Help Me Help My 4 Year Old with Academics

Your boy is 100% OK. I'm a former preschool teacher. The most valuable thing kids can learn from preschool is 1. how to get along with other kids and #2 is learnig to follow directions. I've seen programs where they try to force toddlers to learn how to read, write and even learn Spanish and French. You might be able to teach that to some kids, but those who do end up being very bored kindergarteners.

And I cannot stress the importance of just letting these little guys be "Little" raising kids shouldn't be a compettion of how much more my kid can do than yours.

Letting your preschoolers just learn how to play well with others is a skill that they will need for the rest of their lives. I am obviously a big advocate of play base preschools. Trying to force academics on kids when they are so young is a big mistake. They will have plenty of time to learn all the things they'll need to learn, but they will only be little for such a short time.

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Dear D.,
My response comes from my years as a mother and as preschool/kindergarten teacher. How wonderful that your child has a passion for something, has the social skills to visit with someone about his interest, and has the language skills to articulate his thoughts and knowledge. What a tremendous accomplishment in four years of life! To draw a line on paper from here to there may be uninteresting and frustrating, especially if he has not yet developed refined muscular coordination of the hands and fingers. Does he have lots to do in his home and school environment that help him develop these muscles? Everyday things like dusting or scrubbing a table, cracking nuts, buttoning and snaps, picking up beads/ beans, transferring water from one bowl to the other with a sponge or a turkey baster, hammering nails into a tree stump, playing with puzzles with wooden knobs, working with modeling clay, etc. etc. will help him develop these skills. He may enjoy identifying ordinary things in a "mystery" bag by using his hands only--a pine cone, a toy car, a shell, a button...
Matching objects, matching pictures, matching letters (like magnetic ones you put on the refrigerator) are all pre-academic activities that develop important skills before we actually start teaching them to form letters and numbers with a pencil. Also listening games are important. Basically, we want to help with the development of the eye (eye/hand coordinating activities, matching, etc.), the ear (listening for sounds in nature, in music, in words, rhymes, etc.), and the hand (small motor coordination through everyday house and grounds keeping is what they like to do) so there is a foundation for more abstract activities like learning the alphabet. And of course we as adults must careful model, i.e. show them how to do something--instead of explaining how to do something. Toys are OK, but real life activities like scrubbing, painting, fixing, chopping, peeling, digging are more interesting to a child because his goal is to be a grown up and be like you. Most children like to do the everyday around the house work that they see their parents doing.
Also model your love of reading! Read to him, and let him see you enjoying reading by yourself.
Long answer, but I hope something here is useful to you and your precious son.
My best,
A.
my website: www.casparimontessori.org

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He is perfectly fine! These are all things he will work on over the next year at preschool and then again in kindergarten. And I'm willing to bet that he'll be a lot more patient and try harder when it's his teacher asking rather than his mom. He's comfortable with you and knows that you'll always take care of him and he thinks that includes you doing things for him including letters, lines, etc, even though your job is to encourage him to not give up and keep trying. You haven't failed as a mom in any way! Once he's in school you'll find that there will be kids that know all their letter, shapes, sounds, numbers, colors, etc, even some that can read and you'll find others that couldn't name ONE of those things! It varies so much as this age. Personally, I think preschool is more for learning social skills, understanding how school works to prepare them for kindergarten and elementary and to teach them that school is fun, not work. So if he's getting frustrated, then take a break and try again another time. He's doing just fine and so are you.

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Having raised 3 kids and having watched 8 grandkids, I would like to tell you that kids learn at their own rate when they are ready. Pushing things on him will just result in his hating academics. Your little boy is really way too young to be doing this sort of work. He can be taught by life experiences and example. Read a lot yourself as an example. Read to him. Check into some Montessori books, if you are interested. They promote hands on experiences for learning. Please don't worry about your little boy and please don't push him. I'm sure he is a normal kid and will learn when he is ready.

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My son was much the same. He wouldn't go to pre-school after three months because they made him write and color and he wasn't interested in either, YET! I took him out of the school and then we focused on learning through play and it has made all the difference!

I suggest that you make learning opportunities during his playtimes. Write letters on the sidewalk with chalk, let him draw lines and circles and shapes along with you. Make it fun and learning happens along the way. Cut out the letters of his name and attach them near his bed or at the kitchen table, or both. Have him find things around the house that start with that letter and glue them on or set them under the paper letters. Set up some empty cereal boxes and empty cans or bottles for a pretend "store" have him pay with pretend money that you can make together (helps with recognizing numbers). Or find some "pirate treasure" coins at the dollar store or party store near you. I recommend Alphabet Mystery and Alphabet Adventure, two books that help with letter recognition and in these books the letters go on adventures.

You are not a failure just because he isn't ready to learn the traditional way. Find non-traditional ways to have fun learning together.

