24 answers

"HELP" I Think Me Sons Teacher dislikes(Hates) Him.

My son is 6 and in the first grade. He is one of the youngest kids in his class and as his teacher says very Immature. So far she has lied to my son and us once. Ok so everyone understands. My son is hyper and has no interest in sitting and doing work which is supposed to be because of his age. He just wants to play. So as a result of his very short attention span he plays in class. There for getting very little of his class work done. His teacher started to tell me that he was very disruptive to others. She began moving him to his own table. At his school they use the stoplight system. GREEN = Good YELLOW = 1 Infraction and RED = 2 Infractions. Now my son was bringing home red after red for class disruption. Then out of the blue GREEN every day for a week. We were praising him for his hard work. Then on that Friday when I met with her she began to say how HORRABLE his behavior had become. There was the Lie I spoke of earlier. Now I am not sure I can trust her or anything she says. Now no matter how hard he try’s he gets yellows. Today was a red and I am not sure how to handle this. He told me that another student was copying off his paper and he told this child several times to stop each time getting a little bit louder. The teacher came over and told him to change his card to yellow for being loud. When he tried to explain himself at this time she told him to turn it again from yellow to red. A note was sent home today saying that he was rude and disrespectful after being asked to change his card. I have tried to have him switched to another class but they are all full. We are also in the midst of having him tested for ADHD. What would you do?

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

Sorry it took me so long We ended up not having the meeting ne of the people who was supposed to be there got very ill and was hospitalized for 3 days but on the 25 of april we are going to have another meeting. I will keep you all posted thank you again so much. K. R

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I would refuse to take him back to school until they put him in another class. They can always make roon for 1 more in a classroom. I have had many problems with my childrens school even to the point where they put my daughters in ESL classes when the only language they do speak is English. I wnet to the school week after week trying to get them out of the ESL program and they refused. I pulled my kids out of school and have been homeschooling them for 3 years. They are now 2 years ahead of there peers. My 14 yr old attends the local community college as well as homeschools. There are options

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Oh boy have I been here... Only it was when my oldest was in kindergarten. And it wasn't for being disruptive but slow in her work and difficulty focusing -- the other type of A.D.D. The teacher became so mean-spirited... I guess so much pressure was placed on her by the principal that she turned it around on the kids, demanding so much of them, and not acknowledging that all kids develop in their own way, at their own rate. Love helps them bloom, not cruelty.

From my experiences with my daughter I would say, volunteer in the classroom so you can see first hand what is going on. The teacher will treat your child better (some really are small-minded enough to think a child with such a helpful parent can't be all bad) and you will be better able to zero in on exactly what your son needs help with. And on what things set him off in class. And you'll see her in action with the kids. (My daughter's teacher also used to pick on this poor little Indian boy, just because he didn't know much English and so didn't follow directions as well as she liked. Actually treated him like a Bad Person.)

Secondly I liked the suggestion to document what goes one, what your son complains about, and be willing to meet with the principal. If this doesn't get results, consider talking to the district management.

And by all means look into special ed. By the time I finally realized that my daughter had a developmental challenge she was in SIXTH GRADE and was so beaten down from all the frustrations of her school experience that we just decided to homeschool for a couple years. Just to let her decompress. Now she attends an alternative high school where she attends once a week and does the rest at home on independent study. Which has made it possible for her to also take classes at the community college and etc., in subjects that interest her (like science and advanced art).

Her earlier experiences in school had convinced her she was stupid (we knew she wasn't, but a few mean teachers and not getting work done fast in class had told her otherwise). So she has been thrilled and stunned to find out she is at the top of her class in the college marine biology course, and was picked as an art scholarship finalist in a statewide highschool art competition.

What we have all learned is to be open to alternative schooling. Kids need to have attention given to their strengths -- not just their weaknesses. Too much criticism, especially for things they will just outgrow, tears them down and gives them really low self-esteem and depression.

Don't let that stinky teacher get away with it! Your son is too precious.


