41 answers

Help Me!! - Garden Grove,CA

Ok I have 3 great kiddos. Two girls and one boy. My boy is oldest and just turned 8. For the longest time they all shared a room by choice and the other bedroom was a playroom. I switched my son over to his own room about a year ago and every since it has been a DAILY struggle. My son constantly begs to sleep with the girls and makes the argument that he is the only one in the house that has to sleep alone. Well, he does have a point so I have been inconsistent and have let him sleep with them probably a few times a week on average with the exception of the last few weeks because I have been trying to "buckle down." I understand that I have created this problem because I have not been consistent. But I can't get past the battle in my head which revolves around the fact of, "Is it fair that I am making him sleep alone?" I know a lot of people say he "shouldn't" be sleeping with his little sisters anymore (who are 6 and 3 btw) which is why I moved him to his bed in the first place.... because "people" said it was wrong that they were in the same room. SO do I just make him tough it out and force him to sleep alone? I have been making him sleep alone for the last 2 weeks and he still is not falling asleep until almost an hour-hour and a half after we put him to bed and is crying in bed nightly. It breaks my heart but at the same time, I think, is he too old? When is he going to sleep by himself then? On the other side, I think, Do I like to sleep alone? Why DOES he have to be the only one who sleeps alone? Ugh... help me mamas!

What can I do next?

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I have a friend with the same situation as you. They moved their son (middle child) into his own room, but he would regularly go back to his sisters' room and sleep on the floor. So they put three twin beds in there and the extra bedroom ended up being a playroom of sorts.

When he was 10 he decided he didn't want to room with his sisters anymore. My friend didn't care what anybody thought. Her kids her business. You should do what you want and tell the busybodies to go to h..... I'm so sick of everybody trying to force their views on other people.

5 moms found this helpful

I don't see a problem. If he wants to be with his sisters and his sisters want him there too, then let them be. You should be HAPPY that all the siblings want to be together and get along. This is their time to bond and be there for each other.
Trust me, when it gets "awkward" for him, he will leave on his own. He is still a kid!

3 moms found this helpful

I would let him sleep with his sisters. He sounds like such a sweet boy. By the way, my parents had me and my brother sleeping in the same room till I was 14 and he was 16. I hated it so much because he was a terror back then, that I finally moved to the living room myself and slept on pull-out couch with a metal bar in my back. I totally would not have minded sleeping in the same room with my brother if he was not a terror and he was a friend. As long as he wants to be with his sisters and his sister wants to be with him, then let them bond and have fun.

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If the kids are all ok with it, let them sleep in the same room. Honestly, I don't get people that see something creepy about this. Screw these people.

Your kiddos are young, they're not going through puberty, there is no issue. Especially if they're not even sharing a bed. Let them have their fun together - turn the room into a playroom. He'll probably want his own room in another couple of years and then you can make the transition with little stress.

8 moms found this helpful

I say let them share. Why not? He is still little and soon enough he won't want to. My oldest is a boy and youngest two are girls..... All very close and best friends.... If they wanted to share a room I would be all for it! I think it is great that be is close with his sisters. It seems like from your post that thus is causing you all stress.... Tune into your heart and go for what is right for your family instead of worrying about what "people say"....good luck!

7 moms found this helpful

I think you should do what YOU think is best for your family and not spend another second worrying about what other people think.
This is what I would do if I thought it was best for him to sleep in his own room, like you did, try to transition him, couple nights alone, a couple nights with the girls. If he has been sharing with someone for 6 years, its going to be tough. I would try baby steps first.
This is what I would do if I thought it was best for him to share a room. Let him sleep with them and dont care what other people think. :)
Do whats you think is best. The "people" telling you what to do are not his mom and you know him better than anyone else does. Why someone would feel the need to tell a mother how her kids should be sleeping is beyond me.

Everytime I take the baby to the pediatrician for a check-up, they always ask me if shes sleeping in her own bed. Although she does sleep in her own bed, its right next to my bed. Im not sure how the conversation would go if I told them she does sleep with me, and personally, I dont care what they would say. IM her mom.

