare my children not to judge others, yet cant let them judge you. If they say dont care, they are the one without friends. Another sad fact that society does. It is important to fit in. That's how life is now, when we are children, and when we are adults.
I'm sure your daughter is beautiful. Just ask her what she's gonna wear, say no to some of her decisions, and let her pick something else until it's appropriatly matched. She has beautiful clothes, she should have a beautiful outfit everyday! And Match her outfits with simple hairstyles. Hannah Montana and Rockstar styles are popular.
Good luck, I hope my ideas helped you.
P.

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I wouldn't worry too much about it. My 7-year-old daughter has the same fashion sense- rainbow hat, green shirt, pink pants, blue shoes, etc. I tried to keep her outfits together, but I just don't care anymore.

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at 10 years they are still kinda unable to make good choices. try picking out about 3 outfits for her and let her pick one. we do this with my 4 year old because if we didnt well she would go out of the house looking like a kid out of portland lol

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Hi, J.! From a former 10-year-old fashion statement-er, I can tell you that this is a phase! I am 31 now, but I still look back at photos of myself at age 10 and laugh, because I thought I was pretty cool (and I'm sure you can remember some of the "far out" clothes of the 80s).
My parents still comment on that stage in my life, but they let me do it. Dressing yourself is a big moment for a girl that age, and she'll find her own style soon enough. Perhaps you can strike a bargain with her - she can dress herself as long as, say, she keeps things in the same color scheme!
You obviously have a very creative daughter! Maybe you could even take this time to see what other creative venues she's interested in, and help her cultivate those so she'll have them come middle school time - when her wardrobe will be limited.

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Let her be..she is finding herself and her style.Is she hurting anything?No.She isnt dressing sexually and is covered.So whats the harm?Other then things dont go together.Be thankfull thats all she is doin.My thoughts are its goin to be her thats gets teased by others possibly and then she will change.I have always let my boys dress and do their hair the way they wanted to.Its part of growing up.Sounds like you are more bothered by it then she is...lol..good luck..
S.

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I wouldn't worry. I have not personal experience with kids on this, but I had a style completely different than my mom. She used to always say that I like shoes that look like men's shoes ... penny loafers were all the rage when I was in middle school. I now have very stylish shoes and get compliments on them (several pair of red ones) but I also really love to wear my tennis shoes. You may just have different styles.

I did hear a book reviewed extensivley called "you're wearing that?" http://www.amazon.com/Youre-Wearing-That-Understanding-Co... They may have it at the library.

M.

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Mine did the same thing at that age, and still does a little (13). Don't worry about it as long as it is otherwise appropriate to your modesty values, weather, setting, etc. It isn't a rebellion, it's just a developmental stage. Mine would mix winter/summer clothes, dressy/casual, clashing colors. I made the choice not to concern myself as long as it met my other requirements unless it was an important occasion like a wedding, funeral, a little more guidance for church, etc.

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While we all would love to give our kids as much independence as possible as they grow, they also need some instruction and encouragement through the process. Show her an ad from a Sunday paper from Walmart or Penny's or some local store and show her the way the girls dress and match her clothes. Ask her what she thinks her fashion taste/style is, what makes her comfortable and what she thinks matches. Do this to understand not correct or tell her she's wrong. If she thinks you are wanting to come along side her, she may be more apt to listen to your advice. Ask her if kids tease her and if so, how does that make her feel, or when her brother does it. If she is getting teased for how she looks, help her understand. It's not that she has to dress differently for their acceptance, but her dressing this way may be a way of saying that she doesn't like herself enough to care. That's a deeper issue and you have a prime opportunity to minister to her heart and help her know how wonderful she is. If she's open to letting you guide her, do it, but do it as a way to keep the doors between the two of you open, affirming she is great regardless if her clothes match! If she's not being teased (and you said she had a lot of friends), then the truth is, even if she is not matching, if it doesn't bother her or stop her from having a healthy self image, let it go. At least if you attempt to engage her and get in her head, she'll see you're more interested in her than just what she wears. If all you do is focus on what she wears, that will do more to hurt her self image than what she puts on. Yes, thank God for uniforms in middle school. That was a serious improvement for my fashion disaster son this year. He was teased relentlessly last year for everything, but mostly because he was the new kid (we quit home schooling and put him in school). Middle school changes everything. Your daughter sounds wonderful, so if you do this, do it for your own peace of mind because I'm sure she feels good about herself. My neice's daughter went through the same thing and she had wild wavy hair that never was brushed at 10! By middle school, she saw how the older girls took care of themselves, and she suddenly wanted a straightener and better fitting clothes. She even started bathing without being told! Kids! Gotta love 'em!

