Help Getting Son Out of My Bed

Kinda of along the same lines as the other responses: I would do what is recommended with a baby when trying to get them to sleep in a crib on their own. I would, for a few nights, try sleeping with him in his bed. Then move to the floor next to him for a couple nights, then try a chair in his room for a couple, then out of the room. Just keep moving farther and farther from him gradually. Sounds good...but I have no idea if it would work on a 4 year old. It worked on my son when he was an infant! :) Good luck!

I did the same thing and allowed my son to sleep in my bed, when it came time for him to stay in his own bed it was difficult for both of us i think. Some things I've discovered on the way that might help, I got his a fun room light, he currently has a fish light and watches the fish go around and around, I also now (didn't find this out for a few years) play some soft music. When i first started him sleeping in his own bed, I would read him stories and then lay in there until he fell asleep, this worked well but he expected it every night and like you i was a single mom going to school and working, so it got to be a strain. So to get him out of that habit I would lay with him for a little bit and then tell him if he laid quietly i'll be back and check on him in 5 or 10 or whatever minutes, each time i would come in and lay for a moment with him and repeat. soon laying quietly he'd fall asleep on his own.

Hi, we had the same issue with our kids. I have 4 and after the 3rd was born my bed was so full there was no more room for my husband and I so we had to kick the kids out. What we did was alittle different than what everyone else has suggested. We allowed the children to fall asleep in our bed and then we moved them to thier beds. The first few nights they kept waking up and were right back into our bed. We didn't tolorate that, as soon as they showed up we put them back in their beds. There was alot of crying and no one got much sleep at first. But after a few days, less than a week I'm sure, the kids got the idea and started staying in their beds. Then we started putting them in their beds before they fell asleep. To help with that we would sit in their rooms and rub their feet or backs and sing lullabyes until they fell asleep and then we were free to go to bed. All in all it only took a couple of weeks to break them from our room. We've kept this up ever since and my youngest, who is 18mos now has never slept in our bed and its kinda nice. The key is to be consistant and don't give in, you can do it!

I used to have this problem too. My son slept with me, until he was about 3 and a half. Maybe try laying by him until he falls asleep. Tell him stories,and tickle his back. Maybe put relaxing music in his room, to help him fall asleep. Hope this helps
T.

I had a good friend who did this with her daughter...and she was 8 years old before the friend got her to sleep alone! But she started much later than you, so pat yourself on the back for that. She said she slept in her daughter's room at first, and moved her "bed" (a mattress) further and further away every night until it was in the hallway, and then finally in her own room. This may not take very long, and although you will have some tough nights, it will be worth it once he sleeps alone. I think if he comes in early in the morning at first (and maybe for a few years) that's okay, he can sleep with you for an hour or so before you both get up. You have to take baby steps with this because the habit is ingrained after 4 years. I don't blame you at all, as a single mom, I would have done the same. Take your time with this and let him go on his own slowly. At first, sleep with him until he falls asleep, and then you can sleep in your bed until he wakes up. Then start moving the mattress at bedtime and just hold his hand until he falls asleep. Move it further away every night until he can go to sleep just knowing you're in the hallway, etc. If he wakes up during the night, go back to sleep with him in his room until he falls asleep again. Also, my friend said part of the trouble was her daughter would get cold in the night. So dress him warmly. Also, making the bed his own space could help--if you can afford it get some new blankets, pillow, etc in his favorite characters. Good luck--take it slow and it will eventually happen so you both sleep well at night.

Maybe try sleeping in his room in his bed for a couple of nights. To show him his room is just as safe as yours. Then after a couple of nights put him in his own room and see how he doese.

Hi T.,

I know as a mom of two boys how frustrating it can be when we can see a bad habit in our children that we probably helped create. If we could only rewind the clock.

But, what is, is and now we have to working on correcting our mistakes. Thank goodness for GRACE!

There are a couple things to keep in mind. You are the parent and he is four. So ultimately you are in charge and should be able to create an atmosphere where you as the parent get the results you want. It is also important to remember that this is probably built around some fear for him of being alone and the need for comfort. This is not (most likely) about defiance. Unless, of course that is his typical behaviour which is a whole other discussion. So handling it in a nurturing way would be my first route.

I'd try and create something special in his room that makes him feel comforted. Like maybe a new (or used) bedspread with a stuffed animal to help keep him company. Or, get a special night light. Or, paint his room a special color that he likes. Or, develop some type of special reward system where in the morning if he makes it through the night you would fix him his favorite breakfast. Or, if he makes it 5 nights in a row he gets something bigger.

My guess is that if you can show him it is not scary, that he still can crawl in bed with you in the morning and that the comfort is still there, he will start feeling more secure about being alone.

I remember worrying about taking my son's pacifier away. I waited and waited because I didn't want to have to "deal" witht he screaming and crying. Well, it took one night. Yes, he cried for about an hour, but that was the last of it.

I hope this has helped in some way T.. Again, the key in parenting is to remember that YOU are the parent. He is the child.

Blessings!

My oldest did not sleep in his own bed full time til he was 7 1/2 or 8. When he was 6 i made the deal with him that he had to fall asleep in his own bed but could come into mine when he woke up. Slowly over time he stopped coming in at all. He stopped when he was ready. Alot of people had bad stuff to say about it but those years were short lived and priceless.