Help! Meal Time Is Killing Me.

Hi S., Your problem is very common to many parents. You are the parent and should train the child to do what you know best is for her. When she begins nursery school, kindergarten, or primary school she will have rules to follow and the sooner she learns to follow rules, whether it be in the home from parents, grandparents, or baby sitter , she will be a much calmer child and will have learned to respect the "authority " figure. As a parent, you set the rules, children must follow, otherwise it is the child setting the rules and parents follow which causes much frustration and later on much humiliation,

I had four kids, each are a little different in nature, some more stubborn than others. For my husband and I, it was important that they be a part of the family as soon as they could sit in their high chair. When we sat down for a meal, they sat with us until we all had finished. If they didn't want to eat then, they still sat there with the family so they could feel apart of the group and in the conversation, At first it is parents talking to the child, but it isn't long until they like to "talk", also. Once they got down from the table, they got no more food until the next meal. They soon catch on, if, you do not give in to them. I think the most important thing to remember is: You are the parent, you are not going to teach them bad habits. Every parent wants a good, well mannered child, but the child has to be taught. Hope this might help. R.

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I think you're doing the right thing. My daughter (19 months old today) often wants to eat on the floor in or some other chair than her booster. She may sit exactly where she wants to eat while I prepare the meal (this is usually breakfast), but I just set her meal on the table in front of her booster seat on the table and let her know that's where she eats. She typically gives in and makes her own decision to eat in her "blue big girl chair". The advice I've read (though we haven't gotten there yet and still may) is that if she decides not to, "that's fine" and later if she asks for a snack, I should say "oh that's too bad. I'm sorry you're hungry because you decided not to eat [at breakfast]. I know you'll be hungry when it's lunch time." This is a 'Love and Logic Early Childhood' method and I can't recommend that book highly enough. Good luck!

My children were the same way, I think most toddlers are..but I stuck to my guns and insisted that food was only eaten at the table. Sometimes they may have gotten down hungry but by the next meal they were ready to sit down and eat good. Also, keep snacks at a minimum, maybe 3 meals and 2 snacks a day otherwise she will be in the high chair so much that she won't be hungry and also she won't eat much at mealtime knowing that she can get right back in the highchair for a snack soon. With my kids, we all sat down to eat together...sometimes I sat long after I was finished eating just because if I got up they would want up, then when we were done I cleaned everything up and the kitchen was "closed" until the next meal or snack time. This eleminated the grazing for all of us. My kids are now 9 and 14, we still don't eat anywhere but the kitchen table and I cherish our meal time conversation GREATLY, sometimes it's our only real conversation time between sports, school, and church.

My 7 yr old tries to snack and not eat and has now started to complain about stomach aches everyday now. He wants medication until I offer something he wants to eat and suddenly he's ok. I keep telling him that it's not a stomach ache, and that he is starving and needs to eat a meal. He tries to get away with eating half and now he only get snacks if he eats all his food. Little ones want to snack and when they don't get a chance to they start to eat right. Which is just my opinion. I hope you figure out what's best for you, and good luck.

I hear you! My DD is 13 mos, and doesn't like to sit still (diaper changes are a challenge, too!). She wants to get out of her high chair, but then will walk back over and forage for the bits left in her chair seat! I don't know as I have an answer, but I do try to be clear about eating is for in the high chair, and we don't just graze all day. This is mostly for my sanity--I don't want her dragging food around the house, etc. For now, we let her down when she wants down, then if she's hungry again (even 20 minutes later), we put her back in the high chair. It wears the patience, certainly, but we're hoping to teach her that eating happens in her chair, in the kitchen, that she's welcome to eat 'til she's done, but then she's done. Good luck!

you are setting yourself up to break some bad habits if you do the grab and go thing. she will not understand when you are in a restaurant and she will want to grab and go. i think you should let her up. when she is really, really hungry she will eat. i agree with the lady who wrote about covering the plate in fridge and reheating. you can also cut down on snacks and liquids like milk that will fill her up right before eating that will make her feel full, then a little while later she is hungry again. try water and some real fruit. the fruit will be good for her and the water won't stay long. then after that, i would give her some time and then discipline for disobedience. i would not play games to get her to eat. i never play games to get my kids to do anything. period. you are setting up them to have the power in your relationship. as the parent the power over most things should be with you and what your expectations are. the only thing they need to learn to decide is if they will obey or not. and good discipline will ensure they make good choices. start early.
good luck,
L.

Hannah goes in spurts too. Here's what we do: she sits with us when we eat - what she eats, she eats. Later, if she's hungry again, I'll put her back in her chair to eat. That way I hope I'm being flexible to her schedule a little, but also, now allowing her to just run wild around the house.

I've also noticed that the more we pay attention and comment about her eating, the less she eats. So...we try to "ignore" her and often, when we're finished eating and are cleaning up the kitchen, she begins to eat again.

Additionally, you might consider doing away with the highchair if she is still sitting in one. I hadn't even thought of such since Hannah was still seeming to do fine in hers. But I ran across some moms talking about highchairs and ages to switch to a booster/etc.... So I thought, you know, I'll give it a shot. I think it has done really well. Hannah seem to eat better and has only fallen out of the chair once! (hope that is a good thing! :) ) We didn't do a booster, as I have chairs that kind-of wrap around. We just adjusted the seat to be a little higher and bingo! We were set.

