Help! Baby WONT Sleep

Updated on June 13, 2011
K.G. asks from Clairton, PA
28 answers

My daughter is now about 6 weeks old. Within the last week, she has stopped going back to sleep after eating at night. She will only sleep if i'm holding her. Even if she falls asleep while holding her and i put her down after 10 minutes or so, she immediately wakes up and cries. I have tried letting her "cry it out", but I'm not sure exactly what the correct way to do it is (how long, how often, etc). I don't want the baby co sleeping b/c i'm just not comfortable with it. Please help me help my baby to sleep without me holding her.

Edit: We do make sure she is fed, dry, etc before putting her down.

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P.K.

answers from New York on

To young to cry it out. Try putting her in a swing or even car seat to sleep.
At this age it does not matter where they sleep. How about a pacifier. How
about a bouncy seat.

3 moms found this helpful
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D.P.

answers from Pittsburgh on

K.,
This is just a random thought that actually happened with us. When you hold her, she's warm, the blanket is warm, etc. Then if you put them onto a cold sheet, quilt, etc they will wake up. Have you tried putting the warm blanket under her in her crib/bassinet.
I agree with the PPs in that if she dozes in her bouncy seat, swing, etc...let her sleep there!
She's too little for Cry it out, so please don't try that. The good news: she's too little to get spoiled, so IF you CAN hold her & get a little rest...don't feel like it's a bad thing.
Hang tough. These are the really hard days, I know!

1 mom found this helpful
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K.W.

answers from Seattle on

I recommend Elizabeth Pantley's book series "The no-cry sleep solution". It will give you some great information about what is and is not normal for this age, even if you later decide to try CIO.

1 mom found this helpful

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J.S.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Oh K., that was my life the first few months with my DD (#2, and she's now 13 mos). I know every day/night without sleep feels excriating long and this will never end, but in a year you'll look back and you'll remember it but then realize that in the grand scheme of things a few months isn't that long.

As most suggested, it is too early for CIO. CIO is "okay" when they're closer to 4-6 months old (and you have to know your baby to know if CIO will work with her...it did for my 1st, but not my 2nd). She is still fresh out of the womb and needing the comfort of mom. If you have any time to read, pick up "Happiest Baby On the Block". It's an easy quick read and some good thoughts that are driving this "4th trimester".

#1 I'm a big fan of swaddling so try to get that done. It's okay at this point to be rocking her to sleep in your arms then getting her into the crib. (you need to break that habit after 3 mos or so, and start putting them down "sleepy but awake"). So rock/walk to get her to sleep, and maybe wait a little longer than 10 min to ensure she really drifts down into deep sleep before putting her down.

The ideas of the swing or car seat are also common so try that.

Lastly, I spent most of the first 2-3 mos with my DD sleeping in the rocker chair with her laying on the bobby on my lap. Yes, in hindsight it seems it could've been a bit dangerous if she "rolled" off (not that they're rolling at that point yet) but I think I was sleeping so lightly that that wouldn't have happened.

Best of luck and hang in there. Hopefully in 6 more weeks it'll all be different. Oh yeah, they say infant crying/fussiness peaks at 6 weeks so that could be the driver there too and things will improve in the next couple weeks.

Lastly, with my 2nd I had to cut dairy out of my diet (I only breastfed her) as she had a dairy sensitivity. Not dairy allergy, just a sensitivity that pretty much meant she cried all day long. Since it doesn't sound like yours is crying all day long I'm guessing/hoping the sleep problem is not a diet/g.i. problem.

2 moms found this helpful

T.C.

answers from Dallas on

Make sure you have her wrapped up, arms especially, in a blanket. At this age, it's a HUGE help in getting them to sleep. Once she falls asleep, try to wait at least 15 minutes but not more than 20 minutes, and you should hopefully be able to lay her down. I'm not sure if a six week old is in that type of sleep cycle yet, but if so, the reason it works after 15 minutes is because they are in a part of their sleep cycle where laying them down won't wake them up. But if you wait too much longer than 15 minutes, then the baby is out of that type of sleep and will wake up. Once I learned that, it's been tremendously helpful in getting baby laid down and STAYING asleep.

At six weeks, I would be really careful about letting her cry very long without tending to her. She's just way too little. Have you tried a swing? Those can be really helpful. And remember the blanket to swaddle her with it! :-) Good luck.

2 moms found this helpful
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J.G.

answers from Springfield on

I agree with Patty K and with Karen Crisalllie W

At this age, the best place for baby to sleep is wherever baby sleeps, ie, the swing the bassinet, the bouncy seat, the car seat, etc. They really do not form habits for quite some time, so do whatever works.

