Help-my 8 Year Old Is Very Picky About Her Food.

Having had a picky eater because of a bad experience at her grandma's house..............grew up to be a really healthy eater. I had a time she was about 5 or 6 and my mil started keeping her some along with other grandkids and her daughter which is only a few years older than the grandkids anyway I was a stay at home mom till she was 5. So I never had a problem with her eating what I fixed. I guess being around the other kids who were picky and the parents and grandparents telling them lies that onions are not in the food and finding them she developed a dis trust. How I got through was never compromise what you've cooked already. I read in Parents mag that if you want kids who will grow up and try all kinds of luisine at least make them take a few bites of everything before they leave the table. Now grant it I know from being a kid that there are certain foods that we can't stomach. Lol my third grade teacher felt horrible when she told me to eat my spinach and I told her I can't I like spinach but this is mustard greens and I don't like mustard greens, anyway she wouldnt let me go back to class till I ate when she came back to get me I had thrown up and the lunch personel were cleaning me and my mess up and she my teacher felt horrible, anyway sorry about chasing that rabbit my point is I guess you'll know what foods to pass up. About my daughter it took a couple of years for her not to fuss about food and now she cooks and eats all the healthy stuff. What I'm saying is I think that your daughter will return to her original roots after she gets over this trauma. hang in there.

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My 9 year old does this to me too. One day he vomited (I suspect a stomach virus) right after eating mixed vegetables. After that, he was convinced that vegetables (especially lima beans) would make him vomit & he refused to eat them. Same thing about a week ago after he ate too much pizza at school.

My solution has been to limit his access to junk-food as much as possible. I try not to have anything unhealthy in the house because my son will raid the pantry & the fridge when I'm not looking. I try to limit his after school snack to one cheese stick or one orange, etc. & I try to have supper on the table within a half-hour after we get home. I also discovered that I have to limit sweet drinks as well. No Gatorade before supper, only water.

You would be surprised how delicious good food starts to smell when you are really, truly hungry.

It has been an ongoing battle, especially since I think my hubby must be the junk food king, but it's getting easier, and easier.

I also tried the no sweets until you eat your good food. Bad idea. He would be "full" after a small plate of food & then wipe out half a chocolate cake. Hmmm.

On the bright side, as a single mom, you don't have to worry about a spouse sabotaging your efforts! Good luck to you.

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hi my name is C., let her eat the things that she like, us say that she's not and anorexia, our trust is in the lord.speark the work over her life MARK:11:22-24 have faith in God . you shall have whatsoever YOU say read MARK11:22-24 and Isay that you daughter is healthy and proserous,and you and your daughter shall have good success,and i say this over you and your daughter life you are bless.

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sounds like your little lady is saying hey mom i like these food now, and guess what she will change her mind in a while. i have a very picky eater. hes's now 20 and goes to university, one day eats home the next at girls friends house. and i think i have it down to what he eats and he changes his mind. he is over 6 ft tall and has a waiste of29. tall and skinny. but he eat a lot.when he was younger i daid you got to take one bite if you do not like it spit it out. in the garbage can. he did. he loves veggies and spicy things, but is not overly found of meat or milk never has been, let your child be her self, unless she is over weight, or very under weight ignor it. and the vomiting thing put a bowl on the tabke next to her and say if need be vomit. ignor it. will soon go away. love a sister with6 kids and 14 grandkids with all kinds of crazy food ideas.

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Hi L., i was wondering, how long ago did this start? Have you tried talking to her pediatrician about this? If she is vomiting, there may be something else wrong with her, and maybe she is afraid to eat, for fear that it will make her sick. I would definetely start with her doctor, and see what he/she has to say.

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Try buying frozen or fresh veggies and blend them up and cook them inside other foods or sauces that you put on things.Also flax seed ground up is good for every one you can sprinkle 1 tsp on foods as you cook them. It is relly great for the digestive track.
Good luck!