7 moms found this helpful

Your children are so young... I do not know who put an idea in your head that it is wrong for them to sleep in the same room... When they are ready to separate - they will beg you for a separate space, trust me. If they are happy together - indulge them. I do not see anything harmful in your kids sharing a room.

5 moms found this helpful

I can't even judge. It sucks. Not because you are doing anything mean or wrong but because you understand how he feels. You feel that he is genuinely upset and you feel bad because it's like you are disregarding that.

I think it's good for him to be in his own room and have his own space and in 3 or 4 years he's going to be grateful for it. In the meantime you have to figure out how to help him appreciate the space. Right now he feels banned, but it's a matter of perspective.

We hung Christmas tree lights up around our daughter's room so it was dim but not dark. We painted the walls the color she chose and put murals on it. We made it pretty and princessy and all of a sudden it was her kingdom. You could do the same thing in a boy way for your son. Let him pick out the color for the walls and let him help paint it. Put up lights or get one of those spinning light thingies that puts the solar system up on your walls. Get him a fish tank with colorful fish and the drone of the filter. Put posters up of the things that he loves. Make it a place he wants to be. Spend 20 minutes a night with him in his room after he has lain down to go to bed. He gets you all to himself.

It's not about whether he has to sleep alone. There was a time when the kids all slept in the same room and in the same bed. It's about helping him learn to appreciate his space and be comfortable on his own.

5 moms found this helpful

I have a friend with the same situation as you. They moved their son (middle child) into his own room, but he would regularly go back to his sisters' room and sleep on the floor. So they put three twin beds in there and the extra bedroom ended up being a playroom of sorts.

When he was 10 he decided he didn't want to room with his sisters anymore. My friend didn't care what anybody thought. Her kids her business. You should do what you want and tell the busybodies to go to h..... I'm so sick of everybody trying to force their views on other people.

5 moms found this helpful

I think letting him still sleep with his siblings is fine, he'll want his own space soon enough!

4 moms found this helpful

I don't feel that it's unfair have your son sleep in his own room, but, I also don't feel that it's "wrong" to let your son sleep in the same room as his sisters. They are just little kids. My children are close friends as well. My son, who is 9, has his own room, but on Fridays & Saturdays he has the option to sleep in his own room or sleep on the trundle in his sisters' room. The girls are 7 years old and 2 years old. (The reason we only allow it on the weekends is because we want to ensure they are getting a good nights rest and not playing around.) You should do what works best for your family and not concern yourself with what anyone else thinks. Best wishes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ETA: In response to Julie L's comment: There may be some kids who are raised in a sexually charged environment and know about sex and may try experimenting, so their parents would do well to set a boundary the prevents opposite genders from being in the same room for extended periods of time unsupervised. My children, however, are not raised in such an environment or in such a way. My assumption is that A.'s are not raised in such an environment either or she wouldn't consider allowing her son to sleep in his sister's room. There are a good many of us who believe in allowing kids to be kids as long as possible because childhood is for a short while once adulthood is achieved it will last for the rest of their lives.
Also, Julie's comment is contradictory to say that a boy of 9 (which is my son's age not the poster's son) shouldn't be allowed to sleep in the same room with any girls, but she then states that children as young as 12 will experiment with sex. Well, if it's happening only as young as 12 then anyone under that should be fine... Correct? Anyway, this is a matter of parents knowing their children and doing what works for their family.

4 moms found this helpful

My 8 yo daughter and 5 yo son share a room right now. while I am looking for a way to separate them (not because people say it is inappropriate, but because they fight like crazy) I see nothing wrong with it if the kids are all okay with it. Last night my daughter had a bad dream and crawled in bed with my son. It is that support that drove them to ask to share a room, and that they didn't want to sleep alone. We now have a third child so that is why they still share. If your daughters are okay with it, what is the problem? there will come a time when someone will not want it and you can deal with it then. You can always make him less comfortable by having him sleep on the floor on an air mattress or sleeping bag.

