K., why is your daughter feeling so out of control? That's a big and important question to ask yourself. Find that out and fix it.
Until then...
Calmly (even if you have to do Lamaze breathing) take hold of your daughter and LAY ON HER hold holding her very, very close and DO NOT let go until she calms down. THIS is very important...keep your weight OFF of her chest...just straddle her as if you were going to tickle her and lay your torso over hers so your mouth is right by her ear. CLEARLY, SLOWLY say in a QUIET and overly sympathetic voice: You are out of control so I'm goin to HELP you get back into control. When you are able to hold still and stop screaming, I will get off of you and we'll lay here together until I SEE that you are ready to continue the day in control. You MUST be COMMITTED to the process. It'll take about 20 minutes or so because she will NOT like it and she'll say all kinds of things--DO NOT respond to the individual statements they're just distractions from the issue. If she says you're hurting her or that your choking her, CHECK yourself and then inform her that she's hurting herself (because SHE will be IF she's feeling discomfort) and again inform her you would REALLY like to let go but it's your job to HELP her when she's out of control, that NOTHING is more important and you have ALL the time she NEEDS. You MUST be in control of YOURSELF at this point and put yourself in the same mindset you'd be if she was having violent seizures or some such thing. The point isn't to immobilize her (you're looking for reasons to let go, for any attempt to comply), the point is to let her know she cannot get away from you, that you are there to intensely assist her in getting herself in control of her body and actions, that you love her, and that getting in control of herself on her own is a LOT more pleasant and less time consuming. Expect there to be yelling at first, anger, and then crying, crying, crying with her hold on to you. You MUST have an INCREASE of Love. In the end, you have a calm conversation where YOU, Mama, do a LOT of listening...and CLEARLY draw lines. You'll only need to do this 5-6 times ever...
This technique was taught to me by Dr Robert Schofield, Psychiatrist. He was brilliant!
If you have any doubts about your ability to stay calm, to avoid constricting when she moves, try something else altogether.
This has been a very affective tool that we've use with some of our children. I have several friends who also use this technique. It's for parents who don't mind (or are at least willing)giving children the time they need for correction.
I haven't had to utilize this for a long time because they understand that they have my attention and that doing things without my "corrective help" is MUCH more pleasant.
Leave anger OUT of it...when they're on the defense they don't listen and you find yourself repeating, repeating, repeating...and that's something I don't like to do.
You may also want to look at her diet, her sleep patterns with the understanding that just because her eyes are closed doesn't mean she's sleeping WELL, pay attention to whether these fits are around times of cleaning with harsh cleaners, and pay close attention to her interactions with other adults. PLUS, look at how HER world has changed since your youngest daughter.
There is hope, whatever method you choose: be consistant and loving.