I find that my little boy who is much the same as your 4 1/2 year old boy, cannot be forced to learn anything when he is not interested; but by making playtime into disguised learning time, everyone wins: memories made, happy faces, and yes, he absorbs the learning like a sponge. But it must be fun, like childhood should be!

Boys ARE different than girls, but it sounds like you have a very normal boy. Good luck and have fun with him! Boys can teach us a lot about loving life. Help bring out his best qualities by doing some of these things. Good Luck! You are a wonderful mother for being so concerned about your son's growth! Hope this helps.

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Every child is different. Find fun ways to teach him letters, Leap Frog has this great thing that goes on the fridge that my son who is four adores.
My daughter now 7 was a lot more ahead of the game then my son. He knows his letters, get confused on a few, can write and spell his name but that is about it. He knows how to draw but very rarely does it well or legible and my daughter was the complete opposite.
All you can do at home is play games that are based around what you want him to learn, if he wants to get it he will and eventually he will.
You will be surprised how much Pre K helps them along too when they are with their peers learning together. Mom teaching things sometimes seems drab to them.
I know my daughter excelled big time in Pre K and hoping the same from my son who starts next week as well.
Don't worry about what you think or anyone else thinks he should be at, he obviously likes animals so that is his thing. Kids seem to spark an interest in something and go forward fast on those things. Just give him time, encourage by reading to him, helping him spell his name outloud and seeing it and recognizing it is his name, work on shapes and colors. The teacher will evaluate him as the year progresses and let you know if he is behind, but sounds like he just want to be a animal doctor when he grows up or a safari guy!! :) Don't worry.

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D.,
If he is interested in animals, get a book with animals in it and have him draw a straight line between two of them.
My goodness he is only 4 and a half.
As for writing his name, well again if he is interested in animals them be a horse writing his name and have him write his name the same way the horse did.

I am sorry Ladies, when I see how the children of today are being at such a young age to start the worries of school, it just blows my mind.
I am glad that when I was a child that it was more important to learn social skills and have fun with my family than learning to write my name and couunt to 100 or learn my ABC's.
Life was fun and my mother made it fun by playing all kinds of games with us. And maybe that is how she was teaching us.
I just know that my granddaughter worries about her 2 year old not talking coherent sentences.
Anyway, D., play with him about animals and I'll bet you he learns what you want him to in no time.
Good luck.

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um, he's four. While I was reading by that age, I didn't learn how to write my name until I was actually in kindergarten. In fact, I couldn't write any letters until then. It's perfectly normal that he shouldn't be able to write his name at this age. He'll learn those in due time, and I'm sure you've heard that boys are slower than girls in many things...this is one of them. Don't worry. If there are other things he's interested in then encourage those.

Don't bother beating yourself up-- every kid is different and you wouldn't even be having these questions if you were not a sensitive, responsive mother.
I have three boys. My oldest is in first grade. He has been less than enthusiastic about writing (he drags through worksheets especially like they are cruel and uusual punishment), but I looked into several Montessori methods of encouraging fine motor skill development and he jumped right into them. Transferring small objects from one container to another with tweezers or tongs helped strengthen his finger grip on his pencil. He's loved tracing sandpaper letters and numbers--I got my set on eBay but I've also seen then at www.montesoriservices.com and their sister company www.forsmallhands.com. He also liked writing letters and numbers in sugar I sprinkled in a cookie sheet. It was very tactile and I let him lick his fingertip after he's made so many letters. You might like to look at "The Red Letter Book" and "The Blue Number Book" at Montessori Services. They are just alphabet and number books, but the characters are in fuzzy velour so it's a tactile experience. There are also several sets of pre-reading cards we have enjoyed. One will have a photo of a nest and the matching card will have the word "nest" on it, for example. They fit together and are self-correcting, which is part of Montessori philosophy so the child knows when s/he has it right and does not always have to confer with an adult to feel a sense of accomplishment. That sort of game might appeal to your animal lover--I think there is at least one set that is all animals.
Finding great non-fiction books might spark his interest, too. Wild Animal Baby magazine and others such as Your Big Backyard and Ranger Rick might also appeal to his interest in animals--lots of great photography with info he is motivated to learn about.
There are thousands of ways to help your child develop academic skills without burning him out on worksheet stuff if that's not appealing to him. Consider using the info in the workbook as inspiration for ideas of real life things with counting scoops while you cook together or shop for produce or feed your pets, or draw chalk lines on the driveway to play hopscotch. At age 4, you've got time for things to become officially academic. You want him to love learning about everything right now so he doesn't say "I can't" when it really matters.
As for your original question, my son knew he liked to read when e went to preschool, but he didn't know much about each letter or sound. He knew mom and dad write lots of things (notes, checks, etc.) and he would imitate that, but he didn't know how to make individual letters. He could rote count up to 20 and have one-to-one correspondence counting up to about 10, but he got tangled up after that. His very wise preschool teacher said not to worry at all, he wasn't behind in any way because his enthusiasm for learning was still intact and that's what matters most. She said with gentle encouragement and happy opportunities, the light would turn on for reading and writing at about age 5. It was completely true for my boy, and I should not have worried and compared him to peers or even judged him by the material in workbooks.
Best of luck!

