Help - Minneapolis,MN

First off, Congratulations! Sounds like 2008 is going to be a year of tremendous change and transition for your family.

I'm not sure if this advise is something you are comfortable with or not, but really, in times like these it's my best advise. Pray. Be specific with God and pray for exactly what you want. Give it to God and he will help you. This trouble isn't worth you getting sick, especially when you are expecting.

Beyond prayer, I have a few other suggestions. Be honest with your HR Director at work, and ask if there is any way to change your shift at work, make it shorter. How much shorter can you go without losing your benefits? Remember to say you are just fact finding at this point, trying to plan ahead. Your husband should do the same. Employers value good employees, and most times they will want to work with you. Second, you can go to your county to find out a list of daycare providers within your price frame. Also, there are churches that have daycare that may also offer you a 'scholarship' if you can meet their financial criteria. It's worth asking the question. (South of the river, Berean Baptist)

I hope this helps.
C.

I am a SAHM and have been for about 3 years now. I think that making the decision to stay home is a huge thing, something that all families should have to think about before becoming pregnant, along with looking at there debt situations. Unfortunately I am one that usually says " If you cant afford them dont have them". However if you and your husband are willing to sacrifice on of your jobs, it will all work out. Me and my husband both had great paying jobs, however we moved out to the country and the cost of daycare and gas left us with the decision for me to stay home. Making yourself sick and worried about a situation that you can no longer control in all reality. You are only doing harm to you and your child being stressed and worried all the time.
Make up a budget with just one income figure in the cost of every thing, see if there are places that you can cut back on. Maybe its not going out to eat as much or buying clothes at second hand stores, maybe its downsizing your SUV to a car that gets better gas milage. Budget every penny so that you get a clear idea how it will be if you go to one income. Alot of people think that they cant do it, but people around the world live on less money and survive, we all can too. It will all work out and you will adjust, be positive dont get so down on yourself, your pregnant you should be enjoying this time. If you need someone to talk to email me. I know its hard at first, but it will get better.

Have a garage sale and pay off some debt

Get a consolidation loan

Work split shifts

Find an in-home daycare that is cheaper. Call the Dakota County licensing center to locate people that are near you

Birth control

These are all things you might want to look into now or in the future which should help reduce your anxiety. I hope.

Hi C.,
You are not alone! Unfotunately, that stress is shared by most; its just some are better at faking it than others.

A MUST read is "The Total Money Makeover" by Dave Ramsey. I just finished reading it AGAIN. You will be amazed at what a simple-read it is and how much financial hope and knowledge you'll have. I'd suggest that you and your husband read it together so you're both "on the same page".

Also, read my story on my website. You'll see that our stories are quite similar. You may want to try what I did...its explained on the site. www.MyCornerstoneAdvantage.com

Keep us updated, C.! And best wishes to you and your family. Although stressful, enjoy each moment!

K.

C.,

I know where you are coming from being stressed about the financial situation. We have two kids but I have continued to work because I get paid more than daycare costs. However, since we started saving for the kids education our budget has been extremely tight. My husband and I only go out to lunch 1x per week now and I have started shopping for kids clothes on ebay and at once upon a child. We cut coupons for groceries especially since food prices have gone up so much. I don't know your full situation but look at all your costs and see where you are spending the money.

When you compare costs between your husband's job and daycare costs include the cost of gas to get to his job but also consider if he will be earning more in the near future. Sometimes a promotion can make a huge difference if you think he may be getting one in the next year or so. If the actual money earned is similar to daycare you may still want to consider having your husband work if he gets 401K benefits toward retirement. I think there are some online cost comparison websites you could look at I just don't know them offhand.

I wish I could be more help. Good luck and hand in there. Things will work out.

What my husband and I did was, we figured the amount we pay (or would pay)and we also figured my take home pay (in your case use your husbands). Take a look at the two...if your husband only makes as much a year as you are paying in Daycare costs, it's probably better if he stay home. Perhaps, he could find soemthing to do out of the house, just to get a little residual income.

Really if you are working just for daycare it's not worth it. In my case, I still take home more than we pay in daycare, so with our finances, I still have to work. But for some people it works out the other way.

