Help Im About to Break.

I don't have a lot of time but wanted to respond, so apologies if this doesn't make sense:

It seems that in trying EVERYTHING that you have missed what your daughter may need most which is consistency... she is now the middle child... she went from being the adored baby to being "just another one" and now she is acting out! I don't know but I am guessing that things have gotten worse since the little one arrived.

Pick a way and go with it but always have it be the same.... keep your 2 year old on a consistent schedule for several weeks and have the rules be the same - don't give in because you are tired, don't give in because she is crying, don't give in because, because because... set the rules and stick with them EVEN IF IT TAKES 100 times of you putting her to bed or putting her in the "time out" corner/couch, etc. What she has learned is that she can outlast you and she has no boundaries.... she will continue to be a nightmare and out of control until you give her very firm boundaries. The longer you put this off, the longer it will take to undo it!

Be patient with yourself and with her during this time... spend lots of time together doing things that she enjoys but also set firm limits and boundaries about when that time will end "we will read 2 more books and then Mommy needs to take care of little brother or cook dinner or whatever."

blessings,
stacy

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I think you and your husband need to work on this together. Especially this weekend if he is off from work. He needs to be on the same page.

Hang in there mom. Be sure to video some of these events. They will be great payback when she is a teenager, hee, hee or has her own children!
Parenting is not for the faint of heart.

First of all, you need to protect your dog. I am not kidding. This is dangerous for both the dog and your child. Make sure the dog is NEVER with your child alone. The dog may need to stay outside or be put in a carrier so that your child cannot torment it ever again. You may even need to find a new home for the dog, if your daughter cannot learn to leave the dog alone. Make a rule that she cannot touch the dog unless an adult is with her.

Toddlers need boundaries and consistency.
You have to know your child and be able to help her with her communication.
It does take a lot of effort. It takes a lot of your attention and you must remember to not give in. Spanking is not an option, it only makes your child angrier and more frustrated and imagine this, teaches them to hit!

Your child needs to be able to express her feelings and her needs. Yelling, screaming whining are not acceptable. Tell her, “I cannot understand your words when you (insert whining, yelling screaming) use your regular voice”. Teach her the words. If she is frustrated, say, “I know you are frustrated”. If she is angry, tell her “I know you are angry” This will teach her how to express her feelings rather than show them by being disruptive and destructive. In the house if your daughter is naughty, she must be disciplined the same way every time. Time out really can work if you do it the same way every time. Send her to the time out chair. She is not allowed to speak. If she gets out of the chair, she starts her time over. (purchase a kitchen timer and use it) If you are out in public, give her a time out by having her stand in one place or sit on the floor for the 3 minutes. Just stand next to her. If she holds her breath till she passes out, just make sure she starts breathing again and leave her there. If she is in the middle of an aisle move her out of the way and wait for her to wake up and then leave. She should always be in a stroller or grocery cart anyway. If she holds her breath and passes out at home, make sure she is breathing again and leave her alone in the area were she passed out. Do not even mention it to her.

If you are going somewhere make sure your children are able to make the outing. They cannot be hungry, tired or ill. This is just setting them up to misbehave. This is one of the most frustrating things about young children, they cannot just be dragged everywhere and be expected to behave, when they are not up to it. This is just setting them up for failure. You can take them, but you know you will have to be all over them to keep them distracted from how they feel.

I used to make sure to go to the grocery store once my daughter had been fed and had time to run around for a while.. Then I would prepare her for exactly what was gong to happen and what behavior I expected from her. I would say, “in 5 minutes we will leave for the store. You need your jacket and diaper bag. Then we will go to HEB to buy some groceries. You will need to help me pick out some food. If you are hungry we have our own snacks in the diaper bag.”

When we were in public, our daughter knew if she misbehaved, we left. Every time. No matter where it was. It only took 2 times for her to realize I meant business.

Once she was about 2 ½ she was really good about saying “frustrated” or “scared”. This helped because if we were in a restaurant, church or in the car. She could tell me these feelings. I would then be able to help her figure out why she felt this way or offer her the option to go outside and scream. I am not kidding. This only was used 2 or 3 times, but we went out to the parking lot and I just let her scream.. She thought it was great and was able to go back inside and get through the meal, service or entertainment.

I managed a high end gift store when our child was young. Everything was crystal, glass, breakable and very expensive. I taught my daughter and the neighborhood kids, to walk through the store with their hands behind their backs. “They could look with their eyes.” If they wanted to touch or feel something, they had to ask permission and then an adult would hold the item while the child “softly and gently” were allowed to touch the item.
Some things were too fragile for children and we told them this. Instead we would find something else for them to touch or hold.

When your child does behave be sure to tell her, "I like the way you stayed at the table and ate your lunch". "I like it when you are gentle with the dog." "I am proud of you for standing in this line so patiently" "thank you for being so careful with that picture frame, please put it back gently." Make sure your relatives also know you are working on this and it will just be a good habit for all of you to encourage the good behavior. They have an expectation of her now and they need to drop it and give her chance to out grow this stage.

