Help! Help! Help!

First, it's ok, your not a bad mom. My daughter is 16 mos and 22 lbs...and she eats. So 21 at 17 mos, sounds pretty ok to me.

How about Pediasure? Something he can drink with more calories? My daughter eats very little at dinner/lunch. She will take a few bites of fruit and a bit of dinner and be done. She doesn't not eat certain foods or have trouble eating though.

I would pay attention to what your son seems to dislike the least or eat the best and give those foods more frequently.

Also, if you do not feel you are being listened to and respected, find another Dr.

I think you should go to a gastro doctor to get Nicholas checked out. There could be something going on that you (and your OT's) can not see on the outside.

I'm going through a very similar experience with my 14 month old daughter, who just cleared the 17 lb. weight mark. My daughter was the equivalent of a 32 week old at birth and has been on Prevacid for acid reflux (since she was 2 months old). After she hit the 9 month old mark it's been even more challenging.

The gastro doctor (1) ordered ultrasounds of her abdomen/pelvic area to make sure nothing was 'wrong', (2) ordered bloodwork to look into allergies, Celiac's disease, etc., and (3) scheduled an endoscopy to really see what is going on. I went through with everything - I just wanted answers...is my daughter just opinionated, or is there something wrong???

We found that the ultrasound was normal (good), the blood work showed severe food allergies (wheat, soy and peanuts), the endoscopy showed where the esophagus is staying open (versus that muscle closing), and the biopsies from the endoscopy showed Eosinophilic Esophagitis (allergic esophagitis)! So...there are reasons for why she's doing what she's doing, etc. We have an appt. with an allergist that specializes in Eosinophilic Esophagitis in a few weeks to get a better understanding of it all and figure out what we can/will feed her that won't cause her issues (so then she'll probably like it, want to eat and gain weight)!

Anyway...all these things we found out can not be diagnosed by an OT, or by anyone who's looking at your son "on the surface". On the surface, everything with my daughter was "fine", but...inside it was a whole other story! He's trying to tell you something...maybe he's going through something like what I described?

Hi T., not to worry, take a deep breath, Dr.'s altho act concerned, only see a glimps into our everyday lives. All of us mother's have been their, with any problem with our children, and they seem to brush mom's off, Dr. quick fix, perscriptions. Being on Mamasource I know your on the web & have looked for other solutions for your son, please look up RefluxRemedy.com M.D.Scott Saunders, home remedies, 1-866-931-1680 to order book for real help with your concerns, if it hurts to eat, swollow, his throwing up ectra, your son is doing what he can to tell you, he is not well, I myself would not want to eat, or drink, if every time I did I felt this sick. He is probally just as scard as you, the best thing you have done is to reach out, past the Dr. and get help for your son. Meds altho helpfull, does'nt sound like they are working with your son. Try not to worry about what other people think of how you are raising your family, I think your a great mom. You will get past this, you have been through so much already, you are very strong, the bottom line, you will see results and in turn so will your son. Congradulations on your beautiful twins, prayes go out to you on the loss of your daughter. Our family will be praying for you & your family. Mom of 4 daughters, grandmother of 3 with one more grand child on the way.

Keep up the good work and keep trying different things. I had good eaters, but they were different. Keep trying different foods and I would also talk to a different nutritionist or pediatrian. Getting a second opinion or another perspective from a professional may help.

Hi T.

First I want to say, you are doing a fantastic job. Mothering is hard work and with twins, I can imagine how much MORE work is it. You obviously love your boys and are trying to do the best you can for them.

I think you have some really great suggestions here already. I too think it may have something to do with gut issues. It seems like there is more going on here then just him being a picky eater. It sounds like something is causing discomfort when he eats. I don't know if it is the digestive issue, or maybe something with his esophagus...but something is causing discomfort...or at least that is my humble opinion.

I'm not sure where you live, but there is a Pediatrician in the Ann Arbor area that specifically deals with cronic issues. She is a traditionally trained doctor who is also trained in more wholistic treatments. She really is focused on helping kids who can't seem to be helped.