You can't beat yourself up about this. Every child learns differently. I have 5 kids. My oldest (8) gets very frustrated and I do too when I work with her. She does really well with a teacher teaching her and I just support. I try to not get too involved and she does better. If I try to correct something she gets mad, so I just let her HOPEFULLY learn from her mistakes. Just be encouraging and let the teacher worry about teaching him. Good Luck!

I would relax and not give him any stress to learn. The teachers will help motivate him. He may just want to be perfect and when he can't he may think he's in trouble. I know you aren't doing that but he may think it. I did. I hated making mistakes, as early as kindergarten. I agonized over all my work. Just make sure you compliment him on his tries.

Don't say things like- That's great!!!- if there's a mistake, he'll be aware of them. Just encourage him that he'll get better as time goes on. Once he sees the other kids doing the same work, he'll join in.

Hi D.

Tell you what , what if you try to teach him alphabet and reading using animals as a theme?

Here try this website , my daughter who is 4 too, she loves it: http://www.starfall.com/

Also, I beleive girls and boys have different ways of learning, I beleive every person has a different way of learning, so try to follow his pace, use what he likes the most to introduce notions about reading, writing.

I have taught both pre-K and K. Prekindergarten is mostly about building social skills and gaining a love of learning. Skills are taught through games, songs, and other fun activities (or they should be!) A good Pre-K class should have lots of opportunities for your child to interact, use his large and small motor skills, talk about his interests, and broaden his horizons. So it's OK if he doesn't know any numbers or letters or anything yet.
I would start pointing out words and numbers as you go about your day. At the grocery store you can count the aisles you go past or point to the number over the aisle. Point out letters you see - "look! there's an A" - and give him lots of chances to see his name in print (use uppercase only for the first letter). Read books about animals - maybe ABC animal books would be great, and point out words and letters - "here's a lion, this word says lion". Sing rhyming songs (rhyming skills and other sound games are important for later building reading sills), ABC's, counting and finger plays, and so on. But always make sure it's FUN and stop before he hits that frustration point. You want him to know that learning is fun and exciting.
It's also ok to let him watch some educational shows - Sesame Street has always been great. And if he likes computer games, try educational games, like Jump Start, for Preschoolers (they used to be available at the library)
Be patient. Every child develops at his own rate, and boys typically are later to bloom that girls. Give him plenty of opportunities, but don't push him. One day he'll surprise you with how much he knows.

I know this one is late..but..
My girl is 4 and half as well and about where yours is. I was really "worried" at the beginning of summer as my husband was like pulling up all this info on where she "should" be etc. Now, I am not worried. she has had two weeks of school and fits right in. She knows her ABC and to count. She sort of knows how to write her first letter of her name. She knows her address and full name because we made it a game. and she knows about life, death and how things grow in cycles. She knows some spanish and is very into nature and processes. So i am not woried about academics. this is why i chose the school I did for her. I know they are buckling down next week and really working on letters, etc. She will see other kids writing and will get more excited about it too. she has already asked to help learn her name. In some places, you will see your son is far advanced and in others he is behind. he will need to mature at his own rate. Let him be your guide. encourage but don;t pressure. Right now, learning to tie his shoe, jump on one leg, put things in the right order, and open a book to the first page correctly are great things to know. the teachers wil get him where he needs to be and if not...they will tell you if he needs more help in an area. If they aren't talking to you about his development, demand they do or move to a better school. I would not recommend a Montessori for a Pre-K as a former teacher.

Oh, and I like the Kumon books at Target. the letters one goes in the correct developmental order with lines first. It is very hard fr a kid to draw a horizontal line. then the order of letters is by difficulty and natural for kids. we also like the maze book...works on fine motor function. So I guess I am saying, try to make working on fine motor unctin a priority and fun for your son. Play games and stuff witht he lines right now and then he will not feel so frustrated with the letters. It is hard for them when we say...do this this way...when his body isn;t ready to do it...so they tune out...boy or girl.

I would suggest seeing how things go at preschool and not necessarily "prepping" him to go. The skills are either there or they aren't. AND IF THEY ARE NOT, I would suggest you go to Child Find, or something similar in your school district, for a free evaluation regarding his skills. Hopefully, if the teachers see something they will be proactive and let you know otherwise, never doubt your instincts if he doesn't seem to be coming along. You would have nothing to lose by having him tested, if you thought it was necessary.

Best wishes.