I really learned a lot from Elizabeth Pantley's books. She has a book for toddlers and preschoolers as well. Definitely check them out!

Good luck! Remember, this won't last forever! She will sleep again, I promise :-)

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J.B.

answers from Philadelphia on

At 6 weeks old lots of babies start cluster feeding if you are breastfeeding or even bottlefeeding. Try feeding her again. You may end up feeding a lot but it will eventually stop. This happened with my son and none of the drs told me about it and my son would cry and cry until I finally figured it out. Hope this helps.

2 moms found this helpful

K.M.

answers from Boston on

could be heartburn/reflux, or gas. they sell this little wedge that u can put under the fitted crib sheet and it just slightly raises the baby, but not enough to make them roll over or anything. my son needed it and loved it. also, doing a good swaddle usually helps. good luck, and you may need to try different combo's of advice you get from people because every baby is different and unique!

1 mom found this helpful

L.M.

answers from New York on

I agree with all the answers you got. I have a 7 week old, we don't co-sleep either, bc I can't get any sleep like that, I'm too aware of the baby being in bed. He sleeps next to us in the bassinet.Several times, we both doze off after I feed him in the middle of the night, then I wake up and he is sleeping on my chest, snuggled in. I gently put him back in his bassinet. When putting the baby down to sleep, I have noticed you have to be careful to make it very gentle. Try rocking her as you are holding her and slowly lower her down into her bed, and swaddle her in. If she cries, I would try giving her a little "topper". Whether breast or bottle fed, this has worked for all 3 of my kids. sometimes they literally only need to eat for a moment more. Most of all I have noticed with myself, the more desperate I felt for the baby to sleep, ie feeling like I was so tired I was ready to cry or feeling irrationally upset with them or whatever, the worse the problem became. Babies sense your distress. No matter how much you think you're not showing it. So most of all, try and just relax and go with it. With my first and second child, I remember so many ladies telling me "oh honey enjoy them while they're this little it goes so fast" and I felt like it was not going fast, it was crawling forward. Now my girls are almost 4 and 5...oldest going to kindergarten and they're both so grown up (still little but you know what I mean) and I have my newborn son and I am just savoring every moment. I am really aware that this time will fly and pretty soon I won't have any more diapers, or middle of the night feedings or any of it...sigh...so I'll just take the good and the bad. Good luck mama and vent whenever you need to. You're not alone! Let us know :-)

1 mom found this helpful

P.M.

answers from Tampa on

The first 3 months aren't called the 4th trimester without a reason. Co-sleeping at this time will greatly diminish her crying and waking - and allow everyone some much needed sleep. This may be something you need to work on getting comfortable with, because your daughter is giving you very loud and clear cues on what she needs. An infant under 6 months should NEVER cry it out... babies don't cry to manipulate you, they cry because it is the ONLY way they can communicate. If they cry, something is needed - whether you want to give them what they need is a completely separate matter.

1 mom found this helpful
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B.P.

answers from New York on

My son was like this. It's really hard. Do not let her cry, she is too young and you will both end up upset. If you breastfeed, cut out dairy and or wheat, could make a big difference. Swaddle her in a "Swaddleme" blanket if you don't do so already. I was also afraid of co-sleeping. My son slept in his carseat for about 3 months. We just kept it next to us, it was the only way he would sleep without me holding him. Swings are also helpful. Make sure its a really cozy one that mimics being held.

1 mom found this helpful
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V.D.

answers from Salt Lake City on

We has similar struggles with my last baby. I was told that at that age they are too young to cry it out. So with that said I'll tell you what worked for us and hopefully you can find something that'll help you out.

Not only would she not go to sleep without me holding her, she wouldn't sleep more than a hr after we were able to get her to sleep. It was awful. I had a 2 yr old and a husband going to school and working both full time so I was the only one getting up all night. I was so so tired so I asked the pediatrician what to do. She slept pretty well in her swing so he suggested that i let her sleep in it and put it on the very lowest speed. So that she is moving, but not all that much. She would sleep for 3-4 hours with the swing. We had to let her sleep like this till she was 3 months old. After that time she went right into the crib and did really good. Sleeping in her swing didn't affect her ability to sleep without motion.

If you don't want to use the swing maybe you should try wrapping her better with a blanket so she is really snug. Another thought was does she have colic? Could she possibly only finding comfort with you holding her and laying in a crib too uncomfortable.

Good luck

1 mom found this helpful

B.G.

answers from Los Angeles on

Do you wrap her tightly in a blanket before rocking her to sleep? This might make it easier to put her down without her realizing she is not being held anymore. When my baby was younger, my husband would swaddle him and he had no problems sleeping by himself.