You can find her information at www.nourishyourkids.com

It doesn't sound like you are getting a great deal of encouragment or actual advice from your pediatrician. It is OKAY to get a second opinion!!! Doctors are only as good as their training and experience. I find that many doctors get real tunnel vision, particularly in pediatrics. They think that all kids will all be the same. When something different comes along, they just don't know how to handle it. Sometimes you need someone who will look beyond what is supposed to be "normal" and actually look at your child and his specific needs.

Contrary to their belief, doctors don't know everything. I would encourage you to find a second opinion. In addition, I think it is a good idea to find a Moms of Multiple group. Support groups can really help you keep your sanity.

Hugs to you.

Hi, I have 6 1/2 yr old triplets that were born at 33w5d. I did not have any problems with them for the most part, but my suggestion to you would be to contact your local mothers of multiples group.
http://www.momotc.org/local%20clubs/northwest.shtml
This is the group that would be for your area. They meet in Livonia. Someone in that group might have an answer for you. If they don't you can email me (I will private mail you my email) and I can put you in contact with a higher order multiples group (triplets and more) where someone there would be more likely have some answers for you as their babies would have been born earlier as well. I hope one of these places can help you.

I posted your post to the girl in charge of my higher order multiples group and she suggested you contact Mothers Of Supertwins and The Triplet Connection. They both have resource people on a number of HOM related topics and they could put you in touch with someone specifically who has dealt with this. You could also post this on their websites and probably get a whole lot of responses that way.

Susie is also posting your post to our group to see if anyone there can help. I will let you know.

I think this when kids are hungry they will eat. I have 4 children each child is different. I have one right now she is 16 months old and she doesn't like to sit and eat with us she rather walk around and eat. So she eats all day long. Try leaving certain snack foods around. Find out what he likes the most. I think the reason hes not wanting to eat is because of the tummy acid. It can make you feel sick if its too active. I have acid reflex. For the formula thing I think its too thick. If theres a way to water it down more try that. If its to thick it will fill him faster. Plus its got some type of milk base to it so it coats his belly. Don't put his tummy meds in withit. That will discourage him from wanting the formula mix even more. I know your struggling stick with what your gut says not what everyone else says make sure they get ther vitamins by him eating that mix of formula a nd breakfast stuff. If you can get him to enjoy that better he may want it more often. I don't know what flavor it is. But maybe introduce him to something sweet. I know everyone so cautios of Chocolate and peanuts and etc. Well step back and relax. If putting a bit of chocolate in the drink to make it taste better than do it. My daughter refuses regular milk. we tried for like 6 months to get her to drink regular milk. I use to squash strawberrys oranges and put like the juices in milk for flavor and she just refused that. So know I put 3/4 of regular milk and a quarter choclate milk and she drinks it. Also I know you probably already thought of it but make eating especially with your other child fun. So this one sees how fun it is to eat. I have nephew who is similar to your child. He was a sibling to a twin who didn't make it and he doesn't eat alot. His favorite things are fish, yogurt, some fruit and some veggies. All I can say is don't worry about what others think do what you can and as long as your giving your all than thats all you can do. Your kids will eat when they are hungry and you can't force them to eat any other time. But you are a good mom I'm sure of it just follow your gut it usually is right and make eating a blast!

Well, the good news is that most babies outgrow reflux by 18 months or so. My son had the same thing. Try giving him ensure drinks. you could also try things like the cereal puffs and crackers, cheese, etc. I am sure it will get better. Just remember to be patient as this soon will end. :)

you are doing the best you can...how dare they sy that to you. A child will eat when they are hundgy, we all know that so don't get frustrated, I know it's heartbreaking but just give him a variety of finger foods, cereal, spagetti-o's, things like that, small amounts with a spoon. He won't go for it at firt but will over time, start eating like everyone else at his table....they see frustration and they get it too. My ped always said, what they don't eat in 20 minutes, they don't want so take it away.....it also gets them in a groove with a time line, eat now instead of graving all day.
YOU ARE DOING FINE!!

I didn't read all of the responses so I may be repeating. Have you ruled out digestive problems? My nephew was born at 26 weeks and has always had problems with digesting food. The Dr actually just switched him back to a 2nd step formula at 17 months. It seems to be helping.
Were you boys at Holden? My nephew may have been there at the same time.

It sounds like you're doing the best that you can with the situation. I know its hard and I don't have any magic tricks up my sleeve. But I can tell you that pediatricians can make you feel completely irresponsible sometimes and they can make you compromise what you feel you should do for your child out of guilt.