4 moms found this helpful

Ok, I'm really tired (not sure why I'm even on the computer right now), so I haven't actually read anyone else's answer, but I'm going to repeat a question I often ask moms who have sleeping questions:

Who cares where he sleeps as long as he sleeps?

Seriously, as long as everyone gets a good night's sleep, who cares! Let him sleep in the girls room. I promise two things. First, he is not alone. Many siblings of the opposite sex share rooms at that age. Second, he will decide one day that he wants his own space. He won't want to sleep there forever.

This is just not a battle worth fighting.

Ok, I am now going to bed! (before my 2 year old wakes me up long before my alarm clock does :-)

4 moms found this helpful

You realize people saying it's inappropriate are calling your son a sexual predator.

Why is it inappropriate? Because he's a boy. Why don't boys and girls share rooms? Because of sex.

If your son is a sexual predator... sure keep him out. I highly doubt that he is. And I'd be ticked if anyone was implying my son was.

Heck... refer said gutter minded people to Peter Pan. Wendy's 12 when she is supposed to move out of the night nursery away from John & Michael.

4 moms found this helpful

I don't see a problem. If he wants to be with his sisters and his sisters want him there too, then let them be. You should be HAPPY that all the siblings want to be together and get along. This is their time to bond and be there for each other.
Trust me, when it gets "awkward" for him, he will leave on his own. He is still a kid!

3 moms found this helpful

Why not try a compromise? My son and daughter have always shared a bedroom. As they got older and we needed a solution we opted for a wall of furniture to separate them. As they grew it grew too and now goes floor to ceiling. The only place they join is at the skylight, very useful for sharing snacks, drinks and books in the middle of the night I understand. Our solution was borne of necessity (we live in a one bedroom house) but in hindsight it has been great for them.They are very close and I know I can count on them always being there for the other through life. I can still hear them laughing with each other late into the night, which makes me smile. Oh, they are 16 and 18 now. While we have offered other options they are content in their spaces. Her side is pastel-y and frilly, his is stark black with a red wall and messy boy stuff everywhere.

3 moms found this helpful

I remember sharing a room with my older brother & sister when we were little. But I don't remember how old we were when we split into our own rooms. It was our choice to share then too, because we had enough rooms for each of us.

I say if the kids aren't bothered by it, let him stay with them. I'm sure he will choose to have his own space at some point (or the girls will kick him out themselves!). Perhaps let him go back to sleeping in their room with them, but make it clear to him that when he decides he wants his own room, then he is more than welcome to just let you know & he can switch again.

3 moms found this helpful

I understand how this feels to him, and you. Why should he be the only one alone at night? He sees everyone else together but him. I think if I was in this position Id try putting him and his 6 yr old sister in a room, making it a combo of boy/girl looks, and let them share until he cant stand her anymore and wants his own space. Might take a couple years. Let the little girl have a toddlers/preschoolers room with her younger kid toys. Then when your boy grows up enough to want a boy room, you swap and let the girls have a girly room and give him the smallest of the rooms just for him. By the time he wants away from sisters, the girls will want to get him out of thier hair too. When I was young I shared a room with my older sister and younger brother. We each had our own bed. Then we moved to a small trailer and my sister got the top bunk and my younger brother and I shared the bottom bunk. I think that was from 6 to 9 years old for me. We built a big house and when we moved in, we each got our own rooms. I dont think any of us was lonely at night then. We were very tired of sharing the beds and bedrooms with eachother and happy to get to have our own space and decorate it our own way.

3 moms found this helpful

Boys and girls usually don't care about having their own space until they hit puberty. If it works then let him sleep in his sisters' room, what's the big deal? He is 8 not 14!
Don't listen to anyone else (including me lol!) follow your heart and your instinct, mother knows best :)

3 moms found this helpful

People, hm. Yes, people will give all sorts of advice that has nothing to do with your family. Does it feel like the right decision? Does it work? What is most important in making this decision. Eight, is he too old? Is it a problem? And I don't mean that last one as a slight, just think you stated you created this "problem" and there may not be one.

3 moms found this helpful

Hi--
I haven't read any of the other responses, so no idea what's been said. You have to meet your children's needs regardless of what "society" says he "should" be doing. The fact is he's expressed his needs clearly and I get the impression from you that you want nothing more than to meet those needs. I think that says it all. Who does it hurt for him to be in the same room with his sisters? I think it's awesome that they have such a close and loving relationship that they want to be together. So many families don't have that---you are very blessed that you do. In days gone past the whole family slept in the same room because that was all the room they had---does that somehow make it gross? Age has nothing to do with appropriate behavior as much as their respect for each other at any age. So I say meet his clearly stated needs and everyone will be happy.
J.

2 moms found this helpful

I agree with "people" that he is far too old to be in a room with his sisters. Honestly, I think he's just trying to wear you down. Can you let him pick out security items, to help him? Lamps, pillows, blankets, etc. I really do think this will just be a situation where you have to stronger willed then he is. He is definitely old enough to understand crying and behaving in such a way is unacceptable.
YOU are an adult who is sleeping in a room with a spouse. WAY different then an 8 year old boy with a 6 and 3 year old girls. He's too old. I can't imagine feeling comfortable with that arrangement in my home. (In my opinion.) Fair can't always be achieved in life.

ETA: Seriously? I NEVER said anything about the boy being a sexual predator. How stupid to insinuate that. What I think is inappropriate, is that an 8 year old should know that other children (MUCH younger children) need personal space and privacy, as well. I would think the same thing, if the 3 year old was a boy. I"m not sorry, if I find it strange that an 8 year old cries every night for long periods of time over this. Personally, I find that concerning.

2 moms found this helpful

I would let him sleep with his sisters. He sounds like such a sweet boy. By the way, my parents had me and my brother sleeping in the same room till I was 14 and he was 16. I hated it so much because he was a terror back then, that I finally moved to the living room myself and slept on pull-out couch with a metal bar in my back. I totally would not have minded sleeping in the same room with my brother if he was not a terror and he was a friend. As long as he wants to be with his sisters and his sister wants to be with him, then let them bond and have fun.

2 moms found this helpful

I haven't read the other responses, but at 8, your son is really too young to need his own room on the basis of gender. If he's comfortable with his sisters, and they with him, why not just let it be? By the time he's 12, he'll be conscious of being a boy and wanting boy-privacy. That'll make the transition welcome, rather than the struggle it is now.

2 moms found this helpful

my 3 oldest are all boys... but all 3 ( 15,12,11) have thier own rooms. To this day they have not stayed in thier own rooms. They may lay down in thier bed but before they go to sleep they all gather in my yougest of the 3's room. I even suggested putting in bunk beds so they could all sleep on a bed and none of them wanted to 'share' a room lol. I figure that when the time comes and they are ready or want to they will venture into thier own beds that are waiting.

Just because they are of oppisite sex doesn't mean anything. If he is more secure sleeping with them, let him. Its better he gets a good night of sleep. I had no choice but to share a room with my younger brother until I was 13 when my older brother moved out. My parents thought it was better to have my brother and I share a room since there is only a year difference than make the boys share a room with 5 years difference. We ( my brother and I) never found it strange or uncomfortable sharing the room. We just always went into other rooms when the other got dressed. We have some great memories from those years of staying up late and talking or star gazing.

Let him sleep where he is happy... have a pull out bed or something for him to sleep comfortably on and his room there when he is ready to sleep there. Its not hurting anything and its making him happy and secure to be with his sisters.

** There are some nights that one of the older 3 will lay in bed with my two younger ones ( 4 boy/ 3 girl, they share a full size bed) and watch a movie and all fall asleep cuddling together. Its actually imo very cute to see them all snuggled up to each other and a nice feeling that they love thier siblings and want to be together. granted its not a every night or weekend deal but it happens about once a month. I don't see anything wrong with that either.

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I think that's so sweet they all want to be together and I don't think it's inappropriate. If they don't see any issue why point it out? If "people" comment, just say how well they bond by sharing, how convenient it is to have a sleep and a playroom, and maybe mention that if they ever have a friend spend the night the one with the friend sleeps in the other room with the friend for the night (so there's no co-habitating with other people's children). I'm sure soon enough one of them will request the change- maybe because of gender or just to have more private space.

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I shared a room with my brother until we were about 10 and 9, then my mom decided I should share with my sister and we switched to the two boys and two girls sharing rooms. (their is a bit of an age difference between me and my next youngest brother, then my sister and other brother are a year apart so it made sense to share age-wise).

I don't see any issue with them all sleeping in the same rooms for now if they want, soon enough he'll want his own space.

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I haven't read your other responses so I'm sure I'm duping but honestly I would let him do what he feels most comfortable with now- when he gets old enough to want his privacy he will sleep in his own room. For now, I think its very sweet that the siblings want to be together at night. :)

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Whatever works for you. Brothers and sisters sharing is fine.

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Hi A., Times have really changed, some of you will probabbly get angry with my post, but things change as our kids get older, and eventually you (the kids) need to be in their own rooms and their own beds, I think with this generation of parents they are doing more of what is easiest and most conveint for them as parents, A 9 year old little boy should not be sleeping with ANY GIRLS period of any age. We have 2 sons and one daughter all grown, our daughter has had her own room since she was 2 weeks old, she never once asked why she has to sleep alone, the last thing you want for your kids to grow up feeling/believing they can't sleep alone, there is so much sex amoung children starting as young as 12, I'm not saying that this will be your children down the road it could be anyones childrens, butn as parents we have to put things in place to set our kids up for success. What I feel you need to do is help your son see the pros of havin g his own room, without the cons, make it exciting, let change the color of the walls or pick out spiderman wall paper or what ever it is he likes, You are right when you say you think he is to old to be sleeping with his sisters, just writing the words it doesn't sound right. What does hubbby say? J.

1 mom found this helpful

Mine goes through the same thing. Never shared a room, but he is down on one end of the floor and everyone else is on the other. Not planned, just happened. We let him camp out on our floor or his sister's floor for at most 2 nights in a row. Then he HAS to go back to his room for at least one night. Most of the time by then, his back is hurting so he willingly goes back to his room.

Another option would be to move him back to the current room and move the 2 girls to the room that he doesn't like that way, even tho his in the room alone, it would be near you and a room that he is used to.

Edit: also, when he is in his room, we let him sleep with a table lamp on. seems to help him stay in bed.

1 mom found this helpful

I'd put it to him this way, the he GETS TO have his own room and everyone else HAS TO share.

My son tries this stuff but I've never given in.I mean do they REALLY go to sleep in there all together at when you think they do? I know my kids would be up playing if I let them together in the same room at night. In fact we have to separate them at least once a night.He will be down in her room and they will be playing.

1 mom found this helpful

We have four girls, four boys. Currently the infant twins and youngest girl still sleep with hubby and I. The oldest three boys (14, 12, and 8) share a room, and until last year, it was just the 9 (almost 10) y/o daughter in a room by herself. Her (5 y/o) sister has since moved into the room with her, but prior to that, more mornings than not we'd find Anna in the room with her brothers. Usually she'd curl up with her 8 y/o brother. The two of them have been super close since he was born, and she was horrified at the prospect of "leaving him alone". We even put a mattress on the floor for her, and still, we'd find her with David. David had no problem with this, and several times we found HIM curled up in HER bed. The older two boys, also, had no problem with their sister (except for the exclamation once of "can we make her NOT talk in her sleep?").

When Sarah (5) moved into Anna's room, David moved in, too. Now that she was spending most, if not all, of her nights in her room, he still wanted to be with her.

I didn't sweat it. They've all since worked it out and they spend their nights in their own beds (except that Sarah crawls into bed with Anna every morning around 5am). No arguments, no tears, no struggle.

And you know what? If they were all still bed-swapping? Oh well. They WILL grow out of it. No harm in letting them draw comfort and love from one another.