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I read one of the responses where you sit down and write what she does like to eat.. I think it's a good idea.. I have 2 kids, and while I love anything, my husband hates veggies, and the kids, although not terribly picky, do not like everything I put on their plate... I always make sure there are 2 things my boys like, and if there is one thing they don't like, at least stick their finger in it to taste.. that won't be as big as a spoonful, and it will get them tasting it. I also agree with others not to make a big deal out of it.. because it will only stress out you and her.. Over time, I am not bothered if they don't like something.. they will tell me if they don't like it, so next time I'll know. By the way, I would definitely get a second opinion on the anexoria thing.. There are tons of kids who are picky.. And your daughter might be scared about throwing up again.. maybe that's why she's scared to try something new.. Good luck to you!!

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Hello, I have a very picky 8 y.o. also, and am a full time, single mom that also works full time (I also have a 6 y.o. that eats 'better' but tends to be picky because his brother is, sometimes). First, I'd like to say he will eat raw carrot and raw broccoli (just the 'leaves') and apple. So he gets at least one of those items at (almost) every meal. Second, I was a very picky eater, so I sympathize. I 'had' to eat what was on my plate, and think I suffered for it, although have definitely expanded my menu since I was a child. I want him to try new things, but try not to make too big of a deal of it. He will as he grows older. What he'll eat now is so limited, at least I don't have to get too creative with the little time I have for meals! Hah. We do lots of chicken, ramen and those limited veggies and one fruit. He's healthy, smart and active. Hope this at least lets you know you are not alone.

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If a nutritionist is concerned about it possibly leading to anorexia, you should consider taking your daughter to a counselor to get her help now. In the meantime while you are seeking out counseling, you might try the following suggestions.

The gym where I work out recently had a dietician give a presentation about food and nutrition. I asked her about the dietary needs for children because my son seems so small. I think what she told me will hold true in your situation as well.

She said as the parent you decide when the child will eat and what the child will eat, and the child decides how much to eat. This may take a great deal of patience on your part, but as long as your consistent in your efforts, you should see results. For example, if your daughter does not like what you have made for dinner and doesn't want to eat it, let her go to bed hungry. Make it clear to her that she can choose to eat or not to, but if she doesn't eat what you serve for dinner there will be no other food available until breakfast the next morning. Also, don't excuse her from the table until everyone else is done eating. If she has to sit there and watch everyone else eat, she may end up eating also. The dietician stressed that every child will eat when they are hungry, they won't starve themselves.

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My 8 year old is the same way. He has never really eaten veggies (my inlaws had an iguana named Dash when he was little and he decided that veggies were "Dash Food" and not his food.) He will go through this whole ordeal of gagging and throwing up if he eats a pea. We used to fight and argue and just gave up. He usually helps prepare dinner and in the last few weeks, he is finally starting to try things he used to turn his nose up at.

We decided that if you don't eat what Mom cooks for dinner, that is okay...breakfast is served at 6:30 AM. Children do not typically starve themselves. We used to allow him to make himself a sandwich, but after observing him eat some of the "stuff" prepared by the cafeteria and not eating mine, I decided that was no longer an option. He was taking advantage of the gesture and not even giving dinner a chance.

Good Luck

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I went through this exact thing with my son. We at first would just give him a sandwich if he wouldn't eat, but for the last year and a half or so, we told him that he had to eat what we eat, or he gets NOTHING!! It was his choice.. I think he got tired of that. Now we can at least get him to try everything-fruits and veggies-without gagging and throwing up. We also have told him that he needs to eat what he's told to eat or he will have a long night at the table. Well, after several nights of sitting there for hours-and when i say hours, i mean hours-he finally realized it wasn't worth it anymore. He will now eat everything we tell him-whether he likes it or not. Just give it time, and it will change. I was so frustrated with my son that I would just cry, but not anymore.. Just be patient and let them know the rules, and just be able to handle whatever happens. It won't be like this forever!! Good luck to you..

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I have 4 daughters and they are all very picky each different though. My oldest all growing up would never eat bread and very little meat. Couldnt bribe them with money or toys. no vegetables either. She would eat hamburger meat only in tacos and hamb helper. When she got in high school and started dating she finally started eating bread and salad. Now she loves salads. Still wont eat chicken. She never had anorexia or anything like that. She ate lots of potatoes, ranch beans and ramen noodles, lol. My second child was a meat and potatoes girl. Still no veggies. Now I have two more little ones and the cycle seems to be repeating, lol. But I know they will eventually grow to like more things. Its just getting them to try them that is almost impossible.