Does your son have regular bowel movements and is he wet multiple times a day. That's the biggest thing that will tell you if he's ok - even if he's on the small side. Some children don't follow the growth chart. Twins usually are on the small side. If he's not having normal output then you should worry about getting more down him. If he is, just keep up your dedicated work. Its good that you're open to new ideas and maybe someone will have something helpful for you.

In my case my daughter at 6 weeks old was 10 oz. LESS then her birth weight and our DR. (and my husband who was a med student at the time) FREAKED out. They wouldn't let me continue breastfeeding normally and soon she was refusing to latch on and eventually quit. I was devastated. As she grew up she soon was in the 100%th percentile for both height and weight, but I was always worried that I wasn't giving her enough. I should've went with my gut on this one. The formula made her SO constipated. I certainly needed help with breastfeeding, and unfortunately in that area of the country there wasn't anyone that could help me closer then 1.5 hours away, but just switching to formula was not what I needed to do.

I guess my only question to myself would be this. Do the Dr. and Nutritionist ask me to make changes that I'm not doing, or have I tried everything and am just not making the progress they expect? You can only do your best and I'm so happy your hubby is supportive - that's helpful! If they were REALLY worried about him, he'd be admitted with a feeding tube, so if they're overreacting you might want to find a different doctor.

Best wishes, we'll be praying for you. My daughter was the slowest eater of formula! 2.5 hours to get down 3 oz.! I was ready to scream! You can do this and your boys are going to do GREAT!

GOD BLESS YOU, T.! This may sound weird when you've been thru so much and are still in the thick of it, but, as a grandmother of premie twins (now age 20!), I'd suggest that you try to relax, regain your sense of humor, try to find ways to take care of yourself/have a little fun etc. Our worst eater who had neurological problems, is now trying to diet to take off a little of her tummy! She's in a wheelchair so doesn't get the exercise her slender sister does! Who ever could've predicted weight issues?

My daughter used to put on music and dance around crazily with the, get them outside when the weather was nice, take them to the mall dressed alike so people could fuss over them when she was depressed, and get together with family whenever she could. We all helped with them but I was working a demanding job and she lived over an hour away.

When people would comment on how thin they were, she'd say that she saved money by only feeding them on alternate days then let them figure out she was kidding!

I'm so sorry about your daughter. Please take care of yourself. You are still healing from all that's happened. Cut yourself a lot of slack and hold your head up when others criticize and question. As long as you're doing the best you can, they are in God's hands, and so are you!!

Take care!

T.,

I really want to say to find another pediatrician, but that choice is up to you. If you really are trying to do the best that you can, there is nothing else to do. My oldest son was born at 32 weeks and weighed 4lbs 12 oz at birth. At 12 months he weighed 18 lbs and at 18 months he only weighed 20 lbs. Our ped was not concerned at all because he was becoming more mobile and burning more calories and she said that weight gain getting slower would be normal. He didn't have any eating problems. His ped just looked at his own growth chart and didn't compare him to others and what was 'normal'. As long as he continued along and improved along his own line of growth she was happy. Never allow anyone to make you feel like less of a mother. Do not give people that power over you. Kids have their own little personalities and at that age they have little control over anything in their lives and food is the one power they have. THEY WILL EAT WHEN THEY ARE HUNGRY!!!! All you can do is offer the right choices. We sit down to dinner each night and I surely can not please everyone in my family (my husband and I and 3 children) in one dinner. They eat what they like and have to taste what they say they don't like (because tastes do change all the time), but they really will eat when they are hungry. I feel bad that your drs makes you feel that way. I know that I can go to ours with any question I have and I am very comfortable and never dread going or feel like she is going to make me feel bad. Hang in there!! I know it is a cliche, but kids really are kids!! Eventually he will eat, unless there is some other kind of problem digestively.

C.

T.,
I don't know if this will help or not. First; you are doing the best you can, please don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
Second. We used the Nuby. It has a soft top so maybe it would trick your son into believing it is a bottle. Trust me it is the only sippy that I have found that doesn't leak; unless he chews on it the stopper may rip. My son loves them and will still use them on long trips. They look kinda like a bottle b/c it is softly colored...no pics on it. It worked for me, maybe it can work for you. You can find Nuby's at meijer, target, and walmart that I know of.
Hope this helps, I understand how frustrating feeding a young child can be.
Good Luck and I know you can do it.