C., I understand your frustration. My advice for you would be to find GOOD at-home daycare, maybe even a stay-at-home mom who would be willing to earn a little extra money watching your kids. I am a stay at home mom who takes care of one family, a 3 year old and a 6 month old and only charge $235.00 a week for both. Find someone who is willing to work with your finacial situation so you can get out of debt and live a little more stress free.

Congratulations!

My kids are now 6 & 3. I worked full-time with my first. I didn't make a ton of money but the insurance (through me) was fantastic! We did a ton of debating once #2 was due to be born, about if I should stay home or go back to work. Basically it came down to the fact that there were only a few dollars difference between my take-home pay and full-time daycare for the boys (including things like wear & tear on the car, gas $, lunches out, work clothes, etc). I decided to stay home, but I waited until the end of my maternity leave to make it official (for the insurance). It was pretty isolating at first being home, but I found some other SAHMs and that has helped immensely! If your husband stays home, he should look up SAHD groups--I know there are some out there! I also sent my older son to preschool 2-3 mornings/week, so he got the peer interaction he needed. Your oldest might still be a little young for that but once he's old enough, it does help a lot!). Good luck!! It's a huge decision...try not to stress; it's not good for you or the baby. Things have a way of working themselves out. If you have any questions for me or anything, feel free to e-mail!

C.-
My husband and I were in your same shoes this time last year. We have a 3yr old boy and a 9month old Boy, and we currently both work Fulltime, and have some minor debt issues as well. We have a GREAT in home daycare provider and shell out $1100/month in childcare. It sounds like you are struggling with some of the same feelings and concerns that I did during my entire pregnancy. Some days I felt like a ticking time bomb waiting to go off, and "BAM" we are broke.
Looking back now I see how silly I was, as I can not picture my family with out the little guy. We had to make some adjustments in our lives, and we don't get out has much as we use to, but we still have fun.
Recently I have been offered a part-time opt at work (4:45-8:45pm Shift) and I am considering taking it to stay home with the boys since 1/2 of my income goes to daycare each month. If we do follow this path I am hoping to maybe find a family that needs childcare to help earn a little extra money for the "fun" things we miss doing.
But my main point is this....No matter what happens, or what choice you both end up making...it all works out in the end...because you have the most important piece of the puzzle.....LOVE. :) Please feel free to contact me if you ever need a shoulder...I've been there!

I guess you have to sit down and figure out what the cost savings would be if he were at home. Sit down and figure out a budget of what you spend for work/vehicle, etc. for him and see if it would really make a difference. You would be surprised how much you actually spend for vehicle/insurance/gas/clothes/lunch/starbucks/parking/etc. I don't know exactly what you spend but getting it on paper is very enlightening :o)
Also consider the type of parent your husband is. Is it something he can handle all day long? I know my husband is a wonderful Dad but would lose his mind and I would probably lose mine also because with him and the kids here together all day it would be a disaster when I got home. I'm a stay at home Mom of 4, going on 5, and it's a lot of work keeping up with them all day. Making breakfast and lunch and cleaning it all up. Loading and unloading the dishwasher and sweeping the floors. Picking up toys and messes along the way. When your kids are gone all day there's nobody home to destroy you house. If he can keep up with it and you don't have to come home to a disaster every day then great.
One other option would be for him to find another job with better benefits so that you can stay home. If you stayed home and took in a few kids you might make the same amount of money and not have the daycare bill. Plus you'd be home to care for your kids and your home. I don't know how much you make but if you take home $2000 a month and are paying $1000 for childcare then you would only need to make $1000 to be where you are and everything over that would be extra to help out with the finances.
Best Wishes,
J.
Mom to Ainsley 5, Peyton 3 (angelman.org), foster/adopting boys 4 and 1 and another daughter age 6 (angelman.org) coming soon :o)

You may be able to find to cheaper daycare at a home daycare.

From my experience though, folks that have kids close together find it more cost effective to have one parent stay home or work part-time and opposite hours of their spouse. For my family I "stay home," but take care of another child a few days a week to make a little extra money for my family. I found the family needing childcare on Craigslist.
Best of luck with the new one! We are expecting soon as well :)

Sit down and go over your finances, is there anything you can cut/reduce? Remove all things you can and see where you are at. Then look at those expenses that are necessary and see if you can do it with just one of you working. Even if most of his paycheck goes to daycare it might be worth it for the amount that would be left over once that is paid.
I don't think there is a right way or a wrong way. You can also look into your husband working a job that isn't at the same time as you, that just means less time together for a while. Or can you find cheaper daycare than $1000/month for 2. To be honest that amount doesn't sound unreasonable but you might be able to find it for less.
Good Luck!