My son is 3 1/2 and what we just did was make an ABC book for him. We wrote a big letter on each page and drew pictures that started with that letter. My son also loves animals and can tell you everything out every kind. Because of that, we tried to draw an animal on every page we could. We have only had this book for about a week or two and he is already starting to sound out words. I got the idea from Sproutonline.com. It was a craft they did. I think it is amazing and I suggest it to everyone I know with children 2 or older. Good luck!

Your son needs to not get frustrated while doing his work. If he gets off the line encourage him and say that it is okay, it does not have to be perfect. Pre-k is supposed to teach them all of that. Can he say his letters? Can he count to 20? Can he tell you his colors? Talk in complete sentences? It sounds like he can with having conversations about animals. Make the time with him fun. At the dollar store there are books for pre-k that have Disney characters on them. I used those with my 4 year old and he loved them. I didn't expect him to be perfect, he's only 4 and don't want him to grow up thinking everything has to be perfect or he's not good enough...not saying you are doing that, my husband grew up that way and so I am very careful about it. Good luck and don't worry about it.

He'll be ready when he's ready. :)
I second the Leap Frog Letter Factory video- great stuff!

Your son sounds just like my daughter. I always joke that she went into kindergarten not knowing any of her letters or numbers, but she could explain the function of red blood cells. Odd thing is that it isn't really a joke, it was the absolute truth. My kids have never liked learning letters and numbers and all of that Pre-K stuff from me. I decided not to push the issue and spent my time teaching them to love learning. We learned about all kinds of things: animals, plants, dinosaurs, their body, art, stories, folklore; you name it, we learned about it. My kids loved that stuff. We often had a bedtime story where they learned about their heart or digestive system; this is actually what they requested. The learning was always very interactive and we never did it school style.

They picked up the alphabet and numbers just fine in school; they were a little behind at first, but they caught up. My greatest triumph is when my daughter came home from 3rd grade and said, "Mom, they only teach the boring science in school." She knew that there was a fascinating world out there to explore and the mundane tasks of school have not been able to quench her love of learning. When she gets frustrated about the mundane parts of school I always tell her that I know it's boring, but it's necessary to do them to learn more exciting things.

Hi D.,

Don't worry. He is normal! :o) And, I learned very quickly that peer pressure (yes, at 4) is a powerful thing. When his friends can count to 25 or do their ABC's, rest assured, you'll be hearing about it and he will ask to practice in the car or anywhere else...It's so fun to see how they grow when they realize their friends are doing it, too. Enjoy and encourage, but don't worry. Good Luck!

J.

D.,

Every child is different. Let him go at his own pace. He has plenty of time to get serious about "academics." He doesn't need to know how to write his letters before pre-k. If you read to him daily you will have laid the foundation he needs.

You would be suprised how fast time goes especially when they go to school. I know, I have a son in the 7th grade this year. I have 3 sons, and each is so different even with their time line with learning. Here is my say on the matter. ENJOY HIM how he is right now. Let him go into pre-k with an excitement of the unknown. The teachers/helpers that he will be having have been trained to help children of all levels. Your job is to love him and be a mom, let the teachers teach him what he needs to know. He needs you as an advocate, not someone who pushes him like everyone else. I was also told by my son's Kindergarten teacher that sometimes it is easier for the children if they are learning something new and are not board in school. Being board can cause problems that make academics worries not that important.
Relax, you and your son will be fine. I promise. Take is one day at a time reminding him how wonderful he is and let him remind you how wonderful you are to be a MOM.

D.- Take a deep breath and be very happy that he can verbalize his stories about his animals and demonstrates a passion for something. If he can sit in 'circle time' without getting up and disrupting or distracting other children, the rest will follow. If he does a good job of following instruction from a teacher (parent) 'clean up, listen to a story' etc. You can be very happy. Remember, not all children go to Pre-K. He will be one step up by the time he enters Kindergarten and he will be secure in the process of school, learning and growing socially. No pressure! This is fun time with learning thrown in! (You have fun too mom)

My two sons didn't even go to pre-school! What I have found is that kids in our culture are pushed much too soon to do school things when they should be little sponges just taking in the world! You can give them all sorts of information and they will amaze you down the road with what they have learned. My second son's bday is mid June and I started him in K because socially, they said he was ready. He went 5 full days and fell asleep in the car on the way home almost every day. He wasn't ready! Did you know the compulsory attendance law in this state is 6 years of age? It's quite possible your son needs more home and mommy time. If you push the fine motor skills too soon, it will frustrate your son beyond belief. Kids begin to feel stupid and then it's difficult to pull them up again.

When I left my second son to his own in reading and left good books available to him, he ignored it for several months then picked up the books and started reading like mad.

A great book to help you guide your child's academics is The Well Trained Mind by Susan Wise Bauer. She lines out the three stages of teaching and gives you ideas all the way through. I think it will really empower you to move forward with a great deal of comfort.

