Help! - Shirley,NY

Updated on September 23, 2007
C.R. asks from Shirley, NY
12 answers

My son just started first grade. I am having a really difficult time getting him to do his homework every night. I have tried everything I can think of to get him to just do it without the fighting and tears. I have to have him do it as soon as he comes home from school because I have to leave for school about 2 hours after he gets home. Every day it's the same fight. He doesn't know how to do it(which he does), it's too hard, I'm tired, I want to go outside and play, why can't I do it later, etc.. I am at the end of my rope and it's killing me to watch him go through this every day. Does anyone have any suggestions at all? Thanks in advance!

1 mom found this helpful

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C.K.

answers from New York on

How about you try a sticker chart? Whenever he does his homework he gets a sticker on the chart. At the end of the week he gets a prize (something he LOVES) for having 5 stickers.

This works great for my kids. If all else fails you could take away his priveledges but I would try positive reinforcement first.

HTH and GL!

C.
WAHM to Joe (6) Tyler (4) and Dylan (1)
Want to work from home? http://party4fun.myarbonne.com

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A.G.

answers from New York on

Hi C.,
I am a Clinical Social Worker and Certified Psychoanalyst who works with familes. I am most importantly also a mom! Do not worry about your son's attitude about homework. Everyone goes through this at the beginning of first grade and sometimes second grade as well. He is feeling the pressure of responsibility and also feeling scared to fail. It is better to stop badegering him and talk to the teacher about his struggles. Perhaps his teacher can talk to him about what is expected. Sometimes when the struggle is taken away from the parent and the authority of the teacher takes over, kids realize what they have to do. It is not your homework, you have already done your first grade homework, you could tell him. What are the consequences that school will give for not completing homework. If you speak with the teacher, the both of you can come up with a plan. Taking the responsibility away from you and putting it on him may motivate him.

good luck

A. Gold, MSW, LCSWR
Certified Psychoanalyst
50 East 42nd Street, Suite 507
###-###-####
____@____.com

1 mom found this helpful
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T.E.

answers from New York on

Hi,

I understand your problem. My third grader did the same thing in first grade.

Have you tried giving him some kind of reward for doing his work. For example: a favorite snack, a little extra time playing his favorite game or TV time. At the same time, you can take away his favorite toy or TV show if he doesn't at least show an effort on trying to do his homework.

I hope this is helpful to you. Let me know how it goes.

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F.D.

answers from New York on

My son is now in 3rd grade and still says the same thing. We do a little each night and I let him choose what he wants to do each night. Our teacher/school sends home work on Monday that is due at the end of the week, so the kids also learn how to budget their time - even at the 1st grade level by the routine! I guess some like to get it all done on Monday (my 2nd grade daughter for example) and some like to procrastinate, like my son. Even if it comes to Thursday night and there's a lot to do, I put breaks in. We work for 15-20 minutes on something, then go play. We also have a daily reading commitment which is always at bedtime. I still read to my kids. We all enjoy it that way and that's what we want - to teach our kids to enjoy reading!

Hope this helps!

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R.S.

answers from New York on

My first reaction upon reading your entry was maybe he just wants to spend more time with you. You say that soon after he gets home you leave for school. Try preparing yourself as much as possible for your school before he gets home so you will have more time for him. Also if you give him a snack after school do that first and talk to him for a bit. Then do the homework and head off. This way it's not as though as soon as homework time is over you go dashing around packing up and then you leave. Good Luck.

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T.L.

answers from New York on

Honestly I think he is rebelling because he is very unhappy about you leaving so soon after he gets home. He may not even realize it.
Psychiatrists who beleive in natural homeopathy have formulated
remedies that might help with his seperation problems. Give my web page a gander and see if anything there sounds like it might help.
http://happytales.home.att.net/NativeRemedies.html
T.

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A.J.

answers from Albany on

Hi C.!

I am sure that this is not an easy time of the day for you but I think you can make it work. First of all, give him a short allotment of time to unwind with snack, outside play &/or quiet tv. Even 20 minutes will do wonders. Use a timer and be consistant. Then homework in a quiet place away from the 2 year old that he can call his own; bedroom, living room, etc. Try and make it fun for him. For my daughter I make it a light competition between us b/c she is very competitive by nature & it always works like a charm. It is very importatnt to follow the same schedule every day so he knows what to expect and he will learn to accept it. Good luck.

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G.W.

answers from New York on

Sorry to hear that your son is giving you a hard time....Well let me tell you...I've been going through the same exact problem with my 8 year old daughter since she was in first grade and she is now in the third grade...She acts like she has no idea what shes doing or what page the homework was on and just doesnt want to do it at all...I know its rough and very frustrating but honestly it gets better...I've gotten so aggravated with the situation I was allowing her to complete her work in the after school program and when we got home I was checking her work and making sure she got it done the right way....It's helped because some of the teachers and older kids have helped her as far as reading the directions and helping her with the first one or two problems and than she's on her own.....She still gives me a hard time but she's learning to be more independent and I also maybe suggest rewarding your son around report card time so he feels like he accomplished something than it wouldnt be as bad....good luck

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A.C.

answers from New York on

C.,

Let him run around outside for a set amount of time after school to get the day out of his system. Boys need to do that before they want to do anything else. I already see that with my 2 year-old. Also, find a reward system for him doing his homework without complaint, something he has to earn. Also, pull the plug on the TV, computer, etc. until he does it without complaint. Maybe he should have to earn it back?

There's an author named Michael Gurian who is a boy expert. Read his material and it may help.

Good luck!

A.

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C.B.

answers from New York on

Hi C.
I had the same problem with my son when he was that age. I belive they need some down time, after school. Try letting him pick one thing to do for the first 15 minute when he gets home. Then try doing his Homework and during this time let him have a snack while doing his work. Good Luck.

Ps Also good luck with your schooling, I have been in the field for now 3yrs and i just love it........

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S.S.

answers from New York on

Hi there,
I am a 37 year old nurse with 2 daughters, 2 and 11. It sounds like you are really pulled in a lot of directions. I think that your son just needs a little wind down time. When you get home from work, don't you wish you could just take a break?

Try starting a new routine. Some thing like: first we wash our hand when we get in the door, then sit down with him for a snack that has protein (to boost his energy). During that snack time, try to reconnect with him (how was your day in school? what do you work on?) Give him lots of positive reinforcement about his learning. This will get him excited to show you what he learned in school, through his homework.
I know it can be exhausting with a toddler to distract you. Hang in there!
Brie

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T.H.

answers from New York on

I understand you need to do the work as soon as he comes home, however he does not. If at all possible I would try to give him some down time, even if its 30 min. I also have a 1st grader and the amount of work he has can usually be finished in 30 min. Our school district only has 1/2 day Kindergarten, so this is his first year of a full school day and it's only been 2 weeks so they are still adjusting. They have just spent the entire day following rules and trying to pay attention, all they want is some time to themselves( we can relate). Try letting him go outside for 20-30 min, give him a snak and them start the work. It's been working for us, he usually just finishes up as I'm cooking dinner. Hope this helps!

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