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I really dont think that this is a concern for anorexia at all! I have a 7 year old daughter that is the same way. She detests vegetables and isnt too keen on the normal stuff that kids like but she will eat other things like fish or something that kids wouldnt normally like. She doesnt have a huge list of foods that she likes to eat but she does like some things. I just make dinner and offer that to the kids (I have a 5 year old son that is the same way) and if they eat great-if they dont, they dont. I know that might sound mean, but trust me, they dont starve. When kids are hungry they will eat. Good luck, and I wouldnt worry too much, this is probably just a phase that will pass. If you think back there were probably tons of foods that didnt appeal to you as a child that you can appreciate now.

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I am sorry you are having difficulties getting your daughter to eat. I have seen a tv program where a child was having difficult eating and they just told the parents to change their attitude about eating. Play with the food and not to focus on it. I know it is hard not to focus on what she is eating. But the more emphasim (sp) you put on it the more she will reject it. Not sure if that is helpful or not. Sorry I can not offer you more!

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My 7 YO daughter doesn't like hot dogs or hamburgers either. She likes fresh food and not frozen food. My husband and I think she is just a food snob. My younger brother ate 4 foods when he was growing up and now is is 6'1 and weighs around 190 lbs. He is no worse for the wear. My daughter enjoyed a mini-camp and The Young Chef's Academy. It changed her food snobbiness slightly. Now she is willing to try a few new foods. Try to remain positive. Don't give in to your daughter's threats. Food patterns are formed in children by the time they are three. It will take some time and patience to change hers. Perhaps, when you make one of the foods she likes, try adding a new spice or ingredient. That way she will be familiar with it, but it will also be slightly different. Good Luck!

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My gorgeous 17-year-old daughter is healthy and slender, eats adventurously and is conscious of the right things. However, when she was a little girl, she lived on ramen and Little Debbies and otherwise sounded just like your daughter.

She'll change as she grows. I don't think it hurts to let them live in their comfort zone for a while when they're children. Just give her vitamins if you can find some she likes, and don't worry.

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Every kid goes through this. Usually admittedly younger than 8 but when mine did it (when we were living in Britain) the health visitor said to me to that a child will never starve herself (at this age I mean) and to never force them. It sounds to me like your daughter is using food as a way to gain power over you - shown by your words "If I don't make her soemthing different she won't eat". The Love and Logic method would simply say to her "that's fine if you don't want it but that's what we're having and the kitchen is now closed. But that's ok because breakfast is in a few hours and maybe you'll like what we're having then". She might go maybe a few meals without eating but it won't be long before she starts eating what's put in front of her! I'm a very very firm believer in NEVER making something different for different members of my family. My policy is "you get what you're given and you're thankful for it". And if they're not - they don't eat. Simple as that. Stay strong - because she's 8, there's going to be quite a power struggle over this but I would advise to stay strong - it's unlikely that at the age of 8 she'll starve herself. At a later date it may also be wise to point out that picky eaters are a lot less inclined to be invited to friends houses - I for one never have picky eaters over for dinner or playdates that might run into lunch because I don't want to deal with it. And then it just gets easier not to invite those kids over at all - I prefer to have my daughter play with the ones who I know I can give a snack to and they'll eat it. PLUS I dont' want MY kid looking at the picky kid and thinking "hey - I think I'll try that!". Good luck! T.- www.allaboutgirlsclothing.com

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My rule at home is you eat what I cook, nothing more nothing less. She will not starve. Sometimes they chose not to eat what was available, but the next time we had no problem. My other rule was you must at least try a food that was different. You can not say you don't like it if you haven't tried it. I promise at 8 she is not anorexic, she's just 8. It's usually a power play and it makes your crazy because you're tired and stress. Stand strong it will help with the teenage years.

I have a 20 year old boy and 23 year girl. Son in college in Boston, daughter in grad school in LA. Very good children if I must say so myself. I was a single mom for a long time and worked full time also.

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We had this problem up until last year with our now 9 year old. Our problem is that when she acted like that, the younger sister would automatically HATE whatever new was on the table because older sister did. Here's some things we did that seem to be working.