One last note, please avoid at all cost, comparing your daughter and son. My first two, now 25 and 20, couldn't be more opposite! Girls that are firstborn usually amaze us all. Mine is a dental hygienist, my son is a photographer that isn't too motivated to go on to college just yet. Celebrate them individually!

Blessings dear Mom!

C. G.

my son's preschool teacher told me that it's not unusual for kids to be unresponsive when their parents try to teach them, but then be successful in a classroom where someone else is teaching them. she had to pay for piano lessons for her kids, even though she knew the basics enough to teach them, because they refused to learn from her. my son didn't want to practice letters or numbers with me either, no matter how interesting or creative i got with it. and i knew he was old enough for it and had been able to recognize some letters and numbers for a long time. when he was a little over 4 he showed a little frustration at the fact that he had to wait for me to be free to read a book to him, rather than reading whenever he wanted. he would look at books and recite the whole story, but for some reason that didn't satisfy him anymore because he knew he wasn't actually reading the words. i jumped on that que and enrolled him in a preschool that focuses on academics. it still took him a couple weeks of preschool to want to practice writing or naming letters and numbers with ME, but now he loves it, no matter who it's with.
so i guess my point is, don't feel bad that he doesn't want to learn it from you. you're not a failure. he'll be fine once he gets into school. he's definitely old enough to start reading and writing, just needs to do it in a different environment away from mom.

I agree with the previous post--every child is different. I have 4 girls, and they have all started "academic" learning at different ages (varied between age 2 and age 5). Also, for 3 years I was involved with a preschool co-op group, and the boys were always way "behind" the girls. They were far more interested in the physical games, creative movement, tactile learning, etc., while the girls would sit for hours and write, draw, color, etc.

I wouldn't worry too much about your son just yet, and definitely don't push or he'll start to hate learning. But maybe you could be creative in your teaching, like see if he can make letters out of a row of Hot Wheels or with his body on the floor or draw letters and numbers in sand. Finger painting in pudding is always fun--maybe he can make a "painting" with his name in the pudding. Just some ideas.

As a former teacher (now a SAHM) go with their interests! I'm guessing since he loves animals he has a ton at home. Help him set up a zoo in your driving. Use sidewalk chalk to make the enclosures, help him label the animal exhibits (maybe he'll eventually want to do some of the writing), write zoo and make arrows leading up to the entrance. Learning has to be fun. Don't worry, boys and girls learn differntly and at differnt paces. Bookwork is not for everyone. Keep it hands on. Grab a cookie recipe and have him help you bake. He can count eggs, cups of flour and there are usually fractions involved, what a great way to introduce them early. There is also the physical activity of stiring and scooping. Other ideas can include, a scavenger hunt (look for an animal that has stripes, can eventually turn into look for an animal that starts with a T). I hope this helps and feel free to e-mail me if you want. Good luck and let him play, the learning comes through experience!

try leap frog's letter factory dvd's. My son has trouble talking (3) but can point at any letter in the alphabet and try to say it's sound. it's very entertaining as they teach the letters how to say their sounds. for example, they scare all the a's with a monster suit so they scream "aaaa!". Just pop it in and let him watch. boys are just different and a lot of times girls are easier to teach some things. leap frog also has number circus, talking words factory and storybook factory dvds, but start with one. As far as drawing, put the book away and just ask him to draw a line in the sand with a stick. One of my son's preschool drew a smiley face, then drew a bunch of circles on a paper and had him put the smiles inside. I was surprised to see he could do that, I wouldn't have thought of it before. Anyhow, if you can get him to do something where he's not tracing he may feel less pressure and more ability to do something. perhaps ask him to draw some animals also. Picture recognition is a prerequisite to reading, so really work with him on the animal thing. Find books and games that deal with animals and encourage him in his talent. There is a book I would highly recommend to you by Diane Ackerman called 'The Moon by Whale Light'. She writes about whales, bats, penguins and alligators and gives tons of information that only researchers know. At least it was all news to me. In any case, that should help you encourage your son in his wonderful love of animals as well as spend time together as you tell him all the things that you learned by reading this book. Good luck.

I would say relax! We all learn at our own pace and time. You can't compare him to your daughter or any other child.
He will eventually learn all those important building blocks.

He doesn't have to know all those thing prior to pre-k and perhaps he just has to see his peers do it. Let him grow into those interests. Coming from a home where I was pushed to do more than I could always made me feel like I wasn't good enough. I always felt like I was behind and that I didn't measure up. This feeling followed me into adulthood and I swore it was something I would never do to my own children!

All on my own I realized I was smart and became well educated and well rounded. What my parents saw as "not smart" was merely a child that wasn't ready. Instead of pushing me they probably should have held me back a year. There is nothing wrong with that. Many days I wonder how my outlook on life and myself would have been different had I been given the time to grow into myself instead of being pushed and feeling inferior.