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Wow! I thought I was reading my own thoughts when I read your question! I have kiddos of similar ages and my daughter is a handful too! My husband and I started watching Jo (Super Nanny) and applying her techniques and it's helped a lot. I think there are a couple of key points:

Be CONSISTANT- if you say no, mean it and don't break down (with that make sure you pick your battles wisely, don't fight her over trival stuff like I want to take my dolly in the car or what color hair barrette to wear)

Time out does work- pick 1 spot that's isolated from the rest of the family, get down on her level tell her why she gets a time out, set a timer and put her in the spot (if she gets up put her back w/o talking to her until the time is up) then ask her why she got a time out, give her a hug and go on about your business

Another really good tactic is to empathize with her. She's screaming because she wants something in particular or she's angry/sad/upset, etc. For instance my daughter and I butted heads the other day over juice, she'd had enough (IMO) and she screamed, I said "No screaming please, have water" she said "no" and screamed, so I said "DG want's juice! Wants juice! Momma says have water" She looked at me realized I understood what she was feeling said 'Ok" and took the water. They are limited with there words so if you show you understand it can make a tremendous difference!

Good luck!!

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Consistency is the key. Girls just seem to be more of a handful if you ask me. Also, kids see when you are at your breaking point and tend to push the envelope a litte more when they know they can get away with it. Ask your husband to take the kids for a night so you can get out and take some time for yourself. Once you have a chance to relax a little bit you can come back refreshed and be consistent in the discipline. Just a suggestion, but try taking away her favorite thing as a punishment. Hope things get better!

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You've gotten a ton of advice here. All I want to say is for you to take time out for yourself. As you said, you can't be there for her or anyone else if you are exhausted. Take a break so you can recharge, and that in itself should help at least a bit.

Good luck with the rest of it!

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Hi! Your daughter is probably having a tough time because she is 2 and she was abruptly taken from baby princess to middle child.
My 2nd was 5-1/2 when I was pregnant with the 3rd & able to articulate how unhappy she was. Everyday we heard why do you want another baby. I'm your baby. I wish I'd never been born. This was all before her brother was born. It went on for months. Everyday there was a meltdown. It could have started with anything else. (She wanted to drink from a pink cup & we were out because they were all in the dishwasher) and it would end in the same tirade about the baby. When my son was born it was still hard. We gave her presents from him at Christmas & told her how much he adored her, etc. We let her hold him (supervised) and do special things for him etc. By the time he was walking they had their own relationship - He would turn off the TV if she was watching. She would take his stuff. By the time he got to be 3 things were ok & by the time he was 5 she was his favorite sister.
My older child acted as though she was excited about the baby. She played "dolls" with him etc. But about 1-1/2 years before he was born she was having meltdowns. Crying a lot. We were afraid she was depressed. I took her to a child psychologist. The evaluation - she wasn't depressed. She was extremely frustrated. She did not know how to express herself so everything came out in tears. We were supposed to articulate feelings around the house better. Like that show made me sad I want to cry. I like that story it made me feel happy & strong I think I will skip around the house. I am so frustrated I can't get the jar open. It makes me feel helpless. I will have to ask for help or get a rubber grip out.
Sounds to me like your 2 yr old is combining both problems & she is too small to tell you because remember she is a baby too.
Also make sure your 4 yr old isn't picking on her when they are alone. We had friends who had that problem & the younger one acted out.
In the meantime I would take you daughter in for an evaluation and watch what she is eating. See if you notice more problems with certain foods. My youngest was lactose intolerant at 6 months. Wheat , sugar, etc can cause mood swings.
The MDO program might help a few hrs a day on a consistant basis with attention away from siblings & no one comparing to the 4yr old behavior may be good for her. Be sure to present it right so she doesn't think you are trying to get rid of her or it will backfire.
By the way my girls are fine & in college and did extremely well throughout school. The youngest is in 8th grade & also doing well. I'm ok too. At the time all that happened I was working full time & exhausted too. So no permanent scarring :) & everything did eventually work out.
God Bless,
S.

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Different kids respond differently to the same discipline style, you may want to check out some parenting books for a different approach. Books I like are Love & Logic for Early Childhood, How to Talk so Kids will Listen and No-Cry Discipline solution.

What worked best with my son was positive reinforcement. Try to catch her the one time she does something right and praise the heck out of her (good job: listening, touching the baby soft, etc.).

Also my son needed a high level of physical activity, he actually did better when we got out of the house and he played hard at the park etc. If he stayed home he was into everything, being disruptive, and getting on my last nerve. It sounds like it is hard to take your daughter places, but if you could get her involved in a physical game in the backyard and tried to wear her out could that help?

I second the recommendation of a MDO program so you can get a break.

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What you are describing is completely normal behavior from you and your 2 year old. I'm sure this is taking it's toll on you...it took it's toll on me and I'm just reading it! LOL I am sorry to offer so little but I'm speaking from experience. This will remedy itself in time. Unless you are fearing a behavior disorder (for that you'll need to consult your pedi), you'll have to ride it out. Your daughter feels like she is being replaced and she is going to rebel for her cause. You will just have to love her through it. I'm not sure how to do that...I don't remember. For us it just "happened one day". Do you have her in a Children's Day out program? If not, maybe it's time to start calling all churches! If you can justify the expense (around $100 per month), maybe the social interaction with her peers will give you the much needed time with your new one as well as a few catnaps while the baby sleeps.

HTH

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There's a great parenting class at the JCC that is free with free childcare, materials, and a meal. If you don't glean good advice from that, at least you'll get a break from the kids and some socializing time with other adults. Call ###-###-#### to sign up

Hang in there.

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We did a "Growing Kids" study by Gary Ezzo and it changed the way we parent. I think my kids would be very different and much less respectful without it. Some parts we loved and others we heard, but didn't apply but for the most part this has been one of the best things we've done for our kids in their younger years (toddler to early elem.). I am even doing the next step up he offers "parenting the middle years". Good Luck!

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Your problem child sounds like my boys acted when I first 'recieved' them. (They are my step-sons, but I hate that word). You've tried this, and that, and spanking and time-outs, etc, etc, etc. THAT is the problem. Stop trying everything, pick ONE and STICK WITH IT. Her problem is everything keeps changing. She needs consistency. She needs a schedule so she knows what will happen and she needs to know that if she doesnt behave the way she is supposed to she will be punished - every time...and you have to make it stick. Its a time consuming thing, but once you get her lined out, believe me, it will give you a new child.
The teachers at the school where my boys go, all tell me (even now) what a difference I have made in their lives. They had no direction or steady discipline. Daddy had to work, and they were shuffled from one day care to another (something always happened that they were kicked out, and he felt so bad about their mother (drugs) that he let them get away with alot...ok, everything. It took me almost two years to convince them that things werent changing. I was in it for the long haul, and this was how it was going to be. We have been a family for five and a half years now, and they are very well behaved (as well as any ADHD BOYS can be!). Dig in your heels, steel yourself for the days ahead, and STAND YOUR GROUND. I promise it will work. If you need someone to let off steam to - email me!

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You already have a lot of responses, but here's my take. I also have a defiant, into everything, won't listen little girl the same age. First things first, you need a break. I don't know what your husband does for work but it's time for him to be on Daddy Duty. If you can get away with it I'd take off for a weekend. Rent a hotel room or if you have family in the area go hide there. If not he can at least hang out at home while you go and catch a movie by yourself. I tend to find that an incredible way to "go away" for a short while and come back refreshed. Only then can you step up to a plan to make her behave. What I do in my house is a step program. I will tell her something 3 times, after that time out, she has three chances to go to time out appropriately or she has the option to go to time out with a spanking. And she will sit there for two minutes (following the 1min/1yr philosophy) and then she may come out and apologise. But no apology she can turn right back around and take herself back to time out. At first I always had to stand right there and make sure that she stayed in timeout having a digital timer that beeps tends to help. If all that fails she may go to her room to have a hissy fit and is invited to come back with the rest of us a few minutes after she's finished. As far as throwing a fit in Walmart, mine did the same but without the breath holding, I would just ignore her and keep shopping, people would stop and stare or give dirty looks, there have been a few times where I've looked at them and either threatened to follow them throughout the store and pinch her every time she stopped screaming or tell them they were next. They move on pretty quickly. I'm sure the doctor told you that even though she's holding her breath like that she won't do it for long and as soon as she passes out she starts to breathe again. So when shopping I would either carry a little blanket with me or buy one of the shopping cart fabric liners so that she's not throwing a fit and bouncing of the steel of the basket. I do know how you feel though, I hate those people that stare at you, like they never had kids, and their kids never threw fits in public. I hope some of this is helpful. Best of luck to you.

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I went through alot of the same things with my youngest and at my wits ends I had a behavioral therapist come to the house and help me. The main thing she focused on was consistency on our part. We made a behavior chart - you do this behavior and this is what happens - and we all signed it (mom, dad and kiddo) and then we stuck with it. That helped to make life a bit easier but what seemed to help turn him around the most was going to a MDO program. I wish the best of luck I know what it's like to have to avoid playdates and feel like you are constantly being stared at!

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Hi P.,
You say you've tried everything.Being consistent ALL THE TIME is the trick.Don't let her get away on anything.The corner thing worked and still works for my 8yr.old.If she doesn't stay you keep taking her back over and over till she stays.You tell her the the first time at eye level why she has to be in the corner for 2 min. and after that you say nothing and take her back till time is fully served get a timer if you need to.When done come back down to eye level and tell her she owes you an apology for what she did.Do this EVERY SINGLE time.She may spend all day in the corner but she will learn eventually.Be CONSISTENT DON'T GIVE UP. Or it will only get worse. Good-Luck

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First...take a deep breathe and realize that some days are just going to be difficult but it's temporary, it doesn't last forever...and it DOES get better. I understand being tired and feeling completely overwhelmed. I have five children, every one of them is just a bit different. Two are easy going, two are average but one, made me want to pull out all my hair, run screaming from the house and join a convent! She was impossible as a toddler and I tried everything that you have tried so far to no avail, the only thing that finally worked was changing her diet and keeping her busy every second of the day. She is 18 years old now and just great, we look back at those years and wonder how we ever made it but we did and you will too. She had food allergies (it took three horrible years to figure that out!!!) and that's what triggered the most of the behavior, she was also borderline ADHD but never on medication. Once her dietary needs were addressed, we used a really structured schedule to help her stay on task and plenty of activities to help her develop. It takes some extra work now but what you get in return is just incredible. As for the other children, they will survive, the baby won't know that anything is going on and the 4 year old will benefit tremendously from the structure. Your home will be peaceful in no time!!!

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I strongly recommend the book Parenting the Strong Willed Child. My guess is you are not being consistent with your discipline. This book worked wonders for us!

http://www.amazon.com/Parenting-Strong-Willed-Child-Rex-F...