1 mom found this helpful

L.F.

answers from Dallas on

I recommend the book Babywise. It worked very well for our DD.

1 mom found this helpful
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L.M.

answers from Philadelphia on

The ONLY thing that worked for both mine was to co-sleep. At that age, they really just want to be warm and near you. CIO will not work at this age, her brain/sleep patterns aren't ready yet.

At the end of the 4th month, we put both of ours in their crib and after two nights of CIO, they slept 10 hours straight. They are both excellent sleepers now. (19mo & 4 yrs). So if any of your co-sleeping discomfort is due to the concern that you'll "ruin" them for independent sleeping, you won't.

You should also get a soft sling for during the day and naps. I personally like the Moby wrap. My daughter would nap for two hour during the day in her Moby. I would just sit there and relax, or fold laundry, or eat or even go for a walk. A wrap is a great way to get your hands free so you can at least eat.

This high need period won't last... this will sound insane, but try to enjoy holding her for as much as you can!!

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L.P.

answers from Pittsfield on

She's way to young for CIO.
She may be waking from acid reflux. Babies who have reflux wake up when they lay flat because the acid comes up and burns. Try letting her sleep in her swing or carseat. If that doesn't help, talk to her pedi. If she has reflux, there are meds that can be prescribed- it helps a lot.
Another possibility is gas- try bicycling her legs- infant gas drops might help.

Hang in there!!! =o)

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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

Are you nursing?
If so, do you have adequate milk?
Is she getting enough intake?

6 weeks is a growth-spurt period. Every 3 weeks in an infant, is a growth-spurt, then at 3 months and every 3 months after that.
Intake needs and feeding frequency, usually increases at growth-spurt junctures. Hence, the need to feed on-demand.
Try feeding from both breasts, per session. If you are not.

Try a swaddle or 'sleep sack.' The sleep sack, you can see what it is online.

An infant's "startle reflex" also wakes a baby. It is an involuntary, reflex. Will not go away, until baby is older.
That is why, some people swaddle their babies.
Plus, it 'cocoons' them and replicates a womb.

M.W.

answers from Philadelphia on

I really appreciated the No Cry Sleep Solution that others here have also recommended when I was having trouble with my son (now 3-1/2). I'm going to reiterate the other moms by saying that 6 weeks is too young for crying it out. She won't understand... She just needs you right now - your warmth, your smell, your comforting touch. I know it's exhausting, but as they say "this too shall pass." Before you know it, you'll be wishing for the days back that she wanted to be held. I do with my boy for sure! Babies do not manipulate at that age and "spoiling" doesn't start until around 4-6 months (as I understand it and have learned through experience with 2 kids).

I also agree with checking your diet if you are breastfeeding. I had more trouble with my son with nighttime crankiness and discovered at 4 months old when I cut dairy out of my diet (hard, but worth the sleep!), we realized he was dairy allergic. A blood test later confirmed it. Now with my daughter (5 months old), I've limited my dairy "just in case" and she is much less fussy at night than he was.

I'd love to hear how you make out! Please update us. Good luck, Momma!

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E.F.

answers from Pittsburgh on

As everyone else has said, she's way to young for CIO. The point now is not to get her to sleep, but to get you some sleep. This is what we did: my husband or mom to gave a bottle at midnight. I nursed at 9, and went to bed in the baby's room. My husband would feed a bottle at midnight and then put the baby in the crib and my husband would go to sleep in our room. He was "off duty" then until he got up in the morning. The baby usually slept until 2 or 3 (sometimes even 4!) and so I would have slept from 10-3 or 4. Then I got up, nursed, and he usually would go back to sleep for a couple of hours. Everyone was getting some sleep, and of course I napped when the baby did during the day.

I second the recommendations for "Happiest Baby on the Block." You want to make sure that the baby is good and swaddled, and has a pacifier if she'll take it. A sound machine was very helpful for us too. They do go through little phases where they get their nights and days confused, but they usually don't last for more than a couple of days. If she'll sleep in the swing, do that. Also, check that it isn't too cool (if you have your AC on)-- babies like it a little warmer than we do at night.

Hang in there. This doesn't last forever (thought God knows it feels like it at the time). Sometimes if you're having a really bad night it is better to just get up and turn the TV on and stop trying to get to sleep-- she WILL eventually go to sleep. If it goes on too long, or if you are really struggling, talk to your OB about post-partum depression.

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N.K.

answers from Philadelphia on

Swaddle her back up tight and hold her for longer before attempting to put her down. I'd say hold her at least 15 minutes After she falls to sleep, then try to put her down. You can try keeping a hand on her belly for a bit after you put her down, too, and then gradually lift it off. Also, try having some white noise going in the room, like a fan or a sound machine.
Definitely don't leave her to cry, she's only 6 weeks old. I know you're tired, but dig deep into your reserves of strength to help her.

