Help Me Get My Son to Sleep in His Own Room

Hi N.,

We had the same problem with our 2nd son when I was pregnant with my 3rd child. He was almost 3 y.o. and would go to sleep in his bed at bedtime, then come into our room at 3am every night. We set up a reward system where he got pennies in a jar for doing things we wanted, and lost pennies for doing things we didn't want. When he had accumulated a set amount of points (we always called the pennies "points"), he would get a reward. Rewards were small things, like an ice cream cone, or flying a kite with dad, or a special lunch with mom, or a small toy...very inexpensive and often time with mom or dad instead of an actual item. So when he came in our room at 3am, we would ask him if he wanted to get a point by going back to his bed, or lose a point by staying with us. At first he chose to stay with us, but he didn't like losing that point the next morning. Eventually, he started to go back to bed and we made a BIG deal in the morning of giving him that point he earned. After a while, he didn't wake up any more and stayed in his room all night.

With my 3rd child (a girl), rewards didn't work as well. I would take her back to her room and stay with her for the few minutes until she fell back to sleep. Eventually, she stayed in her room all night. Now I have an infant again (#4) in the bed with us, and I'm hoping to get him into a crib soon! Someday my husband and I will get to sleep all night by ourselves, LOL!

Good luck with your son. Definitely nip this in the bud before the baby is born.

H.

1 mom found this helpful

Try going to sleep with him in his bed, then sneak out after he is asleep. Then, as nights go on, leave his bed a little before he is totally asleep and graduate to just reading/tucking him in, etc. Good luck!

Let him pick out his own new bedding and maybe some posters to hang on the wall. Make up a new routine. When I tuck my son in at night, he likes me to sing him a couple of verses of "you are my sunshine". I then give him all of his favorite animals and blankies to snuggle up with, give him a number of hugs and kisses, blow kisses on my way out the door and that's it. It might take some time to get down the routine that will make him most comfortable, but being consistent will pay off. Make a big fuss over his room -- making it his big boy room, while his new baby sibling will have "baby stuff". Let him pick some stuff out and make his big boy choices. Start now so that he doesn't think this is all happening because of the new baby -- stress that it is because he is such a big boy and how proud of him you are for being such a big boy. Most of all - it'll take a little time, some patience and lots of consistency. Good luck. It will work!! And congrats on baby 2.

I had a similar problem. WHile my son (2 1/2) always slept in his crib, he would never go to sleep in the crib. After I stopped nursing, I would have to bring him to my bed and hten move him to the crib after he fell asleep. he would then stay all night. It was so bad that if I tried to put him to bed in his crib wheil he was awake, he would make himself throw up. At the same time he had tried to climb out of his crib a couple of times.

So what we did is we transitioned him to a big boy bed and bought sheets and comforter with his favorites characters (the Backyardigans). We talked it up alot about how he was going to sleep with his friends the Backyardigans and how great it was that he would get to sleep in a big boy bed. I also realized that when he takes a nap at daycare he sleeps with a big (as big as he is almost) doll, so I put his big Elmo doll in his bed with him. He went to bed in the big boy bed the first night and has done so since. We basically started a better routine of stories, etc. while laying in bed and then lights out. I have to stay until he is asleep which is usually only 5 minutes or so and that is getting better. So my recommendation is to try to make it something different whether it be a whole new bed or new sheets or new stuffed animals with him in bed. Also, the Sleep Lady and her book may have some helpful suggestions. If you google "sleep lady" you will find her.

The transition to being in his own room all night might be too much for him right now. You might try having him sleep on a small bed on the floor in your room. Maybe get another crib mattress and set that up for him. That way, he's near you and can hear that (your breathing, etc.), but he's not in the bed. I imagine he'll sleep through most of your nighttime activity.

N.,
We ended up co-sleeping with our son although that was never the plan. He is now 3 and I just got him in his bed. Here is what I did. I started with him in his bed and did the regular routine with bath and stories, after we kissed goodnight and the light was out I would lay on the floor until he feel asleep. He could hear I was there but got used to the feel of his bed with only him in it. After I knew he was asleep I got in my own bed. If he woke during the night I took him back in placed him in his bed and layed back on the floor. I did it for about a week and then stopped staying at bedtime but would still come in and laydown if he woke up in the night. After about 2 weeks he almost stopped waking and we both were getting better sleep. I know this is a cushy version but I'm not a cry it out or tough it out mom. It worked really well for us but I had to stay on top of it for 2 solid weeks so don't give up. Good luck with him and the new baby. Hopefully we will expecting a second one soon too.

S.

it's hard when you've already set a comfortable pattern, especially for a 3 year old who's all about routine. if a family bed isn't an option, start now and be consistent, consistent, consistent. it'll be hard for him at first, but you sure don't want to deal with it when the new baby comes or he'll resent the baby for ruining his nice nighttime gig. patience, humor, rewards (i love the penny/point idea!) and consistency.
khairete
S.