As far as getting into things, do you have a play pen or play yard that she can play in when you need to do something other than entertain her? We got a play yard from Babies R Us and it was great. (It's basically gates in a circle). If she screams and throws fits in the seat in a store, let her throw fits. Ignore it. Do not feel bad or embarrassed because we have all been there in that situation. You can't give in to her temper tantrums!

I'm sure you will find something that works for you with all the great suggestions you've received. Hang in there!

1 mom found this helpful

I swear by a book called "Magic 1-2-3" by Dr Phelen. I got the audio version so I could listen to it on my iPod or in the car. Seriously, it addresses everything you're talking about and is VERY helpful. I'm sure you could request it through your library if you don't want to purchase it. It is SO Funny and very entertaining unlike many discipline books. It teaches you EXACTLY how to deal with this behavior and isn't difficult, you just have to follow through. Get the audio version, you will not be disappointed. http://www.amazon.com/1-2-3-Magic-Effective-Discipline-Ch...

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I think there may be some good advice, but I also think that unless someone is able to see you, your daughter, and the dynamic of your whole family, it is unfair for anyone to tell you what is happening. So, without really seeing the situation, it is definitely hard to diagnose. That being said, my daughter, who is almost three, went through a VERY tough time when baby brother arrived 10 months ago. She is as stubborn as me and we had quite a few standoffs. I became frustrated when my methods weren't working, and I later realized that she was doing the same things I was doing when I would get frustrated. I had to teach myself to act like I wanted her to act and I had to do it with a newborn baby who wasn't sleeping through the night and a husband who was working 10-12 hour days 6-7 days a week. Daddy, when he was home, also tried spanking, and she laughed at him! When asked if she wanted a spanking, she would turn around and stick out her bottom just waiting for a spanking. The good news? It was definitely a stage and she did outgrow it. There are a lot of things that I worked with her on, though. She needs to know what you want her to do when she gets frustrated. Give her some tools like taking deep breaths or counting to 10 and then using her words to tell you what she wants. I am sure you are stretched thin right now, and the only way she is getting your attention is when she acts out. I don't mean to diagnose either, but that is what happened in my home.

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I just wanted to let you know I am thinking of you and you are a great mother. Asking for help and looking for help make you the best mother ever. I hope you get the advice you need.

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(hugs)
I know it stinks. I would start with a MDO program. Maybe she needs to hear it from someone else. If you can't afford a MDO, get an assertive friend go shopping with you. I have a friend that had a son like your daughter. One afternoon with me, and he learned to respect his mom. Hearing, something from mom and hearing something from a family friend sounds very differently at this age. I don't mean that she should be mean, but stern certainly. Also giving her jobs to do around the house is very important at this age. She should be able to pick out her own clothes, clean up her own toys, put the dog food and water in the bowl while the dog is out of the room. This will give her the self confidance and the feeling of being a responcible part of the family.
I wish you the best of luck.

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When she holds her breath give her a pinch it will hurt enough that she will scream. Keep the corner going for every year keep in the corner for one minute if she gets up put her back keep at this till she stays. Do the same if you are out at a friends house.

I haven't read the other responses, but thought this might help. I have a almost 3 year old son. He was horrible to handle. I couldn't contain him, control him and he couldn't control himself. He was constantly on the move, getting into everything and doing everything he knew he shouldn't be doing. I was to the point that I didn't like my son very much. My parents were stopping volunteering to watch him. My dad (school principal) made the comment to me that he had read about a child that acted similar to mine and it turned out he was allergic to wheat. When his parents removed all wheat from his diet, they had a different child. My husband and I had already stopped giving my son vegetable corn because he was horrible after eating eat. After that conversation with my dad, I thought about it and decided that if corn did things to his behavior corn products would as well.

We have removed all corn products such as corn syrup from his diet. I know have a different, calm, more obediant child. We began to see results within a couple of days. He went from sitting in a naughty chair several times a day to only about 3 times a day. He actually sat and watched a 20 minute Blue's Clues episode, which had never happened before. He was nice to be around. My parents noticed a difference in him within a day or two don't mind babysitting anymore. Every once in a while he eats some form of corn again, and I see the "other son" come back, and I remember why again it is worth screening what he eats.

I don't know if your child has a food allergy, but it can't hurt to try. It takes about 2 to 3 days for something ingested to be completely out of their system.

Good luck.

I don't know how this would be done, but have her hormone levels checked. Hormones is a huge factor in how we feel and react to our environment/surroundings. Only speaking for myself, I was estrogen dominent and my moods were unbearable for myself much less for my hubby and kiddos (I have three). My health and wellness doctor put me on progesterone and I am much better!!!!! I was so moody for so many years (decades.....lol) I am still amazed at how calm I am in the same surrounding when I am on the progesterone. I and everyone around me is happier!!....and I enjoy more people/things as I see the world differently now. I hope this helps.
Deborah

My little girl is the same way. We haven't gone out to eat in a long time. Not even fast food. We hit the drive threw and eat it in the car because she can't sit still..Shopping still a challenge she likes to get upset and vomit. She has brought me to tears at times. These are truly just their personality. Strong willed and high energy. First thing is accept it. Not what kind of child you imagined but that is how she will be. We have to limit our own t.v. time and have it as family time. She doesn't have access to her books because she has alway ate them. Some toys she can't have because she will just tear them up. Keep searching and trying bc you will find something that hits the spot that is for her. I was starting to get bad reports from daycare when she was 8 months. Not too much after she was one I stayed at home with her bc I was pregnant. No one dares watch this girl either. I started babysitting and things are getting better. She is accepting rules because these other kids are way better behaved than she is. Contrary to what people may think this is beyond parenting. You would have to be a magician for these types. My daughter still doesn't get juice and sugars so the diet thing I don't believe is the problem.

