Help? - Carthage,MO

Check out loveandlogic.com. See if they have classes/facilitators in your area. It takes a bit of work but teaches very beneficial life skills along with the parenting.

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This is SO Dr. Phil, but you have to find his "price". What does he value? Is it a toy, a tv show, a special treat. I would never take away a 'lovey' like a cuddle blanket or stuffed animal, but I have taken away cell phones, birthday parties (both attending and in one case..I cancelled my own dgtr's party over a bad grade). If it is property or priviledges, you have control and can take away the ONE thing that states that You are NOT going to put up with that attitude.

Good luck, I really truly believe you are catching this at the best possible age!

2 moms found this helpful

give him a consequence and follow through each and every time. if you tell him to do something he gets 1 warning and then the consequence. so if you say time to turn the tv off and he ignores you or turns it up then 1 warning and then snap the tv off and no tv rest of the day. etc. if you don't have it get the 1,2,3 magic book I can't stress enough how this book will change your life with kids. my daughter was 6 when we got the book and she is now 30 and my youngest is 17 we still use it today with the grandkids. it works

1 mom found this helpful

Consequences and consistency. One warning, and then consequence, make sure to follow through.

1 mom found this helpful

My oldest is only 4, but taking away her favorite toys has been helpful for us. And we don't do it out of anger---always explain why and what is expected and why. Very very calmly.

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if my kids are fighting they lose their screen time. ANYTHING that has a screen is gone for the rest of the day. no ipod, ipad, zune, wii, tv, computer, NOTHING. They have one chance per day to earn it back by doing chores. not like picking up their rooms but mopping the floor with a rag (a section of the floor), wiping down the chairs, cleaning baseboards, etc. Not fun work at all. My mom was babysitting them one day and they had lost their screen time so they had to do chores at her house. So funny. My girls are 4 and 7. so their cleaning skills are not the super greatest but they have to give great effort and great attitude. It is working nicely.

Please define "severe". What have you been doing so far....that's NOT working?

Dr. Sears is an expert in this area and he has some excellent advice here. A lot is geared towards younger kids, but it works with older ones to. His book says ages from birth to age ten.

http://askdrsears.com/topics/discipline-behavior

I do chores, for my son to earn ANYTHING.
You want a toy - do a chore
Screen time - do a chore
Go and visit friends - make your bed first, tidy your room.

I have also done tomato staking, where they are your shadow and can't leave your side. Which is tedious, but works!

what is "severe", and when does he give you attitude? I actually allow my kids to have SOME "attitude" with me, to a degree, as long as they are complying with what I ask of them, and are not being rude. Basically, I call it having emotions. They are allowed to be upset or angry with me and I really don't see an issue with that. At NO POINT are they allowed to yell at me, or even raise their voices at me. They always have to do as they are told, and need to be polite. They do, and that does not mean that they don't have very angry looks on their faces while they are cleaning their things up, or are shutting off their video games, or doing whatever I told them to do. They cannot be openly rude, and they DO know the difference. My opinion is that there are MANY times when I am upset, angry, or displeased with a situation in MY life when I have to do something that I really may not want to do, and I do it, but I may not look like I want to do it. (or I may say that I don't feel like doing it) I just do it and I am not rude or beligerent about it. Children need to be able to express feelings too, at least in my opinion. It's all part of growing up and learning to cope in the world. They also learn how to do for others when you want to do for yourself. (putting others needs FIRST) That has been a very important lesson in my home, and one that all of my kids are mastering quite well so far. I guess I would need more info about when and how your son is displaying his attitude before I could really give my personal opinion on how to handle that.
Just remember that whatever you DO decide to do, you MUST BE CONSISTENT!! I have completely emptied my 9 yr old daughters room of everything but her bed and clothing because she was not doing her school work and refused to focus on her work, and it took her over 4 months to "earn" it all back. I was not going to give in and just hand anything back to her. She was SO upset when she walked into her bedroom and saw that it was empty, but I told her if she didn't change her attitude about the school work, I was going to empty the bedroom, and I had to follow through. The other thing was that she had continually said that my husband and I never bough her anything, and she didn't have any "cool" toys. (she was spoiled) Well, once the room was empty, she could really TRULY appreciate all that she did once have. It was a very rough few months, because she was bored to death, but it taught her to value what she has, and that Mom means what she says. She made sure to focus on her school work during the day, and took care of her things in her bedroom. I wish you the best!