One thing that my husband has always been adament about was not letting our daughter sleep in our room w/ us. So I can say this advice is from very close friends that have been in the same situation. Trying to get your child to initially start out in their own room will be harder than getting them to go back to their room in the middle of the night. So I would try when your son comes in in the middle of the night to get up and walk him back to his own room and stay with him till he falls asleep. We have always rocked our daughter so if she wakes up in the middle of the night we go in and rock her and then put her back in her crib. It may take a little time but eventually he will stop coming into your room. To get him to fall asleep in his room, again my daughter gets 5 minutes in the rocking chair then I put her in her crib. You could try to really build up his excitement of sleeping in his bed. Try reading him stories while he is in his bed or laying w/ him till he falls asleep in his own bed. You can also offer rewards to him, for example, go out and get him a toy, a good size one, and put it up so he can't reach it but he can see it daily. He is at an age where he is fully aware of what you tell him and understand it. Then tell him that he will be able to have his toy when he is a really big boy and sleeps in his own bed. BUT make sure that you are telling him that it has to be for a week or so b/c he is smart enough to figure out that he may only have to do it one night to get the toy. Just reiterate it ALL the time day in and day out that Mommy and Daddy need him to be a big boy and that it's time to go in his own bed and being consistant about putting him back in his own bed when he comes in to yours. One of the biggest things for children is being consistant w/ them. Hope all goes well Hang in there it'll all work out!!

I was really lucky with both my kids not having this problem, but I used to care for my friends kids alot with her being sick and her son was like that. I started a solid bedtime routine and we also stuffed a build a bear for him to have in bed. He made it himself and he could only have it if he slept in his bed. It helped him feel secure. I also explained to him that he needed ot be a big boy b/c his mom was sick and needed her sleep as much as he did and at his age (2) he understood. They have maintained the routine for over a year now and he is still sleeping in his own bed. Also, let him help you make his bed and make him feel like it is His room and his stuff. It is kind of hard to get him started but once you get going it is easier.

I am in the same boat. I have a 3 year old daughter who sleeps with us. She tries in her room but says she is scared and calls for me. So I bring her back in the room with me and we go to sleep. If she falls asleep and I take her to her room she wakes up and calls for me again or will just come in the room. I am due in May and need for her to start to sleep in her own room. So when you get a good suggestion let me know. I will do the same for you.

Hi, my name is J. and I have five children. I would suggest that you stay consistant with removing him from your bed when he decides to come back at 1ish. Whatever you do you need to do befor it gets any closer to the arrival of the baby, your 3 year old will be going through enough changes. You do not want him to feel like you just threw him because the baby is here, if you do it befor hand then he will get use to the feeling of having his own personal space. I hope that this helps you in some way, God Bless.

Hi N.,

I had the same issue with my grandson. I bought a night light and put it in his room and he's been sleeping in there ever since.

Hi N.,
I let all three of my daughters sleep with us for a while. When it was time to break her habit I would go to bed with her in her bed until she fell asleep. When she woke up during the night I would go back to her bed if she was crying and if she just came into my room(depending on how tired I was) I would try to take her back to her bed. After some time of doing it this way, I would lay with her for a few minutes then tell her I had to do something, like clean the kitchen, then I'll come back. Usually she was asleep in minutes. I think the key is for him to start out in his own bed and know that he needs to start sleeping in his own bed. It will take some time but try to be consistant. Maybe you could start saying things along the lines of being a big boy now that he's going to be a big brother. But try not to make him feel that the baby will be taking his place. Work on this so he's good and ready. Try not to give in. I know you're tired! Good luck!!!

i am a mother of s three year old girl... they are not easy as you all know. i recently had the same problem with getting her to her own bed then staying there. what worked for me was making it fun and a game for her, the same game went to potty training at nite too. is she go in her bed i would stay til she went to sleep and if she stayed all night she was rewarded some how in the morning. weather it be just us girls breakfast or a special treat ( i try to stay away from food being a treat)but that special treat worked for her... but i have to agree and stress with the other moms to be consistant. good luck and congrats on number two.

N., my advice would be to start putting your son to bed in his own room right from the start, put a little night light in his room so he can always see and when you put him to bed, tell him its story time and read him a book, say a prayer together and just sit with him until he dozes. This may take some time, and patience from you but it will work. What worked with me is I gave my daughter a bath right before bath time, so that way her body was relaxed and she knew right after bath time that it was story time [make it a routine] and if you can try to make bath time/bedtime around the same time every night if possible. Slowly he will come around, I also kept a night light in the hallway in case my little one got out of bed in the middle of the night to come in our room. Also, if he comes in your room in the middle of the night, even though you may be tired take him back to his room.

I have a 7 year old and a 4 year old that both are finally back in their own room. One thing I can tell you that helped was a bedtime routine. I found that they were more apt to stay in their room if they fell asleep there. We read a book or listen to one on cd until they fall asleep.

The other is tough love. My kids used to sneak back into the room in the middle of the night. I first asked them to wake me up and I would lay them back in their own room. When they ignored the request I locked my door. It sounds really harsh but it forced them to wake me up and then I could stop them before they got in to the room and lay them back down. They just knock if they need me.

