19 answers

Help Make My 17 Yr Old Move with Us !!!

I have a 17 yr old who in June wants me to leave him here in MO. when the rest of the family moves to Alaska. He has a girlfriend of 2 yrs he wants to stay here for. He only sees this girl maybe once a week and talks on the phone about 9000 mins. a month,he thinks a 7.5o an hour job will support him. He could go with us and go to collage or get a job as a firefighter working 3days a week and making 50,000 a year. I have offered him a car and will help send him back here in 4 months if he really hates it. He will be 18 in July. He still don't want to go. He is not responsible he wont even learn how to take care of his checking account he says it's to much work. He thinks everything should come easy. He has been fired from his first 2 jobs.Any Ideas are greatly welcome. Thanks

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When I was 17...and that was not that long ago...there would have been little my parents could do to get me to move away from my friends. Alaska is a long way from MO...he doesn't know anyone or anything up there. And while his girlfriend and he are most likely not going to get married...he has been with her for two years. How ever trivial it may be...they have managed to work things out in their relationship for two years, and it's important to him.

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T. sounds really familiar to me i have a 17 year old who just moved from missouri and he has a pregnant girlfriend that lives in missouri, i know i really wanted him to stay here also but like i told him you are almost an adult you have to make your own decisions he choose to move back to nebraska where he told me he was going to get his ged and a job to support his baby coming in february. i know i probably havent been much help but i know what it is like to have a 17 year boy i wish you the best on this. A.

Hello T.,
Well.. speaking from experience (as the child) I wanted the same thing for my mother to do to me.. and she did.. but it was very difficult. You have to urge him that staying there for a girl.. no matter how much he knows or likes her.. isn't worth giving up something really good in your life. I did that.. then I decided to graduated H.S early and get married.. Young love isn't necessarily true love. idk.. I just think he should go with ya'll until he is 18.. and legally he does have to. I think it would be in his best interest to go with.

What a tough decision for your entire family to deal with. Definitely feel for you. His age makes it very difficult to 'make' him move. Would he go to college here if you didn't move away?
I'm not sure what could be said to make him move but to hopefully guide him towards better choices while he stays in this area. Hopefully take out some loans here and attend college here where he can work towards an education but still give him his freedom that he most likely wants at that age. Very tough to see a baby leave the nest....

My parents made me move the summer before my senior year in high school, and it was the worst thing they ever did to me. They took me away from my best friends, and my senior year was the worst year of my life. My Dad will admit NOW that he made a selfish mistake by making me come with the family, because he was more worried about having me with him than what was best for me overall.
If you allow your son to stay here, he will be forced to become responsible. If he doesn't, he has no choice other than to come to Alaska.
My parents had the same struggles with my younger brother. They always wanted to make him be more responsible and wanted to work everything out for him. The problem is that he didn't learn to take care of himself until they let him be on his own for a while.
I can't really imagine what you're feeling...I'm 28 and my daughter is 4 months old. But from personal experience, I think sometimes you have to let your children experience life on their own.

When I was 17...and that was not that long ago...there would have been little my parents could do to get me to move away from my friends. Alaska is a long way from MO...he doesn't know anyone or anything up there. And while his girlfriend and he are most likely not going to get married...he has been with her for two years. How ever trivial it may be...they have managed to work things out in their relationship for two years, and it's important to him.

Hello T., I truly feel where you are coming from with this situation. I am 44 years old divorce mother of two boys 21 and 18 years old. I currently live in Olathe and have been for the last 2 years. My children lived with from the day I had them until I moved to Olathe. My 21 year old made an agreement with his father to live with him until he got his own place. But my 18 year old, this child took me through some stressful changes. And has always been the type of person to "learn the hard way" in situations. One thing I have come to realize after a certain age my son had to learn on his own way. But I prayed that all that I taught him would come to mind at the right time. He recently said to me that he is very thankful that I NEVER held his hand in situations and he believes this is what made him a stronger person. Always making sure I am there for my children with emotional support and if they make the wrong choice that they pray and talk it out for help. Then if they still make the wrong choice explaining life is a learning experience...for example we teach our children to cross the street safely checking both directions for tracfic, going through this process several times...but then there comes a time when saying you go across the street without looking both ways you will be hit by a car. Then something happens and they finally learn that "fool you have to check both ways, or you will be hit." To me this is the same as life if you don't think through things and check out all possiblilty then you will have to pay the price and each situation carrying its own consequence. Good luck to you!

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I moved out of my parents house when I was 17. Actually on my 17th bday. I was convinced that was the best thing for me to do...my step dad was an alcoholic and my mom wasn't much of a mom. My boyfriend (now husband) had an apartment and a job making about 8 dollars an hour. We made it...but we were determined to make it. I finsihed high school and we got married a year later. We have now been married for almost 9 years. I know we are rare. I don't think there was anything my mom could have offered me to change my mind. I had decided I would prove everyone wrong and if I turned back on that then I was proving them right. I was only allowed to see my boyfriend once a week when living at home. I guess I am no help to you. I just don't want you to feel like it is your fault if you can't talk him into moving with you. Make sure he knows that you are always there for him and him to never feel like you are gone once he moves out. My mom and I would be much closer if I felt like she hadn't shut me out of her life when I moved out. Best of luck to your family. Sorry I blabbed on and on and probably was no help. C.

It's always a tough thing to see children grow up and become independent. There's little you can do to make him go with you at this age. What I would recommend is you teach him how to live independently. Teach him how to budget, balance the checkbook, pay bills, do housework, etc. so he's better equipped to live on his own. That will be more valuable to him and help to keep him from making some major mistakes. I wish you well.

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