-Don't discusss what's on the table. Not even a compliment until mealtime is almost done.
-My middle daughter used to chew new food like I was feeding her live worms. If she does that now, she has to leave the table and get ready for bed.
-Everyone has to try a bite of what's on the plate, but hold the reviews until after dinner is done. NO YUCKS, EEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWS, gagging, or anything of that sort, or it's leave the table.
-Leave the table for ANY unacceptable feeding behavior. Make one of your daughter's favorites to make it even more of a challenge. If she knows she is missing out on the favorite, not just the veggie, then she may not act like that anymore.
-If you are feeding your child well throughout the day, they won't starve by missing one meal, or only eating a few bites, so DON'T STRESS over it.
-I am not a short order cook-eat what's on the table or don't eat!

Some of this may sound harsh, but we do give many warnings, and remind them of the rules regularly. Feeding a family is a lot of work, and some of kids' antics also are a lack of respect for you. It might not work overnight, but it will work over time. It has for us!

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I think there are a few things going on here. First of all I believe that focusing on food when kids are young teaches them to focus on food as adults. My parents always made me finish everything on my plate and most times would tell me to eat "just this little bit more, it isn't enough to save." I grew up to be an over eater. My point is just that habits are being established and that may be what the Doc was talking about with control/future Anorexia.

I go through this in spurts with my kids ages 2,4,6. I believe that many times the gagging etc, is a case of mind-over-matter and not a sensitive gag reflex or texture issue. Man, if she can eat vienna sausages, she can eat anything! That said, the food thing can be her way of getting your attention. You are a single parent and working. I seems like dinner is the only time you guys have to sit and talk and it is too bad that it is wasted on discussions about food. Maybe you guys need to work on discussing things you have in common, or weekend plans, or ask how your daughter's day went. If she is distracted by positive attention, she may not be inclined to complain as much about the food.

The other thing is that your daughter needs to know that you are the Mother. Make her have "try-it-bites" of all the foods you make for yourself. I have found reverse psychology works really well especially in stages where they have a natural instinct to contradict you. After you have tolerated her faces and complaining for a while on the tryitbites, before you give her a bite of something, tell her she can only have a little bit, because she won't like it anyway and you like it so much you don't want to give very much away. She may just decide she likes it and wants some more...or not! At least it is worth a try.

In the meantime you can give her Cheese Quesadillas, but insist that there is chicken in there once in a while or that she dip it in salsa (vitamin c) or If she has boiled eggs, she has to eat a piece of wheat toast with it. Come to a compromise, where she still has a lot of control, but you are ultimately in control of her nutrition.

Another idea comes from a really cute book called "Bread and Jam for Francis." The little girl turns her nose up at everything that is put in front of her except bread and jam. The Mother decides that bread and jam is all she will get to eat from now on and serves only that to her for every meal. Then the other family members talk about how delicious their food is but that Francis can't have any. You could just make quesadillas for her every night and make real food for yourself. Instead of making them in a pan (if that's what you do) you can just stick the cheese on the tortilla and microwave it (saves time for you). Then make yourself a meal with balanced nutrition and a lot of taste! Do this every night for a while. Even when you go out to a restaurant, order her a plain cheese quesadilla and get something else that you know she likes. Then it will be apparent who is in control.

I like the idea of mandated nutrition drinks and if she doesn't like those, tell her that she has to drink them until she becomes a responsible eater. Also from the foods you listed that she will eat, I would be concerned about her bowel movements. There is a lot of cheese in there which can cause constipation. Constipation can then cause nausea and gagging which just compounds the eating issues. Try getting some fiber in her diet either through pear juice, citrucel, or by using whole wheat tortillas for the quesadillas. Be gentle, be loving, and be in charge!

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She has you snowed sweetie, and she is getting exactly what she wants.Fact: A child WILL NOT starve themselves. So if you are giving in to an 8 yr olds pity party then she will never out grow this behavior. My brother tried this with my Mother and so my mother decided she would take and place the left overs on my brothers plate into a container and place them in the icebox. Next morning when he wanted breakfast guess what he got? This only took 4 days to break his habit of "I don't like that" or "I can't eat that it will make me sick". Your choice.

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I don`t believe that stuff the Drs.told you about anorexia. Does she like milk, choc. milk? How about Yogurt,ice cream, fruit,maybe you can sneak some peas in her mac and cheese.