Whatever you do get it under control before kid #2 arrives. That was my mistake. I ended up with my second following suit and fighting 2 is much more tiring then 1.

Good Luck!

One of us stays in the room until my three year old falls asleep. When his little brother was born, his sleep regressed a little bit. About once a week he gets up in the middle of the night to come sleep with us. We just make a bit of room for him, but for the most part he sleeps on his own.

How about making a little "nest" for him in your room. Really comfy on the floor somewhere and he is welcome to come in and spend the night there? I have friends who have done this.

We have a king sized bed so we have plenty of room for nighttime visitors and the baby. But friends who have a queen have done the nest, or even another mattress on the floor.

Hi! Man, this is going to be a tough one for you. But it has to be done. Each and every time he comes in your bed, one of you, mom or dad, MUST take him back and put him in his own bed, no matter what time it is or how long it takes. Gently, but firmly, tears notwithstanding. When he is awake during the day, you should reinforce to him how important it is that mom and dad have privacy in their bed and he has his very own special bed just for him. Make his bed a very special place, with favorite toys surrounding it or even on it. Give him a night light in his room. Leave his door cracked open and a hall light on if you have to. Explain his new brother/sister will also have their own special bed (a crib) like he used to sleep in. But now he's a big boy and must sleep in his own bed. Do not give in or give up! This may take awhile; but, hey, it'll prepare you for the new one's nocturnal awakenings :D

I'm an experienced mom of two and with #1, we had this problem. It was a tough one that we never should have allowed from the very beginning.

Good luck!

Robyn

Hi N. D'

When I had my son, we did the co-slept also. For me when it was time for a nap I would go in his room and we would lay down but I would get up after awhile. And at night it was a little more difficult to do at first but after a couple of days of me also calling him a big boy and growing up sleeping in his own bed by hisself it started working.
Now at the age of 9 the only time my son wants to come and sleep with me is when he is sick. My advice is to start taking him to his room, first start in the day time cause it is still light outside and for some reason they feel safer with new things and being semi alone in the day time. Once he gets comfortable with the naps the nights will get easier, but do nights and day don't just do one. Yes he is going to cry but play music in the room or if you allow him to watch a video before he goes to bed that may calm him before he lays down for the night but do the video in his room. I hope this helps.

We had the same situation with my son. His sister was born when he was 3 and I also felt like I needed my bed to myself! What we did was let him pick out new (Spiderman) sheets and really made a production about fixing up his new bed. Then every night, my husband or I would lay with him and read him several stories until he was really sleepy and then kiss him goodnight. We promised him that if he stayed in his bed, we would come back in a few minutes to check on him and then we went in every 5 minutes until he was asleep (we only had to do that for a week or so). In no time, we kissed him goodnight after a story and that was it...he stayed in bed! I think the important thing is to start this BEFORE the new baby comes home so he doesn't feel like he's being kicked out for the new kid!!

This worked with our kids: put him in his bed b/w 7 & 8pm (3 yr olds should get about 12 hours of sleep...if he doesn't nap, put him to sleep 12 hours after he wakes up), read a book, sit with him until he falls asleep...at first...you want him to get use to falling asleep in his own bed. Make sure he is dressed warm enough so if he kicks off blankets his arms/legs don't get cold. my kids wear feet pjs or long-sleeved/pants pjs w/ socks! Depending on how cold your house gets, a warm enough blanket, too...we have down comforters. My son is like me and likes to stay warm, so we put fleece sheets/pillow covers...so, when he rolls over the cold sheets don't wake him. As much as some would like to believe their kids come into bed with them strictly for the mommy factor, it has more to do with that we are an instant source of warmth! Also, in the beginning, we did a reward chart when he slept in his bed all night, get a sticker on the chart...after 5+ can pick a toy from the $1 Store or save up for a bigger prize! I hope this helps! Good Luck!!

My sister and nephew were just going through this transition. They decided to take him out and buy him a new bed. They let him pick it out along with a new blanket. It seems to have worked pretty well so far. He was really excited about having picked everything out himself. If buying a new bed is not an option, you could just try a new blanket or comfort object for him.

Hey N.!! I know how you feel! Me and my husband had this same problem years ago with our daughter, who's now 3 years old. It's just going to take some time and commitment. Every night, me or my husband will put her in her bed, not ours. That way, she wouldn't even get any time in our bed. We had to be loving, but firm. And it's not going to happen over night. But by you guys starting now and continue to do it every night until the baby comes, you will see change. Yes sometimes it may take you or hubby taking your 3 year old to his bed and sitting and waiting until he falls asleep. Read stories and have your 3 year old repeat a prayer with you! Trust me, it will happen girl!! Congrats on the new little one on the way and the successful years so far on your marriage!!! God bless N. and today and every day, trust in the Lord in every situation b/c He's already worked it out for you!! Love ya!!
P. :)

Hi N. D,
Have you tried laying with him until he falls asleep in his room?