Well, there are a couple of questions here.
One is, "Who's in charge?" To your child's way of thinking, apparently, Mama isn't really in charge until Mama yells - the rest of her talking is just preliminaries. Until the yelling starts, daughter can do what she wants and it's really all right with Mama.
The other question here is, "Am I loved?" Don't be shocked or offended that this question would even be brought up. We're talking about human beings, after all.
And perhaps it's necessary to address the second question before addressing the first, or at least at the same time. Children always want attention (oh, you noticed?), and they feel that negative attention is better than none at all. Children also have this HUGE need to know they're loved - and I'm sure you love her even when she's at her worst. I'm also sure she loves you even when you're at your worst. The reason I'm thinking about this idea is because of your daughter's crying at night over being bad.
What can you do to bring out the love part, and teach her that obedience is crucial but that your love is not conditional upon it? You have to take the initiative on this, because you're the grownup. Children don't know how to ask the right questions or how really to express themselves in words, so they do it with actions. They don't always understand the actions, either.
Is there any possible way you can take an hour out every week to be with *each daughter separately*? You must have a very complicated life - all single mothers do - but is there any way you can arrange some regular sitting and just have a little time with this girl whom you love so much? This would NOT be a reward for good behavior; it would be an event that can always be counted on. It doesn't have to cost a lot of money. The time is what counts, even if it's just walking to the park, or staying at home and having a tea party or reading books... a time of no other people, no yelling, no clashing of wills, just fun and love. It would be good for both of you. If you can work it out, make it a top-priority time with *each* of your girls. Don't allow ANYTHING but an emergency trip to the hospital to interfere with mommy-daughter time.
All other things being equal, when this is established, I'm thinking perhaps her rebellion - or some of it - may start to be mitigated, and so might your yelling.
I hope you'll get more concrete, practical help from other moms who have been where you are now. I can't do anything but give you some vague ideas. Being a mother is definitely not for wimps, whether you're a single parent or a married one!