Hi T.. My son was born full term, but has severe reflux and constipation issues. I don't know if you go to a gastroenterologist (stomach doctor) for your boys, but it would probably be a good idea. I take my son to Dr. El-Baba He is the chief at Chlidren's Hospital. He is super nice and kind to my son and is very thorough and easy for me to understand. His # is ###-###-####. Thankfully my son seems to eat anything. Maybe you could try yogurt or drinkable yogurt, my son loves Yobaby. That would give him more fat and protein. Also maybe you should ask your doctor about adding protein powder to your sons' bottles. Do you give them milk or formula? Maybe using the formul they make for toddlers would be a good idea. My other thought would be to feed less and more often, I'm sure you've heard that before, but maybe you should try it again. My son is a year and can't take more than 5oz before he vomits. Anyway, I hope I have helped a little. Don't worry, your boys are growing at their own pace and you are doing everything you can to help. That is exactly what a great mom does! Keep trying all kinds of finger foods, they might eat better if they can work at picking it up themselves. Finally, remember that calories are what is important for gaining weight so if they will eat pizza, then let them have it even if it isn't super healthy. You can work on that later. Good luck, keep us posted.

Hi I had a friend who had twins at 30 weeks one did well and the other was like you other son. It was a developmental thing and sensory thing. Be patient. Just keep trying, things that aren't the usual may actually work. Also remember you may have to try up to 15 times before you can rule something out. I personally never gave my child Stage 3 anything because they didn't know what to do with. The gag reflex came to all of them. Do I swallow or chew?? Very confusing food if you ask me. Try cousous you can give a few granulas at a time to get him used to texture in his mouth. Also try to let him just go at it with his fingers, messy yes but he may have equated a spoon coming at him as a time to fight than to receive. My first daughter's doctor was an amazing man he told me when they are hungry they will eat. Her first food was veggie soup made from scratch. He said let her get hungry and she'll eat it!! Good luck I hope I have helped!
T. K.

Hi, good luck!! More power to you!!. The Dr'r are probably just giving the 3rd degree to do prossess of elimination. They may have their eye on a certain thing so they are trying to be sure all the responces you give fit ( or don't fit ) what they are concidering. You know you are doing your best so stick to your guns and say to them - deal with this WITH ME: LOL J., mom to Vanessa 10 and Mark 16

I only scanned the other suggestions, but I see you're getting a lot of good advice, so pardon me if this has already been said! My son had Reflux as well (just finally "grew out of it" at 3 years), and the constipation issues. We had to give him soy milk instead of cows milk for 2 years.. He couldn't properly digest the cows milk. I know it doesn't have as much fat, so it's not going to help with Nicholas' weight gain, but it might help soothe his stomach some and get you over the hurdle of eating. Something to think about!

I totally understand (on many levels)! I also have 2 surviving triplets, they were born at 24 weeks. My 2 girls are now 3 years old and have always been HORRIBLE eaters and drinkers!!!! I have learned that micro-managing their eating is not helpful; and that they will eventually eat when they're hungry (even though it's not when I expect them to be hungry). It will seem like they've eaten nothing for 4 meals straight, and then they'll surprise the heck out of me. My one daughter is on this kick of wanting only cookies, popsicles, candy canes, and "treats." Every meal I offer a healthy assortment of foods, in addition to 1 treat. Sometimes they eat the treat first, sometimes they eat the apple first. But at least it limits the fighting and power-struggle for wanting a treat. It wasn't until this past October that they started drinking any real amounts of liquid. And when we were giving them the pediasure, it seemed that they drank so little but go so full that they wouldn't eat or drink anything else (so we discontinued that).

At 3 years of age, they both weigh 25-27 pounds. (We go to the doc next week for their well-baby.) Although I've been concerned about eating and weight for 3 years, both pediatricians we have used have been okay with their weight gain. (Although they are very light for their age, they are following their own growth curves and progressing.) I have never been referred to a nutritionist or specialist for this reason.

