38 answers

Help and Support Weaning Cold Turkey

So, I now need to wean my son cold turkey. Any advice for how to get my son through this, not to mention get ME through this? I guess I’m looking for some encouraging words too!

After a week with the stomach flu and not being able to eat or drink much, I have no energy, can barely lift or change my son, and my milk supply has dried up, and I have nothing to nurse my son. I had wanted to try to breastfeed for a year, but with my son already 10 months old, it seems like a lot to try to get my milk supply back just for another month or two. Since he started solids at 5 1/2 months, my milk supply decreased dramatically, and I'd only been able to keep it up with fenugreek anyway.

When my milk supply dropped, I started supplementing him with formula. So, nursing really just became bonding time and a way to give him a boost to his immune system. After my son got his first "day care cold" last week and we were up half the night with his fever, he really, really got accustomed to comfort nursing. I hear with day care, he’s going to be sick from now on through winter. So much for my antibodies.

Yesterday, I was able to distract him from his morning feeding, but last night at dinner and at bedtime was really rough. His 4 a.m. “wake up and want to nurse” session was just miserable. At bedtime, I was able to read and sing to him (just a lot longer than normal), but he cried and screamed for 30+ minutes before falling asleep. At his best, he'd usually cry for a minute or two after I’d put him to bed and at his worst, if he cried for 30 minutes he wouldn’t fall asleep. At dinner and 4 a.m. I broke down and put him on an empty breast to calm him down.

Before anyone suggests a "lovey" or pacifier, co-sleeping, enlisting my husband, quitting my job, taking my son out of daycare or continuing nursing... His stuffed puppy dog helps at daycare but not at home and a pacifier is just a chew toy for my son. Co-sleeping keeps me up plus our bed is just a big play gym for my son. My husband is a fair-weather father, meaning fathering only if he’s awake, rested and has time but argumentative and not supportive or helpful otherwise. I don’t have a choice about work plus I need my financial independence. I have to put my son in day care (my husband won’t trust a nanny plus my son loves day care). And, I could try to restart nursing, but I’ve lost a lot of weight and energy, and the fenugreek just makes me starving all the time.

Especially with my extra fatigue from the flu, I don’t think I have enough stamina to get through weaning him, not to mention him learning to fall asleep on his own again! How are we supposed to get through this?

Day two of weaning boot camp: I worked today, so I had an easy out during the day. But bedtime was really hard. Ugh, my hormones are kicking in now with both of us crying our eyes out! He cried for an hour this time. I cried standing outside his door. If I tried to soothe him, he'd just cry harder and grab for my breasts!

1 mom found this helpful

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

That situation really wasn't working. (By the way, the me-standing-outside-his-door thing wasn't a hormonal response, but to keep my husband from picking him up and telling me our son was hungry/sick/whatever.) Oh well, it's 6 months later and my son is finally weaned. So, it took me a while. But my hormones kept kicking in (and I'm even back on the pill), and I was aided and abetted by my lactation consultant and pediatrician who kept saying not to wean and that he needed the extra comfort because he was sick/had an ear infection/was teething/name-your-excuse. But I had a business trip recently, so I had to do it, and there's always going to be some developmental change/excuse. So, one night I just told him that he was a big boy and could sleep by himself all night and I wasn't going to come anymore and that "mum-mum" was all done. I ended up nursing him 2 more mornings, the first morning because we both really wanted it and the second because, wow, I was incredibly engorged, then that was it. He looked really miserable that week and was really clingy, but he slept thru the night or at least got himself back to sleep by himself. Sometimes he still wakes up multiple times, but he goes back to sleep. When I got back from my trip, he immediately asked for it. He didn't want milk or cuddling. My husband (ok, he does come up with a good idea sometimes) suggested juice. It worked, and he calmed down. Maybe it's not the best, but now we cuddle together in the morning to diluted apple juice, Kix, and Sesame Street. It's been a month, my son still asks me for it, but at least he is happy, and I get to cuddle and pretend my son is still a baby. Oh well, he'll always be my baby.