Author Karen Kvols' book is Redirecting Children's Behavior but there are nationally certified teachers who do classes and workshops - I took a class by a locally certified teacher - saved my child's sanity and mine and changed our lives - costs about $350 but so worth it. Good luck to you.

go to google and see how you can contact Jo Frost/ Supernanny. Seriously, I bet she could and would help you. God bless. L. S.

How To Train Up A Child by Michael Pearl at nogreaterjoy.org

I haven't read through all the responses so sorry if this is already mentioned. They was a little girl at church that acted the same way you described your daughter (mean and destructive) and her mom changed her diet to exclude any refined sugar and all of a sudden she was this amazing angel child. She had other children and the refined sugar didn't seem to affect them the same way it affected the daughter. I hope it helps. Blessing to your family.

Hi there!

I have a five yr old boy, 3 yr old girl, and 9 month old boy. My daughter is extremely challenging as well. I started having her go to an in home daycare 2 days a week so that I could get a break and my other two kids could actually go do stuff and get some of my attention. When we first started her, it was rough...she would pay me back in the evenings when she got home..little stinker. It changed everything for our family though because I got the break I needed. She has continued to get much better (although still a constant challenge) she loves having something that is all her own. Good luck!

Hi P.-

I agree with the other moms who have suggested seeing a professional. I know a lot of people will say that more discipline is the answer but I've seen so many friends try everything they can think of first, reach an extreme level of frustration and then decide as a last resort to see a professional only to find out that the child does have something that can be diagnosed and treated. Once they're on the path to treatment and know exactly what they are dealing with the family is so much happier. Everyone in this position will say "I wish I had gotten help sooner". I don't know a single parent in this situation who says "I wish we had tried a few more things ourselves before getting help." The evaluation process is simple and relatively quick. Once you've ruled out psychological and medical possibilities then you can try a new discipline routine but at least you'll know for sure.

Good Luck,
K.

Get the book titled Transforming a difficult Child by Howard Glasser and see if that helps! IT is a great thing to put in place with any age child!!! It is great stuff!

Hi P.,
I know you are exhausted and at your wits end. I have a very active and smart 3 yr old granddaughter that will bounce off the walls and be more than a handful if she has ANY sugar. I know it sounds crazy, but we stopped all refined sugar and anything with red dye in her diet. It is absolutely AMAZING the difference in her behavior and sleep patterns. You might try it?

I am not saying this lightly or in a joking manner. My one and only suggestion is to "pray"! This is the most powerful thing you can do as a mommy. Pray for all the good that you see in your children and for their hearts to be pure. Pray the evil one away from your lives and for good to cover your family like a blanket of everlasting snow. Bless you!

I am curious to know if your daughter is on allergy medicine. My daughter was a monster when she took allergy medicines and I had no idea that was causing her behaviour problems until I took her off of them and she became a very sweet, calm little girl again. I was so sad afterwards that I had done that to her. If your daughter is on them I would really like you to email me @ ____@____.com and I can tell you what doctor I went to and what came of our visit with him.

K.

Hi P., That sounds really hard. I am reading a book right now called Positive Discipline and I really recommend it. I think the concepts may help turn your situation around. Best of luck with your challenging little one.

You do not have to live like this. There is help out there. Look up Sensory Integration Disorder (don't panic they grow out of it and can be taught coping skills by a professional). If the description matches which it sounds like my son- find yourself an Occupational Therapist (covered by most insurances) - after spending an hour with ours with our son- I felt 10,000% better and she was right on target. Now my son can tell me when he needs to go and see her. She may not be acting out she may just be out of sync. I was skeptical but she was right!!!!! Our lives are soooo much better for it.

Honestly, P., I don't think this is a typical problem that you're dealing with. It sounds like you are doing all you can do on the structure side of it. I do not advicate medications to tranquilize an active child. The diagnosis of ADD or ADHD has been widely abused. But there ARE behavior problems out there that need to be addressed and my guess is that this is one of them. If you do not get professional help with this now, then you will you be dealing with this for a long time. Make your doctor look into this or else move on to a more knowledgable doctor. Your daughter is more than likely either dealing with an severe food allergy - which I know is a pain to icelate - but worth it, or she simply has different wiring that needs meds to help. My son, now 20, is wired differently and they kept throwing ADHD meds at him which didn't help. They finally addressed that he has severe anxiety disorderes which have been made worse by lack of treament. He is now on meds that are finally helping him to get his life in some kind of order.
What does your husband do to help with this? Just curious - not accusing or making assumptions. Is he supporting you and helping you with this?
I will keep you in my prayers - I hope and pray you find relief and help for your daughter.
God bless,
D.

Take her to a pediatric neurologist and get her evaluated now. Many things like this benefit from early intervention, and it could well be a physical problem.