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When my son was in kinder he went to a private school here in Hollister. He was in trouble everyday. His sef-esteem was in the basement. I was so upset. His teacher was certain he was ADHD. He didnt want to go to school and would cling to my leg. He had no friends, he was the bad kid. I took him to Kaiser, his dad and I filled out questionaires, as did his teacher and his former preschool teacher. The results showed that compared to kids his age across the nation that he was within range of normal! Only in aggresiveness was he borderline high. The doctor then asked where he went to school and suggested that maybe the private school and or the teacher was the problem. I switched him to public school and he thrived!!! He made friends and is outgoing and on honor roll.

I was advised by a wise teacher that if my young child had a personality conflict with a teacher to get him out of that class -- ASAP. It is suce a fragile age we must be careful not to turn kids off to school. Of course there will be personality conflicts when they are older, but young elemtary school age kids dont understand.

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Have a long talk with your son and even at 6 they can understand that the choices they make will always effect how they ar treated, if he is disruptive alot in class (From experience because I use to teach) it becomes almost automatic to tell them to stop and usually the child has to talk back so you learn to just say do what I said. I am not saying it is right but it happens. I would do a reward system for green cards, I actually did this with my son in 1st grade. if he got yellow card he lost tv and activities for the day he had to read a book or clean, if he got a orange card he was grounded for 3 days to a week and he lost privledges to EVERYTHING> If he got a red card he was not only grounded for sure for a week but I got rid of one of his favorite toys, to this day we have discussions about how his behavior effects other people and how other people treat him, he does very well now, he still has bad days but nothing like it was. Be sure not to so much defend but help your child understand why it is happening and what choices (personal) he can make to change it, believe me when I say if you are having a problem with the teacher because he is being disruptive now if he does not understand what part he is playing you will be trying to change his teacher every year after and also it does not teach your child anything to switch classes other than mom can fix it for me.

I went through this myself with my daughter's teacher in the 4th grade. Have you thought about changing schools? The level of expectation in the public school system is incredibly high. They are teaching kindergarteners what 10 years ago would have been expected of second graders. Stress can affect children's behavior dramatically. Maybe he is not ready for the rigors of a first grade class. This does not reflect his intelligence in any way. If kids are allowed to learn in a non pressured developmental environment at an early age, it actually better prepares them for the pressures of higher education. There are a couple of amazing schools in Orange county that have this developmental philosophy, The Waldorf School in Costa Mesa and The Farm School at UCI. Subjects like math and science are taught hands on through cooking and gardening. It really is amazing! Also there is a co-op nursery school for ages 2-6 in Huntington Beach called North Huntington Beach Community Nursery School that uses these methods as well. We were part of the co-op for 4 years and I highly recommend it. Good luck!

Go to the school and sit in his class and observe what is going on. That way you will be able to judge for yourself what is going on and see what the relationship is between your son and his teacher. And, if your son's school has a school psychologist, have him observed. As a parent, I can tell you that you want everyone to be nice to your child all the time. as a teacher, I can tell you that hyperactive children are difficult to deal with when you are trying to teach 20- 30 other kids, and it can be easy to lose patience. That doesn't mean your son's teacher doesn't like him, just that she is overwhelmed by all the activity. My sincere advice to you is to go to his classroom and observe what's going on.