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J.,
I too am a mother! Take the blessings that you have. From what it sounds like you have a great little girl who is thriving. She has friends, probably makes good grades, and doesn't sound like she has an attitude problem. WOW!!!! If all you have to worry about is her clothes not matching why are you complaining... I bet many parents wished that all they had to complain about was their childs clothes not matching.
She's 10... she is experimenting and may not understand fashion, Lord knows I didn't probably until I was about 15 or 16. It just wasn't important to me and frankly she just might be one of those who actually puts her time and attention into more appropriate life necessities.
Just thank god that she isn't a 10 yr old who is interested in having a baby as soon as possible. Count your blessings!!!

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she is going thought a stag and the more youfuss about the more she will do so one morning just tel that she looks nice and see the look on her face

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Sure, let it go. But you might look into the possibility that she is colorblind.

when i was in junior high and high school i always wore clothes my mother hated. lol but they were never revealing or vulgar and my parents faught with me over it all the time. Even thou it upset them i still wanted to do it. i now have a 3 year old daughter that does the same stuff she wears crazy outfits and will only wear dresses no pants she refuses them and i have had some people tell me well... you are the mother you tell her what to do but heres the thing if the worst thing she does all day long is not match thats fine with me. You shouldnt worry about weither or not she matches as long as she isnt vulgar or revealing i think you are lucky and something you could try is matching her out fits for her and hanging them in her closet or putting them in her drawyers and then that way when she goes for clothes they are already matched and see how that goes. or you could pick out two options for her in the mornings and tell her to choose one or the other. but let me tell you be glad she is and individual and shes not worried about being just like everyone else!

Hi J.,

No worries! My step daughter went through this at the same age and at times it used to drive me crazy!! I would wonder why she doesn't care? Her hair in her face, things didn't match, accessories that were way weird! Her mom would just yell at her and make her feel bad so I went a different route. I would take her shopping with me and asked her what she liked. I would point out things I thought were cute but still in her taste. It went on for a while, even through a lot of middle school. Slowly she stared to develop her own taste and things started coming together. She would soon start asking me if things matched and go through my clothes!!

She is a freshman in high school now and she gets up everyday, does her hair, and sometimes takes 20-25 minutes just to get dressed!!! Ahhhh!!!

Now I have people tell me they can't believe it is the same girl. They tell me all the time how beautiful she is. It just took some time for her to find her own fashionable way. She didn't care how she looked at the time and now I look back and am glad she didn't. She didn't follow everyone, had plenty of friends, and was happy being herself.

Be very careful, my niece is 25 and still dresses like that. Says she doesn't care what anybody thinks, she likes it and that's the way it's going to be.
Barb R.

She will outgrow those clothes, physically and mentally. There are lots worse things to worry about. what about getting her a young girls fashion magazine? L.

Hi J.,

Don't worry about worrying, and don't feel ashamed for worrying! If mommies didn't worry, no one would! Smile!

I think you've made some good decisions knowing your daughter's creative flair and temperment. I thought though that I would mention something I didn't see on the thread, if you don't mind - it doesn't strictly address your request, but you might be interested in thinking about it. You say she has so many clothes. One thing you might try is limiting the amount you buy as she grows out of her current set. At least she will soon wear a uniform to school everyday - that makes things so much less complicated, and easier for you to decide to purchase fewer regular clothes as a rule. Right now you are probably taking care of her clothes the majority of the time, but as she gets older, you may want her to be the "keeper of the clothes" for responsibility's sake, and the best way to help her handle it is not to have too many. Though I have boys, I have instituted that for my older son, and soon will for my younger son as he is quickly growing out of all his older brother's clothes! It makes for a much better looking bedroom and easier washday, that's for sure! When she gets to be 16 - 18 and wants more expensive outfits, perhaps you can judge whether she has earned the privilege by how she takes care of the ones she already has, having helped her manage the responsibility by limiting what her closet holds.

All my best,
D.

Hi. I say if she has her own style let her stick with it. I had a friend back in middle school who had her own style. She had some kids that picked on here for a couple weeks but that didn't affect her. It's good to be an individual rather than a clone in a clique.

Hello J. Y

I would just let her dress the way she wants. When she gets to school & sees how the other girls are dressing she may change her mind. Let her be her own personality. If she chooses to be different then let her as long as she is dressed & covered properly. It is probably a phase & we all went through that when we were young. Better overdressed than under dressed. If you choose to argue with her then she will continue to dress in weird clothes. She is just trying to make her own fashion statement. She could be the next biggest thing in fashion..you never know. Hope this helps. have a great day

S. B

i too went thru a phase like this - only i was 16! LOL!

the first time one of the other girls makes fun of her will probably be the end of it. my 9 yo tends to do the same thing - but will wear "yard clothes" to school if I let her! all I usually make her change out of is stuff with stains - if it's clean and she wants to wear it, i let her, figuring the other kids will let her know what a faux pas is! sometimes they have to learn the hard way, and hopefully that won't follow her thru the rest of school.