H.

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I am not sure what kinds of foods you are trying to get her to eat, but I have a picky eater also and the more I push the more he diggs his heels, but he is that way in all areas of life. He is my 2nd so when he doesn't eat I am not as concerened as I would have been with my 1st. I realized when he gets hungrey he will eat and the only choices I have are healthy. I know most of his vegtables he perfers raw or steamed - carrots, broccili, green beens,salad. I also have a garden which both my kids have eaten more veggies from there, so you might try organic. Neither of my children are big meat eaters, but love tuna steaks, talipia, salmon grilled.

As a mom I tend to over analyze a lot, but have learned a child will not starve theirself to death. I would make sure she is getting a good vitiman & mineral supplement - I would suggust liquid because it assumlates into the system immediatly.

Anorexia research has shown the vitiman defincey of zinc being in every girl that was tested. I am shocked that a nutrionist would suggest this w/out taking the childs blood test or knowing the childs personality or familiy situation from conception on. I also know that anorexia is all about control therefore the not eating, so healthy choices are always best.

Stick with your gut instint, not your voices in your head, but your gut- no one knows your child like you do!

Have a Great Day!

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Hi L.,

P. B here. You've received some great responses from the other moms, as usual. I am a big believer in the help and input of healthcare professionals, but it raised my eyebrows to read about the anorexia suggestion. We are the best advocates for our children and sometimes must question input that does not sound, well, sound. If you have any concerns about long-term issues, seek the advice of another professional - your pediatrician might be a good place to start.

This is, indeed, quite common for children. One of my three sons was a picky eater and I will share some ideas that eventually worked for us. First, we make a point of having a family meal together to enjoy each other's company and to connect as often as possible. We talk about interesting or funny things and try to keep everyone engaged in the conversation. While we are doing this, we serve the food onto everyone's plates. When young, all my sons were given a bit of everything on the table and then after trying a bite of each item could request more of anything. If necessary, my son had to to this before the rest of the family came to the table or in another room (with indirect supervision). Another thing we tried was this - I allowed my sons limited choices in many cases. We might put carrots, apples and spinach on the table and I would say everyone could choose two of the three to eat. My picky eater discovered he liked to eat a few tortilla chips with some food items. Because he only ate a few and would then try some new items, we were okay with that.

Take the items your daughter likes and prepare them slightly differently. For example, my son likes grilled hamburgers. We might try broiling those burgers in the oven and then try meatballs prepared in a skillet. The next step might have been tasting ground sausage or ground pork or turkey. In this way, we gradually expanded his eating choices.

Know that most kids, my son included, outgrow this "picky" stage. Gently recognize when your daughter discovers something new that she likes - no matter how small the step. Point out that she is certainly getting to be a big girl - she did not eat such a variety when she was 6 or 7 years old.

Good Luck!

Janet B
Parent Coach

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Have you tried involving her in the whole meal preparation? Have her help you plan, purchase, and prepare the meals. Use your veto power on foods that you don't agree with and encourage her to choose healthy foods. My daughter is 3 and she helps with the whole meal prep. It's how I was raised too. We also have the rule (like some others) that she will eat what everyone eats and I will not make a seperate meal for her. Also, she is not allowed to judge a food until she tries it. I do not allow anyone to make bad comments about a certain food or say that they don't like it in front of her. I have even choked down foods that I hate just to get her to try them. I think a lot of food (and other) behaviors are learned from what kids see. Look at how you talk about food and see if you need to make the change in your attitude first. Then when she sees how healthy mom eats and that mom enjoys it, she will want it too.

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Honestly, her diet sounds exactly like my dd. I have a very picky 6 year old too. And yes, we do make her something different. But I try to add a little of what we are having on her plate as well. She did have a 10 minute meltdown over plain white boiled potatoes once, it was outrageous.
If you make a list of food that she eats, and keep track of what she eats in a week, you should see that she is doing alright with veggies/fruits. My kid doesn't eat hamburgers, hotdogs, or bread, or anything. And she has a dairy allergy so we took away Mac n cheese, cheese sticks, and pizza (all favorites around here).