First of all never (under any circumstances) allow your son to see that you don't think his teacher deserves his respect. Even if you don't like the way she does things she is his teacher and he needs to be taught that while he is in her class he must follow her rules. Pardon me if this comes across as rude but it sounds to me as if you are excusing his poor behavior and blaming it on his age or potential ADHD. In either event you need to find a parenting style that is effective with him and undermining his teachers efforts to get him to stay on task is not helping matters at all. I would tell him in no uncertain terms that he is expected to sit in his chair and follow the rules in his class ALL THE TIME. It really just sounds to me like he has figured out you don't think he is capable of behaving so he is not holding himself accountable. The fact that you are at odds with his teacher does not escape him either. He knows and uses it to his advantage. He may have ADHD (though only a simple brain scan can give you an absolute answer about that)but regardless of the cause the answer is behavioral. Even children with ADHD can be parented in a way that helps them manage their issues. That said - if your childs teacher is not honest you need to confront her - out of earshot of your child. Ask her why she would give you misleading clues about his conduct by sending him home on green for so many days only to tell you that is not what he earned. Tell her you want to help him achieve appropriate behavior in class but you need her to give you honest information in order for you to achieve that. I think it goes without saying that any day he is not meeting his goals in class there needs to be a consequence at home. You may also have him apologize to his teacher everyday he doesn't come home with green. If it continues you could require him to apologize to his entire class for disrupting their learning time. Of course if in the end you are convinced that it is really his teachers fault and not his you could always pull him out of public school and home school him and see how that goes. Good luck - and hang in there.

We also have a 6 year old son who is very active but is in K this year. After our parent/teacher conference in the Fall, which wasn't too positive, we were also worried that one of his two teachers didn't like him but, luckily, have since changed our minds. I do not doubt your concern over the teacher's feelings for your son & worry about the effect it will have on him. As we all know, kids are very intuitive, much more so that we give them credit. Since you mentioned asking to switch classes, I assume you've spoken to the teacher or the principal about your concerns. I would also assume, based on your comments, that the teacher probably didn't fess up to not liking your son. I would suggest keeping a list of all the things your son comes home complaining about & then put it in writing to the principal & request to have a meeting about the issues w/o the teacher present once the letter has been read. Be sure to bring your list of concerns to the meeting so you can go in armed w/support for your claims. I used to work as a teacher's aide in the SF school system for many years & had a problem w/one of the teachers I worked with. It got to be very unbearable so, at my husband's suggestion (he's been in HR for years which was a big help!)I started documenting any issues & then wrote a letter of complaint including all the documentation, to the principal. My last sentence said something to the affect 'If you can't help me w/this, please give me the name of someone who can.' Well, that got her shakin' in her boots! No one likes when you to go over their head (or threaten to) to the next level of management! She very quickly spoke w/the teacher & then arranged a meeting between the three of us. Unfortunately, the problem wasn't ever really solved but things got a bit better in the classroom. Hope this helps you some.

My child is 5 and in kindergarten she too is one of the youngest in her class. Her school also does red yellow and green cards. I'm also having problems with my child being able to pay attention. If it were me I would have a meeting with the teacher and principle explain to them how you are feeling about the fairness your child is getting, ask them if there is anything you can do to help and request that you be able to sit in during some of the day, if your schedual allows. You need to be able to see this behavior for yourself teachers and children are not always honest. When you get the results of your sons test you then might be able to understand more of what is happening. I wish you luck this is a very hard thing to go through do you trust your child or the teacher?

I would suggest council with the teacher, and the school to find the right help for your son. Moving him to another class won't solve his disruption problems.

OK, you need to try to get him transferred into another class, with another teacher. It's pretty obvious that this teacher herself either one does not like her job very much, or two that she is just as "immature" as your 6 year old! Hello....how "mature" can you expect a 6 year old to be? I could see if he was 16 acting liek he was 6! Come on! As a parent I think that this is what you should do. I am also having problems with my son's school. I don't like his school very much. To solve the problem we are moving and he will be attending another school within the next month. Not to say that moving is supposed to solve the "problem". We were already going to move, but I let him know that he will be going to another school soon, and that he just has to hols out a little longer. I took feel that he is being "picked" on by the school because the school that he currently attends is a predominately muslim, we are not muslim, we are African American / Christians. So I think that he feels out of place. Good luck to you. check with the school to see if there is room in another classroom for your son!

First off all I would recommend you talk with his teacher - but it looks like you have to no avail. So what I would do now is make an appointment with the school's principal. Tell him/her what has been going on. Next, is your son'r teacher the only one available for his grade? If there is another teacher, maybe you can be asked that your son changes classrooms. As a FINAL step, if the problem still continues and the teacher / principle are not willing to help, I would consider moving your son to a new school.

I just wanted to let you know that I know how you feel. It sounds a lot like my situation, with the exception of the teacher not being kind. My son's teacher is working with us and she seems to otherwise like him. The class has the same system to keep the kids on track. My boy gets more yellows then any other students. We decided to not let it ruin the rest of his day. We simply use the system as a clue to how his day was at school. We talk to him about the infraction and we move on. One thing that my son's teacher suggested was to put him on a slightly different reward system. He cas a small card taped to his desk and she will give him an X for each good effort for that activity or hour. I can tell you that if we were having the negative experience that your child is having, I would look into Charter schools in your area. I know this might sound extreme to change schools, but if the system is broken, go for something that works for you. Good journey, I am praying that it all works out for the best.

I would see if you might be able to have a meeting with teacher and principle. That way you can explain to both one you are felling and concerened with. I have a kinder right now and they also use the color card system so does my first and second graders. From your discription it does sound like she just dosent want to deal with him and that is sad. His behavior dosent sound all that bad for his age, he just needs a teacher who can help in keeping him busy. A new teacher is probley what is needed but the problem should be pointed out to the principle.

I had this exact problem with my son's kindergarten teacher and it was stressful and frustrating. I too punished at home until I started just supporting my son and trying to boost his confidence. Having a teacher that is constantly down on the kid kills their confidence. It really made a dent in my child and it took him until the end of his second grade year to finally recover from that teacher. Nip it in the bud now and make sure that your son knows that you are his biggest supporter and fan. Tell him that you know he's trying his hardest and that his teacher will notice one day. It just is a hard situation all the way around.

My oldest son is in second grade, and I have twin boys in Kindergarten right now. My oldest got into trouble in first grade for talking (he still does) and one of my twins went to the Principle's office everyday for almost two weeks! I talked with the Principle, (between my tears) and asked what to do. I started taking all my kids to church every Sunday for three straight weeks now, and no trips to the office since!! (I don't know if your religious or not, I'm not overly religious, but it has helped!) I have a good relationship with all my sons teachers, but for the teacher you're dealing with, ask her what positive thing your son did today? If she starts out negative, correct her and ask again, something positive please? Talk with the Principle! There was a substitute for my oldest sons second grade class, and he was on his cell phone during class!! I spoke with the Principle, and he will not be a sub in any of my kids classes. If you don't stand up for your children, who will?? About ADHD, I'm not a firm believer about that. Sorry. Children are children, and they grow up sooo fast. Try to let him be a kid as long as you can.

Think for just a moment. School is almost out and switching him to another teacher may cause him more harm then good. He understands his teacher, in the way she teaches, her rules, etc. My oldest child was EXACTLY like this. Yes he was tested for ADHD, DO NOT PUT HIM ON MEDICINE AT ALL...the risks out weigh the results. I strongly urge you not to. Teachers, drs., will tell you he needs it. He doesnt, changing his diet, rewarding him for being good. School is set up for ONE type of student, someone who will sit do their work, raise their, be good, etc. Remember boys mature at a slower rate then girls and yes he is still very immature at his age. If you can have him repeat the first grade, so he will be the same age as the rest of the kids in the class. It will make a huge difference. I am not saying you have to but if you decide to you have to do it in the early stages, cant do somethign like this later on. Also, keep in mind teachers will like some of the students and not like others. My son will do his work for teachers that praise him and help him understand it, the other teachers, like your sons teacher who constantly are picking on him he wont do their work and what is required. There are studies that have been done for this in particular. When you point out the bad behavior, habits, it actually provokes the child to do it again. He is getting "attention" but if you ignore and start praising the child when he has done great things he will continue to do great things b/c of the rewards and special attention. Unfortunately, many many of our teachers in any school setting do not get their B.S. which involves a lot of science, a lot of understanding children's behavior, researching it over and over. Many get a B.A. then go on to take a credential program where it just teaches them how to teach. It doesnt go into any developmental stages of children and then the children get hurt. I am planning on homeschooling my oldest child next year. The school system is TERRIBLE!

I would refuse to take him back to school until they put him in another class. They can always make roon for 1 more in a classroom. I have had many problems with my childrens school even to the point where they put my daughters in ESL classes when the only language they do speak is English. I wnet to the school week after week trying to get them out of the ESL program and they refused. I pulled my kids out of school and have been homeschooling them for 3 years. They are now 2 years ahead of there peers. My 14 yr old attends the local community college as well as homeschools. There are options

Hello, I can definitely feel your pain! I use to be a Kindergarten teacher and had a similar situation. It might be best to keep your son home one more year. I know it sounds weird, but it's true. Especially for boys, starting later might be beneficial later on.

For example, if he's being disruptive in the class, it's not likely the other kids are getting the best from their teacher. Is he really grasping the ideas/concepts/lessons the teacher is teaching? If he isn't, then he's just not ready right now for school.

Also, physically, is he one of the smaller boys? If so, it might be better to let him wait one more year before completing Kindergarten. By holding him back a year, he won't always be the smallest boy in class (this will effect him later on in high school, when he wants to play sports but can't because he's still the smallest boy).

These are just a couple of the reasons why it might not be a bad idea to keep him home and maybe join a play group with kids his age. You can also have structured learning time at home (stop by a teaching supply store and buy some age appropriate books and go over the books for 30min-1hr a day). Maybe staying at home with you another year and having you start a structured learning time with him will better prepare him for Kindergarten.

I'm not trying to be rough or insensitive, but I am sharing my honest opinion.


This is tough - but it does happen - - - It might be impossible to get him out of there this year!!!! Ask the school to have him tested for Special Education/RSP - he does not need to be ADHD to qualify - and they by Federal Law have to get him tested in a short amount of time - after he is in that program you will have another teacher than can advocate for him. I am a teachers assistant for an RSP class - and I have this same problem with one of my 2nd graders - I work on things with him - a of praise and motivation - we even have a behavior contract with him that I created so both his teacher and I can easily fill it out with either a smiley or sad face - There are days he will get all smileys in my class and all sads with his teacher - but it helps mom understand what is going on and when praise is due - I write very specific comments on mine - like "was drawing on his forehead with a pencil." "cut my eraser in half" "called another student a dummyhead." It has really helped him keep himself in check - you might want to suggest this to his teacher, but I seriously doubt if the teacher will be diligent enough to follow through - - -

Keep in mind the worse her behavior towards him - the worse your little guy is going to behave - he knows how the teacher feels...

Try again to get him moved if you can, but definately demand the testing for Special Education/RSP = = then you will have the law behind you to help you advocate for your son.

Dear K.,

I know just how you feel, it might be a good idea if he were moved to another teacher's class. I am wondering how many children are in that classroom. Probably too many, and that would make her be more impatient. Teachers have a lot of pressure on them nowadays, and that could be a part of it too.

If I were you, I would get him into another class,right away, and let it be known to the principal and the teacher that you think that he should repeat the First Grade. Then settle into an accepted pattern at home that this will happen. If you let him go on like things are going now, and do not hold him back, you will be extremely sorry. This many years later, I wish that I had held my son back from even going to Kindergarten the first year that he was eligible. Boys need a bit more time to mature, yes, it sounds like the teacher is right about that. It is o.k., that is just the way boys are lots of times.

Give him a chance in life and hold him back. He is going to run into a lot of situations in the years that come that will demand patience and maturity, so let him have this extra year. Next year he will be a leader in the new First Grade class, he will be familiar with the routine of First Grade and will gain a lot of confidence and maturity along the way.

I wish that there were a way that you could let me know how this turns out. ____@____.com

I just reread the last part of your letter and realized that the other classes are full, maybe you could talk it over with the principal and take him out of school for the rest of this year, and get him into preschool. I realize that the school year is almost over, so it would just be for a little while. You can do a good job of explaining it to your son, so that it looks like this is the very best idea for him, and tell him that you have given it lot of thought, etc. The principal may or may not agree. It is just a suggestion, because it sounds to me like this is a very unhappy school year for him. You want him to love school, and if he goes to the second grade with this hard first year behind him, he may not do well. Good luck, again.