Anyhow I am not saying you are making your child feel this way, but I am sure my parents didn't intend for me to feel like I did either. So just some food for thought.

Life isn't a race to the finish for some prize... it is the course that we take in life that determines our reward.

Having 2 sons, I can tell you that fine motor skills like writing are difficult for boys, especially at this age. Give him some time and hopefully in the preschool environment he will blossom. there are no requirements for pre school and he should be fine by the time he enters kinder just by watching the others in his class. mostly don't worry...stay calm with him.

My 4 year old doesn't know how to write his name either. My husband was all worried about it, but I wasn't. The preschool I take him to is helping him learn how to write his name, learn his letters (upper case and lower), learn how to sit still, and how to interact with the other kids. He has only been in preschool for a week and already I have seen improvement. Boys and girls are different. I noticed one of the girls on the first day (orientation and moms were invited to stay) and she was sitting still, coloring in the lines, answering all the questions, and doing all the things that I'm sure your daughter probably did her first day of preschool. My boy was jumping all over the place looking at everything and touching all the things the teacher had just asked him not to touch. Now he sits still and can trace his name and I can tell his coloring is getting a little bit better. Give it time and I'm sure it will work out. There are some kids out there who don't even know how to write their names before they get to kindergarten so the mere fact that you are even putting him in preschool is saying a lot about how good a mom you are.

Well D. as I am reading your request, it's like reading word for word something I should be writing. That is my EXACT problem with my 4 year old son right now. He is starting preschool next Tues and he could care less about learning. Your son could talk about animals and mine could talk about sports forever. My daughter is 6 and she was such a smarty, and loved to sit and learn and read also at a very young age. I have asked others also and they tell me boys are just that way. Not real interested in learning. I have been told just to relax and HE WILL catch up soon. I have found that if I sit down with him to have him learn to at least write his name, I set a timer for no longer then 5 minutes or he gets frustrated and doesn't want to do it. He does what he can (and complains and says he can't in the process) but I keep telling him to try and when he finally at least traces a letter he gets excited but is ready to be done. From one mom to another, I would just let him learn on his own pace and eventually he is going to learn what he needs to, they usually always do. Pushy him will only be frustrating to you and him. When we had such high expectations from child one we think they all are going to be that way and it just simply isn't. Good luck!

D. -
I have a boy the same age as yours. I, too, was worried about him academically because at home he had no desire to work on anything that qualifies "as learning". He was/is going to pre-school and I talked with the teacher about it because of my concern of him being behind or getting behind. She told me at this age, with boys especially, there is no need for him to work on this at home, unless he initiates it. They work on this stuff all day at school, and this is his learning time, at school. Then she began sending home papers and I was amazed at what he will do for his teacher at school. He writes his name without help, writes all his letters and his numbers 1-10. My advice is to send him to school and see if things change for him. Meaning see if he will work on this stuff for his teacher. If so, there is no need to worry, things will change once homework is sent home, but we have a little while for that.

Don't push him. Once he gets into Pre-K he will learn what he needs to know. That's what it's there for. My son goes up and down on working on things at home. The best thing you can do for him now it talk to him often about the things he likes and read to him. Buy him a new box of crayons or markers and a notebook and let him mark it up anyway he wants. If he gets frustrated easily with it now, it will only get worse if you push him. If you let him go at his own pace, it will get better and won't be so traumatic. Right now he doesn't see the purpose. But once he's in school and sees other kids doing it too, then he will want to join in. After he's in school a while, his teacher can tell you what to work with him on.

I would have his eyes checked to make sure his vision is fine. If it's fine, then I would leave him alone on this topic. He's well within normal range on his interests. Not everybody's interested in learning to read, etc. at such a young age. You're putting a ton of pressure on him.

This isn't any different than taking a kid who's into sports and forcing them to learn to sew. Think about it.

Hi I think that you have to realize that each child is different I had similar problems with my first and second kids and they were both boys, my older one was the same as your girl and my younger one was similar to your younger one I finally just had to let up a little he couldn't spell his name either going into preschool but within 2 months he could I think that for him there was just to much of a close emotional connection with me and he needed something different.