If you teach your children right, you needn't worry (as Riley J said) about your son being a sexual predator. Really, it's okay. :)

1 mom found this helpful

If you had all boys, he would have a point. Explain to him that he gets to have his own room because he's a big boy now and is too old to share a room with his sisters. Maybe once in a while let them have a "camp out" in his room (like a reward for him being a good big boy).

That said, I don't think its a big deal at age 8 & 6 but maybe more with the 8 & 3 year old. Could you maybe transition him...maybe during the week he sleep in his room alone, on the weekend they can take turns camping out. Then in a month or so, make the campouts rarer?

Quite frankly, I find it odd that he's not jumping at the chance to "get away from the girls".

1 mom found this helpful

There's absolutely nothing wrong with letting him sleep with his sisters for as long as he wants to! I have a 19 year old son and a 16 year old daughter and they chose to share a room until my son decided he wanted privacy around 3 years ago! I had to share with my brother and sister until I moved out the house cos we only had 2 bedrooms! For centuries people have slept together in the same room for comfort and warmth. Please trust your instincts and do what FEELS right for you and your family. Other people's opinions are immaterial!

1 mom found this helpful

I would let him sleep in the same room---he will eventually want his privacy and want to have his space. Until then, let him sleep with his sisters!! There isn't any harm in it and he clearly misses them and isn't ready for that kind of change yet. Make it easy on yourself and him and move him back in. GL

M

1 mom found this helpful

I'd leave them. They *want* to be in the same room together...do you know how many siblings feel that way??? lol

I'm betting that if you let things evolve on their own, he'll be asking for his own room by the time he's 10.

Screw what "people" say! THEY are not his mama....THEY are not the ones keeping siblings that love each other apart....THEY do not have to deal with the fall out. I'm a BIG believer in doing what works for your own family. If them sharing works, then let them share! When the time comes for them to split up, you'll know.....and you won't feel guilty about it :o)

1 mom found this helpful

My kids need lots of sleep otherwise they drive me nuts. So, if they are all in the same room who cares????

When I was looking into foster parenting once, I was told that children past 5 must be separated into boy/girl rooms. In my heart, I want to believe that no way would brothers and sisters at these ages be experimenting or thinking in a sexual way towards each other and that it shouldn't happen at any age. But in reality, I know it happens in some families.

AND YET... If something like that were to occur in anyone's family, it can happen at any time and not at BEDTIME.

Is there room in their room to fit 3 separate beds? Would he be okay with bunk beds? I would change things back for another year or two and eventually, he'll be begging for a room of his own.

My is is 9, my daughter 3, they share a room out of necessity, but whenever I ask my son whether he wants us to build him his own room, he says no way. So until he says "way" they will be sharing a room. I think he could go in with his sisters, and turn his room into a playroom WHOO HOO!

I have not gone through the other answers, but I have 2 boys (10 & 3) and 1 girl (5). My children are the same way. My daughter does not understand why she has to sleep in her own room and the boys get to share. She likes to say things like its scary in the dark (even though its not dark) She is always sneaking into the boys room and falling asleep on the floor. We recently put an extra mattress under one of the boys beds. She is able to pull it out and sleep in their room but she is in her own bed. They get ready in the morning for school seperately and I don't feel that it is wrong as long as they still maintain some privacy for their dressing.

He's too old for the same bed but not the same room! Get him a twin bed and the girls a bunk bed. Or, get a bunk bed with a trundle so that they can all sleep together but not together! Just make sure he changes, ect...privatly and not in front of the girls. This will start him on privacy and he will eventually decide he wants more.

Yeah - so that'll be ok in High School.

Do the girls know they're going to be his wubby and go to college with him?

Poor baby!.. You have so many responses already but I just wanted to add my two cents. I couldn't sit there and listen to him cry night after night. Have a heart and let them share a room or have him sleep on an air mattress on the floor at night. I don't see any harm and as the others pointed out - he will want his own space when he is a teenager.

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