Help - Greenfield,OH

It definitely sounds like you two need a heart-to-heart. Be prepared with your point of view, why you want another child, how it is affordable, etc. Be ready to answer all his questions and have a list of questions ready for him. Don't blindside him with this either, let him know you want to sit down and talk and ask him to get his thoughts in order first too. Like it or not, it takes 2 to make this baby and if you want a healthy relationship with him, it will take both of you being on board. While I am sure that he would fall in love with the baby by the time it arrived, but that's not the healthiest route to take - he should have a say in whether or not to have it to begin with. You really don't want him to resent the child or you. I know this is hard and is a source of stress in many relationships, mine included, so good luck to you.

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P., I have seven, three from my husband's first marriage, two from my first marriage and two that had belonged to other people but who needed a good home. Perhaps the answer for the two of you would be something like what we've done. There are certainly plenty of children who need homes. The process of foster care and adoption through the county is not really too difficult and you can choose the age group you are comfortable helping. That is assuming, of course, that you decide later on that you want more. You may not. We'd decided not to have any together, but destiny intervened and here we are. Infinite Blessings! Kristy

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Dear P., I will repeat what you have read already. You need to sit down and communicate your feeling with your hubby, write your thoughts down and let him know about the talk so that he can get his thoughts together too. I am sure that he would love the baby and if you feel you two can afford it, go ahead and add some more love to your family. God Bless

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You don't say how old you are but that doesn't matter. I say if you want another one, go for it. If you can afford it and your husband is up for it, that's only a decision for the two of you to make! Don't worry about what other people think, they don't pay your bills or babysit your kids!
All you can do is voice your feelings to your hubby and talk it over. I knew when I had three, I wanted a fourth. When I had my fourth, I knew I was done!

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It sounds like you have a lot to think about. However, bringing a child into this world is obviously a lot of time and money. The best advise I would be able to give you is make a list of pros and cons. Write down everything in this equation; money, school do you have enough room and resources for this commitment? How does the other childern feel? There are options out there. Having a vasectomy is reversable. Also there is birth control for women like an IUD that is inserted. This is nice for the fact it is not a pill that you have to think about everyday. It is good for years and if do decide to have a child, just go to your ob and get it removed. Before you decide you should talk to your family they will know whats best.

well im pregnant with my second child now and where considering a vasectomy. i think the same thing ,maybe i might want another child some time down the line. but i heard with new technolgy that they can be reversible now.

You need to talk to him about it, I know, it sounds obvious, but sometimes its hard to come out and say it. Even if he didn't want one now, by the time the baby came, he would fall in love with it, I'm sure. Hope it works out for you.
A.

well i am in a similar situation! i have 3 kids from my first marriage and my husband has 2 from his first marriage. he already came with his vasectomy, and we want a child together. we have checked into it and it is about 10,000 to do a reversal with no gaurantee it will work. i think you should just wait until you are certain! 6 is a great #! good luck! M.

Do not bring another child in to the picture unless you BOTH agree completely. The surgery can always be reversed if you two change your minds.

Hi P.!

Have you thought about birth control? I know it isn't always 100% effective, but that's mostly the fault of the person taking the pill. If you take it correctly, your odds of getting pregnant diminish greatly. What about getting your tubes tied? I know it's usually reversible whereas a vasectomy probably isn't. There are a lot of options out there for the two of you. Start researching and talking to your doctor and his. I'm sure you'll find something that fits your lifestyle and family. Also, don't just do something just because you think the other person wants it. Do what you both feel happy with and the rest will fall into place. Hope this helps and good luck!

Hi P.,

Wow - I give you credit for addressing your feelings before you go thru something as final as your husbands vasectomy. You and the other ladies are right, you're probably struggling with this because the date is on the calendar and you're overwhelmed with the feeling of finality.

I too think you need to sit down and have a heart-to-heart with him. I think if you really want another baby I don't think that feeling goes away - believe me, I have several friends who still talk about wanting another but their husbands said "no". If the two of have 5 lovely children, what difference does one more make? If you go forward with having another, you'd probably look back and not be able to imagine your life without it.

All the best to you.

Well it sounds to me like you need to talk to him. Although a vasectomy is reversible, it's not recommended so you need to be 100% sure. If you're wanting to have a child with this person, you should be able to talk to him about it. Communication is a big factor for why some relationships fail so be careful. My husband is scheduled for a vasectomy right before Christmas so I know how you feel. Although I really don't want anymore children, as soon as the date was set I had a moment of reconsideration. Good luck!

You've gotten some great advice about talking with your husband so,I would like to let you know about my experience with another form of birth control. I also refused to take the pill and handed over birth control responsibilities to my husband. Two children later we talked about maybe that was enough. I was still young and wasn't as sure as he was that we were done. I did my research and decided to have an IUD placed. (Many insurance companies pay for this if not, around $500.) I absolutely loved it even though I had complications a few years later and had to have it removed. This resulted in child number 3.
My husband decided enoughs enough and had a vasectomy with my half-hearted blessing. Even though I wasn't 100% behind the decision, I have to admit that I am thankful he had it done. Life has been so much more relaxed and being free from birth control-- well, it's really hard to describe how wonderful it really is. If anyone asks, I always say that I sometimes get sad at the thought of not having anymore kids but, it's more the idea of it really being over than a real need to have one. If that makes any sense.
Back to the IUD (sorry.) It may be a good option for you. We had all the freedom from birth control and still the chance to have another if we chose to later. I chose it because we were both too young to have anything permanent done and it should have taken me through my child bearing years. It's not perfect and there are possibilities for serious complications so you are going to want to research this. If you decide that you don't want to completely close the door on more children, it is something you could take to the discussion with your husband.

Talk to you husband, tell him how you are feeling. If you can't do that, accidentally leave this page up on your computer, and see if he brings it up, you will have your answer.

L.

you two really need to have an open and honest talkabout what you both want just sit him down and explain to him that there are no right and wrong answers just tell the truth about you feel abour having more children it sounds like he is a reasonable person if hes willing to go through the surgery for you anyhow and after you decide oneway or another wait another 6 months before doing anything

I think you should not let him get a vascectomy. I think the two of you should sit down and look at other options for birth control like the pill.he doesn't need to do that to prevent yall from having kids. talk to him and tell him how you feel about this situation. He won't know if you don't tell him.

Hi Pam,
First you really need to talk to your husband about your feelings. I know it's hard but in the end you won't be agonizing over it. Let him know that you are still unsure about having one more and then you guys can sit down and make a decision together. As for the condoms, there are other birth control options out there. My husband and I felt the same way about condoms and I refuse to take the pill. Everyone I tried caused terrible side effects. So recently I went and had and IUD placed. It lasts for five years with the option to have it removed at anytime. Do research on other options before having something so permenant done. A doctor can help decide what is right for you. I hope this helps.