My 4 1/2 year old loves academics. He's trying to read and is teaching himself math. My 2 year old is in love with letters. He knows them all and all the sounds they make. Of course, I give most of the credit to them and to the Leap Frog movies. If you don't have the Letter Factory, your son might really enjoy it!
But then there's my brother. My mom is in shock about my boys because her only boy had no interest in letters, colors, numbers, or shapes before kindergarten. She thought it must be a gender difference. He went into kindergarten knowing none of that. He was also very much into animals, and was a great kid to have at the zoo and aquariums because he knew all the animals and interesting facts about them.
And you know what he does today? He's a professor of molecular immunology at the University of Texas. He has run medical labs, working on a cure for childhood diabetes, multiple sclerosis, and who knows what else. And on top of that, he's become a nationally respected scientist among his peers.
So my advice is to let it go. Let his teachers help him work on that stuff. They're professionals. They know how to engage him according to his learning style. See if he's interested in that LeapFrog movie (our local public libraries have them, but they're always in high demand--or Walmart carries them for about $8), and if he is interested, you can follow up with their other movies. You can encourage him in his other interests (like animals) and try to expose him to as much information and activities as you can.
I was worried about my son entering kindergarten next year (we don't have pre-K in our area) and being too far ahead. I called the school district and they said to keep challenging him if he enjoys it, because the kindergarten teachers are used to some children coming in almost reading, and some not even knowing their colors. So since your son doesn't enjoy it, don't push him. I don't think he'll be the only child in his class that doesn't know his letters!

Hi

My name is B. and I am a K teacher. I can not speak about what students in PreK know upon entering, however I can say that a child that knows all his letters upon entering K is well ahead of many. Right now I have about 40%of my students who know less than half of thier letters - a couple know less than 10.

Remind yourself that he is a different person than your daughter. He will probably learn and do things differently forever (just when you seem to get the hang of parenting, the second one comes, and changes everything you thought you knew) Here's some advice I would give to you if he was in my class.

Don't study for more than 15 minutes at a time - thier little brains don't retain anything after that. Ideally, only study 15 minutes everyday.
Follow his interests - if animals are what he loves find flash cards that have only animals on them - or even better make your own and have him color them. (On the internet Eric Carl - author of The Very Hungry Catepillar - has animal flashcards)
Read, Read, Read
If you really want to focus on letters, start with the ones in his name, and the letters of other people in your family.
When your reading pick out special letters "lets count and see how many I's we can find."
Get ABC books - stories about the ABC's my favorites are Alphabet Mystery and Chica Chica Boom Boom.
When it comes to frustration, that means the activity is not right for him. Students learn when the activity is challenging - not frustrating. Try to think of it as sewing, if you don't know how to sew you don't go out and get a quilt pattern, that would be frustrating. You would try something more like make drapes - that's challenging. If straight lines are difficult try something that requires less hand/eye coordination. (Coloring in the lines of a coloring book, making a circle, drawing a house, drawing himself).
Finally remember that PreK and K are the doorways into learning... your job right now is to encourage his love of learning. Pushing letters, numbers, and any rote memory activity takes away from that love.

Your not a failure! My children and my nephews all do the same thing. My advice is to not push it! He's obviously intelligent. My 4 1/2 year old is much the same way. She won't do anything for me. After Valentine's Day last year when I saw that all the kids in her class could write their names I began trying to get her to do the same. She absolutely refused. I was so frustrated until one day I stared to see papers coming home with her name on them written by her. She was more than willing to do it for her teacher. And once she felt more comfortable, she was also willing to write fro me, too. I spoke with her teacher about it. She told me that in her 17 years of teaching preschoolers she has found that it's very normal for kids to not want to try academic things for their parents. So try not to worry and trust that the school and teacher you chose will be able to fill in some of the gaps!

My son was very similar to yours. He had no interest in writing letters and things like that and would get very frustrated if pushed. He went to preschool and when he started K, he couldn't write his first name yet. He just needed more time. He has an older sister who was like your daughter. It was just easier for her to do all the school stuff, right from the get go.

My son is now 10 and in 5th grade. His teachers have commented for years on how nice his handwriting is and he reads well above grade level. My opinion is that sometimes it's better not to push. Children, especially boys, take longer to develop the fine motor skills needed to write and draw. Odds are, that is how your son is. Ease up on practicing all this stuff with him, if he in pre-k they will work on it with the children and he will be just fine.

I think you are fine. Once he starts and after a few weeks to a month, get with his teacher and see if there is anything you can do with him at home to help. My daughter has been in academic situation from a younger age. She kinda know how to write her name but as far as paying attention and finishing her work she is very much on track as a 4 year old. She is very social and is easily distracted which her teachers told me she is normal and she will advance as she gets older. You are not a horrible mom. Every child is different and learns at their own pace. Be patient and ask the teachers in a few weeks. Good luck.

Yes - each kid is going to be different than the next - so, forget about comparing.
Yes - you are expecting too much from him.
Children are not usually "academic" at his age. Pre-K may not even be the best place for him. Kids are always learning . . . . just because he is not interested in letters or writing his name just means he doesn't "need" that skill right at the moment.
As soon as you start to force learning on children that is when they begin to learn to not like "learning".
Continue to feed his interest in animals . . . . as well as anything else he shows interest in. It's ok to present new ideas - just don't force them if he is not interested.

I am a teacher and a mom of a 5 year old and a 1 year old --- both boys. My first bit of advice --- take a deep breath. I've heard of parents worrying about whether their child was prepared for college. I've heard of parents worrying about whether their child was prepared for kindergarten. But I would have to say that this is a first for me --- I've never heard about parents worrying about whether their child was prepared for preschool. You need to relax. I cringe when I hear "4-year-old" in the same sentence with "academics." If you must worry about something, you've got plenty of time to worry about academics (and other things) once your child enters school. In preschool (not before preschool), basically, the goals are to learn to follow directions, play nicely with peers, large-motor skills, fine-motor skills, ABCs, 123s, shapes, colors, etc. You just need to make sure your child is potty-trained and is prepared to leave you and is loved. If you are making learning a chore --- you are going to turn your child off and stress him out. It bothers me when someone says they're going to sit a child down and teach him. Children don't learn by sitting down, they learn by doing. Learn to recognize teachable moments. Make learning fun. Let your son take the lead. Don't compare him to his sister. Girls and boys learn differently. For example... he likes animals. Create an alphabet book of animals. Create a counting book of animals. Create a color book of animals. Creat a shape book of animals. Take him to the zoo, farm, etc. I think the National Wildlife Federation has a magazine called Baby Animals that is age appropriate for your son. Kids learn by playing. Let your kid be a kid and play. You're doing a great job as a mom. But last time I checked, Harvard wasn't looking at preschool transcripts. Since you said he can carry on a conversation about animals, you have nothing to worry about. Let him be.

Hi D.~ every child is different! Please don't beat yourself up over it! I bet what will happen is he will go to school and be willing to do stuff for the teeacher that he won't do for you! He will see all of the other kids doing it!! You have NOT failed as a mom!! I have four children and they are all different! I parent them all different because what works for one doesn't work for all, very frustrating at times!! Just keep encouraging him and that is what a geat mom does!!
GOOD LUCK,
C.

Hi D.,
Chances are your son is going to learn great at his own pace. It is not unusual for some boys to not be as interested as girls. Each kid moves at his or her own pace.

That being said I will tell a quick story of my son who is dyslexic. In preschool I couldn't even talk to him about numbers or letters without him getting frustrated. The preschool said 'no worries' for the reason I gave above. Come kindergarten he still didn't know his abc's and could not count well. Again I voiced my concerns and the kindergarten teacher said 'no worries', however the other kids new their abc's and most were reading basic words and he came home with spelling words the 2nd week of kindergarten. Already behind as he didn't know his abc's.

First grade, same 'no worries' story, me more concerned than ever, he was hating school because he was 'bored' but couldn't read at grade level no matter how hard we worked at it. He knew his abc's by then and his numbers but couldn't count by 2's as well as the other kids.

Keep in mind this is a really smart little boy. He sees and hears details around him that are truly amazing. His memory skills for verbal is well beyond grade level and his comprehension of stories read to him is many grade levels above normal however he can't read the story for himself.

2nd grade, thank goodness he had a reading specialist for a teacher. I talked to her the first day of school and told her my concerns. She kept up with his progress and came to me saying she thought he was dyslexic. A scary word but much more common than ever thought, many levels and many different forms, not just the turning around of words I always associated with it. Not only reading but math and hand coordination with writing can be part of dyslexia. He was diagnosed and started tutoring immediately with a reading specialist that teaches Wilson training, specifically for dyslexic kids. He went from reading 12 words a minute at a 2nd grade level to 72 words a minute in just 2 months. Life changing.

What all the specialist have told me is it is best to catch this as early as possible, kindergarten or first grade is best as they have not learned bad habits trying to cope with keeping up yet. My son was bored, as it turns out, because he couldn't read directions in class so couldn't do the projects or assignments.

I am by no means saying this is what is going on with your son, I just want to make you aware and informed as to what one possibility could be. I wish I had been more proactive when I was first concerned, it was 3 years before he was diagnosed and he could have been learning a lot more early on if I had followed through with my concerns. Also know that there is much knowledge out there now about dyslexia, the progress my son has shown with out side of school Wilson training is incredible, he keeps up with school now and is feeling better about himself and school.

If you want to contact me directly please feel free, I have done a lot of research and gone to conferences specifically about reading disabilities.

Again, most likely everything is as normal as can be with your son, I am not trying to scare just inform.

Good luck and have fun,
SarahMM

I've had two boys go to kindergarten and through helping in their classes, I've seen that kids come to kindergarten with a huge range of knowledge and abilities.

Some know their letters and can write their name. Some don't even know their shapes and colors. I've even seen one little child that didn't even know how to hold a book!

If your son isn't interested in learning about letters with you, that doesn't necessarily mean he won't be interested in doing it in a school environment. My advice would be just to read with him, a lot. Books about animals if that's what he likes! While you're reading, you can point out things and ask him questions about a variety of things. That's the best education a small child can get.