I do not have wonderful advice for you. We have quite a time with our second son from about 2 to 5 when we finally took him to a therapist. They found out he has ADHD. NOW I am by no means saying that is what your daughter has but our Therapist was wonderful. You may want to just give him a ring. He cannot prescribe any meds so you do not have to worry about that. Plus no one is going to give them to a 2 year old. But he worked wonders for us. His name is Eduardo Salazar ###-###-####. He is very conservative. And he has three young daughters of his own. Also might I suggest you get the book Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood. Some of the stuff in it you think now way. But it works.
Good Luck.

This is only a suggection. Take her to the doctor and have her tested for food allergies. Specifically, additives in food. Sometimes children are very sensitive to various chemicals that are added to foods and as a result have behaviour problems.

I have not read through all of the responses, so sorry if I might be repeating. I am sorry you are having to deal with this especially with a new baby. My only suggestion is to maybe try changing her diet. No dye, I know that this may cause extreme hyper activity in some children. Watch her sugar intake so that she doesn't have the constant spikes and lows. Look beyond the obvious sugar and sweets, there is so much sugar in juices, yogurt, bread, cereal things like that. I hope you get a break soon. Oh and keep that dog away from her!

Check out the folks over at Lifeworks. They have wonderful counselors there and work on sliding scale.

I know how you feel. I am in the same situation. Just mine are 2,4, and 7. My 4 year old was the same way! I know the spanking just makes them madder than heck!! We did something that people think is cruel but it did help. We took all I mean ALL his stuff away. We bagged it up made him help. In trashbags and stored it away. We told him he could have a toy back everyday he was good, but for 3 months he got nothing. He couldn't play with anyone elses toys either. If he did he had to sit in his room with nothing to do. Then decided to put him in a mothers ay out program and it REALLY Helped. They offer all kinds of good rewards for behavoir and sometimes it takes someone else to help!!!! So, we get the praise end everytime he is good at school!! He now has all his stuff back and there is an occasional missbehaving, but not like it was! But we have noticed, that timeout now works!

Good Luck!!!! I have an over dramatic drama Queen for a 7 yr. old now!!

Please don't feel bad, my daughter was the same way.
#1....GIRLS ARE MANIPULATIVE!!!!!we tried everything on my daughter too, spanking, time out, talking...nothing worked..until we started to ground her to the room(she knows what that is because 14 yo brother would inevitably be grounded to the room)..put her in her room when she acts out and close the door..tell her she can come out when she behaves and will listen AND THEN STICK TO YOUR GUNS!!! don't worry about the yelling and hissy fits and the breath holding..that's just good old fashioned girl manipulation..when she calms down, let her out and talk about how unhappy that makes mommy feels when she acts this way and how unhappy she feels when she has to deal with the consequences. then try good rewards for her good behaviour.

Believe me..it will get easier.. my daughter is five now and sometimes she is still a handful but she knows there are consequences to her actions and she behaves better.

Hi P.,
I am so sorry you are having this issue with your little one.
It is possible she is really feeling so much anger about the new baby ...even tho you are showering her with attention- sometimes it just does not work-
Have you had her checked for some level of autisium? I have seen children with low levels of this behave this way and it is very dificult for parents to deal with without professional help. I am not a doctor and I am not trying to diagonose her- just experience in what I have seen in other families.
My prayers are with you and your family.
Good luck and blessings

I know this is hard on you. You might consider a child pyschcologist but it could also be a medical issue but I do know that one responder mentioned you put them in the corner one minute for each year of age they are and if they do not sit still or walk away from the corner you put them back and the time starts again. My grandchildren went to a child physcologist and this was his method as well and though I got upset over it i must admit it worked. You might also try mother's day out to give yourself a breather and also let her get use to being around other children. She will learn quickly from other children. Of course if she keeps up that behavior then they may ask her not to come back but it is also worth a try. There could be a jealousy issue with the new baby but you need to get to the bottom of this now or you will regret it later and she will have a difficult time when she starts school. Good Luck to you.

Hi P.,

Have you looked into her diet? A child that young only acts on how their bodies feel. Have you looked into natural healing?

There is a lot to natural healing but it is all simple common sense, and once you understand the theory, and look at each situation through that theory, everything makes more sense. Atleast it did for me, this is how I saved my own life.

On this website, on the theory page, is the protocol I teach to all those interested in correcting their health concerns, instead of putting a bandage on the problem.

www.creeksideherbhouse.com

All my contact information is on the bottom of the home page, you can also read the guessbook to see how I have been able to help others. On the reading page is a list of books for you to do more research on this. There are many other articles on the information page.

There is light at the end of the tunnel, you will be enjoying a very happy household in no time. It is amazing what happens when you take the sugar and carbs out of their diets, and getting their bodies operating on essential fats, and plant protiens.

Blessings
J. M

Have you tried eliminating sugar from her diet? I know that when my son had some problems, that was suggested to me, and he was a different person! I slowly weaned him back on, and now he has minimal sugar, but I keep it very low or he behaves like a child with severe ADHD. You have to be tricky..like extremely watered down juice etc.. good luck.