HOpe that helps!

My daughter does the same thing sometimes, she is bit older though (26 months) which makes it worse.

My husband and I will sometimes make a gaem out of eating just so that she will eat. We will do the airplane game where we crash in her mouth, but we ask her what animal she wants. We then make that animals noise and crash into her mouth. Something else you can do is allow her to play with her food, toddlers seem to do so much better eating when they can play at the same time. Have her put the green beans in another cup and pretend they are swimming then she can rescue them. Whatever game you can think of . Eventually she will get older and tired of playing these childish games, it will be much easier habit of breaking then getting up from the table.

Good luck

I agree with the Mom who said that its good to teach your child early on that the high chair and kitchen is for eating.
I know it must drive you nuts b/c there is nothing more satisfying than knowing your baby has a full stomach.
I have a son who will be 2 in a few days and every once in awhile, he'll have one of those days where he just isn't hungry. Then the next day, he will eat his entire plate and ask for more. Most girls eat less than boys and I have a friend with a 3 yr old girl who gets jealous of my son's big appetite whenever we go to a restaurant with our kids. Her little girl will take only about 3 to 4 bites then turn her head and scream if her Mom tries to give her any more. All the while, mine is eating his entire plate...and then some.
Have you tried putting on one of her favorite dvd's during meal time? That may help. Our kitchen is across from the living room and whenver my son is having one of his "not hungry" days, I'll scoot the high chair to face the TV and put on Cars,Curious George or Meet The Robinsons and he'll eat most of his plate.
Or blow bubbles while she eats to distract her and in between blowing bubbles, give her a bite of food.
Try spacing out her meals a little more and skip snacks. You can reintroduce snacks when she begins to eat more.
As long as I put a side of ketchup, mine will eat anything. He loves dipping his green beans in ketchup.
Also, as she gets older and becomes more active, she'll burn more energy and eat more. As long as she's at a healthy weight and your pedi says she's fine, I would relax a little more at meal time. If she's hungry, she'll eat. She won't starve herself. :)

My 2 yr old does this sometimes. So we started with this: we have dinner as a family. When he says he is done, he is done. We put his plate in the fridge and if later he says he is hungry, he can get back in his chair and eat his dinner (heated of course). We do not offer anything different, and he must eat at the table. This went on for about a week, and now he is so much better about eating it all the first time around.

Yes, you are right. You have to set the standards now that you want your child to follow for later. What works in our house is this...when it is time to eat, we all sit down at the table to eat. If you choose not to eat, then you will not have a snack later (if it is the afternoon) or you will not have dessert (if it is available). If you limit what she can have in between meals, she may be more hungry at dinner time. Now, if she chooses to be finished after 3 bites, then she can get down (if that is okay w/ Mom and Dad), but she should not be allowed to eat if she is not in her chair. Therefore, she realizes that the only time she can eat is in her chair. If she wants to eat, she has to sit in her chair. She may fuss about this rule at first, but stick to your guns, and remember you are the parent and you make the rules, not your 15 mo. old. She will come around when she is hungry enough. It is hard, but you will happier in the long the run.

Also remember that toddlers serving sizes are a lot smaller than adult servings. Three bites may satisfy her when we would be starving if that is all we had.

Hope this helps.

My son, who is going to be 2 at the end of Aug does the same thing for dinner but doesn't usually do it when he's really really hungry. I just let it go. My oldest used to do it too and he got out of that over time. Trust me, it does drive me nuts too but I guess it's a small thing in the large view of things :)

Hi S.,
I have a 15 month old daughter as well and we have the same problem. I finally got to the point now to where I put her in her high chair and offer her just about anything I know that she will eat and if she won't eat it then I put her down, but if she wants to eat later I put her in her high chair and they will learn to sit in their high chair to eat.

15 months is a hard time for dinner stability. Try giving her plastic spoons/bowls.. etc. Tell her she is a big girl and let her have the responsibility of feeding herself. Also, I used to have my daughter's high chair next to me at the dinner table and if she wanted out of her chair i would offer her a bite off of my plate and show her that she had the same thing on hers.
Good luck!

Interestingly enough, of the three of us kids, my youngest brother was like your daughter, and my mother allowed the grazing method of eatting, and he is the only one of the whole family not having weight issues! If it is the family togeherness you are tring to instill, then make her sit there, but why make her eat if she says she isn't hungry? and why is it such a bother to put a piece of plastic wrap on it and let it sit until she says she is hungry again in an hour? I am only asking it like this because I had to ask my own mother why it was okay for Aaron to graze, but not me and Tom, and now why is it an issue that my kids graze or not? (she had a lapse in memory and had a fit!) My son is turning 9 soon, he is now eatting full sit down meals, and eats the whole plate gone, but I let him graze until he was ready. Sitting together for the meal and enjoying family time was still a must, but, both kids were allowed to graze. Both are healthy!

let her know when it is mealtime that she won't be able to eat later, it's now or never. I did it with my daughter when she was younger, and it works just fine. i had to be stern with her, and she did go without food for a while until she knew that i meant what i said. Eat now or don't eat until the next mealtime. you can do it!