Help Me Change My Boyfriend's Yelling

Ok...if your boyfriend's yelling is so intense that it has you questioning it, perhaps it's time to move on.

You really need to think twice about raising your daughter in this environment.

I would make an ultimatum. Either he gets counseling for his anger and yelling, or he's out the door.

You probably don't like my opinion, but you are living with a man who is yelling at your daughter. This is not his daughter, and he really has no authority to yell at her. He is not even her stepfather.

You are teaching your daughter that it is OK to move in with a man who will treat her children terribly. You need to show her that women do not need to be in relationships like this.

Good luck!

Hi C.,
My name is M. and I have been with my husband for 22 years. We have two teenage boys 14&18.
C.,I have some realistic advice for you about the yelling issue in your home. It probobly won't be what you want to hear,but I'm assuming you want the advice.
First of all, know that you can not- I repeat can not change his behavior. He had yelling modeled for him in his own home as a child ,so that's all he knows. I suggest a few things.
If he recognizes this as a problem, he needs to meet with a Psycho-therapist and learn appropriate parenting communication skills.Right now he does not know any other way.
Trust me,even if you tell him over and over, don't yell- he can't stop,because he does not know how to.
I am sharing this with you to spare you agony, as I myself have experienced.
My husbands yelling/swearing has continued all these years.
I, like you thought I could change him-nope.
I thought he would mature. I thought he would realize how dysfunctional it all was. By me correcting him in front of the kids, they don't respect him . That really didn't help the situation at all. If you want to talk more feel free.
As women, we can share knowledge to help one another.
M.

Hi C., This may sound hokey - but maybe it would help if you explained the intent of your daughter's action when he ended up yelling. We often attribute adult thoughts and motives to children and respond accordingly. I've found that I have explain things to myself when my 18 month old does something that makes me angry. No, he's not trying to ruin the carpet by pouring juice on it... but sometime I respond to his behavior as if he was. You may also want to point out that by yelling at everything he'll cause one of two things to happen: 1) desensitize her to the yelling and she wont' really understand what is serious and what isn't or 2) she'll become anxious at everything. The other thing that may be of use is to link actions and consequences for your daughter - say for procrastinating. If you wait to do X, there will be less time to do X.....
Hope that's helpful.
:)

I agree with the other poster. No child deserves to be yelled at so much. Especially one who has been thru the loss of her real daddy. This man does not have the right to disapline that way. You are her mother and will always be her ONLY advocate. YOU and she deserve better than that from a man who "treats you both like gold". You have been through a lot and need support, not yelling. JMHO.

Dear C., Although I have no business telling you what to do, I think that perhaps you could give him a book on parenting or lead by example. I know from experience that times change, people usually do not. Maybe it's a minor behavior problem, his not the daughters mind you, and maybe he can not change but learn. Learn how to parent and act without getting angry...it's not always easy. No one's perfect. If he cannot I would have to say that she has already lost her father and does not need to grow up fearing her next one, or her daily situation. Maybe I am overreacting but it makes me concerned...I will pray for you and wish you luck. I love my husband too but all the qualities I didn't really like when we met are certainly still there now. He is a good father though and no ones perfect. Also , if he loves you both he will want to be the better man and the better parent, heck, we all do. We all have a hard time sometimes. If he does not then you know what is right and I am sure you will do what is right for your daughter. She comes first. Good luck.

He really needs to just walk away!! Your child will start to handle situations the same way. You are her mother and you make the rules. He needs to back off and respect how you want her raised. Im sorry to be blunt, but I also grew up in a house with yelling and yelling can be just as bad as hitting! I try my hardest not to yell at my 3 yr. old and when I get upset, I walk away. Also, the more you yell, she will tune him out.