Wow, believe it or not I have a 6 year old cousin in the same position. It only gets worse as she gets older. Remember, that these are the formative years where they are learning everything from impulse control, respect for boundaries and respect for others. It sounds like she is testing boundaries to see what her wiggle room is, while at the same time adjusting to the recent addition of your third child. By that, I mean she is seeing how far can she can go (in order to see how much you love her by how much attention you give her) and wondering where she ranks on your family's totem pole. Children will always need attention because they associate attention with having their needs met. Good or bad attention means survival. She may feel out of place right now due to the addition of your third child and that is ok. Look at this as an opportunity to reaffirm your love for her and that she matters just as much as your first and third child. All you need is unconditional love in the good and bad, as well as, a firm way to show who is in charge. Just because you discipline her it doesn't mean you do not love her, but it's because you do. Discipline is a great way to build self-esteem because as the child responds to discipline, he is praised and positively reinforced for his good acts and in turn he will feel better about him/herself, know that she is important and feel that her needs are being met because she matters. Sounds simple and circular in logic, but remember that is how children initially begin to think simply and concretely.

As for application of this, I have a four year old who until recently was in day care, I quit my job and decided to keep him home to learn Spanish. I can tell you the first few days were a disaster. I had completely changed his routine and he had to adjust. Let's just say, it did not go well. On the second day of our new adventure, he was in the bath and in anger threw water at me. Well, at that moment I knew that I had to find a way to make him understand that his behavior would not be accepted, ever. So I got my husband to finish his bath and I went into his room, cleared out his toys and put him in a very long, long time out. During the time out, it was explained that his actions had consequences and that if he continued to be misbehave more unpleasant things in relationship to him would happen. He was told that if he continued to act like this he would wake up every morning eat, go potty and return to his timeout spot for the entire day. He was then told of all of the wonderful things we could do if he behaved. Periodically, I would come and check on him, offer water and potty break. At the end of what would have been our school time, my husband and I spoke to him and we discussed the next days events. He was given options and told to think about what he wanted to do the next day and know that this was an option. Basically, in plain English, he was told it was in his hands what would happen next. The next day, I will, say was not completely smooth sailing but it went better then the day before and the next one went even better. He now had in his mind a point of reference for punishment. He knew where he would end up if he did not behave. So, of course, he was much more cooperative and at times taking the initiative to do good things. When he did that he was praised.
For the record, at no point was he spanked and affection was not withheld, he was just firmly taught a lesson in the appreciation of his actions. It took us about two weeks but we are doing great. We still have our tough moments, but he is now more receptive to what we want from him and, in turn, we are also receptive to his positive actions.

Now, I know your daughter is two and it may be difficult to have her grasp what I just explained, but I would suggest that you begin speaking to her in if then statements. Children need to be spoken to in if then statements because those are statements of consequence. Once, she begins to understand that her actions have a direct impact on what happens to her she has an active stake in what happens to her. She will, of course, not understand all of this right away. Like how she learned how to walk, it will be in baby steps. Simple things like, if she hits the dog, you take the dog away from her, if she is watching a show and it's over and u turn it off and she throws a fits take the t.v and move it out of the room not to be seen until she is a good girl. She needs to understand that when she does something things, things will happen immediately in response. You need to counter her actions and reactions and she need to know who is in charge. She does not run the show you do. Overlooking her behavior, tells her that you are o.k. with her behavior and you are not. For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction and by doing it in a way she will understand. Your daughter will begin to understand how important a role she plays in determining her situation. How you respond to her by will determine how she will act. As parents, sometimes, we forget how influential we can be to our children. How we react in praise and reprimand also influences our children. Know that as long as you reprimand and praise with love, your child will not become fearful and in turn your relationship will remain open. It sounds like you have a tough road ahead, but know that you are forming an adult and what you do now will be crucial in who she becomes later. Good Luck to you.

Bless your heart....it sounds like your 2 year old is being successful at getting your attention. I think that you should definitely not ignore the bad behavior. Being consistent is VERY important. I have never been one for spanking but some sort of discipline is in order. My daughter was very head strong, as well. She didn't hold her breath, but she would get herself so worked up by crying and hyperventilating, when she couldn't have/do what she wanted, she would throw up. I think rewarding her Good Behavior with treats, or whatever works, might be a good place to start. I would explain things to my little one before we did anything.... for example,I'd day, "we are going to Target, I want you to be on your best behavior....and if you are, we will go out for icecream (or get a toy...or whatever works). And if you can't, then you will stay at home, etc. Also, I put her in a Mother's Day Out Program 3 mornings a week (8:30-11:30), to give myself a break, and she also began to realize that I was not always there and others expected her to act in a certain way, also. It not only gave me a break, but helped me gain my patience back with her so that I could continue being consistent in her discipline and rewards program. My daughter hated, more than anything, to be by herself. So, my 'time-out' consisted of her having to go into her own room and "think" about what she had done for about 5-10 minutes (an eternity for her). When she was ready to come out and apologize, she could come out. Unfortunately, this could never have worked at 2 yrs. old...they can't comprehend the cause and effect. At 3 1/2 yrs old, this worked like a charm. Good Luck.

The first thing I would do is find a MDO program that she can go to for a few hours a week. Have you tried the YMCA? They have drop off times on tues/thurs and a friday program that is pretty cheap. They also have a formal MDO program. I really think that after you have a few moments to breathe you will be able to think more clearly. You might decide that this is enough, or think about doing research, or come up with a new discipline plan with your husband. Good luck.

