Help! 3 Year Old Acting Out

C.,
I totally understand where you are coming from! I was beginning to think I was alone. I have a 3 1/2 year old boy and a 2 year old girl. I really see a difference in the boy's behavior versus the girls. At first I thought, well maybe he's not getting enough "mommy" time, but they both get individual time with me but he acts so differently than her. He is always on the go. If we go to a mom's group outing or something, all the little girls, including mine, will sit and eat their lunches while my boy won't sit still. I truly think it's a 3 year old boy syndrome. I wanted to get him in preschool to help with it this year, but the school can't get him in until next year. Some of us just can't pay for private preschool. He goes to a sitter once a week with other kids so he does get socialization.
Mine does the nose picking thing to. I don't make a big deal out of it. I don't really have a lot of advice for you, but I wanted you to know you're not alone!

Bless your heart, you sound like you are taking care of everyone but yourself :). Sweetie, boys will be boys, so I can't help you on the nose picking. However, the failing to listen is serious. He is old enough to understand consequences. What works well for me is giving him 2 warnings. And if he chooses to continue to disobey follow through with the consequences. Time our, or loss of privilage. And yes, we do spankings if he deliberatly disobeys. I have taught him this quote (based on biblical teachings) "Disobedience brings consequences, but obedience brings blessings" Sometimes I will reward good behavior with physical "blessings" candy, a treat from the store, a small toy, etc. Or he may get to do a special activity with me; read a story, play a game, go swimming, etc. Sometimes I tell him blessings come in ways we can't always see and he just needs to be good b/c God knows and will give him the blessing in His time! I have noticed that he is more prone to acting up when I am failing to spend un-distracted time with him. When I am so busy working or cleaning, or whatever he will usually act up to get my attention. Good luck!

sounds like he is just acting out because of all the changes going on. You might try explaining what's going on-- "we're going to take grandma to the doctor today. At the doctor's office, we need to sit quietly. What books/toys would you like to bring with us?" Especially at this age, kids thrive on routine, so when things are crazy, they don't know what to do with themselves. I found that giving my kids a heads-up when something is going to change really does wonders. 5 min before we need to leave or change activities, I tell them "in 5 minutes, it's time to get ready for bed" With a 3yo, you could also give him a 1-min warning. Just try to keep him informed about what's going on, and give him little choices (such as what books he wants to take somewhere) so he feels like he has a little control. Adults don't even like to be left out of the loop and wondering what's going to happen next.

As for the nose-picking, my oldest, now 6, had her finger in her nose ALL the time. It seriously looked to me like her nostrils were getting huge from it. We tried everything as well, with no improvement. Finally, I explained to her that she can pick her nose as much as she likes in our house, but she does NOT do it when we're out of the house, or if we have company in our house, because it grosses other people out. I had to (nicely & quietly) remind her for a while when we were in public (I whispered the words "are we at home?" SOOO many times during the first couple weeks!) but eventually, it got to where she would only do it at home. Now that's she's six, she very rarely does it at all. This too shall pass!

Talk to your pediatrician about diet options, you may be surprised how eliminating certain items from the diet help behavior.

Hi, C.. I definitely think that your son is acting out to get your attention. He doesn't care if it is negative or not. Try spending 15 minutes a few times a day doing something only with him without distractions. Play a game, go for a walk, and really tune in to him. As for the picking the nose problem, try having him wash his hands EVERY TIME he does it. I bet he will get tired of that, since it will take him away from whatever other activity he is doing. Good Luck.

All of my boys are grown....they range from 26-38 years old I have 5 boys. It sounds like your little boydoing the nose picking because you keep making an issue out of it...when he does ot ignore him. Ehen he wants something from the stor just say okay I'll let you pick outone thing and one thing only and say do we have a deal and confirm the deal. Let us all know how things turn out....S. D.

Hi C.,

I have raised three daughters - they are all in their 20s now. I can say I was fortunate that none of them ever had any behavioral problems. I also have a granddaughter that just turned 4 - she is an only child and has recently developed selective hearing and nose picking, (something all children do and a lot of adults too). I believe the nose picking will be something he will outgrow, or at least learn to use a tissue! As far as the acting out - a lot of children are looking for the extra attention - even if it's "bad" attention - it is attention none the less (especially if there is a change in their lives). Sometimes the best reaction is none at all! When you react by chasing him it becomes a game, and he knows he is pushing your buttons.

Also since he is an only child have you thought of part time preschool? I realize you said you stay home with him - but most only children need to socialize with their peers.

By the way all little ones go through the I can't hear you thing - it is very effective if you can't hear him sometimes!

Once you find something that works with him - stay with it - consistency is the key - no matter where you are.

Good luck!

N.

Wow a lot of good advice, which I will use as well :) Since a have a now have a 3 year old. 2's were challenging but 3 just stink! Ah, the authority challenging it unreal, I agree! And again, my kids do it with me and not with my husband (as much) or others. Could it be that due to % I am the one with him 24 / 7 and the others are not? It is true that the best cure to something gone wrong is something new and I belive that applies to people. ex. having troubles with mom, then comes in dad oh, let's do something else that's fun. I don't get it, it's not fair, but it the mom thing. I don't know if I agree on the whole day care thing. In my opinion (for what it's worth) you are just passing the problem off to somebody else who has the patients to deal with it (or the paid job) :) I don't see how that would "fix" things, they still don't learn to mind you - the mom. The teacher maybe....
But, I have problems with the whole mommy day out, pre-school programs, so I might be a bad person to reference this. Since when did it become totally necessary to emerce our kids into "school" to prepare them for more school. I mean kindergarden started so that 1st grade is not a shock (ie, the 1/2 day to whole day thing), now we have whole day kindergarden so we have pre-school to prepare for K, then mommy day out to prepare for pre-school. Isn't all the change from one group to another, from one schedule to another, from one school to another too much change? What ever happened to good old fun, as a child, at home? We can teach them what the need to know (I'm sure we all know our colors and can count?) Social issue is the only reason I can justify all the hoop'la but you know what mom's need a social life as well, and who better to get that from, than from other mom's with kids. Let the kids play, let the moms talk (and supervise and teach).