don't sweat it, and from now on, maybe try buying just basic colors that can all kind of go together - at least til she is out of this phase! :D

Dear J.,
I do not have a ten year old daughter, but I do remember what it was like to be 10+ and it sounds like I was a lot like your daughter. I always liked to wear something that stood out, I was always a little off-beat. My mother COULD NOT STAND my eccentricity- our conflict only got worse as I became a teenager. It was only my way of expressing myself. My advice to you is to find a way to embrace it because she may internalize your remarks as an overall rejection of her. You sound like you are creative-encourage her creativity also... who knows, you may have a future designer on your hands! Good luck.

whats wrong w/you ptting the outfits together and then letting her choose the outfit that is already matched up. If it bothers you that much do not give her a choice. we are the parents and it is up to us to make choce s for our children when we see fit to

I don't know if this will help or not, but hopefully it will. Stage a fashion show for her (at your home so it is private). You might lay out several outfits that you think go together. Have her wear those & strut out like a model or however she wants. Take pictures of her in those clothes. Then let me mix & match, do her crazy thing with her clothes. And take pics of her in them. Maybe if you make a big deal about her & let her see how she looks dressed your way vs. her way, she might see why it matters to dress right. Hope this helps.

Hi, I know you have gotten a lot of responses but I just had to say something. I think your daughter has a mind of her own and expresses herself in how she wants to and not be a cookie cutter if you know what I mean. So many of the kids look the same and have to follow other people. Think of what she could become....or just to be her own unique self. I think it's neet that she doesn't care that she looks like all the other girls. Our inner self is what matters. And if she has the guts to do this, then she must be a strong person. Wow, I would be excited to see what the future holds. Good Luck with your pleasant surprise ~~

YOu can either pick out her outfit the night before, choose 2-3 and let her choose from those 3 and then it is already decided or..........you can be glad that she has the security and confidence that she does not care what other ppl think. You have to judge for yourself if she is confident or if kids will start to tease her. Kids have their own style, is it her own style or will she be teased? I have a hard time trying to make sure things are just "so" with my son but sometimes I have to step back and let him be himself.
W.

Hi J.! Sorry this response is a bit late. My best friend throughout junior high and high school was (and still is!) very unique and dressed in completely her own style. What she wore was never revealing or profane, just random colors/patterns and layers upon layers. She is such a great person, and she was very popular in school. She was friends with all types of people and everyone loved her, she did great in classes, participated in student council, and was never in trouble. I think it's great when kids/teens can have that confidence to have their own style and not let what other kids think bring them down. Be happy that she is a leader and not following everyone else, this could help as she moves into junior high and high school if/when she is exposed to bad opportunities and peer pressure. Don't stress over her style, it could be worse :) It could also just be a phase, I think every kid has that awkward stage. Either way, don't stress :)

Good luck!

Hi J.!
I didn't read any of your responses, but I love your daughter's answer to others. There's a great book called, "S.'s Ponytail" by Robert Munsch. I would highly recommend it for your daughter.

S.

I know I'm a bit late with the response but i just wanted to let you know that I always did my own thing fashionably. I was a cheerleader in 10th grade and came into the first day of school wearing a harley davidson t-shirt. You should have seen the look on everyone's faces but I didn't care, I have always been my own person and still am today. Trust me, it is better to have a good sense of self early in life before the "mean girls" come around. More often than not, girls care TOO much about what others (especially girls) think or say about them. I had one in 8th grade (I was into the preppy look at this time) and just blew her off even though her comments upset me. I believe my parents allowing me to be whoever I am inside and out has allowed me to be a strong independant woman today. I'm sure you are a great mom, don't worry about it...it sounds like she's on her way to a well rounded young lady!

HI J.,

My name is M., and I have 2 children with one on the way. I am also a stay at home mom, that works from home in her own green business. I am also my youngest sons room mom at school( I am 39 ) I have a amazing 18 year old daughter, and a 2 1/2 year old boy, the other boy on the way due Dec 15.
My daughter went thru a funny stage like that. She also is georgeous, and very outgoing. She just wanted to wear her own thing. I think at that age they really do not understand what matches. I tried laying out her clothes everynight. I even bought one of those Monday-Friday things you hang in the closet so she could just pick it out, but no she had to wear her own thing. I finally decided. A) she gets good grades, loves me, does what is asked most of the time. I let it go. By the time she was 12 she had a whole new way she dressed. We also wore uniforms ( thank God ) She will out grow it. Trust me if this is the worst you have nothing to worry about. Wait until she is 16, or is dateing!!!! Good luck I am sure she will be fine. You sound like a great mom!!