Please do some research on Bach Flower's and Homeopathic med they are both safe for infant and toddler use. I know you are tired so maybe you could let her know that and give her some "big jobs" that she can in return get treats like a special movie, or book. Change your focus to really emphazize what she does good. It might be something as small as eating her food all gone. Tell her what a great job she did, How much love her and Thank her for being your little girl. When she does something wrong she still needs to be disciplined, but don't make a big deal of it. Hope this helps:)

When it comes to your two year old you need to stay constent with the discipline for her. That includes spankings (when needed) and timeouts. Do not feel sorry for her. Stay stern and don't give in to her. Once she sees that she not going to win by pitching a fit. Stay strong and don't let her see that she's getting to you.

Hi P.,

It sounds like you need a couple of things. First, I would take my daughter to the pediatrician and explain all of the behaviors you just outlined here. She definitely has something going on with her if she is acting out all of the time. Some acting out is normal at 2 years, but it sounds like she is doing it 24/7. Please do this quickly before she hurts herself or the baby. She might benefit from some play therapy or need some medication. Secondly, you need to take time out for YOU. I know it is hard with 3 kids, but you need some down time. When your hubby gets home at night, leave for a 1/2 hour so you can be alone. I will definitely keep you in my prayers. I have a special needs teenager and I know how it can be. God bless you!

C.

It sounds like the terrible 2s. Try something outragous like nanny 911. you might learn somthing new. Definatly don't give her more attention than the others. That is her whole goal, and she has found a behavior that gets her what she wants and she will keep using this behavior to get negative attention. Get professional help before this gets worse and it will!

is she board? give her a list when you go shopping. have her pick out the apples, bread, show her peanut butter is either crunchy or smooth " we get the smooth kind right? crunchy is terrible" and if she wants to try the crunchy is there really any harm in buying a little jar of crunchy just for her? if she dosent like it then thats ok too. I would be consistant about the time out spot. Watch more nanny nine one one!!! good luck and God bless.

Has your Ped. done any tests (total physical and/or mental) to see if there is a problem that's been overlooked? I believe I'ed insist on that. As for the breath holding, my father-in-law had a great solution when his young daugher tried it...he just threw a big glass of ice water in her face. It didn't hurt her, but it make her gasp for a breath. A few of those treatments just might break her of that habit, especially if you make her clean up the water that gets on the floor, or table. GOOD LUCK!!!

Did this start before the new baby came along? If so, you may need to get her evaluated by a licensed child psychologist. I'm not saying she has any organic issue, but it's best to get that out of the way. The child psychologist will also be able to observe how the family interacts and give you real, practical ways to get this behavior under control.

I only have a minute, but I recommend "Beyond Time-Out: From Chaos to Calm" by Beth A Grosshans, PhD. It works, you just have to be consistent. You'll feel more in control quickly, and your children will know you're in charge and respect you and feel more secure. It's sooooooo hard to have a difficult child and be sleep deprived. I understand that feeling of being broken. Please give it a try. I know friends who have tried it as well. Good luck.

I don't have advice on your 2 year old and how she is acting out, but I can tell you my son was also a breath holder. It's scary!! She'll grow out of it.. I don't know how she acts, but when my son did it, right before he would pass out, he would get very stiff, and his back would arch-- and if I was holding him, I had to hold him tight or he would fall out of my hands... One thing that helped, is keep a glass of water on hand-- and when she starts to hold her breath, throw the water in her face-- it may sound cruel, but it will startle her and she'll breath again... I hated it when my son would hold his breath-- and this helped-- I was only able to do it a few times, because it happens so fast, and the water isn't "right there" when you need it, but it worked. Good luck to you!!

Did giving her a spanking do anything at all? I was going to suggest "letting her know who's boss" so she dosen't continue taking advantage of you as she grows older. I'm so sorry I can't help more, you seem to be getting a lot of good advice though. Perhaps you can try taking her to talk to a priest and have him tell her about God's Love for her. It takes some time, but one on one support, and a combination of love & disicple will sit with her overtime. If you give her a spanking, make sure she know's your upset, and that no amount of crying will make you come down to her level. Later (when she calms down) and she will calm EVENTUALLY, tell her why she got in trouble, and that you had to show her right from wrong because you love her.
Good Lunck and God Bless,

I was reading through and you said that when you did the spanking it was more like a joke to her. I do believe in spankings and timeouts and have done both. The spanking has to hurt at least the first couple of times for it to catch her attention. After the first couple of times of doing it to my son all I would have to do it warn him with one and he would stop whatever it was that he was doing. We have also done timeouts which sometimes are worse to him than the spanking because everyone else gets to continue to play and he doesn't. I have also taken away toys and he has to choose what toy goes away or in the trash. Whatever it is that you decide you have to be consistant and very stern. The first several times she'll probably fight you on it and no matter how tired you get you have to keep going until she does what you have decided. It wouldn't hurt to have her checked for ADD or other disorder. My youngest brother had ADHD and OCD together and would have extreme outburst that he couldn't really control which once they found the right medication for him he did great with. I have also seen on the Nanny where if you are playing with your kids and she begins to act up then she's not allowed to play with yall anymore until she straightens up and you would remove her from the area. Also don't forget you time as well. Let your husband take over for a while so you can go to the gym or shopping or to have a massage or heck even a walk around the neighborhood. This will help you to rejuvinate and be ready for the next tantrum or outburst. I hope this helps and I will be praying for you.