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P.M.

answers from Harrisburg on

I so feel your pain. We had one like this as well...took him to the dr. who said the only solution was time...3 months or so. I know it feels like forever, but eventually, it will get better. Our son liked the swing. Some nights he slept in there. The dr.said it didn't matter where he slept...as long as he slept...it's worth a try. Good luck!

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M.R.

answers from Harrisburg on

I know a lot of people will probably disagree with my answer, but I will say what worked for me. I had the same problem. For both of my kids who are now 7 and 4 yrs. old when they were infinats. I would give a pacifier and put them down on their tummy. When I did that they slept well. I also had a baby monitor. I had tried everything else too and this is what worked for my kids.

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A.P.

answers from Allentown on

It really sounds like you have a "high need" baby. PLEASE go to www.AskDrSears.com & look it up--you'll both be much happier. Reading his books, "The Fussy Baby Book" & "Nighttime Parenting" would probably be a HUGE source of support & info for you.

My son was high need too. I know that it can be really hard & stressful. Co-sleeping saved our sanities! When he got to be several months old, we started doing a modified co-sleeping with him (put him to bed in his own room, after a very predictable bedtime routine) & then if/when he woke up, we'd let him sleep in our bed. It worked really well for us.

Hang in there, mama!

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K.A.

answers from Los Angeles on

Rest assured that there is nothing wrong with your baby - she is only 6 weeks old! She wants to sleep in your womb. :) Swaddle her, use a pacifier, use the swing, whatever it takes. You don't have to worry much about sleep training until around 4 months, and CIO isn't recommended until 6 months. She will go to sleep in her crib at some point, not too far away. Right now you need to sleep so just try to put her in something that feels like you're holding her.

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A.H.

answers from Seattle on

Check out happiest baby on the block...obviously you aren't going to read the book right now, but there are youtube videos that show the 5 s's Swaddle, suck, side-lying, swing, Shushing it REALLY helps to calm them down.
Good luck!

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G.S.

answers from Allentown on

When you're sleep-deprived, reading a book seems impossible; however, we had this trouble with my DD (though we DID co-sleep until she was 2 or 3 months old before we made a transition). Nevertheless, I read a few great books on sleep that could really help you out. First - yes, Happiest Baby on the Block. (Dr. Karp also has a fantastic VIDEO available by the same title. You don't even have to read!! And that man is AMAZING.) Next - Secrets of the Baby Whisperer: How to calm, connect and communicate with your baby. Fantastic read with suggestions on how to help your baby sleep - in a gentle way. Finally, if you think you might *someday* use the Cry-It-Out method (or any alternatives), I highly recommend How to Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems by Dr. Ferber. His most recent edition addresses problems with co-sleeping, as well. And his method is NOT meant to be cruel. He has a set of guidelines and various options, depending on how you want to approach sleep training. Not to mention, he addresses issues you may face while traveling, issues later in life with your child's sleep, etc...He also provides a lot of scientific information about sleep. Please, if you want to try CIO when she's older, read Ferber's book first. (No, we never did CIO because I felt there should be a gentler way for my uber-sensitive DD, even if it meant it took 4 times as long.) Happiest Baby and Baby Whisperer were definitely great newborn baby resources for me. I hope they will be for you as well.

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B.H.

answers from Philadelphia on

i agree with marcy and i was given a hard time from my ped. for having my son sleep on his stomach. i have 2 boys and both were tummy sleepers - the second would NEVER sleep on his back- carseat, swing, floor, crib, NOTHING! i asked a friend of mine and she said as soon as her boys could lift their head, they were tummy sleepers. i tried it during the day so i could b awake and watch him and he finally slept and he has been sleeping ever since. i actually read an article in a magazine i got from my chiropractors office that said babies spines/bodies are not made for sleeping on their backs bc it goes against the natural curve and growth of the spine. same goes for outward facing baby carriers. babies should b held against u when in a carrier (i love my ergobaby carrier!) when she sleeps with u, r u holding her against u so shes sleeping on her stomach? if so, maybe thats the way she wants to always sleep. i never swaddled my boys arms either, both hated that. good luck!

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D.W.

answers from Philadelphia on

Buy a swing for her or put her in it if you have one. Also the boppy seat is great. It is sold in target and it vibrates and makes great sounds like a heart beat. it was a good investment and a god send. Make sure when you put her to sleep in her crib that you swaddle her. It is wrapping her up in a blanket snugly so she is secure. Some babies do not like it when the arms and legs are loose. They are used to being in a secured place for nine months. Good luck.

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