If you have a good social network from him and you, then just keep at it. Nobody ever said it's easy- nothing worth doing right ever is, and if he didn't challenge you then he would not be a normal, healthly little boy, which we as parents for thank God for everyday. Now, I say that to myself as well as to you as I need to hear that today as well. Ah, it's been a hard day. I hate loosing a battle (physical or emotional) to a 3 year old, it makes me feel weak and a failure as a mom. At the end of the day I feel like I've been beaten-up and left behind. So, start again tomorrow. As my mentor (mom of 7 - all 7 years apart 4 of them quads). She just falls on her face - prays for help for the next 5 mins. gets thru that and falls on her face again to pray for the next 5 min.

A fellow mom, who is trying to survive as well. Doing the best I know how, and trying to learn better ways everyday day :)

Oh what we have to look forward to! Our daughter is only 13mos, so I'm always interested in seeing what others recommend for things like this and file them away for later. Since I've not been through it, I can only suggest reading Love & Logic. It seems like a great approach to handling kids at all ages. I'm hoping it will work for us, though we're not quite at a stage to test much of it out yet. Good luck to you and hang in there!

I suggest putting him in daycare (as someone mentioned above). Its amazing what a little peer pessure and structure can do. My son is always better behaved when he's going to daycare than when he stays with his grandma or aunt. At school he'll learn he can't always have things his way and thats just life. It also teaches him great school readiness skills.

Dear C.,
You are not alone with the nose picking. I have been told my the multitudes that this is a stage and "it too shall Pass". I just hope it passes quickly. The best advice has been to ignore it as much as possible, albeit it is very difficult.
The behavior key is consistency: positive behavior begets positive rewards and negative behavior is ignored and not recognized in our home. I also like Alicia's phrase, I am just going to have to borrow that one. My son likes charts with pictures, so I just might take her phrase and draw pictures with it somehow with smiley's and gold stars, etc...
Good Luck, I am right there with you. Four is so Grand ;}
M. N.

That may be your answer a few days in day care. this will help him to socialize within his age group and let his energy loose and also teachers who can will help you to structure his behavior. Good Luck

I have struggled with the same issues with my 4 1/2 year old daughter. She's generally a good kid, but once she's decided that she's going to do something, she's going to do it no matter what I say. And punishements are a joke to her. When I tried spanking she would say "that didn't really hurt". I tried taking away priveledges (like TV), she would say "oh good, I was tired of watching TV anyway". Every time she started to act up, I felt like I was going into battle empty handed! One piece of advice that I found helpful was this: Don't get emotional. I don't know if this is the case for you, but when my daughter really acts up I have a tendency to get angry, upset, to yell (a lot!). What I'm beginning to realize, is that when I get upset it's showing her that I'm not in control of the situation. She's controlling my behavior rather than me controlling hers. And that's exactly how I feel when she acts really terrible - out of control! Kids are sooo perceptive, and I really do think they pick up on these things. So in a bad situation, try to stay completely calm (or at least pretend to be!). Don't waste time with a lot of talking and lectures (at least not in that moment). Just say, if you choose to not listen to me, this is what's going to happen (leave the store, take away the toy, etc...), then if they disobey, you carry out the punishment right away without acting angry, just very matter-of-fact. This has been really tough for me, but I do think it helps. If you're in a public place, I've always been told to just pick up the child and take them out of the store, although this hasn't worked for me. Once my daughter is in that mindset, she fights back, and it turns into a brawl. To a bystander, it probably looks like a kidnapping!! Anyway, hope some of this might be helpful. Hang in there!

Your son as hard as it is to hear is being 3 almost 4. He is right at an assertive stage and he is goign to test his boundries. Children try to test thier boundries the most with those that they feel the most comfortable with! Congrats mom thats you. I would just continue to be very firm with your rules and do nto change or bend your discipline to suit his changes. Children crave consistancy. If time out is your approach then stick to it, no matter where you are. I have explained to my children that Walmart even has a time out. Just stick with it your son will pull through it I promise.

The nose picking stuff, I really don't think is a big deal. He's being a little boy and just exploring his nostrils, and I don't understand why so many people think it is the grossest thing a kid could do. Be glad he didn't choose to explore down his pants all the time! :)
As far as the other problems go, If he see's that you are frazzled and embarassed, he knows that he can control you. I would take a second look at the way you're reacting to him. You said he acts worse w/ you than w/ your husband, so I would take a look at the way your husband disciplines him. He obviously respects him more or he wouldn't behave better around him. Boys tend to be more ornry,(sp)so I would try just relaxing a bit more and I bet he will start behaving better.

Well just like you mentioned, your son is smart and he should know better. If he does not act out with his in-laws, you need to find out thier method of discipline. You need to be persistent in what it is you wasnt him to do and make him understand how important it is to respect you. He is not too young to understand, at his age they are absorbing alot and trying to see just what it is they can get a way with. I have two children a boy who is 14yrs. old and a girl, who is 10yrs. old. THey are not perfect but, I have always stress the importance of respect, I've prayed for guidance, I've always talked to my children about different situations that may occur, and every now and then I had to resort back to an old fashion whooping. FYI, Never under estimate your child's ability to understand. Remember, everybody is born with common sense, it' up to us to help them understand what it is and how to use it.