More Answers

All I can offer is support for whatever decision you come to - I didn't get to nurse. (a fellow 'fun auntie' who never could get pregnant, I am now the parent of an adopted 4 year old - since she was 5 1/2 months).

Be patient and kind, especially with yourself, and you'll get through this. Remember, you're also adjusting to going back to work and that is a huge change.

In your shoes I don't think I would entertain the thought of trying to restart any milk flow for such a short time either. And I'm not sure how to balance soothing, comfort time (with bottle is how I would do it. . .) when he will want to nurse, except that comfort is just what he needs.

Perhaps holding him and not offering the breast, but always offering him a bottle with lots of love will help you both. It might take multiple tries. You will not have to weep outside his door, and he will still be held and feel loved and will eventually figure out that the bottle is where the milk is going to come from. . . . .

by the way, since our daughter was never breast fed, she took a bottle up until almost turning 4. We agreed with her upon it being before brushing teeth and going down. My husband & I decided that it was the only vestige of 'babyhood' she exhibited, and a real source of comfort, and that it would not really hurt any of us. Now, she occasionally asks for one still, and occasionally, we acquiesce. But we did not take a bottle on vacation (it was almost a month) this summer and she was fine.

I wish you much grace

2 moms found this helpful

I feel your pain and wish you the best. I too lost my milk at 11 months and had to suddenly stop cold turkey (went back to work full time at 8 months) and had a very similar husband (we are now separated). Wish I had known about fenugreek, but that's neither here nor there. I was adamately opposed to crying it out, I couldn't bear having gone from taking away her best comfort to no comfort at all. I suffered through her 4 am by just letting her lay on me (rubbing her head and calmly shsing her) until she calmed down and eventually she would and would go to sleep. And I'd suffer through it again, I always felt there was much more down side to cry it out than not. Moms for some reason let their intuition go in this area because books tell you to cry it out, our intuition is telling us not to do it, or we wouldn't be standing outside the room crying, he wants comfort, he's a little tiny young human, he needs the comfort, don't feel bad about giving it to him even if you cant give him the breast. It takes a lot more time and energy and sleepless nights but you are there for your little one, and that is the most essential part of mothering that there is. Once she turned 12 months I would let her cry for 5 minutes but no more. Now at 26 months I'm really glad I did it that way as she has no problems going to bed and is very independent. Her ENT doctor told me he did the cry it out and it back fired, now his 26 month old son thinks he has to cry in order to go to sleep and has been crying at bed time for over a year and a half even if they are with him in his room, and they do the whole same bed time ritual I do. So I would say use the sippy cup to your advantage (just make sure to brush his teeth every morning and night), and cuddle cuddle cuddle. He'll soon forget about breast feeding, amazing as it sounds now. Good luck.

2 moms found this helpful

Weaning does not have to be traumatic for anyone, but it sounds as if you are going about it all wrong. Your breasts are not empty, and giving your son what he needs should not be seen as "breaking down". There is absolutely no reason to make him cry it out in a room alone. That is adding insult to injury. Don't discount his needs in this situation. You are making this about you and your husband, when it should be about your son. I have four kids, and it doesn't matter how sick or tired you are, you are a mommy now. The bottom line is, you don't want to nurse anymore. If fenugreek bothers you, stop taking it. How much milk you are producing is irrelevant. Nurse the poor little guy!

Oops! After reading your post again I see that you have always been a cry-it-out mom... so never mind. My advice would not apply to you.

2 moms found this helpful

Your breast isn't 'empty' for several weeks even months after you stop. You may not feel as full and wouldn't be able to get much out if you pump, but it's there. Why wean now? I would pump and nurse frequently to increase your milk and let him self wean, it's MUCH healthier for him and he won't be getting sick at day care as often. Eat and drink alot to help your milk supply. We can't stop much cold turkey so why make a young child?