I ended up 'playing' with my hours, so we could afford daycare and for me to go to work...I only work 32 hours now and have one extra day at home with the kids.

We are considered part time at our day care then too, which cuts off some of the money going towards our day care expenses, it also allows me that extra day to do chores.

First of all, congratulations on your new baby! I can imagine the stress you're feeling, and how it must dampen your spirits right now. Hopefully you'll find some answers and a solution that works for you guys. In the meantime, I second the posters who insist on a budget. Write everything down. EVERYTHING! This will give you an accurate sense of your true household expenses. Also document any costs associated with work. You'd be surprised how quickly a little run to Caribou over lunch a couple times a week can add up, and those are things you wouldn't have if you stayed home. Also gas, dry cleaning, parking, regular new clothes/shoes to keep up with your coworkers, lunches out (or even more expensive food you bring, like frozen entrees), etc. I also like the idea of your husband looking for something with better benefits, in case you two would be more comfortable with you staying home. There's also the possibility of some sort of home-based business for you that would supplement income (anything from freelancing in your current field to selling Tupperware... do what you need to to make it work for you). Finally, I know it might be hard, but TRUST that everything will be OK. We were in somewhat of a similar position years ago with my first son, and the DAY he was born my husband got a job offer from the company that allowed me to quit my job and stay home. It will work out, and you will love the addition to your family. Best of luck to you!!!

C.,

This can definately be a stresser. But it can be done. Millions of people do it, it is just figuring out how to make it work in your situation. It may very well be best to have one of you stay home. Not only is day care a cost, but you have to figure in transportation costs & miscellaneous costs like business clothing, eating out more, etc.

You may also need to look at your spending habits and alter your "needs versus wants" list. Our society sends this message that we "need" so much more than we really do. Things like eating out, convenience foods, name brand clothing, entertainment, latest toys, etc. can cut into our budget more than they should. A good rule of thumb is...If you can't pay cash for it (with the exception of a modest home and maybe a vehicle) you don't need it.

Depending on your employment situation, you may also want to consider part time work or working from home.

Best wishes & congrats on the new baby,
S.

Paying $1000 a month or more for someone else to care for your child during the day is outrageous. If you can't find a cheaper daycare, then I would for sure consider one parent staying at home. I can't imagine paying that much.... My kids didn't cost that much thier entire first year, let alone in one month!

There are many things you can do to figure out your budget. Sit down and write down all your bills, estimate thier amount every month, everything from house payments, utility bills, right down to your cell phones, then write down what you make each month. You are going ot need to cut out alot of extra's if you are that concerned about money. Take leftovers for lunch instead of buying it every day. No more stops for coffee in the morning, no excess shopping, etc.

Breastfeeding will save you over $1,500 in your babies first year. Buy a good double electric pump and pump a few times a day at work to send with your baby to daycare and nurse when you are together. Formula is expensive, and its an unnecessary expense when you have the good stuff for free.

Figure out the foods you really need, work out a menu and stick to it, and sho pby the menu. Clip coupons, shop store circulars, and only buy what you need, no extra. THe junk food really adds up and really piles on your bill.

But again, I would never pay $1000 a month for daycare. That is downright insane... unless SuperNanny herself is caring for your kids!

If your situation is truly grim, you might look into finding a debt or credit counselor. These are people who work for the government to help people determine how to get out of debt. They are NOT the loan officers for loan consolidation companies.

A good place to start is the Federal Trade Commission's page - they have some good information and no ulterior motives:

http://www.ftc.gov/bcp/menus/consumer/credit/debt.shtm

If you ever get a chance to read, Mary Hunt has some excellent books with tips and tricks to help bring down your monthly expenses - my two favorites are The Everyday Cheapskate's Guide and Live your Life for Half the Price. There's another book called Life or Debt (don't recall the author's name) that's also good. I'd also recommend the Tightwad Gazette. I found all three at the Chaska Library, so it's probably available at other libraries too.

Good luck!