C.S. asks from Buffalo Grove, IL on July 02, 2009
HELP I AM DESPERATE!!!! My Child Is Out of Control
Any help would be great. My 3 year old will NOT stop crying, whinning, etc... She does this ALL DAY LONG. From the time she wakes up until she goes to bed. It's driving my whole family crazy. I try EVERYTHING. Time outs don't seem to do anything. Taking things waya do nothing. Rewarding for good behavior...nothing. I am at my wits end. I don't know what to do. She gets plenty of sleep, plenty or food, plenty of love and disipline. What do I do? I don't believe in any type of spanking. This has been going on for almost a year now. I just don't know what to do. My older children are very well behaved, and listen to us . My 3 year old, I am at a loss. Please help !
Thank you very much
2 moms found this helpful
N.K. answers from Chicago on July 02, 2009
The book 1, 2, 3 Magic is a great tool for dealing with annoying behaviors. We've read it 4 times and it really works. There's also a program called Tuesday's Child to help with frustrating issues. I also have to ask...have you talked to your pediatrician? A thorough check up might be the first place to start. Good luck with this whining and crying. This too shall pass.
1 mom found this helpful
M.R. answers from Chicago on July 02, 2009
M.O. answers from Chicago on July 02, 2009
We have two girls, so there seems to be an annoying amount of crying and whining in our house. My simple solution, ignore it. I have stepped over children, walked around them and overall just gone about my business. I don't get mad (OK, so I try not to), but instead say, "When you're ready to use your words I'll be happy to talk with you." If the crying and whining turns into tantrums or screaming they get put on their step or in their room. THEY decide once they have calmed down and are ready to talk. No time limit. No "my" being the bully-Mommy "making" them go. I just treat it as, "Sit here and have your 'moment'." Overall, this seems to work very well.
Hysterically enough, it seems to drive the "fussing" child crazy that I just go about my business. I usually try to give attention to the "non-fussing child" as in, "Would you like to help me get a snack ready? You get to pick." Then I am rewarding the "good" behavior with the choice of snack, while ignoring the "bad" behavior without yelling, punishing, etc. It too works fabulously.
When the fussing/tantrum is done, they need to wait for ME to be ready to talk (wash my hands, finish what I was doing, etc.), then the first thing they have to do is apologize. After that, I welcome "talking" with them and remind them that I will NEVER give attention to rude, fussy behavior.
I realize this may seem simplistic, but it really has worked for us 9 times out of 10. The 10th time, it's "quiet time" in their bedroom and they don't get to come out for awhile - read: nap, quiet playing, etc. that is MUCH MUCH longer than a "time out". It's more like a 15-30 min grounding in which they usually get so bored waiting for the door to open, they end up napping anyway.
1 mom found this helpful
G.G. answers from Chicago on July 02, 2009
"Parenting the Strong Willed Child" was a big help for us. It took longer than the suggested 5 weeks for us to get Mommy, Daddy and Grandma (who's our weekday cargiver) to follow the steps at the same time, but once we did, we noticed a very remarkable improvement. Good luck--I know how stressful this is for you.
S.X. answers from Chicago on July 02, 2009
Is your child faking it? If you can tell ... and he is... i would recommend WATCHING YOUR voice tone and saying "I can't understand you when you are whining, can you please use your ex: Brian voice. Hm. still having trouble" (not in a caring voice, not in a ohmygodican'tstandthis voice, but a matter of fact voice. My boy stopped and used his regular voice and said what he was trying to wine about. I also told him not to pretend cry (if you know its pretend) and you could help him when he's done. OR we do alot of 'ok. if you want to wine that's okay, you just need to do it in your room" (we still have to use that one occasionally)
that's of course, if its a show.
N.W. answers from Chicago on July 02, 2009
First of all...HUGS! Sounds like a nightmare!
I would say to check and see if she has some kind of food allergy. Food allergies can give some really weird symptoms! They also can develop or show themselves around the age of 2 or 3. They can cause bad behavior (that the child cannot help) and also mimic ADD or ADHD.
I would also say that many methods work, but you have to stick with whatever you decide for a while. Changing methods every few weeks won't help. It's really consistency that will bring you better behavior.
My only thought is that by giving bad behavior she is getting a lot of attention because you're doing all sorts of things to try to fix it. Probably the family is giving it a lot of attention too! So why should she change? I run into this with mine. The more attention you give the behavior, the more it persists.
Is there one day where you could ignore her bad behavior all together...including her family members too? Put her in a safe place when she's whining and crying and just leave. Everyone is to ignore her. No looking at her, nothing. I'm sure you've tried this, but maybe you just need to do it for real and keep doing it. If she comes out of her space (and you don't even need to call it a time out) put her back in with no emotion and no words. Don't threaten a "time out" before you put her in—that's giving her attention. As soon as she has bad behavior put her in the space. Leave her there until she has calmed down. When she's done, DON'T TALK ABOUT HER BAD BEHAVIOR AT ALL. That just puts attention on it and gives her attention. Just welcome her back into the family, don't force an apology or ask for one. As soon as she misbehaves, put her back in. I found that even a small amount of communication about her behavior (such as talking about it) was giving her attention. That's what she wanted, even if it was for only 1 minute! By ommitting ALL attention when she misbehaved (I don't even look at her) she found that it was much better to behave!
Hope that helps!
J.O. answers from Chicago on July 02, 2009
I feel your pain my youngest is also the whinniest child I have too. For her routine is the best answer. Children thrive when they know what is going and it is predictable. Wake same time every day, eat all meals at the same time. I know this sounds very difficult but until you gain control over the behavior you want to have then changes have to had in your daily life. Remember that they are great imitators so "be worthy of imitation" And remind the other people in the house of this too. Good Luck!!
M. answers from Chicago on July 03, 2009
As hard as it may be, completely ignore her. My duaghter did it and I ignored her and would not even speak to her until she acted like a big girl. So I explained it everytime, "When you are ready to act like a big girl, I will talk to you." and I would walk away. She pulled a stunt at best buy once, how embarrassing, but she laid on the floor, threw her fit, plenty of people stared and make comments, I dont believe in hitting my children, so I stood there and acted like I was interested in the stuff on the endcap and just made sure no one touched her and she stopped. DO NOT GIVE IN!!!! Stay strong and just ignore her, the more we try to reason with them, the more we give into their fits, but ignoring the behavior changed her behavior. She is about to be 5 and rarely whines!!!