Keep in mind that having ADHD is NOT an easy life now or in the future. He needs skilly to be able to manage his own behavior. My grandson diagnosed his own ADHD before the school did, and then they did nothing to help him. I know, sad, but true.

Sincerely, C. N.

whatever you do... dont hold your child back... you will regret it later. teachers always advice that. i just dont think so is righ. (personal experience)

email me if you want me to explain why?

Hi K.. I am sorry you are having problems with his teacher. I understand your issues on this quite well. Let me begin by saying that both myself & my oldest son (8) have ADHD & it is not an easy thing to handle. My honest advice to you is, if you cannot get him pulled from that class, you might want to look into another school. I only tell you this if you are certain the teacher has personal issues with him. I am VERY active in my son's education. He is in 2nd grade now. We started passing a journal back & forth (his teachers & I) back in 1st grade. I am very lucky that so far, most of my son's teachers have understood ADHD & worked very closely with us in helping him deal. He is now on medication (which I was SERIOUSLY opposed to initially) & he is doing Phenomenal! He listens & pays attention! His grades are higher than they have ever been! He is a totally different child these days! Keep your chin up, there is hope. It's hard, but it gets better with time & patience. If you ever wanna chat, feel free! :)

i had a tough time with my sons teacher at his preschool, so i know how you feel. there is not to much you can do. but you can go in and monitor his behavior maybe once a week. i know that is tough with your little, but see if you can find someone to watch her just for a couple of hours here and there. with you being in the class, your son might improve his behavior, or you might see some things that you can help him change. just take comfort in the fact that summer is just right around the corner.

It sounds like you are in a simular situation as me in a few ways. I have 5 kids and have some problems at the present time with 2 of my boys first my 10 y.o. he is in 4th grade and has Auditory processing deficit and some other things rolled in with it so it makes it hard on his concentration, attention and following simple directions, he has always had it but I love him and so I deal with it well this year he got a teacher not so willing to work with me (since kindergarten I keep close contact with his teachers) and this teacher just feels he is old enough to follow directions and do as told he obviously knows nothing about APD so my son like yours comes home but instead of the card pulling system he get recess detention at this age so my son for the last 2 months has not had a lunch recess and I keep going to the school and talking to the teacher and asking what is going on and why does it seem that he is always on my son but i have found that he is a hardheaded man and is set in his ways so my next step is to go on the internet and reserch and print all the things i can find about my sons disabilities and give it to him at conference time so he can read. The other problem I have is my 4 year old son that has severe ADHD and gets in trouble at preschool all the time for it he is always sitting next to the teacher or in a chair to the side for distracting other kids which is not fair in my point of view because i have observed him and it is not always him but since he is labled adhd the teacher puts it on him but anyways i have been trying something new for him and my oldest that maybe you would consider it is all natural no drugs all herbal one is for concentration and the other is to calm them down a bit so they can sit for longer periods of time now they are not going to ever take away your son he will still be himself but will be able to concentrate a bit more it helps with my 4 year old and 10 year old it is called "Calms Forte" the have it for kids and adults daytime and night time at a CVC pharmacy or if you can find a natural/ organic vitamin shop in your area they will definatly be able to help there and with any questions you have that is where i get mine and they always know what to give me for my kids. If you want more information I will be glad to help you with some other names of things to try for your son because what works for one may not work for others but i have found trial and error is better than hearing teachers excuses for their behavior and how kids should be seen not heard. Just so you know I am not trying to sell you anything it kinda sounded a few lines ago like i am selling something but i don't seel the herbal suppliments just use them. Another way to find out some more info is to go to google serch and type in "HOMEPATHICAL FOR ADHD" that is how i got all my information and did my reserch.
Sorry this was so long and hope this helps.
If you need more help or just want to talk feel free to email me
Good Luck
V. N

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