1 mom found this helpful

Lots and lots of snuggle time. If he suckles at an empty breast....well, then he knows that nothing's there and that he's not "missing" anything, but he's still getting that closeness and comfort.

I know this isn't what you want to hear, but cold-turkey may be just too hard on both of you. To me, even under the circumstances you describe, it might have made more sense to start with night-weaning and then take out the other sessions over the course of several weeks.

1 mom found this helpful

I quit cold turkey w/ my oldest too. u said not to mention enlisting ur husband. does that mean he isn't around to give any feedings? my husband ended up having to take the bedtome feeding because she could still smell the breastmilk & expected nothing but the breast from me. in fact, I couldn't even be in the same room.

well, in that case, my advice is to do whatever is easiest for all of u. I dried up with my 2nd. she would still want to nurse, but when the bottle started to be more satisfying than thr breast, she stopped looking for the breast. since u mentioned still not having enough stamina, why not just nurse him and have a bottle available for back up. he's probably still getting some milk now. that's why the nursing calms him-he's getting what he wants.

on another note, can u imagine how much worse his day care colds would be if he didn't have ur antibodies from the breastmilk? and since he's been exposed to this illness you're recovering from, give him all the milk u can so he has something to fight it with.

good luck. I hope it gets easier soon.

1 mom found this helpful

My goodness!!

I know how you feel. I had to go back to work when my son was a year old after many tough times due to his preemie birth and moving to a new home. I started to lose my milk when he was 6mos. Old and had to supplement with formula...

At about 10 mos. We started to wean from the bottle and that was awful. I turned to friends and family, and everyone told me what 'they did'. I finally called my ped and OBGYN for advice and both said if BFeeding is encouraged for the 1st year why wean him from formula now? He wasn't eating solids on a regular diet so the formula was needed until then...

We stuck with the bottle until just after he turned 1. When we did wean it was tough, crying and fussing. But, if you stick with it and be consistent you will get through it together. As a single Mom I understand not having the extra set of hands or encouraging words at 4am but, if you find support during the day in other people like your Mom or sisters you'll find a good balance and get through it.

I hope that helps. Good luck and just do what comes natural and follow those Mommy instincts.

1 mom found this helpful

I'm just beginning to wean my daughter (she's 9.5 months) onto formula - but I don't have to go cold turkey. I give her the bottle of formula right before bed to help her make it through the nite. and i'm swapping out the late am feed for a bottle now.

Your son "should" (i hate to use that word because all babies are different) be able to make it through the nite w/out that 4am feed. That's probably a habit that he's enjoyed at your expense! (who could blame him :D ) The baby whisperer recommends you go in and give the binky and pat their back. (others say go in pat them for a few minutes, leave for 10 minutes, go back in pat them, leave for 15 minutes, etc) It'll be a grueling few nites but my friend of twins said it worked for her after two nites.

Completely understand being starving and underweight - the same happened to me and I haven't even been sick. Until recently I had to eat Haagan Daz every nite on top of every high calorie food I could get my hands on just to keep from losing weight. I'm stopping nursing because it's time for both of us.

I want to clock your husband - when you need him most he's being a fair weather partner. I've discovered in talking to women that his behavior is not unusual.

I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I know it's really hard, especially with those hormones adding to an already difficult, emotional and stressful situation.

Best to you and yours

1 mom found this helpful

Required Fields

Our records show that we already have a Mamapedia or Mamasource account created for you under the email address you entered.

Please enter your Mamapedia or Mamasource password to continue signing in.

Required Fields

, you’re almost done...

Since this is the first time you are logging in to Mamapedia with Facebook Connect, please provide the following information so you can participate in the Mamapedia community.

As a member, you’ll receive optional email newsletters and community updates sent to you from Mamapedia, and your email address will never be shared with third parties.

By clicking "Continue to Mamapedia", I agree to the Mamapedia Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy.