Help Me Write This Letter

I would simply write him and say "You know that my mother was always saying she wanted me to have her jewelry when she passed. I don't care about any of the jewelry except for her wedding ring. I would appreciate it if you could have her wedding ring ready for me to pick up on *insert date*. I will be there at *insert time*, and to pick up her wedding ring and only her wedding. Thank you!"

I think making it very clear what you want (the wedding ring only) and then setting an exact day and time is the best bet.

*hugs*

T.,
A couple thoughts come to mind:
*I think this is something better done over the phone, if you can't talk face-to-face. I don't know, but a letter to me seems cold (I know you can't stand him, but keep your eye on the ultimate goal!)
•Do you think he is sentimental about it? He bought it for your mom, his wife's ring...etc. Maybe his plan is to make sure you get it when he dies? Do you think it brings him some comfort or something by having it?
*Have you ever asked from the angle "Jim, I hope you are making provisions to make sure I get Mom's wedding ring when something happens to you, it would mean the world to me to have that special ring that was my moms."
•Do you think he has just completely, totally forgotten about it? I don't think a man would be placing such importance on thinking about passing down jewelry. (Just trying to give him the benefit of the doubt here.)
Maybe if you approach it like "Please make sure that Mom's wedding ring is willed to me..." a lightbulb will go off in his head?

Good luck!

ETA: T., Please ignore the rude comments about your husband and your kids. Someone's OPINION. As people so often point out "statistics can be made to say whatever you want them to say" remember?
I've heard that a LOT on the site.....ignore the haters.

I suggest you're trying too hard by going for the big guns to start with. I suggest you just ask him, in a compassionate way for the ring. Do it in person or over the phone. Put aside your animosity. Sympathize with his loss. Perhaps talk about your mother's ritual. Make it a pleasant conversation.

Is it possible she was buried with her wedding ring? It's also possible that the ring has meaning to him and he's not ready to let go of it right now. Perhaps you could suggest that when he's able, you'd like the ring.

I am sorry T., but I disagree with you. I am assuming that you are asking for the ring that your stepdad gave to your mother for their wedding (not the one she received from your biological father). If this is "their" wedding ring then it is his to keep and do with as he pleases. It is NOT your "birthright" to get your mother's ring, if she is survived by her spouse.
I understand your reasons for wanting it, after all she had promised it to you, but unless their marriage was on the outs already when she died, she probably MEANT for you to have it when they are both dead.
But again, it's her widower's right to keep it as a memento or whatever he wants it for and while it would be great if he honored her wishes, he can do with it as he pleases... and yes, as hurtful as it is, but some people do "reuse" when they get married again.
Now all of that said it doesn't hurt to write a letter and ask politely, something like: this has been on my mind all these years and I was wondering if your would mind to give me mom's ring.... but I would not be surprised if he declined your request.

Now, if I am wrong and this is a ring your mother got from your biological father, he really should have no reason to keep it other than it's monetary value and even that would be just weird and spiteful.
Good luck.

I think it's interesting/odd that you want a ring that symbolizes your mother's marriage to a man you can't stand and who has treated you and your kids with such disrespect.

Taking your stepdad's personality out of the equation... If my husband died, I would certainly want one of my sons to have/wear his wedding band if that's what my son wanted --- but I wouldn't give it to him UNTIL he was getting married. In the meantime, it's MY husband, the ring is the symbol of OUR marriage and life together, and as long as I'm living and my kids are not adults I'd like to keep the ring close to me.

Even if the guy is horrible, he may still want to feel a connection to your mother through the ring. I would ask him nicely for a piece of jewelry to remember your mother by. I would not specify the wedding ring.

I sympathize with your plight - but a couple things come to mind.

1) You have zero legal right to the ring. I'm sorry to be harsh, but without a will, it's his. Period.

2) I would suggest offering cash, and that is something I wouldn't recommend in writing.

I would start with a phone call to see if he's willing to GIVE it to you, then offer cash to see if he changes his mind. ONLY if he still refuses would I then reduce an offer to writing so that he can stare at it for awhile.

Above all, keep in mind that your SOLE goal is the ring. Not to win a good person contest, not to win an argument and not to obtain an apology. You don't care to keep in him in your life, but don't let your view of HIM cloud your objective - the ring.

I don't understand why you want this wedding ring and not the wedding ring between your bio-father and mother, unless they were never married and that is why you don't have that one. Yes, it was your mother's ring to your step dad, but it doesn't even sound like you consider him much of a father in your life. I would take your grandmother's ring, and take the gems out of it, and make it into two rings, one for each of your daughters. Then they would both have something that belong to their great grandmother and grandmother. It sounds like your grandmother's ring would have more symbolic meaning anyway.

I also agree with dad on purpose, don't put anything in writing. Call him, but I wouldn't hold your breath...

I am sorry for your loss! He feels that ring belongs to him so be calm and collected and tell him it would mean a lot if he would let you have it.

Dear SD,

I know you loved my mother very much. You bought her many nice things and I am grateful to you that my mother felt cherished.

I want you to know I appreciate so much that you gave me my grandmothers wedding ring. I will treasure that always. I confess that I have always wanted my mothers wedding ring as well. I understand where that ring goes is totally up to you. I respect that. I did want you to know my feelings, however. I am hopeful that you will consider me. This is the only other thing of my Mothers that I would truly love, and would promise to cherish it. If you would feel comfortable with me having it I would be more than happy to buy it from you.

Is there any possibility that you would consider this?

Respectfully,

Let me first ask, do you have any siblings? You said you are you mom's only daughter but do you have any brothers or step-sisters? If so, he may have figured he would hand some things down to them for their children too. If your mom wanted to insure that you received these items, what was stated in her will?

Beyond that, I would arrange to meet with him for lunch or coffee one day. Tell him that you really appreciate having your grandmother's ring but you were wondering when you would be able to receive the other items your mom wanted you to have. Go from there.

**I saw your additional info...your brothers only get something of your dad's but nothing of mom's?????

As much as you hate this man, why do you want the wedding ring symbolizing his union with your mother? Just doesn't make any sense to me.

I am sure he loved your mother and I hate to say it but it doesn't sound like he cares much for you or your children. I doubt that he'll want the ring that symbolized his union with his beloved wife to go to someone he doesn't like and who doesn't like him. I'm sorry, I don't mean to be mean, but it is what it is.

I think you should give grandma's ring to your oldest and tell your younger that she'll get your ring with the time comes.