M.G. asks from Laguna Hills, CA on May 07, 2007
Help!!!!!!!! - Laguna Hills,CA
Ok, my friend is at the end of her rope. She has a 6 yr old girl & a 3 yr old son. Her daughter keeps hurting her son for no reason. This weekend pushed him aginst bricks spent all day going from urgent care to ER then yesturday she threw a ball at his face and it swelled up. None of these was he bothering her. She doesn't know what to do and I don't know what to say to her. The only thing I can think of is her daughter is jelous of her son. She is active and he is mellow. Any body out there with any kind of advice for her???????
K.T. answers from Las Vegas on May 08, 2007
My 7 year old daughter did the same things. When I was pregnant with my third child, she got worse. We took her to counseling and behavioral therapy. She's doing a lot better now, though she still has rough days. She's still in counseling and doing better every day. She was diagnosed with depression and put on some medication, which she's doing well enough that the dr took her off. She continues to do well every day and she's mellowed out quite a bit.
J.B. answers from Las Vegas on May 09, 2007
Is she getting attention (possibly negative)? Sometimes kids will act out to get any attention, even if it is negative. And if parents react by yelling or getting really upset it can actually encourage the behavior. I read a book called "The Power of Positive Parenting" she should read it. He suggests that most fighting is not really fighting it's jousting, which is fine, it's the way kids learn their limits. But you must step in and lay down consequences if it is dangerous. Tell her to do it with empathy, and not give her daughter much attention for it. My kids fight all the time and they are 6 and 3 too. Good luck!
M.J. answers from San Diego on May 09, 2007
Yes it sounds like that the daughter is jelous of her brother. But when she does this stuff to her brother is it out of anger. It really sounds like she is doing it so that she can get some attion from anyone. It might have something to do with ADD/ADHD it wont hurt to get her in to see a doctor so that you can get her some help.
L.H. answers from Modesto on June 05, 2007
ok- so I read all of the posts and it seems there is a universal mesage of "consistency" that is being stated. The one I most closely identify with is the one by Jamie. It is true that there might be an underlying problem. i have a child- now 8 years old. Diagnosed with ADHD/generalized anxiety/mood disorder non-speciifc. It sounds possible that the little girl may be VERY IMPULSIVE and cannot control her actions "in the moment" of the accidents. Does she have these issues with only the sibling? or is there emerging issues at school? She's 6 right? Does she feel remorse after the incident? is she aware of the danger/hurtfulness after the fact? these are all questions you might share with a clinician- either a therapist and/or a physician. My son has a full array of clinicians who see him through his school- because of the "emotionl disturbances"- he has no learning disability identified through the testing process. What we do know is that he gets very anxious and is impulsive. He has not sent anyone to the E.R. but he has had a few incidents where he is too rambunctious, and has gotten angry at a fellow student, -usually he has "perceived" a wrong-doing by a student to one of his fellow friends and I guess he thinks he will "save the day"(his friend), and step in to intevene and then...it's all over in a second- someone gets hurt (mildly) or there feelings get hurt, and of course my son is very remorseful afterward and can even recite "what he should have done" instead. yes, you might want to tell your friend that it may be worth investigating the childs source of anger/frustration/anxiety/ -whatever it may be, and question: is it just the brother ? or do you see it in other areas of her life. Definitely you will want to involve your doctor to determine the cause. Hope this helps- I know it's rough.
J.B. answers from Los Angeles on May 08, 2007
Hi, I was just reading your post and it sounded like some of the issues my inlaws are having with their adopted daughter. It turns out though that she "might" have a mood disorder along with ADD/ADHD and a few other things. Personally, I would make a doctors appointment at the least. There is a problem when a sibling ends up sending the other to the ER. I would advise her to take her daughter into their primary care provider and have a list of behavior problems that concerns with her. The doctor will know what to do. At anything the doctor can determine if it is infact jealousy or maybe another underlaying problem. I really hope thing get better for you friend. I REALLY hope this will help,
C.N. answers from San Luis Obispo on May 08, 2007
I would say that you are right, she is definitely jealous, and she is in the stage of development - 6 years old - where she is practicing being what shall we say - a very bossy woman. Six year old girls are famous for bossiness.
They need to watch the 3 year old carefully to keep him safe, it sounds like the attacks are getting scary.
AND, they need to spend a lot of time working with the 6 year old little lady. She needs to be taught , very carefully, taught what her role in life is. For one thing, she is a big sister - Protector Role, she is a little girl - NEEDS Love and firmness - she is GOING TO BE A WOMAN. Her mother needs to come right out and tell her and guide her about being a woman that is caring.
I told my grandson recently that if he wants to have a relationship with another girl friend that he needs to chose carefully. Our family is tired of having to endure the uncaring, lazy (yes, sorry) , demanding behavior that seems to be rampant these days - in the age group of 18 to 50 - quite a large span, I know. I have been paying attention and that is the truth. If the girls in that age group are mean, they are very 'mean and selfish', if they are caring, they are very very caring. Time for caring to come forth to conquer 'mean and selfish' .....and it begins right now at 6 years old. Yes, it does.
Your friend may not like this , so you should blame me for the whole thing. But, we can say that we warned her. Mothers are the very first target of the meanness behavior. Umhuh, that is right. (except, of course, unless a little brother is conveniently in the family).
Sincerely, C. N.
J.A. answers from Los Angeles on May 10, 2007
Have her get this child into a Child's Therapist. She is on her way to a TERRIBLE problem in school. What children think of each other in Kindergarten/ 1st Grade takes a LONG time for them to out grow. If she is viewed as mean or a bully, she may be considered an outcast all the way through school. It can DESTROY her self-esteem and self-confidence, leaving her emotionally stifled for life. Whether her actions are because of jealousy, attention depravation, or general anger management disorder, she needs to seek help before it changes her future to her own detriment. If your friend has already tried everything she can think of, it’s TIME to seek help elsewhere!