Peanut butter is a very good food, if you buy a healthy brand. And we started using only Whole Wheat Honey Bread, so she gets one slice of that. She lives on chicken and occasionally fish stick. We have chicken lunch meat, chicken quessadillas - cheese, refried beans, spaghetti, etc.. But with out a doubt, there is always a fruit with every meal, either grapes, applesauce, pears or apples. And she has one veggie that she actually likes and that is Gerber Stage 3 baby carrot dices. So she gets some of those every day. She eats beans 2/3 times a week, etc..
She also has the same thing to eat, every day. With 2 healthy snacks, and she's good to go.

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I have a son who is 7 who is also very picky. My Dr. told me not to fight it that he will branch out in time. To ensure he gets his calories he drinks 2 Boost a day. They come in several flavors. He drinks one at breakfast and one either when he gets home from school or at dinner. I still offer him everything we eat, but he just does not like it. Giving him the Boost saves me a lot of headaches so we do not argue and I know he is getting the calories and vitamins he needs so he will not get sick. Hope this helps.
B.

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If it makes you feel any better, when my kids started being picky their family physician told me his daughter was the same way and lived on only a couple of kinds of foods herself. That made me feel better that just because your kids is picky it doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong. At least she likes some healthy things (chicken, beans, peanut butter all have protein and cereal is good too) you will just have to do your best to supplement whatever she is missing if you feel it's necessary. Some kids are stuck on nothing but grease and junk food but your child has some acceptable foods she will eat, so don't stress. And I agree it is ridiculous to think she is at risk for anorexia unless there is something else other than the pickiness going on - now if she would only eat lettuce, water, and celery, then I might worry :) .

Take care.

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my daughter has done this most of her life since 2 yrs old - she is now 23 yrs old. Over the years we have learned that some of the things she did not like - she has an intolerance for. We sat down with our daughter and identified the items she did like to eat - and then made it her responsibility to prepare baggies of snacks to take with her wherever she goes to make sure she has something to eat. she would eat the same thing everyday for weeks at a time. I kept plenty of bottled water on hand cuz she wouldnt drink soda either. I made sure she always got vitamins. She has acquired a taste for a few more foods since becoming an adult and tries harder to try new things - but will never be a huge eater.

Although moody as a child, she was very obedient in every way - so i dont think it was a "control " issue. (if she could not find something she wanted to eat - she literally would not eat ) So, my advice is just dont make it a daily battle. Give her as much control over her eating as you can along with the responsibility even if what she eats does not fit into the "mold" of what we parents typically think they should eat. Keep the vitamins handy and go from there. good luck!

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My children have done the same thing. She's associating the new food with the vomiting. My child did that with a certain food. It was a traumatic experience and they don't want to go through that again. Who does? You have to give it time, gain her confidence, and let her try later. As of the pickiness...My doctor said that the child who is given food will not starve. They may miss a few meals, but in the end, they will eat. It was some of the best advice offered to me. And it's true. Stick to your guns and only offer good food, no exceptions. My husband is very good about making sure I don't cook more than one meal at a time or I would be going crazy. If the kids don't want to eat it all, they don't have to, but they don't get anything else. Another rule we have is that if it is a new food, they have to try one bite and they don't have to eat any more of that if they don't like it this time around (a reward for trying it). The 3rd rule is that they have to eat as many bites of each type of food served as is their age. My daughter is now 7, son 5, son 2. So, 7 bites of each dish, 5 bites, and 2 bites. If they whine and cry, then they have to eat the entire serving of their plate. It takes a while to show them that you're not kidding. But, once they understand the rules, it's not really that much of a hassle at mealtime anymore. They still complain...but they eat (or don't). And they are all very healthy. --My son insists he won't eat it. But we let it alone. He knows the rules and once we're not looking, he's eating it. Then, he'll say "I like this." It's pretty funny.

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I think it is a phase....my now 9 year old went through that also. Now she is trying all kinds of things. I would never go out of my way to fix her a different meal if I had already prepared a meal. I would however fix in that meal one thing I knew she would eat. When she got tired of eating just one thing and she saw the rest of us enjoying other foods, then she started testing new things. It may start slow....but it will get better. In the mean time I gave her Pediasure to drink, she loved it. To this day she still wants to drink it.

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