My only sanity is the philosophy that the only power that I have is to offer good foods to my children. It's their choice whether or not to actually eat the foods. I've heard this from one nutritionist that I heard speak, and have used it in my most frustrating of moments... and then walk away so as not to watch. If I'm more relaxed, so are they. (I also try to remember this when they're smearing their yogurt or pudding all over the place! I try to remember that it's good for them to play with and explore their food, even if a lot is not yet making it into their mouths. The good news - they will now eat an entire container of pudding!)

At and earlier age, I learned that sitting in front of the tv offered them enough entertainment to keep them seated during the mealtime - and they would pick at the food. I hate that it means having the tv on, but my priority has been getting calories into them right now (not tv watching). As they've gotten older, I realize that this sometimes backfires because they're too involved in the show and forget about the food in front of them - but it worked great when younger.

I wish I had more "advice." I would suggest talking with your doc about their actual growth curves instead of their weight. Also, if you're feeling that bad after doctor visits, I wonder if you would be interested in trying to find another pediatrician who works with you instead of blaming you? We switched pediatricians at 1 year of age, after our 1st ped confused the girls and was telling me to give one of them medication that was intended for the other. I felt horrible because she had followed us for so long, but have been very happy with the choice that we made!

Last thought: Remember that you are a good Mommy. You're obviously seeking a lot of special services for your children (nutritionists, OT, etc). It is NOT your fault that they won't put the food in their mouths! All you can do is offer, encourage and model.

Best wishes to you!

Hi T., My heart goes out to you. Here is a big hug for
you. You need one badly. First of all please know you are a very good Mom. You are doing the best you know what to do with your little ones. You are praying and that is the best thing to do. The Bible says "Ask of me and and I will show you great and mighty things you know not." Jerimah 33:3 Are you a Born Again Believer? Jesus answers
prayer. I encourage you to wait on him to answer you when you go to him in prayer regarding your precious little
boy. Speak healing scriptures over him and call him a"good
little eater who enjoys all Jesus' food." This not only
will help him, but Jesus will give you peace and comfort too. Jesus loves you and cares all about everyone of your
problems in ALL areas. I know He answers prayer. I will
be praying too. God Bless.

Oh, T., I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. Having twins is hard enough without the added stress of feeding problems. First, you're doing GREAT! Don't let anyone make you feel otherwise. The fact that you're posting about this and taking everyone's advice shows that you're a fantastic mom. Children don't follow rules and at this age you just have to keep trying until something works. It looks like you've offered him all the right things and he's just not ready yet. Does he watch you eat at all your meals? I have 17-month twin boys as well and one of them is a very picky eater. He tends to try foods a lot more often when sitting at the table watching us all eat (my husband, his twin brother, and me). He also eats better when there are no other distractions -- TV, radio, etc. As far as cups go, my boys won't use sippy cups either. We noticed them watching us drink from straws at restaurants so we let them take sips of water with the straws. It worked so we bought the Munchkin straw cups. They have a valve just like a sippy cup so they don't spill and we use them exclusively now.
As the other poster mentioned, a MOM club might be very helpful for you. If not this issue, then maybe with other things that come up. I belong to the Northwest Suburban Mothers of Multiples club and although I'm unable to attend meetings, they've been VERY helpful to me. Please consider checking them out. I'll also send you a private message with my contact info -- since our boys are the same age maybe we can be helpful to each other. In any case, please hang in there and know you're doing all the right things! : )

It sounds like the little guy has gut issues. I would HIGHLY recommend either reading the book Gut & Psychology Syndrome or watching the DVD (or both). Basically, you can let the gut heal by eating foods that are easy to digest and by re-establising healthy gut flora (friendly bacteria). The acid reflux could be due to not enough acid - so the food isn't getting digested, and the undigested food is fermenting and producing gas, which pushes the little bit of acid up.

Here's a link to Gut & Psychology Syndrome:
http://www.GutAndPsychologySyndrome.com/

There is also a list of good foods/bad foods that you can download from the site.

PS - I am teaching a nutrition class in Livonia in February, on Tuesdays at 14600 Farmington Road. More details:
http://www.htnetwork.org/calendar.html

PPS - The Gut and Psychology Syndrome is based on the work of Elaine Gottschall. Here is a great little story of a mother and her sick four year old daughter:
http://www.breakingtheviciouscycle.info/elaine/it_all_beg...