10 answers

Help Me Explain to My Daughter About Phrases.

My daughter is 4yrs old and she's a very quick learner...if she hears it once it's forever in her head. And she has picked up a few phrases that I don't appreciate. One is from my Mom...'Life is'nt fair!". She is 4 and doesn't need to know phrases like this...how do I explain to her that it's not right or not to use that phrase without making her feel bad...like she did something wrong??

What can I do next?

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The best way is for YOU to model the correct way to speak. She will hear the wrong things from many people, but do not panic. I would explain to her gently that what she is saying is not positive, and then you can tell her what you would like her to say in its place. You can tell her you don't want to hear her say ... around you.

But be aware that a lot of kids just practice saying what they hear and at that age it is really not doing them any harm. More experimental speech than anything.

Listen to what she says, don't over react, guide her as best you can...and know that she is in process. She may be just mimicking what she hears and not internalizing it. Watch for behavior that mirrors the speech (eg a tantrum and screaming"life isn't fair."
If she hasn't internalized it, she may not even know what it means!!
J.

1 mom found this helpful

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The best way is for YOU to model the correct way to speak. She will hear the wrong things from many people, but do not panic. I would explain to her gently that what she is saying is not positive, and then you can tell her what you would like her to say in its place. You can tell her you don't want to hear her say ... around you.

But be aware that a lot of kids just practice saying what they hear and at that age it is really not doing them any harm. More experimental speech than anything.

Listen to what she says, don't over react, guide her as best you can...and know that she is in process. She may be just mimicking what she hears and not internalizing it. Watch for behavior that mirrors the speech (eg a tantrum and screaming"life isn't fair."
If she hasn't internalized it, she may not even know what it means!!
J.

1 mom found this helpful

I'd say watch the way you speak. My daughter is the same. She is 3years old and I said "frikin" once and that's her favorite thing to say now! I just told her once that "Mommy shouldn't have said that and it's not nice to talk that way". I then when she would say it or I'd say "let's say that again with a different word" and she hasn't said it now for a few months. Probably got sick of repeating her self.

H. my daughter will be three in October and is also a quick learner when it comes to phrases like that, the trick my husband and I use is we don't make it a big deal when she says it. The first time she says it we tell her not to say that please, if she keeps repeating it we just ignore it and eventually she stops and never says it again. It may take a couple of days. We found that by making the saying or word a big deal she knows that she gets attention from it and if we ignore it it usually stops. Hope this helps good luck. A.

Hi, I don't have a lot of advice, because I'm in the same boat with my 5-year-old son! His new one is "Get out of town"....he says it about 100 times/day! Not even sure where he learned it but I am sick of hearing it. I try not to make a big deal out of it personally....I say something (sort of funny) like, "Nope, I'm going to stay here in town with you", and then change the subject. I'm hoping that EVENTUALLY, he'll stop it (until the next thing he hears of course)!!

Are you trying to scold your mother or your daughter? Maybe both. When it comes to my daughter, I have no problems scolding my mom. I'm the mom now, she was a mom once already and now it's my turn. I would deffinately talk to your mom about this too if she's one of the culperts fanning the flames. What I have done with my daughter, is simply ignore it. Making something out of it will mean that whatever statements you are trying to get her to avoid using, she's getting attention and will continue to use it, even though you don't approve. I would simply tell her once..."we don't say that in this house." Then, walk away. Walk away or ignore it whenever she says it thereafter, she was warned not to use it and if you're consistant, she won't get a mixed message. She will soon understand that when she says it, she will NOT get the attention she's after and will discontinue its use.

Sounds to me like you are bothered by the content of the phrases and not simply that fact that she is repeating the same thing over and over agian? If that is the case, then you need to be clear in your own mind why it is something that is inappropriate. If it is a swear word, then the reason is obvious. Something like "life's not fair" you need to clarify why that bothers you and what the message you want her to have about that is. Then just explain it to her simply, like, Mommy does not like when you use that phrase. It makes me sad because....so lets comeup with something more fun we can say. Maybe a secret phrase that you come up with together would change her mind. Good luck.

Hi H.,

My name is J. and I had a similiar situation with my son when he was little. My husband traveled for work and he would pick things up from daycare.
Your source is a lot eaiser to deal with talk to your mom about being careful what she say's around the little one.
Ask your daughter if she know's what it means if she dosen't then tell her she souldn't use it. If she does then tell her she should be positive "life is as fair as you make it".

Hope this helps a little.

My daughter likes to use big words that she doesn't know the meaning of and I just will ask her, "what does that mean?". She'll look at me all funny or come up with something out of her head and then I tell her that she shouldn't use words if they don't know what they mean because she might hurt someone's feelings. Either that or I'll tell her what it really means and then she'll get a funny look on her face and I never hear it again.
Otherwise, if it's something offensive I just say "we don't say things like that in our house" and then she won't say it again because she'll get in trouble.

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